Cornholio12 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 To each their own but as for me personally? Hell no. It's the thought that counts but I'm also not materialistic. F*ck that. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 28 minutes ago, FMW said: Either that or I am the most low maintenance woman to ever exist! I've met very few women that were low maintenance. I am thankful when I do find one, but they are far and few between. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) 33 minutes ago, Anonymous said: To each their own but as for me personally? Hell no. It's the thought that counts but I'm also not materialistic. F*ck that. I believe the heart of the issue is that no thought went into it at all. Personally, I'm happy with a handmade card with a super meaningful message that comes unprompted. A 40yo guy shouldn't need nagging or be taught to get a little something nice to his lady on her bday, even after only a couple of months of casual dating. Not pricey. Just nice. Edited April 28, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shanex Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 Guess it's only up to the OPs opinion... whether he's cheap or didn't put much effort or money but that's terribly materialistic anyway. A friend of mine thinks Valentines day is BS, and offered his ex-girlfriend a mop and a bucket for this "special day" some years ago. She took it with the right mind and in good spirit but their relationship didn't last, eventually. Not everybody loves a cynic. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Shanex said: Guess it's only up to the OPs opinion... whether he's cheap or didn't put much effort or money but that's terribly materialistic anyway. A friend of mine thinks Valentines day is BS, and offered his ex-girlfriend a mop and a bucket for this "special day" some years ago. She took it with the right mind and in good spirit but their relationship didn't last, eventually. Not everybody loves a cynic. Lol, yeah I've gotten some "smartass" gifts in my day, I just laugh and am like "thanks babe"!! But my bf's all know me and know I'm not into those traditional "forced" holidays, neither are they, so it's funny. What I LOVE is when my bf is out and about, no special occasion, and sees something he thinks I might like, nothing expensive just a little knick knack for my apt or something, and will buy it for me, a spur of the moment type thing. Or sends me a song he wrote -- for me, again no special occasion. I cannot see getting upset because he didn't buy me the "right" gift for my birthday especially when everything else is going so well. I also know women who have ended good relationships because her bf didn't acknowledge Valentine's Day the "correct" way either. Life's too short, but to each their own. Edited April 28, 2020 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) What an expensive way to eat and waste money! Your man is not short of a bob or two is he Op? I get your dilemma. it’s not about what the gift is, or it’s monetary value per see, it’s what the gifting behaviour actually represents. And a lot of the time it represents how he feels about you. If he doesn’t respect or value you his gifting behaviour will reflect that. Gifts that are given in good intention are priceless and meaningful, irrespective of the cost. For example, you can make a card for someone that costs virtually nothing but the time/ effort that you put in can be priceless to the recipient. Its also the fact that he didn’t “think” of you that you find personally insulting and I can see why. Furthermore there seems to be a lack of consideration for you. I can see why you’d question whether you mean anything to him. I agree with the other posters that you two don’t sound compatible in any event. Edited April 28, 2020 by Calmandfocused 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Shanex said: Guess it's only up to the OPs opinion... whether he's cheap or didn't put much effort or money but that's terribly materialistic anyway. A friend of mine thinks Valentines day is BS, and offered his ex-girlfriend a mop and a bucket for this "special day" some years ago. She took it with the right mind and in good spirit but their relationship didn't last, eventually. Not everybody loves a cynic. Ha ha...I suspect the mop and bucket has some significance and reason to the ill-fated relationship. His choice of gifts is revealing...contempt, perhaps, veiled with humour. I laughed at your post not because it was light-hearted humour, rather, because there is no way anyone who really knew their partner would think that would be acceptable. There are clearly people who have a disdain for the holidays. Some because they are surrounded by negative events, memories. Some because of the monetary, materialistic expectations, though so many seem not as worried when it comes to some other gift-giving holidays that go FAR beyond the meaning of the holiday. And there are some, some who simply don't like to be told, forcibly reminded, expected to give a gift because the just don't like to be required to act. I know people who think holidays are BS, but tend to pick and choose which. I know men who think Valentine's is BS and will philosophize reasons that could easily apply to other holidays. I think most of the holidays where a gift is generally expected is BS and I am not desirous of such gifts. Recognition for me is much more valuable in other ways. Words of affirmation, affection, appreciation, kindness...BUT... People are not the same. I try to be aware of what the emotional needs are of those around me. Some people ask for too much and I avoid them. Some people simply ask for thoughtfulness attached to a simple gift. Reasonable. So, if you know what makes your partner happy, why not indulge for that particular occasion? Simple, but for some, the resistance may indicate a more unappealing sentiment. The OP asked for a $15 box of chocolates. Materialistic???? To each his/her own. The OP give the guy the exact item to get. He refuses to get it....why??? This is a guy who is standing his ground out of principle? He knows what would make her happy....a $15 box of chocolates. He has and likely will make the excuse, but I do more every other day and w/o it having to be a holiday...not the point for some. The boyfriend, instead, went out of his way to get something FREE, etc. This guy was deliberate in his actions. He was NOT going to get what his gf wanted! A $15 box of chocolates! Edited April 28, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Shanex said: Guess it's only up to the OPs opinion... whether he's cheap or didn't put much effort or money but that's terribly materialistic anyway. A friend of mine thinks Valentines day is BS, and offered his ex-girlfriend a mop and a bucket for this "special day" some years ago. She took it with the right mind and in good spirit but their relationship didn't last, eventually. Not everybody loves a cynic. Well, "cynic" is an awful elevated term for someone who's just a t*rd. I bet she went and cried in private. I would have. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 I know someone who dumped her boyfriend because he got her cooking pans for valentines day….😂👌 I agree with the poster who said its a power struggle, especially with the comment about how he gifted other people the same thing….it's like on the off chance she might feel happy about the gift, let's just make sure she doesn't feel too special! or he's incosiderate or stupid.... or both xD 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 I actually love to get things I need, like appliances or pans. Not romantic, no, but when you are still young and need things, if they really get you something you need, that would be appreciated by some more practical minded women, although I'd put a big bow on it and also be carrying a rose. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 In a casual or new relationship, I typically don't buy gifts. I'll take a woman out for a nice dinner on her birthday or on a holiday but I shy away from gifts. I'm not cheap but I'm going to do what I can to head off these situations. It can just be uncomfortable; I had a woman drop over $50 on me for Christmas after we'd been dating for a month. We had agreed on not buying gifts; I was going to take her to dinner and she was going to treat me to a movie afterward. Even though we'd made this arrangement, she was disappointed when she got a Christmas card from me.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NeverDoneLearning Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 6 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said: For himself or are you there too? If just on himself, that is at the very least an orange flag. Not the poor gift giving part, the treating himself part. Him not giving you nice presents isn't because he's not a material guy. Get yourself the $15 gift if you want it that much, though. That, in itself, is not that big a deal. This is definitely an act on principle and not about the 15$. And in this situation I think the principle is important. He seemingly obviously puts effort and money into what he wants and not her. Money is not the issue. If he's just a bit dumb then her telling him what she wanted shouldn't have cleared things up pretty quick. But the refusal shows he isn't ignorant. Maybe he's embarrassed or stubborn. Whichever it is he's not dealing with it in any kind of manner that demonstrates respect or consideration. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 21 minutes ago, NeverDoneLearning said: This is definitely an act on principle and not about the 15$. And in this situation I think the principle is important. He seemingly obviously puts effort and money into what he wants and not her. Money is not the issue. If he's just a bit dumb then her telling him what she wanted shouldn't have cleared things up pretty quick. But the refusal shows he isn't ignorant. Maybe he's embarrassed or stubborn. Whichever it is he's not dealing with it in any kind of manner that demonstrates respect or consideration. Yep. That's my take on it too. Combine this with being a middle-age guy 'casually dating' someone 20 years younger than him. He clearly should know better. Not ideal. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 2 hours ago, contel3 said: I know someone who dumped her boyfriend because he got her cooking pans for valentines day….😂👌 I'd love to receive a new set of pots and pans as a gift. Valentines Day, Birthday, Christmas... any occasion. If a woman gave me a new set of pots/pans, first thing I'd do is cook her a nice meal with them!! If memory serves, I requested a new Pressure Cooker for a gift a few years ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 1 hour ago, OatsAndHall said: In a casual or new relationship, I typically don't buy gifts. I'll take a woman out for a nice dinner on her birthday or on a holiday but I shy away from gifts. I'm not cheap but I'm going to do what I can to head off these situations. It can just be uncomfortable; I had a woman drop over $50 on me for Christmas after we'd been dating for a month. We had agreed on not buying gifts; I was going to take her to dinner and she was going to treat me to a movie afterward. Even though we'd made this arrangement, she was disappointed when she got a Christmas card from me.. Yeah, not fun when it gets awkward. One month is a card, period. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 18 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Yep. That's my take on it too. Combine this with being a middle-age guy 'casually dating' someone 20 years younger than him. He clearly should know better. Not ideal. Dang it. Missed that he was 20 years older. Ha. Yup, generational (?) and decades of jaded relationship(s) and some home-grown contempt for women could easily sour a man to being told what he should or should not do, however simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 3 minutes ago, preraph said: Yeah, not fun when it gets awkward. One month is a card, period. I may do a card and/or something homemade. I make organic soap, so that is always a winner. Until the relationship is rock solid and we have known one another for some time (many months), I don't get carried away and I communicate that there should be no obligation either way. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 That's good. Homemade soap is great! Is it goat soap, by any chance? Because having goats can also be a powerful allure to certain types of young ladies. Other types, no . Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 2 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: I'd love to receive a new set of pots and pans as a gift. Valentines Day, Birthday, Christmas... any occasion. If a woman gave me a new set of pots/pans, first thing I'd do is cook her a nice meal with them!! If memory serves, I requested a new Pressure Cooker for a gift a few years ago. Lol there's nothing wrong with liking pots and pans….my friend absolutely hates cooking though 😂 1 minute ago, preraph said: Yeah, not fun when it gets awkward. One month is a card, period. I don't think it's that black and white, I've gotten gifts and gave gifts to people I wasn't even dating….like wine or chocolates to set the mood….haha 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 4 minutes ago, preraph said: That's good. Homemade soap is great! Is it goat soap, by any chance? Because having goats can also be a powerful allure to certain types of young ladies. Other types, no . peraph!!! What?! Having goats can be helpful to my dating??!! I have a huge back yard, time to look for some goats and bring the ladies back to gaze upon my goat shepherding abilities...ha ha. I only make organic-vegan. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 5 minutes ago, contel3 said: Lol there's nothing wrong with liking pots and pans….my friend absolutely hates cooking though 😂 I don't think it's that black and white, I've gotten gifts and gave gifts to people I wasn't even dating….like wine or chocolates to set the mood….haha You sly dog! Women don't stand a fighting chance! 😄 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 Pots and pans. Mops and mop buckets. Chocolates and cards....I don't believe it is about what, it's about how much consideration you placed in getting these gifts for your partner. It also shows how much or how little you really know about her/him. It's not about what, rather, the motivation behind it. Buy me some hand-blenders and some new/used soap molds! I am in!!! I am in because it is what I enjoy, value. Buy this to my brother and you will get a look of appreciation and then next day returns. I have had so many conversations with people who are baffled about what they receive as gifts...baffled. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 8 hours ago, NomiMalone said: There’re no other issues. He splashes out most days on lunches out and beers after work. I’m hurt that not only did he not give me anything for my birthday, but after 4 weeks, still flat out refuses to buy the $15 item I said I’d like (nothing girly or personal, it’s the kind of gift you could give anyone). I really liked him, and miss him. But I just think I’m worth more than this. You've only been dating for 4 weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: I'd love to receive a new set of pots and pans as a gift. Valentines Day, Birthday, Christmas... any occasion. If a woman gave me a new set of pots/pans, first thing I'd do is cook her a nice meal with them!! If memory serves, I requested a new Pressure Cooker for a gift a few years ago. Hey, you're my kind of man Lemming! Xd Edited April 28, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) When you said you dumped him for a gift my first thought was he got you a toolset or a lawnmower or something. There’s got to be other reasons other than his thoughtless gifts, maybe that extends to how he treated you as well. Edited April 28, 2020 by Interstellar Link to post Share on other sites
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