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Ex just asked if I have his keys. haven't had them or really seen him in 2 months. Legitimate or a ploy?

zawadi16

By zawadi16,
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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My ex and I kind of sort of broke up about 2 months ago. Back in February we had a falling out and didn't talk for 3 weeks. I assumed it was over. He called me in March asking to see each other, but my best friend was in town for her birthday. He picked us up from her birthday dinner. He then drove us back to my apartment, dropped her off, then I went back with him to his house. 

The next day he dropped me back off at my apartment. He then went to his visit his family a few states over in Kentucky and ended up being sheltered in there. We had an argument and he just snapped and said he was tired of this. I told him I accepted his decision and haven't said anything to him. This happened 2 weeks ago. So from the moment, we had a falling out in February until now I've only seen him once, and that was him picking me up and dropping me off back at my apartment.

Tonight, he texted me asking if I have his spare house keys and car keys (they're on the same key ring) because he just got back home from Kentucky. I started to think he just needed an excuse to say something to me - why would I have your keys if I've only seen you once in 2 months and you picked me up? 

However, in the past, I did usually have the keys to get into his building. I figured since he was searching for it, couldn't find them, and I was the next best guess that he had to ask me? I don't know haha.

So legitimate or just a reason to say something to me?

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basil67

basil67

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The most logical reason is usually the real reason:  He can't find his spare key and as you've used them before, he thought he'd check in with you.   Reply with a simple "Sorry, no I don't have them.  Hope you find them soon".

 

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Emmafive

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6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The most logical reason is usually the real reason:  He can't find his spare key and as you've used them before, he thought he'd check in with you.   Reply with a simple "Sorry, no I don't have them.  Hope you find them soon".

 

I disagree. This isn’t the most logical reason. Based on the timeline given he has had it missing for 2 months, OP hasn’t had the need for them since he picked her up to took her to his place, and asks shoot it the moment he gets back home? Why not have asked for it in February or March?

 

I vote ploy. 

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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14 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The most logical reason is usually the real reason:  He can't find his spare key and as you've used them before, he thought he'd check in with you.   Reply with a simple "Sorry, no I don't have them.  Hope you find them soon".

 

Thanks. I asked because has the conflict resolution skills of a rock - hence all the fighting. Previously, when we stopped talking before, I left my glasses at his place. He contacted me a few weeks later asking if I was going to come get them or if he needed to throw them away *rolls eyes. Another time when weren’t speaking he contacted me asking if I had caught the last episode of a show and if so, if I could update him on it. The last few days he’s been liking all of these posts about how it’s hard to find someone with pure intentions these days and his back is so heavy from carrying around all of his loyalty, again rolling my eyes. I’ve done nothing to him but call him out on his immature behavior.

But since spare keys are pretty important I figured this was legitimate. 

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basil67

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30 minutes ago, Emmafive said:

I disagree. This isn’t the most logical reason. Based on the timeline given he has had it missing for 2 months, OP hasn’t had the need for them since he picked her up to took her to his place, and asks shoot it the moment he gets back home? Why not have asked for it in February or March?

 

I vote ploy. 

But he's been in Kentucky and not requiring them.

At any rate, whether it's a ploy or legit, the appropriate response remains the same: a courteous answer to his question and nothing more.  

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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Just now, basil67 said:

But he's been in Kentucky and not requiring them.

At any rate, whether it's a ploy or legit, the appropriate response remains the same: a courteous answer to his question and nothing more.  

Yea, he was in Kentucky only for a few weeks. I hadn’t seen him 3 weeks before he even left for Kentucky (I didn’t have them then either). He had 3 weeks to ask me about the keys before he left. 

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Emmafive

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8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

But he's been in Kentucky and not requiring them.

At any rate, whether it's a ploy or legit, the appropriate response remains the same: a courteous answer to his question and nothing more.  

Either way, given OPs update this seems to be his pattern. Do everything but actually use his words-social media, finding reasons to say something (her glasses, the show).

I mean this in the nicest way, but he sounds like an immature chicken. 

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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22 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And chickens aren't the smartest birds at the best of times....

Omg yes, he’s the biggest chicken! Haha.

His own family would come back and tell me how after a fight he wouldn’t stop talking about me and being upset. They would tell him just to have a conversation with me to get things resolved, but he would just be too scared. I’m usually the one who just puts it out there to say let’s talk. 

He’s NEVER the smartest bird at the most important time. He was just talking to my mother 2 weeks ago saying he didn’t know what I wanted. He could’ve just asked me...

And he started posting “I miss you” posts. Again, instead of just talking to me to get things resolved. 

He has serious communication issues.

 

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basil67

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So I guess the discussion also needs to consider what YOU want.  Do you want to get back together with him or move on?

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

So I guess the discussion also needs to consider what YOU want.  Do you want to get back together with him or move on?

I would like to get back together BUT he needs some counseling or at the very least read some self help books about his communication. Outside of the way he handles conflict he’s great.

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Miss Spider

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 Oops sorry. Just read more info you want to get back with him.

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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18 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

 Oops sorry. Just read more info you want to get back with him.

Yes, but after some more time apart so that we can actually work on ourselves.

He texted me again this morning. 

 

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preraph

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If you're no longer together, he did probably misplace the keys, and then if you're not together, you shouldn't have a set, so he's getting them.  

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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It doesn't matter.

If you want to talk to him, use the excuse to talk to him.

If you don't want to talk to him, give him his keys if you have them.  Tell them you don't have them if you don't have them.  Then go on with your life. 

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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1 hour ago, preraph said:

If you're no longer together, he did probably misplace the keys, and then if you're not together, you shouldn't have a set, so he's getting them.  

I don’t have them and I told him that last night.

He contacted me again this morning and just stared following me again on social media....

I’m starting to think he’s back to his old pattern.

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preraph

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Well, depending what you want out of him, you can always block him or talk to him, whatever make you happy and is best for you.  

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MsJayne

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He sounds like a bit of a turkey. Being as they look a lot like a big chicken he should prob stay away from Kentucky. 

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kendahke

kendahke

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On 4/26/2020 at 3:38 PM, zawadi16 said:

He contacted me again this morning and just stared following me again on social media....

I’m starting to think he’s back to his old pattern.

are you going to play along with the pattern?  Sounds like he's counting on you to do that so he can get back to his normal.

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zawadi16

zawadi16

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On 4/29/2020 at 12:53 PM, kendahke said:

are you going to play along with the pattern?  Sounds like he's counting on you to do that so he can get back to his normal.

Just saw this. 
 

After he contacted me again about the keys, I called him to explain how I couldn’t possibly have the keys. After that call that’s when we started following each other on social media again. Then the next day he sent me a video of his cousin’s dogs, which he knows how much I like they those dogs then he said he found his keys. I just replied and said,

“They’re so cute. I’m glad you found your keys. 
 

Tell your family I said hi.” Just short and pleasant. 
 

so you’re saying he’s trying to revert back to his old pattern so that I can be the one to repair things between the two of us? 

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