Starting the Process to Leave

[SunnyDaze428]

I have decided to leave my husband.  As he asked me a year ago to quit my job due to the long commute, which I did, so now I am actively job hunting.  That is my first goal to gaining my independence back.  Leaving him will be dangerous because he gets verbally abusive and crazy during normal arguments.  He screams at me, throws things, slams doors and yells obscenities for the world to hear when he gets mad.   During our last argument I had to leave and go get a hotel room because he would not stop yelling and told me to divorce him.  When I returned he locked me out of the house (my name is on the lease).  I left to get away from him and let things cool down, he was out of control.  His yelling terrifies our dog and cat, I took my cat with me to the hotel.   I wish I had just stayed gone because things are really tense here at home and he is playing the victim.  

I told him he was very disrespectful to me and he says "I'm waterfront riff raff, I'm a pirate, it's just who I am".    I guess he is 5 years old and thinks he is Phill Harris on Deadliest Catch or something, it was the most bizarre thing I ever heard.  I guess that was the equivalent to admitting he is a thug?  WTH - he is 64 years old.

I need advice on how to leave him without it getting ugly and the police being called. He works from home so there is no time when he is gone for long periods of time.

Also, I recently received an inheritance and he has been pressuring me to add his name to my savings account so he can have access to this money "in case anything happens to me".  The last thing I plan on doing is adding his name to that account, that is my security and according to the law in the state that I live in, an inheritance is not community property.

He says because he has my name on all of our accounts and I am on his health insurance plan, etc., his name should be on my savings account.  If I felt safe and secure in this marriage, I would agree and not hesitate to add his name to my account.  If he was a decent husband no problem, but I guess since he is a self admitted "Pirate" then he is a con and only wants my money to steal from me.

I'm stuck wanting to pack and leave now but I honestly want a full time job lined up before I go otherwise I'll be living off my inheritance which I would prefer to save for retirement.

How on earth am I going to pull this off without it escalating into a horrible situation?

 

[ShyViolet]

Get yourself a job so that you are able to support yourself... living off of savings is no good at all.  Even if it's not the ideal job, just something temporary and you can keep looking.  And then just leave.  Don't be afraid to call the police, maybe that's what he needs in order to shut him up and let him know this behavior is not ok.

[preraph]

I think you may need to get an attorney. They can help you with some of these arrangements. Do you have family or anyone a friend that you can start sneaking stuff out of the house little by little so he doesn't notice and taking it over there? If not get a storage unit or go ahead and get a little apartment or where were you going to live in just start taking things out a little bit at a time.. I don't know why you don't want to involve the police. You probably need to. 

You need to have a place to go and you need to have a job I guess. But you getting a job is going to make him suspicious probably. It would be better if you didn't know where you worked anyway. I don't suppose you inherited this sufficient that you could live off of it for a couple of months while you're job hunting.

[schlumpy]

Have you attempted to get back to the job you had? If they will take you back, then you can move near the jobsite. It would make more sense to move near an active job then move and then find a job that may require another long commute.

Once those pieces are in place move in one fell swoop. Two men and a truck come to mind.