Can my girlfriend be trusted after hiding things from me?

[potestatum]

Hello guys,

I am in a relationship with a girl for 2+ years. She is insecure and jealous. 

A while ago we had a fight because I caught her flirting with messages with another guy. She said that it was nothing and it was not flirting. Just talking, but she was hiding it from me because she was afraid that I was going to get mad. 

I told her that I am not comfortable with her talking with him behind my back. I told her I don’t want her to like his photos on social media and if he speaks with him again I would like to know. She agreed. 

After some time a girl that I barely know connected with me on social media. And when my girlfriend found out that I am liking some of her photos she got mad. She told me that something is going on with her and I shouldn’t like her photos any more. I told her that nothing was going on but if this will make her feel better I will stop liking her photos. 

And I kept my promise. I stopped liking her photos. 

I am not the kind of man who checks his girlfriend’s social media etc. but once in a while I might do it. So i found out that she kept liking most of that guy’s photos. 

I don’t know if I am paranoid but I kept my promise and stopped doing what made her uncomfortable but she haven’t respected me and kept liking his photos. 

If she found out that I was liking the girl’s photos she would get furious!!

My question is: how should I handle that? I haven’t said anything yet. Can I trust her? Or is she going to f@ck me over and keep it a secret from me as she did this time?

Thanks for your time guys. 
I appreciate your help!

[kendahke]

17 minutes ago, potestatum said:

I am not the kind of man who checks his girlfriend’s social media etc. but once in a while I might do it.

Step 1: don't lie to yourself or us. You are the kind of man who checks his girlfriend's social media. Otherwise, you wouldn't do it.

18 minutes ago, potestatum said:

After some time a girl that I barely know connected with me on social media. And when my girlfriend found out that I am liking some of her photos she got mad.

I'm not getting this disconnect. You went out of your way to tell your girlfriend that you didn't like her liking some guy's pictures on social media, yet you turned around after that conversation and did the same thing yourself.  You're being inconsistent.  How was it OK for you to do it, knowing the conversation you had with your girlfriend?

21 minutes ago, potestatum said:

how should I handle that? I haven’t said anything yet. Can I trust her? Or is she going to f@ck me over and keep it a secret from me as she did this time?

Tell her the truth: tell her you know she's liking dude's pictures again and that you're not here for the disrespect and break up.

You can't make her not like someone else's pictures behind your back. She's going to find a way to do it whether or not you like it.  If that is a problem for you, you need to end this relationship because she's not on the same page as you and doesn't appear to want to be on the same page as you.

There's no sense in stringing things along when the final outcome is: she's going to be liking guys' pictures on social media. It's who she is and either you're cool with that or you bounce. She's a free individual and can do as she wants---as are you--and you can leave, block her calls and messages and find a girl who doesn't need to do this and worse, keep doing it behind your back after knowing that you don't like it.  Keep the drama to a minimum--it's not worth that headache.

[preraph]

I'm afraid I agree with the above. You're both wanting to reach out to other people and you're both doing it. So I don't think either one of you wants to be exclusive really. It sounds like you both just need to be single.

[d0nnivain]

58 minutes ago, potestatum said:

 I told her I don’t want her to like his photos on social media and if he speaks with him again I would like to know. 

You are being ridiculous, insecure & unrealistic.  You can't expect somebody you date to not interact with members of the opposite sex or tell you every time they interact with another person.  That is overly controlling & paranoid.  No wonder she didn't tell you.  She doesn't want to deal with your drama.  

Liking somebody's photo is meaningless.  She's dating you.  That is so much more significant then a click. 

 

I like stuff on social media to show I agree with it, it made me laugh or to acknowledge to the poster that someone heard them.  I have never liked a post or commented on it as a way of communicating romantic interest or a desire to stray out of my primary relationship.  Stop ascribing sinister meaning to a trivial action.  

[preraph]

I guess it depends what they're commenting on to some extent.  Like if they're encouraging sexy photos and that sort of thing.  But yeah, just a pic of a person on vacation or something, ridiculous.

[potestatum]

Thanks for the responses. I think I have been misunderstood. 

I meant that I am not the person that I am obsessed in checking the social media of my girlfriend. But sometimes obviously I do it.

My main issue is not the likes on this dude's photos but the thing that there are double standards.

She expects me not to do it, but she does it anyway.

 

[preraph]

Neither of you want to give up doing it, so either accept that or break up.  You both sound like you still have a hook in the water.   But if you disagree that that is the case, then you have no reason to care about it.

[kendahke]

35 minutes ago, potestatum said:

I meant that I am not the person that I am obsessed in checking the social media of my girlfriend. But sometimes obviously I do it.

You weren't misunderstood---you're trying to walk that truth back because it landed.

Doing it once is one thing---going back again and again to "check up on them", no matter how many days between, is a pattern.

Quote

After some time a girl that I barely know connected with me on social media. And when my girlfriend found out that I am liking some of her photos she got mad.

She got mad because of your hypocrisy after the fact. Most likely what happened was she reckoned that since you spun around and went and did the exact same thing, which may have come across as vindictiveness, why should she change up?

35 minutes ago, potestatum said:

My main issue is not the likes on this dude's photos but the thing that there are double standards.

She expects me not to do it, but she does it anyway.

And that means you two are incompatible and this relationship is going no where fast.  You can't trust her and she doesn't care about how you feel about what she does because she does it anyway and is going to do it whether you like it or not.  No amount of snooping or stalking her social media is going to change that.  She can create a whole new persona on social media that you don't know about on a phone you can't get your hands on and keep it moving.  Not much there you can do about it.  The only person you can control is yourself and how close in proximity you place your person to someone you can't trust---and that is all on you, not her.

Edited May 1, 2020 by kendahke

[potestatum]

24 minutes ago, kendahke said:

You weren't misunderstood---you're trying to walk that truth back because it landed.

Doing it once is one thing---going back again and again to "check up on them", no matter how many days between, is a pattern.

And that means you two are incompatible and this relationship is going no where fast.  You can't trust her and she doesn't care about how you feel about what she does because she does it anyway and is going to do it whether you like it or not.  No amount of snooping or stalking her social media is going to change that.  She can create a whole new persona on social media that you don't know about on a phone you can't get your hands on and keep it moving.  Not much there you can do about it.  The only person you can control is yourself and how close in proximity you place your person to someone you can't trust---and that is all on you, not her.

I am not trying to do anything. I am as honest as I can be. I don't get why you are so bitter.

[kendahke]

1 minute ago, potestatum said:

I am not trying to do anything. I am as honest as I can be. I don't get why you are so bitter.

🤣 

[lolablue17]

I think the problem is not "liking photos". The problem is honesty and trust. 

According to you, she was flirting behind you back, and after she promised to stop talking and liking him, she continue to do it. According to you, when you liked photos, you weren't hiding it, and kept your commitment to stop. 

The flirting and the liking photos are really nothing. But your girlfriend of 2+ years, hiding flirting with guys, and break her promise to stop. These are serious stuff in my opinion. Maybe she can't commit. Maybe she needs constant back up plans, due to her insecurities. If it happens in the honeymoon phase, it will become worse in the future. You should have a serious talk with her, asking her if she is really willing to commit to you, and especially commit to her own word. 

 

[ShyViolet]

This is all over "liking" other people's photos on instagram?  You get upset if she likes another guy's photos and then she got upset that you liked another girl's photos?  Are you guys in high school?  Because this is really immature.  You sound really insecure and overly paranoid.

"Liking" someone's photos on social media doesn't necessarily mean anything.  It has nothing to do with intentions to cheat.  If you are going to put your girlfriend's actions under a microscope like this, you have no hope for having a healthy relationship.  Stop being so controlling.

[usa1ah]

15 hours ago, potestatum said:

Hello guys,

I am in a relationship with a girl for 2+ years. She is insecure and jealous. 

A while ago we had a fight because I caught her flirting with messages with another guy. She said that it was nothing and it was not flirting. Just talking, but she was hiding it from me because she was afraid that I was going to get mad. 

I told her that I am not comfortable with her talking with him behind my back. I told her I don’t want her to like his photos on social media and if he speaks with him again I would like to know. She agreed. 

After some time a girl that I barely know connected with me on social media. And when my girlfriend found out that I am liking some of her photos she got mad. She told me that something is going on with her and I shouldn’t like her photos any more. I told her that nothing was going on but if this will make her feel better I will stop liking her photos. 

And I kept my promise. I stopped liking her photos. 

I am not the kind of man who checks his girlfriend’s social media etc. but once in a while I might do it. So i found out that she kept liking most of that guy’s photos. 

I don’t know if I am paranoid but I kept my promise and stopped doing what made her uncomfortable but she haven’t respected me and kept liking his photos. 

If she found out that I was liking the girl’s photos she would get furious!!

My question is: how should I handle that? I haven’t said anything yet. Can I trust her? Or is she going to f@ck me over and keep it a secret from me as she did this time?

Thanks for your time guys. 
I appreciate your help!

Man up and call her out on this. 
 

The only way she is going to respect you is if YOU respect yourself. 
 

Do not play the chose me game. Tell her that if that is who she wants, she can have her freedom and don’t let the door hit her in the ass on her way out. 

[usa1ah]

13 hours ago, potestatum said:

Thanks for the responses. I think I have been misunderstood. 

I meant that I am not the person that I am obsessed in checking the social media of my girlfriend. But sometimes obviously I do it.

My main issue is not the likes on this dude's photos but the thing that there are double standards.

She expects me not to do it, but she does it anyway.

 

You also caught her cheating with the flirting messages. 

Edited May 2, 2020 by usa1ah

[usa1ah]

13 hours ago, kendahke said:

You weren't misunderstood---you're trying to walk that truth back because it landed.

Doing it once is one thing---going back again and again to "check up on them", no matter how many days between, is a pattern.

She got mad because of your hypocrisy after the fact. Most likely what happened was she reckoned that since you spun around and went and did the exact same thing, which may have come across as vindictiveness, why should she change up?

And that means you two are incompatible and this relationship is going no where fast.  You can't trust her and she doesn't care about how you feel about what she does because she does it anyway and is going to do it whether you like it or not.  No amount of snooping or stalking her social media is going to change that.  She can create a whole new persona on social media that you don't know about on a phone you can't get your hands on and keep it moving.  Not much there you can do about it.  The only person you can control is yourself and how close in proximity you place your person to someone you can't trust---and that is all on you, not her.

He went back again because HIS girlfriend was flirting with another guy through texts. Of course OP is going to go back and look to see if she is keeping her word. Only a fool would never look again. 

Edited May 2, 2020 by usa1ah

[usa1ah]

7 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

This is all over "liking" other people's photos on instagram?  You get upset if she likes another guy's photos and then she got upset that you liked another girl's photos?  Are you guys in high school?  Because this is really immature.  You sound really insecure and overly paranoid.

"Liking" someone's photos on social media doesn't necessarily mean anything.  It has nothing to do with intentions to cheat.  If you are going to put your girlfriend's actions under a microscope like this, you have no hope for having a healthy relationship.  Stop being so controlling.

She was also flirting with the guy she was liking all of the guy’s post. This is not some innocent girl that has a male friend. She is actively showing interest. 

[usa1ah]

I have seen women on here turn this completely around when it’s a girl complaining about a bf doing this. They flat out say that the boyfriend is cheating. 
 

It’s just innocent fun when a girlfriend does it. 😂😂😂😂😂

Edited May 2, 2020 by usa1ah

[potestatum]

14 hours ago, lolablue17 said:

I think the problem is not "liking photos". The problem is honesty and trust. 

According to you, she was flirting behind you back, and after she promised to stop talking and liking him, she continue to do it. According to you, when you liked photos, you weren't hiding it, and kept your commitment to stop. 

The flirting and the liking photos are really nothing. But your girlfriend of 2+ years, hiding flirting with guys, and break her promise to stop. These are serious stuff in my opinion. Maybe she can't commit. Maybe she needs constant back up plans, due to her insecurities. If it happens in the honeymoon phase, it will become worse in the future. You should have a serious talk with her, asking her if she is really willing to commit to you, and especially commit to her own word. 

 

Thank you @lolablue17

That is exactly what worries me. 
And in addition, if I have the talk with her I feel that I will just make her better in hiding things from me.
Since she will know that I found out about this guy's social media she will stop doing it but doesn't mean that her mindset has changed. 
That's why I am thinking if I can trust her.
 

10 hours ago, enigma32 said:

I'll probably get roasted for saying this but...I don't really care.

When I was single, I used social media to get women. You know the easiest way to tell a girl is into you? She will start liking all your pics. Sure, we all click like on something funny when it pops up in our feeds or whatever, but if you got one person that's of the opposite sex and always liking your pics and posts...it's a sign of interest. I used to joke with my friends because no matter what I would post, this one girl would come along and like it almost immediately. I know she must have had notifications set up so she would know each time I posted anything. 

So, if your guy or lady is out there always liking and commenting on someone's social media page...be warned. 

OP: I bet if you saw more of her chats with this guy, things have not cooled down between them. With that said, why are you out there stalking some other girl's pics online? If your girl caught you doing exactly what she caught crap for doing, she probably doesn't take you or your relationship all that seriously. 

I agree with you. Sometimes social media interactions mean more than just liking a photo.
It sends signals to the other person. Especially if you are doing it with someone who flirted with you.

I am not stalking other girls and I do not have issues with my gf liking other people's photos. 
But is the specific guy which flirted with her and because my gf didn't keep her promise as I did.

 

[d0nnivain]

21 hours ago, potestatum said:

My main issue is not the likes on this dude's photos but the thing that there are double standards.

She expects me not to do it, but she does it anyway.

The double standard is unacceptable.  Tell her that.  If she doesn't agree, go date somebody who is not a hypocrite.  

Yes, you can trust somebody who likes other people stuff on social media. 

However, if you genuinely think your SO is flirting behind your back, or if you reasonably asked an SO to stop a particular behavior, the SO agreed to stop but lied to you about it, then you can't take that person at their word & it is time to get out.  

To some extent I get the impression that you are over reacting but I certainly don't have all the facts.  

Edited May 2, 2020 by d0nnivain

[ShyViolet]

11 hours ago, usa1ah said:

She was also flirting with the guy she was liking all of the guy’s post. This is not some innocent girl that has a male friend. She is actively showing interest. 

Ok well then the OP should have made the post focused on the flirting, but instead he talked mostly about the "liking" of social media photos and the fact that he wants her to stop "liking' his photos.  

[usa1ah]

9 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

Ok well then the OP should have made the post focused on the flirting, but instead he talked mostly about the "liking" of social media photos and the fact that he wants her to stop "liking' his photos.  

Actually he talked about both. 
 

Then his girlfriend asked him to stop liking certain girl’s post. OP stopped. 
 

His girlfriend has continued to like postings from the guy she was flirting with. 
 

You can not trust a person like this. 
 

 

[smackie9]

Why does she get on your a$$ about it? because she is projecting her own guilt. She's lying, dismissing it as harmless, etc. If sex or sexual content isn't involved, she seems to think it would be a pass. What she doesn't realize is, it's all about giving attention to another...and that isn't fair. Maybe point that out to her.

What needs to be done is to agree on some boundaries that will apply to the both of you. Talk it over again. If she doesn't listen, then show her the door.

[MimiCupid82]

On 5/1/2020 at 9:19 AM, potestatum said:

Hello guys,

I am in a relationship with a girl for 2+ years. She is insecure and jealous. 

A while ago we had a fight because I caught her flirting with messages with another guy. She said that it was nothing and it was not flirting. Just talking, but she was hiding it from me because she was afraid that I was going to get mad. 

I told her that I am not comfortable with her talking with him behind my back. I told her I don’t want her to like his photos on social media and if he speaks with him again I would like to know. She agreed. 

After some time a girl that I barely know connected with me on social media. And when my girlfriend found out that I am liking some of her photos she got mad. She told me that something is going on with her and I shouldn’t like her photos any more. I told her that nothing was going on but if this will make her feel better I will stop liking her photos. 

And I kept my promise. I stopped liking her photos. 

I am not the kind of man who checks his girlfriend’s social media etc. but once in a while I might do it. So i found out that she kept liking most of that guy’s photos. 

I don’t know if I am paranoid but I kept my promise and stopped doing what made her uncomfortable but she haven’t respected me and kept liking his photos. 

If she found out that I was liking the girl’s photos she would get furious!!

My question is: how should I handle that? I haven’t said anything yet. Can I trust her? Or is she going to f@ck me over and keep it a secret from me as she did this time?

Thanks for your time guys. 
I appreciate your help!

I don’t understand why liking photos is such a big deal! Who cares! It’s just a like, doesn’t mean there gonna go out and have sex with that person. It’s seems like you both are being a bit immature