preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 These days, so many people meet people online instead of in real life. People make profiles and use avatars and even though you can't trust everything you see, it's a starting point. But what if you haven't ever even seen a photo because you met them on a nondating site, like a music site or gaming site or something like that? Could you ever fall in love with someone online that you've never even seen a photo of if the rapport was good enough? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) I'm not trying to sell myself short, but yes I have. More than once. Even just recently. I'll leave that alone. But sometimes I just feel like I'm a sucker because it's just SO easy. TOO easy. I know it may seem awful to some but it happens. Once it hits me. It hits me. Like a Mac truck 😋 Edited April 28, 2020 by The Outlaw 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 Interesting thought experiment. I assume I could. The online conversation would have to be off the charts amazing! To me, the next really good question is this: assuming I could fall in love without seeing the person, what's the likelihood of the love surviving when I do see the person. Like if you ran this experiment and somehow identified 100 people who fell in love through writing, how many of these folks would still be in love a year after meeting (seeing) the other person. I'm a voice person and I'm not sure I've fallen in love through talking on the phone ... but I think definitely came close to that a few times. Then I met the person and things usually didn't survive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) Of course and of course not. In that, I could fall in love as much as I would if met them in person, but i temper my beating heart until feel have gotten to know them, so at least a few months of fairly regular contact doing the mundane as well as fun together, having gone away together, etc. Until I see enough facets of them, I know I am just in love with my idea of them, an image, which would be unfair to hold them to and foolish to assume it is 100% them. Edited April 28, 2020 by SumGuy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Author Share Posted April 28, 2020 I guess it is easy to start falling because you fill in the blanks with what you want them to be. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 Back when I first got online, I met a guy who lived across the country. We both had jobs with a fair amount of down/computer time and we'd chat online throughout the day. For years there was nothing romantic about it. We both had relationships, didn't even exchange pictures. Then, many years later, we both found ourselves single at the same time, and he asked to exchange pictures. We did, then talked on the phone a few times, then he was in my city for a work conference and we met, and this turned into a relationship of several years, where he moved halfway across the country to my city. We didn't fall in love before meeting, but we'd been paving the path for years. Very romantic if ya think about it 4 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 20 minutes ago, preraph said: I guess it is easy to start falling because you fill in the blanks with what you want them to be. And harder to disengage when feelings are involved because they seem to be everything you want. Makes me feel stoopid. That wasn't a typo, I'm just havin' fun!!!!! 😋 But still serious. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, preraph said: I guess it is easy to start falling because you fill in the blanks with what you want them to be. That and the mental energy both are feeling which I totally believe in. No rhyme or reason, it's just energy/chemistry same as in person. Which such energy/chemistry we know goes beyond looks anyway, assuming it's genuine. But, as another poster mentioned, it might all change once you meet in person, in cases where the physical energy doesn't match with the mental energy you were both feeling on line. That could happen even if you saw 100 pics of the person and found them attractive. Energy between two people is just one of those things that simply cannot be explained, it's either there or it's not, yup even on line. Edited April 28, 2020 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Author Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) That's true. You can even find them attractive, but sometimes in person, the energy is just weird or your and theirs doesn't mesh. Or you rub each other the wrong way. I mean, how people write can be either better or worse than how they are in person. I think I'm probably better in writing. Have more time to gather my thoughts and temper myself! It makes me think about one time 15 years ago on a music board, me and this one guy really got along. I had another love interest, so it wasn't me crushing on him but he was poetic was interesting. But anyway, he posted a photo and it wasn't that he was bad looking -- it's that he looked like a little boy making a face at his older sister or something! It was hard to even reconcile the photo with who I'd been talking to. Again, not ugly or anything, just HOW he presented himself. Edited April 28, 2020 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: Could you ever fall in love with someone online that you've never even seen a photo of if the rapport was good enough? Nope. Not love anyway. In between leaving my ex and meeting my SO, I had a year long sex desert, then dated a bit - only from social or pro circle, once or twice fluke meetings, never online. It didn't work out, and as I'm not one for flings, I was getting friskier and friskier to the point where I was finding literally every guy with a pulse attractive. Things were, you know, bad... Anyway I 'met' this guy on a pro forum (snoozefest of a chat about a really narrow point of practice in my field), he had great banter, sounded really cool, we 'took it to the phone' (rookie mistake) and a line was crossed (not in a crazy way, but enough that I'm still cringing about it). A couple of weeks on, we exchange pictures and this is when I told myself 'I should have done this on day one'. Instant lady-boner killer. He was objectively fine, exactly how he described himself, but I had zero attraction to him. None. We didn't live in the same country (not too far, though) so that didn't help. We vaguely kept in touch after I'd said no to meeting (out of guilt, mainly) then of course it fizzled out. I still can't explain what happened to me; I guess a potent cocktail of sexual frustration, a sexy voice (I'm a sucker for one of those) and ripe timing. I know it happens, I'm not questioning it does happen to others, but I'm more of a 'in the flesh' kind. I like what I can touch and see move; I like a guy's body language, sexy walk, twinkle in eye, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, preraph said: That's true. You can even find them attractive, but sometimes in person, the energy is just weird or your and theirs doesn't mesh. Or you rub each other the wrong way. I mean, how people write can be either better or worse than how they are in person. I think I'm probably better in writing. Have more time to gather my thoughts and temper myself! Things just happen for reasons we sometimes can't explain. Didn't think I'd catch feelings. No way. Didn't see it coming. And certainly doesn't help me when she's on the board. But I'd say that it's just far easier to fall or have feelings for someone online because there's a mystery surrounding them that just makes them that much more appealing or sexy depending on how ya look at it. The more you talk and the more you have in common just makes it entirely too easy to do. But this tends to happen to everyone at least once or twice and I don't think there's any shame in it. Edited April 28, 2020 by The Outlaw 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Author Share Posted April 28, 2020 Hey, who ever sees it coming? I've had people have to tell me I'm in love with someone when in my mind, I was just irritated and confused by them. But then that's also how it was the first time I listened to an album by what became my favorite all-time band. It's just not pretty when I fall.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Author Share Posted April 28, 2020 8 minutes ago, The Outlaw said: Things just happen for reasons we sometimes can't explain. Didn't think I'd catch feelings. No way. Didn't see it coming. And certainly doesn't help me when she's on the board. But I'd say that it's just far easier to fall or have feelings for someone online because there's a mystery surrounding them that just makes them that much more appealing or sexy depending on how ya look at it. The more you talk and the more you have in common just makes it entirely too easy to do. But this tends to happen to everyone at least once or twice and I don't think there's any shame in it. Well, I guess that's another thing. Most online forums are anonymous, so how do you get across that obstacle? Some people think nothing of it, but others aren't ever going to reveal who they really are, just on principle! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 Just now, preraph said: Well, I guess that's another thing. Most online forums are anonymous, so how do you get across that obstacle? Some people think nothing of it, but others aren't ever going to reveal who they really are, just on principle! Most people won't reveal who they really are out of fear, I think. I'm elusive until I feel I can trust a person and then I'll start to let them know who I am or what I'm really about. And to be honest, I was completely blindsided when I realized I really liked this person. It depends on who you ask of course but I don't think it's all that much different from real life. Things just happen. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 It is real life. But one-dimentional real life. I personally need to be attracted to a guy on every single level - emotionally, mentally, intellectually, compatibility-wise, physically. All of it has to be there. I'm not even that picky, but I need all the elements for it to be 'love'. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 Guess it depends whether you're called Amber or Jessica. Link to post Share on other sites
Author preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Author Share Posted April 28, 2020 9 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: It is real life. But one-dimentional real life. I personally need to be attracted to a guy on every single level - emotionally, mentally, intellectually, compatibility-wise, physically. All of it has to be there. I'm not even that picky, but I need all the elements for it to be 'love'. That's probably a good thing! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: Well, I guess that's another thing. Most online forums are anonymous, so how do you get across that obstacle? Some people think nothing of it, but others aren't ever going to reveal who they really are, just on principle! Private message then escalate to personal email. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 (edited) 47 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: It is real life. But one-dimentional real life. I personally need to be attracted to a guy on every single level - emotionally, mentally, intellectually, compatibility-wise, physically. All of it has to be there. I'm not even that picky, but I need all the elements for it to be 'love'. Yes of course, I'd never have a "relationship" online without meeting in person first, but that does not negate the feelings both people can develop. Re whether it's "love" or not, who's to say it's not? I felt it was love, even if based on, in part, a fantasy. Edited April 28, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author preraph Posted April 28, 2020 Author Share Posted April 28, 2020 Yes, that seems logical. You can still be anonymous on e-mail, sort of. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilie Jolie Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 4 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yes of course, I'd never have a "relationship" online without meeting in person first, but that does not negate the feelings both people can develop. Re whether it's "love" or not, who's to say it's not? I felt it was love, even if based on, in part, a fantasy. And that's why we're all different. I totally believe this happens, I don't have a strong opinion on whether people who have online RLs are in 'love' or not; not my place to say (prisoners get married on the strength of their letters, so it's totally possible). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 1 hour ago, The Outlaw said: Didn't think I'd catch feelings. No way. Didn't see it coming. And certainly doesn't help me when she's on the board. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 Fall in love? Hmm, maybe not. Like them? Have interest in them? Yep sure. I can fall for a guy even if he isn't my 'type' physically. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 For me, I guess it is and isn't. Anecdotal example, I was infatuated with this on this guy whom I had never met or seen on another forum. So I began talking with him and we became good friends. Went on for like 2 years...Then one day I told him and found out he liked me too. We ended up exchanging pics and ....I wasn't attracted to him I feel so shallow for saying this, but I just wasn't. Crush was dead. But you know what? It coincided with me finding out he liked me and he started acting really different/clingy, so I don't know if that's what actually turned me off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: Anecdotal example, I was infatuated with this on this guy whom I had never met or seen on another forum. So I began talking with him and we became good friends. Went on for like 2 years...Then one day I told him and found out he liked me too. We ended up exchanging pics and ....I wasn't attracted to him Go back about 18 years and I was the guy in this scenario. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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