Eubrah Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 My father passed away one week ago and I don't know what to do anymore. Long story short: We had stopped talking with each other after my parents got divorced 2 years ago. Not that he had done something terrible, but he had some issues and didn't want to seek help. I just couldn't keep in touch with him because it was too painful for me to see him in the state he was. He sent me some nasty messages over the phone when he was drunk (I know he didn't really mean this) and I blocked his number after a while. Despite this I just want to say he was a very loving and caring person and he was an absolutely fantastic father during my childhood. He did everything for me. Overall he cared a lot for other people and was very loved. During those 2 years that we had not been talking with each other I was thinking about it pretty much daily and felt sad every time it came to mind. But I still didn't reach out to him. Why? I don't know. Last week I found out that my dad was in the hospital, and before I could make my way to the hospital it was already too late... I don't feel like going into details but he was very sick and probably in a lot of pain his last time. Me and my family was completely unaware of this. I feel absolutely terrible for not talking with my father and for not getting to the hospital in time. I feel like no matter what happens in the future this will continue to haunt me every day for the rest of my f*cking life. I'm not sure what to do, right now I feel very lost. I know that he deserved a much better ending to his life. I know that what I did was wrong, I should have tried to keep in touch with him because I know that's what he also wanted. Now it's too late. I don't think I will ever be able to get over this. How can one cope with these feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
ClearEyes-FullHeart Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 It is understandable that you feel guilty but you need to forgive yourself with time. The shock of his passing is still fresh, but I encourage you to think of and share the good times with your family, and cherish the good memories. Your father knows you loved him, just as how fiercely you stated that he was a fantastic dad. Two decades again my father also died suddenly and while the circumstances are not identical, I felt enormous guilt as well. We were not formally estranged but I definitely wasn’t in touch with him enough to know he was going through a horrible run of things which led to him ending his life. Sorry for your loss and pain. Please don’t beat yourself up. Link to post Share on other sites
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