Parental alienation/sex offender step-father

[daveb3216]

My ex-wife did everything she could to undermine my relationships with our three kids.  When she got engaged, it was the beginning of the end.  Her fiance was now the new father figure for our kids.  I was marginalized and vilified.  He was idealized.  This continued even after a bombshell dropped.  A girl came forward and accused him of sexual assault.  He was eventually convicted.  Through it all, my ex continued to support him and hold him up as the father figure for our kids.  It was maddening. Now, years later, my eldest son has taken his name, and my younger kids still call him dad.  It's almost more than I can bear.  I've decided to post my story.   I've posted earlier versions in the past, but now the story is complete.  Well, actually, I hope it's not complete.  Time will tell.

Edited April 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed link to video

[Blind-Sided]

If he was convicted... and I was in your position... I would have gotten a good lawyer and gotten my kids full time.  I don't know how one of your kids could have legally taken his name, since you are still alive.  Something doesn't seem right here.

[Lotsgoingon]

It's called Parental Alienation Syndrome. Horrible and horribly unfair ... Google this ... This can happen to very good people. You ex just turned out to be a worse person, far worse, than you imagined.  None of us is perfect in picking partners.

Can you afford therapy? ... You want lots of support and to get the rest of your life in full gear ... because you are going to have pain about this huge aspect, your kids. 

 

[preraph]

That sucks.  Maybe once the kids are old enough to think for themselves, they will.  But you can't count on it.  

[mrs rubble]

I completely understand what you’re going through, my ex husband tried everything he could to stop me from having my son including accusing my elder son of sexually assaulting our son. 

You need to be strong and fight for your rights as their father. Please get a good lawyer and fight this. 

How old are the children? My son was 7 when I left my ex, I fought with all my might to keep him, when he turned 13 he refused to go to his Dad’s at all because he was always drunk and he often didn’t get fed, now he’s 21 and he is really thankful that I fought for him, he says that if he’d stayed with his dad he likely would have turned out like his dad. 

[salparadise]

I'm sorry. My brother's wife did that to him. It was the worst case of PA that I have heard of. He was/is a good father, good, responsible person all round. He lost his three boys for fifteen years or more (early teens into adulthood). Two (of three) have come back around and are now in contact. So yea, I understand what it is and how it works. We need laws to protect fathers against this. It's almost always the father that is victimized by the mother.. and of course the kids are victimized too. It's a scorched earth mentality, and it comes from her inability to reconcile the split.

It's as unfair as anything you can imagine, but you have to find a way to accept what is, let go of some of the anger, and not let it consume you. You have to do this for yourself. There is hope that your kids will come back around, but it's not a certainty and you can't wait. Keep reaching out (birthday cards, etc.) so they know you're there when they're ready. Wishing you the best.