Are women attracted to a more violent type in this sense?

[simpycurious]

Back to the context of this thread....it's important to make some distinctions I believe.  Just because a guy is an alpha and he is CAPABLE of protecting does not mean he is a VIOLENT person.  I have a protective nature and am definitely capable  but I do not believe that makes me a violent person.  

[ironpony]

That's true, perhaps alpha male is the wrong term since I was talking about women who seem to be attracted to men who like to start fistfights.  So whatever is the correct term for that type of guy I guess?

Edited June 1, 2020 by ironpony

[carhill]

Thug 👍

[rjc149]

Young women mistake belligerent, aggressive behavior as confidence and dominance, which they find attractive.

As they grow older, they begin to see it for what it is— insecure chest-thumping and immaturity. Turn off.

But most women are attracted to men who can handle violent confrontation should they be faced with it. Most women want to feel physically protected by their man. Most women do not remain sexually attracted to men who avoid any and all confrontation, especially at the expense of her physical security.

Some women like arm wrestling and chewing tobacco. 

The ideal is a man who does not seek fights and confrontation, but isn’t afraid of them. If a woman knows you can fight or aren’t afraid of fighting, that always works in your favor.

Edited June 4, 2020 by rjc149

[mark clemson]

From A Billion Wicked Thoughts (emphasis mine) : "Women don't want a nice guy, women want an alpha male who learns to be nice to them."

I think they're on to something there. Of course, every woman is a little different, and that conclusion was reached in part by research on romance novels, so must be taken with a grain of salt. However, I think there's truth to it for some % of women.

As pointed out there is a certain % of women who are drawn to the truly violent/dangerous. However, I suspect at some level they hope to be able to influence that man to be gentler with them (at least) than they are with other people at large. I doubt it works out like that very often, though.

[simpycurious]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

From A Billion Wicked Thoughts (emphasis mine) : "Women don't want a nice guy, women want an alpha male who learns to be nice to them."

I think they're on to something there. Of course, every woman is a little different, and that conclusion was reached in part by research on romance novels, so must be taken with a grain of salt. However, I think there's truth to it for some % of women.

As pointed out there is a certain % of women who are drawn to the truly violent/dangerous. However, I suspect at some level they hope to be able to influence that man to be gentler with them (at least) than they are with other people at large. I doubt it works out like that very often, though.

What about a mysterious guy with a touch adventure?   That's a good way to put it....alpha who can and will be nice.  

[Miss Spider]

I was out at a music venue  with my bf at the time... and this guy started dancing all over me and I thought he was gay (swear to goodness) by the way he was dancing so I started dancing with him like yeaaaaa boyyy

And then my bf came ovrr kind of aggressive like and they got into it and started getting physical. . It was so embarrassing. Then the guy got thrown out/“the talk”  by security. 
 

And my bf was like wtf and I told him I thought he was gay ...

So the guy apparently calmed down because he was let back inside. He came up to my bf and apologized and offered a shot. All was cool again.  

I apologized to the guy and accidentally let it slip “I was dancing with you because I thought you were gay... I’m SO sorry” and I could see my bf visibly cringe and he’s pulled me away to tell me you just destroyed that guy but I didn’t mean to SMH... 

 

Edited June 5, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[mark clemson]

29 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

What about a mysterious guy with a touch adventure?   That's a good way to put it....alpha who can and will be nice.  

Yes, I agree it's possible to be nice/pleasant AND alpha in many ways. For example a typical doctor, middle manager, foreman, small business owner, etc. My belief is that "alpha" is more about leadership/a respected position in society than about chest-pounding, generally. Particularly among mature adults. And yes, I suspect these self-sufficient "adventurer" types ala the guy at the end of Eat-Pray-Love can be perceived as alpha too. Being a taciturn loner with no friends or life isn't necessarily "alpha" or attractive.

[simpycurious]

There have many fights started over a woman. Sadly, a couple I have been involved in.....🙁☹️

[ironpony]

Oh okay it's just that if a the a guy likes getting into fights and is violent but the woman hopes the guy will be nice to her, does the woman ever think, "even though this guy is nice to me, because of his aggressive behavior, has he ever raped any women in the past though, since he is seems to like violence and aggression?"

[mark clemson]

Well, not sure exactly what these women are thinking. Perhaps there's some sort of desire/hope/need to "fix" him from his violent ways and that is a bonus of "doing good with your life". ABWT also said "She wants to heal, soften, or tame the alpha hero's wild heart." (Again "hero" as it's from analysis of romance novels.) Dunno how logical or realistic that intent is, though, nor am I AT ALL sure how often it may apply in real life.

I think that, just as some men are attracted to party girls but know better than to get involved with them due to the risk of getting hurt emotionally, some women are attracted to "bad boys"/true criminals but are too smart to actually get involved with them. And, just as with men who DO date or even marry porn stars/party girls, there are some women who for whatever reason can't or won't resist the "bad boy" draw.

People's emotions and decisions certainly always aren't driven by logic or careful thinking.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Maybe they want to.feel they're with someone who could protect them if it came to that? I don't know. 

I've actually never witnessed a physical fight. I'm wracking my brain and the closest I can think of is perhaps a thrown punch or two by some guys in high school? And even then I can't quantify it...like, who it might have been, etc...it's more like a general memory of guys being more quick to anger in high school the  later when they grew up.

I have seen screaming matches but no fist fights.

I think two girls yelled at each other and pulled one another's hair in my senior year, people pulled them apart while they threw useless kicks outward...that I do remember...it was a huge scandal. But again..hormonal teenagers.

Where on earth are you guys having out? LOL!

[major_merrick]

My husband isn't the type to start a stupid bar fight.  But he definitely has the capability of extreme violence and I've seen him in action...at times on my behalf.  And I trust his normal good nature, knowing that his violent capabilities would never be directed at me or my kids.

For me, I find my husband's capabilities VERY attractive.  I have my own capabilities and I don't really need to be protected (most of the time) but it tickles an inner biological itch.  And when I've seen my husband get rough with somebody or even get vocal and scold someone, it really turns me on.  I'm even attracted to aggressive female partners, although it isn't really a requirement (and my GF#1 isn't aggressive at all, but I find her cute).  But for a husband, physical power and social power are very attractive. 

I would add, that physical power is more about the willingness to use power than actual physical build. My husband is only a bit taller than me, and maybe outweighs me by 20 lbs.  I like not feeling physically small next to him - it is more like we're evenly matched.  But in a fight, his mere "average" stature is balanced by a ruthlessness that I just don't find in others.   🥰💖

[snowcones]

This thread is so old now but I'll harkin back to when I was in my 20's.  I never had a violent guy, but I also never had a punk either.  Wimps were never my thing.  I liked a guy who could stand up for himself and for me if necessary but who had the brains enough to stay out of trouble.   He didn't look for trouble but if trouble came to him, as it occasionally does in life, he could handle it.

[simpycurious]

35 minutes ago, snowcones said:

This thread is so old now but I'll harkin back to when I was in my 20's.  I never had a violent guy, but I also never had a punk either.  Wimps were never my thing.  I liked a guy who could stand up for himself and for me if necessary but who had the brains enough to stay out of trouble.   He didn't look for trouble but if trouble came to him, as it occasionally does in life, he could handle it.

I think that's it Snow.....smart enough to know how to avoid trouble but in trouble comes calling HE can handle it one way or the other.  It's like your Dad telling you to not start fights but also don't back down.  Some men just DO NOT LIKE TO SEE women miss treated and are not AFRAID to GET INVOLVED....if that's violent then so be it