Does she like me? -- (Revised)

[Martin]

Sorry for the confusing post last time. I tried to summarize things so it wouldn't be too long of a question. I guess it didn't work. Plus I think I needed some sleep when I wrote it. Here's a more detailed description of the situation:

 

As I said, I met her in college. I guess this was about last September. We were in some of the same classes for two semesters, so I would see her about 3 days of the week during that time. We shared some common interests and would talk alot during and between classes. Sometimes we would spend over 4 hours talking on campus after classes. We never dated or spent much time outside of school. I'm not really sure why, but I think one of the reasons was that when we first met she was just coming off a bad relationship and seemed to be sick of the whole "dating thing." So I didn't want to impose on her. As time went on, I tried to understand if we were just friends or if there was something more. However, as I said last time, she would do or say things sometimes that made me feel she may not be interested. For example, if I would suggest some small activity outside of school, like seeing a show or even helping her with homework, she would always decline or have some excuse. Also, sometimes if we'd be chatting and she would see someone else she knew and started talking to them, it would be like I didn't even exist. But then other times she would casually say things like "we should go sing karoke together", "Next time I cook you should come over", or "You should visit me at work sometime." It's contradictions like this that are confusing me. If she was interested in me, why would she always shoot me down and leave me hanging? And if she wasn't interested, why would she say things like that to me? I don't know if she really meant those things she said, since nothing ever came from them. Maybe she was just trying to be friendly.

 

Now classes are over and I haven't seen her for a while. We said we get together over the summer. I tried calling her a few weeks ago, but her sister said she wasn't home. And she never called back. I don't know if I should try calling again. I don't want to keep bothering her if she'd rather not hear from me.

 

I hope this is post is more clear. If it still seems confusing, it's probably because I'm confused over the whole thing myself. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you've any advice it's much appreciated.

[Tony T]

No, your post is infinitely more clear now and much more easily digested. Thanks for giving it another try.

 

I hate to say this but I'm just as confused about this as you probably are. She's sent you a lot of mixed signals. However, your very big mistake was not asking her out on an official date while you were in her presence. I know you may have been shy, confused, fearful of rejection, etc., but you just don't wait until summer break to get something going. Any reasonable lady would figure that if a guy didn't ask her out after TWO SEMESTERS, he's probably just interested in being friends.

 

This girl is likely just as confused and she's probably pissed. She was waiting for you to ask her out for a long time. Then, all of a sudden, you call in the summer.

 

You have to understand something basic about some female strategy. If they like you, they will send mixed signals. They will try to confuse you. A lady doesn't want to come right out and tell you she's interested, although many are forced to because lots of guys are way too shy or just have thick heads.

 

Another thing you might want to know, just man to man. (FEMALES MAY NOT READ THE REST OF THIS PARAGRAPH) Most women will keep a man generally confused anyway. Unless you get a Ph.D. in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, you won't understand what they're saying or doing a lot of the time. Don't even try to run down your brain figuring it out. They often say and do the very opposite of what they mean. That's OK. If a female gives you a hard time, it could mean she's not interested or it could mean she's madly in love with you. It's up to YOU...and not the people on this forum...to find out by using their same strategy...exactly what they mean.

 

FEMALES MAY RESUME READING HERE.

 

She may have given up on you and has something else going now. You know, you were around her for NINE months as her buddy bud bud. No way of knowing.

 

But I will tell you, her not returning a phone call to a friend is rude and mean as hell. But, here's another lesson for you. NEVER, EVER, EVER leave messages. You totally and completely lose control of a situation that way. You leave your entire destiny in the hands of another. You have no idea whether or not she even got the message so you don't know if she's rude, avoiding you, or just eagerly awaiting your call.

 

Instead, when getting ahold of someone is very important, keep calling and don't tell the other person who you are so they can tell the person you are trying to get ahold of. Just say thanks, you don't want to leave a message, and hang up. If they insist on getting a name, tell them Tony and put it off on me. Eventually, the girl in this case will be home and take your call. Even if she's trying to avoid you, she will take the fifth or sixth call out of pure curiosity as to who is trying to reach her.

 

Start calling every other day...at different times...and don't leave messages. Eventually she'll answer. In this case, keep calling...all summer if you have to. You have absolutely NOTHING, ZERO, NADA to lose by calling. And after call, she was a friend. My feeling is you will reach her pretty quickly. My feeling is also that she will be happy to hear from you.

 

And when you reach her, ask her to do something casual...like lunch or a movie or something. Then make your moves from there. Please understand her side of this. If she was interested in you, and it seems she was, you strung her out for a VERY LONG TIME...since last September. OK, I'll give you the first two or three months as a getting to know her period. So you strung her out for six months, not asking her out. She probably thinks you sent some serious mixed signals as well.

 

Don't string things out anymore with a female you like. Going a long time as a friend without asking a lady out is not good. Once she gives up on you as a potential person for a relationship, she will relegate you to the friendship pile, if you're lucky, and your chances with her romantically go to almost zero.

 

Start calling her, but be sure to call at times when you think she could be home. Never call in the morning. Never call more than once every other day. Never let them know who is calling...say thanks, you'll call another time, and hang up quickly.

 

Good luck. And thanks for making your post so readable this time.

[Dragonflys]

I have met women who have treated me exactly like you describe.

 

She just wants to be a friend, that is particularly clear when you said how her attention on you disappears when someone else comes along. The other bit of evidence is the fact that she has not called you at all yet.

 

I've seen this before, and this behaviour means that she sees you as a nice, interesting guy who has common interests, but she is not interested in anything more.

 

But I would receommend you do not listen to me and just ask her out and find out. You have nothing to lose.

[kikie]

I'm a girl, and i partially agree with both tony and oliver ... it could be both ways. I suggest taking her out for lunch or something like that. Do something simple, like give her a hug, and see her reaction ... you'll be able to tell what she wants, i think ...

 

good luck!

[Bobby Dygytul]

Sometimes girls like surprises. I have had girls act kinda like they are not interested at first or only as friends and i try something totally off the wall. Like this one time this girl i had met and started talking to, was acting like she wanted to only be friends. Then one nite we was talking and I reached over and kissed her. She must have liked it coz when i finished the kiss, she grabbed me and started kissing me. And you also gota tell them how pretty their hair or eyes are, without sounding cheezy. Sometimes a really cute E Card or something silly like that will melt them. ITS ALL A BIG GAME AND HOW YOU PLAY THE GAME, IF YOU PLAY THE GAME WELL, YOU WILL GET REWARDED!!! THE MORE YOU PLAY, THE BETTER YOU'LL GET AT IT.

Sorry for the confusing post last time. I tried to summarize things so it wouldn't be too long of a question. I guess it didn't work. Plus I think I needed some sleep when I wrote it. Here's a more detailed description of the situation:

 

As I said, I met her in college. I guess this was about last September. We were in some of the same classes for two semesters, so I would see her about 3 days of the week during that time. We shared some common interests and would talk alot during and between classes. Sometimes we would spend over 4 hours talking on campus after classes. We never dated or spent much time outside of school. I'm not really sure why, but I think one of the reasons was that when we first met she was just coming off a bad relationship and seemed to be sick of the whole "dating thing." So I didn't want to impose on her. As time went on, I tried to understand if we were just friends or if there was something more. However, as I said last time, she would do or say things sometimes that made me feel she may not be interested. For example, if I would suggest some small activity outside of school, like seeing a show or even helping her with homework, she would always decline or have some excuse. Also, sometimes if we'd be chatting and she would see someone else she knew and started talking to them, it would be like I didn't even exist. But then other times she would casually say things like "we should go sing karoke together", "Next time I cook you should come over", or "You should visit me at work sometime." It's contradictions like this that are confusing me. If she was interested in me, why would she always shoot me down and leave me hanging? And if she wasn't interested, why would she say things like that to me? I don't know if she really meant those things she said, since nothing ever came from them. Maybe she was just trying to be friendly. Now classes are over and I haven't seen her for a while. We said we get together over the summer. I tried calling her a few weeks ago, but her sister said she wasn't home. And she never called back. I don't know if I should try calling again. I don't want to keep bothering her if she'd rather not hear from me. I hope this is post is more clear. If it still seems confusing, it's probably because I'm confused over the whole thing myself. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and if you've any advice it's much appreciated.