Why after 40+ days of no contact would my ex text me happy birthday?

[mejustme]

Hello...bf broke up with me 73 days ago, I have gone NC for the last 43 days. Some trust issues on both of our parts, not anything major that either of us did, just damaged from our ex spouses. Anyhow, I tried I really really tried to make things right. It hasn’t been easy for me AT ALL!! I have sunk to the bottom of life really. Not depressed but having a really hard time with this breakup. 

43 days of NC and my birthday comes and he sends me a birthday text. A very impersonal one, but alas he did send it. “Happy Birthday, hope you have a good day” I did respond with an impersonal response of just “thank you”. 
 

My questions are: 

1. do you think I should’ve said more? 

2. why would he send this? I mean I know the obvious, bc it’s my bday. But like was this an ice breaker or an Olive branch? 
 

 

 

[basil67]

Woman here. I know you were seeking a man's input but I didn't want to leave you unresponded to

Your response was perfect.   You politely acknowledged him but didn't re-establish contact.    My guess as to why he sent is simply that he doesn't hold any grudges over what happened. 

Edited May 1, 2020 by basil67

[mejustme]

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Woman here. I know you were seeking a man's input but I didn't want to leave you unresponded to

Your response was perfect.   You politely acknowledged him but didn't re-establish contact.    My guess as to why he sent is simply that he doesn't hold any grudges over what happened. 

 

17 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Woman here. I know you were seeking a man's input but I didn't want to leave you unresponded to

Your response was perfect.   You politely acknowledged him but didn't re-establish contact.    My guess as to why he sent is simply that he doesn't hold any grudges over what happened. 

Thank you for responding. It just doesn’t make sense to me to even reach out. I’m not going to lie, I was happy and sad when I read that bc I wanted more...I still do and to make matters worse his mother reached out as well the following day. I am really emotional over this whole thing. I want to talk more to him. I want him to continue communicating with me. 

[snowboy91]

It's a bit hard to tell, but I'll go with this response.

Just because you're no longer together doesn't mean you weren't a significant part of his life. And it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, so naturally he wants you to be happy on your birthday. But that doesn't mean that he wants to get back together or anything.

There were reasons for you to not be in a relationship with him, which are completely valid (which is why it ended). But that doesn't necessarily mean you can't interact with each other ever again - in some situations that idea causes more pain. So take it as it is and don't read into it too much.

[Mystery4u]

4 hours ago, mejustme said:

 

Thank you for responding. It just doesn’t make sense to me to even reach out. I’m not going to lie, I was happy and sad when I read that bc I wanted more...I still do and to make matters worse his mother reached out as well the following day. I am really emotional over this whole thing. I want to talk more to him. I want him to continue communicating with me. 

Your response was fine. It does make sense he reached out. It's only been a couple of months since you broke up. Off course some feelings are still going to be there.  Not feelings that he wants to get back with you, but he cares about you. You were both a part of each other's life and had some good moments too. I'm sure you both learnt things from the relationship as well. The message was exactly what it was - wishing you a happy birthday. Nothing more, nothing less.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's not unusual for exes to wish each other a happy birthday, OP. He likely felt it would be unkind to say nothing at all, so he extended the greeting. I wouldn't read more into it, and your response was fine. Anything else would have likely got you nowhere but hooked on the hope he would respond, write again, and so on. 

If he wants to say something more, you'll know. For now, just take it as a polite birthday wish and nothing more. 

[Marc878]

He was just being nice. Nothing more than that. That’s why it was impersonal.

move on

[stillafool]

Yeah I've called to wish an recent ex Happy Birthday when I was single and was always relieved when I got their secretary or voicemail and didn't have to speak with them.  I was afraid if I didn't they would somehow think I was bitter.

[Beachead]

@mejustme

Hello,

12 hours ago, mejustme said:

My questions are: 

1. do you think I should’ve said more? 

2. why would he send this? I mean I know the obvious, bc it’s my bday. But like was this an ice breaker or an Olive branch? 
 

 

 

1.  Nope.  If he had something more to say, he would have said it.  Your response was perfect.

2.  My guess is out of obligation, and to soothe his conscious.   He was unsure if he should or shouldn't wish you.  Between the two options, not wishing you would have generated more anxiety about whether he did the the right thing.  Maybe it would have generated some guilt as well.   So to soothe the anxiety about that, for his conscious, he wished you a Happy Birthday.  

I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling and I know how how tough breakups feel.  Hang in there and if you need continued advice, on how to cope and deal, we're here.

- Beach

Edited May 1, 2020 by Beachead

[Blind-Sided]

Guy here. Honestly... there isn't enough info to go from. 

1) Who broke up with who?

2) Was it a bad break up? (Yelling, arguing)

3) What kind of trust issues? (money, cheating?)

4) How did those issues surface? (Your own mind running away, or actual reason)

OK... at face value... he could just being nice.  But if you were the one to walk away... then it could be an olive branch.  If this was me in this position... if you walked away from me, and it was over something dumb... I would hope to work things out, and it would be the "Olive Branch".  But if it was me who walked away because I had suspicion that you were lying, or cheating... then I would have NEVER sent a message.  (Once the trust is broken, it can never be regained)

To your question #1...  You should have only said more if you want to start talking to him again.  You should have said less (not responded) if you are done.

[elaine567]

Some context..

On 2/27/2020 at 2:36 PM, mejustme said:

We spent the whole month of January doing couples things. Nice romantic dinners, lunches with the kids, outings and so on. I thought we were progressing in a couple type of manner. I gave myself one month to bring up the elephant in the room ( whether or not we were a couple) not that I needed a title, but I was way too invested to be just friends. He never brought it up so on February 10th after a nice romantic dinner I brought it up. Completely blindsided I was told I wasn’t the one. I tired, I cried and poured my heart out to him shortly after that Night. But nothing from him. Nothing at all. I’ve been NC until last night and I sent him a text just telling him that I miss him and that I hope he and the kids are all well. No response. I need to figure out a way to move on emotionally and mentally bc this is killing me.

I doubt he has changed his mind, but he may be testing the waters, he may be "lonely"
But had he been doing that I guess he would have sent another text after you sent the "Thank you".
It was not an enthusiastic reply from you but it was a reply and had he been interested in taking things further then he could have initiated a conversation, but he didn't.
I think you need to let him go.
.

[FMW]

There are several possibilities, some given in responses here, but we never really know why someone else does something.

Given the information that elaine posted above, don't read anything into the birthday text.  You responded fine, certainly didn't need to say anything more than thank you given the circumstances of how you last parted.  I agree that if he had changed his mind about how he felt about you he would have taken your thank you response and ran with it, sending you more texts right away.  

Leave him in the past and keep focusing on looking forward.   

By the way, I'm a woman, but my ex husband texts me periodically.  In his case I think it's because he gets bored, isn't seeing anyone at the time (or at least he isn't with them at that moment), and doesn't want to completely lose touch with me in case he needs something (money, help) sometime.  That's obviously not the case with your situation, but it's an example of how random someone's reasons can be.     

Edited May 2, 2020 by FMW

[Realitysux]

Just imagine this for one second. You are happy with your life. Your job. Your house. Your car. Your hobbies. You go play golf and drink a few beers and talk to your fellow golfers about your work week and your business (if you are like me), and then you come home to a nice clean house, you can go anywhere and do anything and you never have to worry about if a man likes your or not. (they all do). Imagine that and should someone be so lucky to live that life. I'd love to know her she sounds fun. 

[Realitysux]

I've got to be honest. I've been dumped by the same man for 7 years! That's a long time. And after a while, you really don't care if a man wants you or not. It does get old. Don't be afraid to expose yourself to heartache -I don't think it'll happen to me again (that's what he wanted) He was a nice guy. That is why I let him dump me for 7 years. You can and will recover. You have to take the steps to heal. The only way to start healing is to find closure and move on. The more closure you need depends on the situation as a whole.

Edited May 2, 2020 by Realitysux

[SincereOnlineGuy]

On 4/30/2020 at 6:41 PM, mejustme said:

Why after 40+ days of no contact would my ex text me happy birthday?

 

 

At the risk of making assumptions:

 

"... because it was YOUR BIRTHDAY"  ?????

[kendahke]

On 4/30/2020 at 9:41 PM, mejustme said:

1. do you think I should’ve said more?

No. What you said was sufficient.

Quote

2. why would he send this? I mean I know the obvious, bc it’s my bday. But like was this an ice breaker or an Olive branch?

he was taking your temperature.

[rjc149]

Guy here. 

I agree with Blind-Sided, you haven't provided enough information about the relationship and breakup to narrow down the locus of possible motives. Understanding, of course, that no one but he can pin-point the reason he sent you birthday wishes.

1. Your response was appropriate. 

2. This could be a means of assuaging his guilt if he dumped/hurt you, it could be a way to keep lines open, it could be an olive branch, it could be casting a line for a FWB. What it very likely is, however, is a temperature check. 

If I were totally over a girl and had zero interest in her, and she was no longer in my life in any capacity, I would not wish her a happy birthday. Not even to be polite. That's just me, but I wouldn't immediately write his message off as an impersonal courtesy. 

I recently had an "ex" wish me a happy birthday a few months after we ended things. I came here asking for advice about it, was told she was simply being polite and think nothing more of it, advice which I accepted. Many months later (8, since you seem to be counting days), she wished me well during this covid lockdown. I responded politely in kind. A week later she asked how my work was going. She's clearly not just being polite anymore. 

I'm not trying to give you false hope, or tell you that you shouldn't move on. You should. But if he's thinking about you enough to reach out, there's probably some residual interest and this is a probe. 

Edited May 8, 2020 by rjc149

[Uptown182]

On 5/2/2020 at 10:18 AM, elaine567 said:

Some context..

I doubt he has changed his mind, but he may be testing the waters, he may be "lonely"
But had he been doing that I guess he would have sent another text after you sent the "Thank you".
It was not an enthusiastic reply from you but it was a reply and had he been interested in taking things further then he could have initiated a conversation, but he didn't.
I think you need to let him go.
.

Was that the last text the OP sent? And now she gets a happy birthday text?

I definitely wouldn’t read too much into it, sounds like you met each other’s kids and he still didn’t think you were a couple.  He led you on, if you let him back into your life he’ll do it again.
 

How long did you date for?