NomiMalone Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) Terrible as in an impersonal item under $10, coupled with another item he got for free? (Like, a free vinyl sportsbag from his brother’s law firm, with the firm’s logo on it, placed in a gift bag.) Even when you’ve bought him non-cheap gifts you’ve put a lot of thought into? Even when you, to make it simple af for him, specified that there was a particular $15 item from the mall you’d like as a belated bday gift? (And he still refused to buy it, and yes, you’d bought him a nice gift for his bday that was 2 weeks before yours.) I’ve already dumped him. Just curious as to what everyone else’s opinions are. Edited April 28, 2020 by NomiMalone 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 If the rest of the relaitonship were good? No, I would not dump someone over this. But my guess, from the way you've worded it, is that this was a symptom of bigger problems between you two. 5
alphamale Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 48 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: If the rest of the relaitonship were good? No, I would not dump someone over this. But my guess, from the way you've worded it, is that this was a symptom of bigger problems between you two. ^^^ Expatinitaly hit the nail on the head^^
Fletch Lives Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Well, gift giving is part of romance.........and women need romance in a relationship. I can't blame you for moving on. 3 1
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 No I would not break up with somebody who was a bad gift giver. I would & have taught them to be more thoughtful in their selection of gifts. 1
Author NomiMalone Posted April 28, 2020 Author Posted April 28, 2020 There’re no other issues. He splashes out most days on lunches out and beers after work. I’m hurt that not only did he not give me anything for my birthday, but after 4 weeks, still flat out refuses to buy the $15 item I said I’d like (nothing girly or personal, it’s the kind of gift you could give anyone). I really liked him, and miss him. But I just think I’m worth more than this. 4
Art_Critic Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) Not in a million years but I'm not very materialistic... I sense that he wasn't into you and maybe that was the issue, kinda like when a lot of breakups happen right before Christmas so people don't have to buy the person a gift when they aren't into them.. He just wasn't willing to break it off yet.. you did that instead but I think he might have in the near future as well. Edited April 28, 2020 by Art_Critic
Author NomiMalone Posted April 28, 2020 Author Posted April 28, 2020 7 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I would & have taught them to be more thoughtful in their selection of gifts. What should I have done/said?
Author NomiMalone Posted April 28, 2020 Author Posted April 28, 2020 10 minutes ago, Art_Critic said: I sense that he wasn't into you and maybe that was the issue, kinda like when a lot of breakups happen right before Christmas so people don't have to buy the person a gift when they aren't into them.. He just wasn't willing to break it off yet.. you did that instead but I think he might have in the near future as well. That wasn’t the case. He’s actually upset I broke it off, but refuses to believe/accept it was because of the lack of bday gift. He thinks I’m lying about why. I’m just not turned on by a guy who won’t even spend $15 for my bday. He’s still in contact most days asking if I’d meet up, but I won’t do it without the $15 gift. It’s ludicrous.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 15 minutes ago, NomiMalone said: I’m hurt that not only did he not give me anything for my birthday, but after 4 weeks, still flat out refuses to buy the $15 item I said I’d like (nothing girly or personal, it’s the kind of gift you could give anyone). What is this gift, and what is his reason for not wanting to get it for you? This is a strange hill to die on, so I'm wondering if there's something more to his refusal. 5
Emilie Jolie Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 10 minutes ago, NomiMalone said: He splashes out most days on lunches out and beers after work. For himself or are you there too? If just on himself, that is at the very least an orange flag. Not the poor gift giving part, the treating himself part. Him not giving you nice presents isn't because he's not a material guy. Get yourself the $15 gift if you want it that much, though. That, in itself, is not that big a deal. 1
Fletch Lives Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Some guys just don't get romance - they give cash or pots and pans. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Yeah but this guy was literally told what to get. He just chose not to, for some reason 1
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, NomiMalone said: What should I have done/said? You thank him for remembering & memorializing your birthday. Then you calmly ask him how he would feel if you gave him the freebie logo gift. Then you talk about thoughtful gifts you have given & received from others. Avoid gifts regarding EXs but something wonderful you got from / for a parent or sibling. When you learn he's going gift shopping for somebody else in his family tag along & engage in the process with him. It takes a while. He will get the next 1-2 gift giving occasions wrong but hopefully you will see improvement. You broke up over a $15 trinket. In the end you have to think about what you can buy yourself & what things you get from an SO (companionship?) that you can't do for yourself. Edited April 28, 2020 by d0nnivain 2 1
kendahke Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) did the cheap streak spill over into other areas of your relationship? Quote He splashes out most days on lunches out and beers after work. I’m hurt that not only did he not give me anything for my birthday, but after 4 weeks, still flat out refuses to buy the $15 item I said I’d like This is a power struggle. Edited April 28, 2020 by kendahke 4
Author NomiMalone Posted April 28, 2020 Author Posted April 28, 2020 26 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: What is this gift, and what is his reason for not wanting to get it for you? This is a strange hill to die on, so I'm wondering if there's something more to his refusal. It’s a small box of gourmet chocolates. He once gave me a really lovely gift when he first asked me out. It’s like once we started dating, he did a 180. I honestly don’t know why he won’t just give in and buy the $15 chocolates, but would rather send lengthy messages telling me he misses me and asking me to please meet up.
kendahke Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Do you think he has it in him to have bought you something way more expensive and was going to give you that?
Author NomiMalone Posted April 28, 2020 Author Posted April 28, 2020 28 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: For himself or are you there too? If just on himself, that is at the very least an orange flag. Not the poor gift giving part, the treating himself part. Him not giving you nice presents isn't because he's not a material guy. Get yourself the $15 gift if you want it that much, though. That, in itself, is not that big a deal. Lunches and beers mainly on his own. Our lunch breaks don’t coincide and after work he normally sees friends (not that I mind, I drink with girl friends after work without him too, not so much now but pre-Covid). That’s not the issue, what I’m unhappy about is he’d spend $20 on a lunch but refuses to buy the $15 chocolates for me. Tbh I don’t even really want those for my bday, I’d rather something way nicer, but I needed to make things very easy for him, so I suggested the chocolates. It’s too late now.
Pleasant-Sage Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Sounds like OP did the right thing to me. Gifts are not really in my love language but it's important to some people. The free sports bag thing... 2
schlumpy Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 2 hours ago, NomiMalone said: I’ve already dumped him. Just curious as to what everyone else’s opinions are. If I was happy with other parts of the relationship no, I wouldn't dump them over gift giving but I would make a joke out of it. It offers amazing amusement for the future plus I would be getting my point across. If my SO didn't appreciate my humor then I would dump them. A sense of humor is essential. 1
kendahke Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) (The edit featured locked immediately before I finished) There is something he's getting out of not buying this gift for you. Maybe he's just not cut out to be a thoughtful kind of guy. Is he thoughtful in other areas? If not, it stands to reason that that would not carry over into the gift giving aspect of the relationship. Quote He’s actually upset I broke it off, but refuses to believe/accept it was because of the lack of bday gift. He thinks I’m lying about why. Because it would never dawn on him that you'd break up over something he considers to be petty. It's not petty to you--it's a pretty strong indicator for you of how he feels about you (and it's a love language), but he doesn't value gifts in the same way as you... or.. he balks at being told what to spend his money on. If this is a bottom line issue for you, you did right for yourself by cutting him loose. Edited April 28, 2020 by kendahke 3
introverted1 Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 I wouldn't break up with someone for their gift-giving style. And I wouldn't tell someone what to get me for a gift. I might also balk if my bf told me what to get him. I mean, if someone is going to tell me what to buy and where to buy it, it's a shopping order, not a gift. 3
Emilie Jolie Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 15 minutes ago, NomiMalone said: That’s not the issue, what I’m unhappy about is he’d spend $20 on a lunch but refuses to buy the $15 chocolates for me. I totally get it. You shouldn't even have to train a guy or force his hand to want to treat you. 5
ExpatInItaly Posted April 28, 2020 Posted April 28, 2020 19 minutes ago, NomiMalone said: It’s a small box of gourmet chocolates. He once gave me a really lovely gift when he first asked me out. It’s like once we started dating, he did a 180. I honestly don’t know why he won’t just give in and buy the $15 chocolates, but would rather send lengthy messages telling me he misses me and asking me to please meet up. Has this been an issue prior to now, then?
Author NomiMalone Posted April 28, 2020 Author Posted April 28, 2020 29 minutes ago, kendahke said: Do you think he has it in him to have bought you something way more expensive and was going to give you that? No.
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