do I break up with her?

[twatwa123]

Don’t know if this is better of in the LDR section....

 

So I’m in an LDR, first met the girl in  September last year on Badoo. I’m 26 and GF 27.

She happened to be near my town on badoo so we talked..

Turns out she lives approx 100 miles away from me. She came to the town near me for a holiday and says she plans to move near me for uni. 

So we get along well etc etc and we come to arrangement that we will see each other and spend 1-2 days/nights together a month, while she saved money to move. 

 

Originally she planned to move in January 2020 but this was pushed back and back and still has not moved, although her work notice was handed in today. She’s going to move but doesn’t know where to. She only started saving in February which annoyed me a bit because our arrangement was on the basis that she saved every month. But anyway, now there is a scramble to save enough to move right at the last minute. 

 

Her dad dad was going pay money so she could live in a private flat and get by at uni on a part time job. Circumstances have changed so that isn’t happening anymore. 

I live in W, the university she was going to, but didn’t get into (maybe offered a foundation year so could end up there) is in a city 30 mins away. She could move to my town or the uni city, or anywhere in between. I’d be happy with this.

Another university, that she stands a higher chance of getting in to, wants to interview her , but is more than an hour away from me, (40 miles approx) and she’d live in that city if she was offered and accepted a place. 

I’m not a fan of LDR because we barely see each other. Like, I’ve done it up to now because it was a short ish temporary arrangement where I’d hoped and assumed she would live close enough to me for regular physical contact. 

None of us drive so going to see one another will be costly on the train, and we’d see each other just once a week at best. I want someone who I can see after work and at weekends, something I’d be able to do if she was at the uni near me, or living in my town, and if that were the case then this forum post would not exist. 

 

so I know we don’t have much of a future if she moves to 40 miles from me. The uni lasts for 3 to 4 years. I can’t see someone once a week for that long. 

but if I end things now (I don’t want to particularly) she may not end up 40 miles away

if I leave it she still might move, in which case this could go on until August 

 

or i could leave things and let her move and get settled 40 miles away then end things. 

 

She may not get in to any uni this year but will try next year. This would mean she’d live in my town (yay) but could end up moving to the uni that’s 40 miles away, but equally could go to the uni near me (yay)

 

I don’t know what to do. GF doesn’t like to talk about the future of our relationship, and just says the if I like her so much I will tolerate seeing her max one time a week at a significant cost. 

This situation stressing me out, and her!

I want the relationship, but I need to see her often! 

Hope I don’t come across as mean or selfish in this post either. 

 

[Marc878]

LDR rarely work out. Sounds like you’re wasting your time on this one.

[schlumpy]

11 hours ago, twatwa123 said:

I don’t know what to do. GF doesn’t like to talk about the future of our relationship, and just says the if I like her so much I will tolerate seeing her max one time a week at a significant cost. 

I want the relationship, but I need to see her often! 

 

Could you not say the same thing? "If you like me so much then you will put up with whatever obstacles I place in your way."

You like her way more than she likes you and that sets you up for exploitation.

At the moment it appears that you are putting in eighty percent effort and she's contributing twenty percent. It has to be at least 50/50 for an LDR to have any chance of success.

I recommend you step back and temper your expectations. Give her some time to see what she is going to do. Don't force her into a situation where you have to pick up the slack. Her inability to follow through on saving money and last minute decisions says that you may be just one of several options for her.

I wouldn't hang my hat on this one.

[kendahke]

16 hours ago, twatwa123 said:

I want someone who I can see after work and at weekends,

then find someone who lives in your town. She's not prepared to fill the vacancy.