Mazzy123 Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 (edited) Hi, this is my first time posting. My boyfriend and I had an arguement the other day. It was not a bad one. But no argement is ever good. He packed up everything during this and moved out. He text me the following day to say he loves me and spoke about all the good times but said hes lost confidence this will work. I was angry he left and voiced my thoughts. Th following day I was so upset and we exchanged a few texts just saying sorry. I then laid all my cards on the table (I love you and want to work on this) and have not heard from him since. I'm going out of my mind!! Hes a very closed book and it's hard to know what is actually going on. He has done this before in an arguement about 8 months ago so it's hard to take it seriously but at the same time I'm so worried this is it. He just doesnt seem to be able to handle any conflict and runs away. Just seeking some advice from people who dont know me. Thank you Edited April 29, 2020 by Mazzy123 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 Hi Mazzy, sorry, you're in this situation. I'd like to help, but it's kind of hard to comment without more details. What was the argument over? And how did it escalate from a disagreement to an argument? Were any disrespectful words spoken during the argument? Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 i'm sorry that this has happened. OK, from a quick read-through... it does look like he has no ability to handle conflict. BUT... there really isn't any information for us to go off of. I mean... was this because he left a dirty dish in the sink? Or is it because you slept with someone? As you can understand... those are very different situations. But even the "Dish in the sink" thing could be bad if it's daily. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 (edited) Hey Mazzy, Not sure what is on his mind, if a person won't talk that isn't your issue to resolve.. maybe it's best if you just let him go and see if he comes back your way and if he does then have a heart to heart about the way he resolves conflict and how it makes you feel. BTW, in my late 20's.. a million years ago.. I had a girl living with me and had been for a year, one day we.. or I should I had an argument with her about something silly.. the way she kept house and the crap that was on the coffee table.. she was a smoker and had 2 ashtrays on the table and they were overflowing.. We broke up and she left that next day and I had never really heard much from her .. I did realize after speaking with a friend of hers that I unknowingly insulted her and the way she grew up, seems she grew up in a house with a dirt floor.. and I never knew it.. so when I discussed the way she kept house it was an insult to her as she felt she was doing great.. I never regretted the argument as I was just trying to air an issue but I have always regretted the fact that she left that way and I just let her.. she at the time was the love of my life and it hurt.. that is probably what she wanted it to do... It sounds like he can't take conflict and sees that as a reason to escape.. Edited April 29, 2020 by Art_Critic Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 10 hours ago, Mazzy123 said: My boyfriend and I had an arguement the other day. It was not a bad one. He packed up everything during this and moved out. Perhaps for him, it was bad enough for him to pack his things and leave and not contact you. How often did you two argue about the issue that resulted in him taking this action? What was the argument about? Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted April 29, 2020 Share Posted April 29, 2020 15 hours ago, Mazzy123 said: Hi, this is my first time posting. My boyfriend and I had an arguement the other day. It was not a bad one. But no argement is ever good. He packed up everything during this and moved out. He text me the following day to say he loves me and spoke about all the good times but said hes lost confidence this will work. I was angry he left and voiced my thoughts. Th following day I was so upset and we exchanged a few texts just saying sorry. I then laid all my cards on the table (I love you and want to work on this) and have not heard from him since. I'm going out of my mind!! Hes a very closed book and it's hard to know what is actually going on. He has done this before in an arguement about 8 months ago so it's hard to take it seriously but at the same time I'm so worried this is it. He just doesnt seem to be able to handle any conflict and runs away. Just seeking some advice from people who dont know me. Thank you I wish we could know how things transpired afterward 8 months ago. Perhaps he was successful then in manipulating you in some way. At any rate, you (seemingly) did a great job of laying your honest cards OUT there... which was the STRONG thing to do. It really is OK if you just leave it at that. You were CLEAR, you were CONCISE, you were SINCERE... (and the next impulses are likely to be overdoing it beyond the mere clarity which made sense to offer) (he's free to do with your disclosure as he wishes... and YOU are actually gonna be STRONG no matter what choice he makes) IF he's good enough for you, he'll come back to you... IF he isn't good enough for you, then he won't. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted April 30, 2020 Share Posted April 30, 2020 People do not move out over a silly argument or even a serious one-time argument. They leave in those instances because they avoid conflict and cannot take anything that might threaten to break through their exterior defenses, or they're immature and emotionally unhealthy and overreact to everything. Would be helpful to know a lot more about you and your emotional makeup and life history, his emotional makeup and life history, and the nature and more info about your relationship. But know this - again, a healthy, loving couple that are mature and emotionally healthy and balanced and committed don't even THREATEN to do something like this, let alone do it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 30, 2020 Share Posted April 30, 2020 He did this once before & you took him back. That was his one bite at the apple. For him to moveout during a freakin' pandemic -- he either had no impulse control, poor conflict resolution skills (most likely) or he really wanted to get away from you & the relationship. Let him go. Change the locks. Be done. he is a lousy prospect for a long term partner anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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