Wife's communication with her ex

[rjc149]

8 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Her profile indicates she is female.

I guess you can't simply assume people are gender-conforming heterosexuals these days. 

[usa1ah]

On 4/30/2020 at 2:28 PM, penguins1010 said:

That's how I feel. I asked if we could just do the chats on his scheduled every other Sunday and she agreed. But he is now trying to call at least 2 or 3 times every week for an hour or more. And texting at least every other day. I tried talking to her about it and she got defensive and said that she can't control what he does and that if I can't trust her we don't have any reason to be together. But I feel she can control how often she lets him call. And that she should stick to the court order. What was the point of even going to court now? 

You should have told her she can leave anytime she wants and to not let the door hit her when she does. She can control what her ex does if she wanted to. Her statement in bold says everything. If my wife told me that, I would pack her bags for her and dropped her cheating self at her ex’s door. 
 

Grow a back bone and start respecting yourself. 

[usa1ah]

The only loser here is you. He is getting his foot in the door because you have no self respect. You are here calling him a loser because he is a massage therapist? They make great money. But to make yourself look better here you are putting him down. That is really funny. 
 

The problem here in not the ex. It is your wife and her willingness to talk with him. Man up and fight for your marriage but respecting yourself first or just file for divorce and have her served unexpectedly. If you decide to divorce do not say a thing til she gets served. 

Edited May 2, 2020 by usa1ah

[scotchnstout]

On 4/30/2020 at 10:04 PM, rjc149 said:

This may sound harsh and a bit brash, and I'm going to employ some "manosphere" terms here that you may disdain, but this is all with the best intentions:

You're already the cuckold, married to a woman who still holds a candle for her bad boy ex while you dutifully raise his child with your resources. Now, to boot, she gets to set the frame and dictate the terms, she gets to tell you what's what in your relationship, while you tread on eggshells praying you won't upset her by standing up for yourself... 

Your attitude and position here is very, very weak and beta. If this is a loss of attraction occurring, which it appears to be, it's obvious why. 

Your easily identifiable problem here is that you're not willing to enforce your boundaries and/or walk away, and she knows that. She's got you in her pocket. Hence her loss of attraction for you, and the resulting disrespectful behavior. 

Grow a pair and stand up for yourself. If you don't like her spending that long on the phone with her ex, tell her. Communication with the ex covers childcare and ONLY that. 30 seconds to a minute per call. Set some boundaries and assert yourself. Be the man in this relationship and start demanding some basic respect from her, like not texting and spending hours on the phone with her ex right in front of you. If she gets mad, tough sh-t. There's the door sweetheart, don't let it hit you on the way out. It's not your child, not your legal responsibility, so you're in an easy position to walk away. Be actually willing to do that. 

Start meeting new women. 

THANK YOU

[scotchnstout]

On 5/1/2020 at 11:34 AM, penguins1010 said:

I hear what you all are saying. I know his games seen them before. It was a nice 2 years without him. He is a ticking time bomb and its only a matter of time before he goes off again. I can already see how he is getting from the texts and the calls. The first couple of weeks was short and sweet. Then he noticed he had his foot in the door. He is now using that to try and get further in. I'm not dumb I know what's happening. And he is a loser. A massage therapist, so he gets paid rubbing down women lol.

Your wife has a part to play in that as well

[Just a Guy]

If it's one thing I cannot understand it is why people get romantically involved with someone who has the kind of baggage that the OP's wife has. With the whole wide world full of single, unattached unencumbered women for them to choose from, they find the one woman whose ex is a criminal type, who deserted her while she was nine weeks pregnant and who had restraining orders against him. Of course you are going to have problems and the solution is pretty simple. Dump the woman since she is more interested in her Ex than in you and move on after wiping the slate clean. But no, you want to complicate matters further by sticking with her while she wipes the floor with you and squeezes you for what you're worth, finally dumping you after cleaning you to the bone and moving back with her abusive Ex. Well if that's what you want, that's what you'll get. Can only wish you the very best.

Edited June 5, 2020 by Just a Guy
Corrections.

[IndigoNight]

Your wife can't control what her ex does, but she does control how she responds. 

It seems like she used being abused as an excuse, and convinced you that he was a monster to be feared.  Spending two years in court to protect your family was a waste of time.  She invited him right back in.  Bad move on her part, for several reasons. He can now use her willingness to chat against her. She will not be able to get another order of protection against him. He will likely get more visitation.  She made a HUGE mistake by allowing him back into your lives. 

The question is , what are you going to fo about it? The next time they're chatting sit down next to her, and join the conversation.  If all they are discussing is the child there shouldn't be an issue.  Right? If she gets mad, and throws out the "if you can't trust me" line,  tell her "No, it's him that I don't trust based on what YOU have said. " She dragged you through her nightmare, and dealing with court for two years,  and suddenly he ain't that bad?  Um. No! That's not okay. She needs to seriously work on her priorities.

If you cannot talk to her, and the conversations continue,  hire a lawyer.  

 

 

Edited June 9, 2020 by IndigoNight