My grandad passed away. struggling to come to terms with it.

[Oscar1993]

my grandad passed away last Wednesday. I am struggling to come to terms with the fact I will never see or speak to him again. The lockdown is making things feel even more surreal than they already do. Sometimes I catch myself thinking I can't wait to see all my family when this is over and then I remember.

 

I was so so close with him, and a couple of people who have tried to support me just don't get it as I can only presume they did not have close relationships with their grandparents, and because of that its made me feel a little like my grief shouldn't be as big as the way I am actually feeling.

I am due to go back to work tomorrow. I had half of weds off, Thurs and Friday as holiday (which was already pre booked) but I do not feel ready. I'm considering asking for an extra day. 

Has anyone got any advice please? I'm alone in lockdown and its killing me not being able to just give my family a hug. I just keep trying to remind myself that he'd had such a good life and he was ready. 

[K.K.]

I’m so sorry about your grandad.  Grief is one of those things you go through alone, I think. No matter how many people you have around you ... or don’t have around you. 

[d0nnivain]

My condolences.  I can't even imagine going through a loss at this time.  Do talk to your family over the phone or video chat as much as you can.  Try prayer.  It can be soothing.  Journal about your granddad.  Do some advance planning for the memorial service you will have to honor your grandfather when all this passes.  

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm so sorry for your loss :(.  It must be excruciating to lose someone you were so close to during a time like this :(.  

 

What was he like?  What did you love most about him and your relationship with him?

[Ellener]

@Oscar1993 I'm sorry for your loss.

I couldn't go back for my dad's last few days and funeral in 2017 and it was difficult but my sister and I emailed daily ( still do ) which made it much easier, to share the grief. 

I walked a lot in nature and talked to him and cried when I was alone, still do occasionally. Often when I'm out a beautiful bird will appear and I still think 'hi dad!' as though his spirit is looking out for me...

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

 

[preraph]

Yes, not everyone has close relationships with their grandparents, certainly, or for that matter their parents.  

 

So don't get annoyed at that if you can help it.  But those people I've known whose grandparents were the calm in the storm for them were closer to them than even their parents.  It sounds like that might be true for you.  

 

Just remember that how long you grieve is not a measure of how much you loved them.  He knows how much you loved him.  He still has that love with him, and you still have his.  When you miss him, maybe think about planning an activity like you and he used to do, whether it's fishing or having a beer on the porch.  Honor him by carrying on at least some of his traditions on your own and especially when you have kids.  That will be his true legacy.  

[FMW]

I'm very sorry for your loss.  We all have different types of relationships with family, I'm sorry your friends aren't showing much empathy for your personal situation.

Spend some time remembering all the good times you had with him.  If you have pictures get them out and let them help you remember those special times.  Honor his life.   

It's cliche but very true - those we love will always be part of us, even when they are no longer physically here.  

 

Edited April 26, 2020 by FMW

[Ellener]

I posted in the wrong place, was just asking how you are doing @Oscar1993

[Oscar1993]

2 hours ago, Ellener said:

I posted in the wrong place, was just asking how you are doing @Oscar1993

Thanks so much for checking in. I'm doing OK, I just feel exhausted. During the day I can keep myself distracted but the evenings and mornings are the worst and I'm not sleeping.

I'm just trying to think of all the great times we had, and not be angry at the situation, I just wish I'd had chance to see or speak to him one last time before he went in to hospital. I feel devastated for him that he cannot have a funeral like normal, he had SO many friends that would have wanted to be there.

[Ellener]

2 hours ago, Oscar1993 said:

Thanks so much for checking in. I'm doing OK, I just feel exhausted. During the day I can keep myself distracted but the evenings and mornings are the worst and I'm not sleeping.

I'm just trying to think of all the great times we had, and not be angry at the situation, I just wish I'd had chance to see or speak to him one last time before he went in to hospital. I feel devastated for him that he cannot have a funeral like normal, he had SO many friends that would have wanted to be there.

It's a tough time. You are in my thoughts and prayers. When all this is over you can hold a memorial special service. (((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))