My neighbor freaked out

[Fair]

cautiously... 

Ha! I've been wondering the same, myself. 

Edited May 2, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Fair]

Actually Contel… I'll say something controversial again and say it's fairly typical of the strange way people will react around a single, independent woman. Yes, it's weird, but I've had things happen before. I'm not really surprised or that much fazed. I had to talk it out though... hear some thoughts. 

My crush on him is as inexplicable as crushes usually are... but I'm  backing up from it now. I have more important things to focus on. 

[ShyViolet]

This guy sounds like an unstable psycho.  Going into rages, circling your house, looking in your windows?  That's borderline reason to call the police.  You need to ask yourself why in the world you would have a crush on someone like that.  Don't associate with him, keep the shades drawn on your windows.

[Fair]

Shy Violet … obviously before this incident I didn't know he was so weird.  It was a shocking set of happenings that's why I posted it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Fair, if my neighbor was circling my house I'd assume they were looking for their lost cat or something.  If they were looking in my windows?  I'd first wonder if they maybe thought I was injured inside or something.  If that didn't make sense, I'd call the police.  Why did this not scare you enough to do so?  

[Fair]

cautiously... like I said at first I thought it was about COVID. People are in general not acting rationally. Plus he was looking in from the sidewalk he wasn't in my yard.

It's a small town and everyone knows everyone. My brother went to school with him. I remember him from when I was a kid. If it was a big city and he was a total stranger I'd be freaked. I don't feel afraid of him, but I see why he's single. Now. 

I'll just not entertain anymore silly ideas of romance with this one. 

Thanks for the replies.

[d0nnivain]

Have you spoken to your brother about him?  Perhaps your brother can give you some greater insight into this guy's mental stability for your peace of mind.  Your safety has to be paramount. 

[poppyfields]

15 hours ago, basil67 said:

You may not be able to undo the aloof thing, but by the sound of things, you dodged a bullet anyway.  This level of jealousy is a huge red flag.  

Oh man I agree!  He never even saw you  with another man; he got jealous, like temper tantrum jealous, "imagining" that you were with another man.

That takes jealousy to a whole n'other level - a definite nutter!!

Edited May 2, 2020 by poppyfields

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

3 hours ago, Fair said:

cautiously... like I said at first I thought it was about COVID. People are in general not acting rationally. Plus he was looking in from the sidewalk he wasn't in my yard.

It's a small town and everyone knows everyone. My brother went to school with him. I remember him from when I was a kid. If it was a big city and he was a total stranger I'd be freaked. I don't feel afraid of him, but I see why he's single. Now. 

I'll just not entertain anymore silly ideas of romance with this one. 

Thanks for the replies.

Ah ok.  I was imagining him literally at your window, peering in!

[poppyfields]

Fair, maybe see this as a laughable moment, would probably make for a funny script.

Let's face it, you were no better minus the tantrum, were you?

Stalking him (sort of) - when his car is there and returns, when your other neighbor's car is there and returns, concluding there must be something going on between them.

And then you intentionally parking your car on street, then leaving at 6:00 a.m. to retrieve it giving the appearance you were out all night.  

And then him circling your house, peeking in windows, come on, it's funny!  XD

Be honest, isn't that exactly why you parked your car on street, then left at 6:00 a.m. to retrieve it?  

To gauge his reaction, to see if he got jealous? 

Not judging at all, I completely understand!

Just sayin, would make for a hilarious scene in a movie starring two people crushing but too scared to say so!! 

  

 

Edited May 2, 2020 by poppyfields

[mark clemson]

Just echoing the sentiment that he may well be a problem person. He's attracted but too shy to approach you, but then jealous if you have something else going on. Think this sort of thing is fairly common.

Not to be mean, but consider if the attracted but not approaching thing applies to you as well to a certain extent, without the jealousy?

Overall I agree that you probably dodged a bullet here.

Too bad you can't move to an area with more people - think things might be easier for you with more men (and thus more confident ones) around. Oh well.

Edited May 2, 2020 by mark clemson
typo

[Realitysux]

This is a weird situation and I would move 

[Malin889]

20 hours ago, Fair said:

Last week he freaked out on me, though. One night I had candles burning in my living room. I never have the blinds drawn and he must have seen the candles and thought I was entertaining someone in a romantic sense because the next day he was literally circling my house in his car and on foot looking in my windows with a pissed off expression on  his face. At first I had no idea why, then I thought of how I'd had the candles burning the night before and decided, maybe he was jealous.

You SAW him "Circling your house in his car and in foot"? How many times did he circle anyway? And if he really was interested as you think, why wouldn't he just knock on the door instead of creepily "circling" your house? Don't you think that's creepy, if that's in fact what he did? 

[Malin889]

20 hours ago, Fair said:

The next day I came home from work and didn't park in my driveway as usual but on the street. He can't see my car if it's parked on the street. At six a.m I went out, got in it and circled around the block to park in my driveway as if I was just returning home after being out all night. And then I waited for a reaction. 

I got one. He came out of his house and was obviously furious. He slammed his door so hard he almost cracked the glass all the while he was staring at my house. I was shocked, to say the least. But then I wondered if he was thinking of COVID and was pissed to think I wasn't socially isolating.... or if he was, indeed, jealous. He shows interest in me from time to time but seems too afraid to approach so it could very well be jealousy.

And what's with the games? Parking on the street to play games with him? It's kind of immature, in my opinion. 

After reading this, I'm sorry but if he really liked you, he would've gone up to door. He wouldn't be circling your house, banging doors and getting pissed off because there were candles lit in the house. The whole thing is just weird and I think you're reading way too into it. 

[Malin889]

8 hours ago, Fair said:

Actually Contel… I'll say something controversial again and say it's fairly typical of the strange way people will react around a single, independent woman. Yes, it's weird, but I've had things happen before. I'm not really surprised or that much fazed. I had to talk it out though... hear some thoughts. 

My crush on him is as inexplicable as crushes usually are... but I'm  backing up from it now. I have more important things to focus on. 

If you have "more important things to focus on", why bother creating a post to begin with? And where do you live that "it's fairly typical of the strange way people will react around a single, independent woman"?  Nowhere that I know would people act this way. 

[Fair]

Mark Clemson.... I agree this type of thing is fairly common. There's no need to sweat it. All I need to do is let go of it. 

I think the thread has been sufficiently addressed. Thanks for the replies everyone. Best wishes to all.

Edited May 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Fair]

Before I go, Donnovain… everyone in town thinks quite highly of him.  He's actually a nice guy according to the general consensus.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. I've figured out what I need to do. 

Thanks.

[d0nnivain]

If you have figured it out, great.  Just do that. 

FWIW, I feel better knowing he's well thought of.  That is some indication he's probably not going to break into your house & murder you in your sleep.  Then again, it's always the quiet ones.  

Just be careful & don't do anything to intentionally antagonize him.  

[Fair]

Yeah, Donnivain I was never afraid of him.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 5/2/2020 at 9:22 AM, stillafool said:

And, you didn't call the Police????  If someone was circling my house and standing looking in my windows I would have called them.

I would too!

[CaliforniaGirl]

I'm going to be 100% honest, I think it's possible he feels you've been stalking him and is getting p*ssed. He may be trying to counter-attack, as it were...without actually coming into contact you. Honestly he deserves his privacy too. Best wishes.

Edited May 5, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[ExpatInItaly]

He might be a problematic person. 

Or, you might be misinterpreting behaviour that is actually not malicious or even necessarily related to you (and no, unless you speak to him, you don't know it's "unmistakably" about you) because you like him. 

Keep an eye on it, but I would also try to step back and ask yourself if your perception here just might be skewed because you have been watching his movements too, and somewhere inside you, you hope he's noticed you. 

[gaius]

Fair isn't nutters. For whatever reason she chooses to live a lifestyle that involves a fairly high level of isolation, and isolation can make anyone behave in ways they normally wouldn't.

If she got herself out there more often, had more friends to talk to, made herself more accessible to real, single male prospects, she probably wouldn't be giving the neighbor a second thought. Like how Tom Hanks wouldn't have dressed up a beach ball and talked to it if he wasn't stuck on a deserted island.

[Fair]

gaius you're right.

However, I'm not mistaken. I'm the one who thinks he's got a screw loose. He was so obvious and blatant... it's like he wanted me to see him looking in my trying to spot me, as if I was supposed to know what the hell he was doing. I didn't. I still don't know what his problem was. 

I've been wondering if somebody said something about me to him that wasn't true... .that I did something or.... something....  and he believed it and got pissed off. However, he could have come to my door and confronted me if he had some kind of gripe. I wouldn't have had a problem with it. I'm not guilty of anything.

Who knows what kind of drama people deliberately try to stir up in a small town. But I never considered this angle until further reflection. There was something going on...

Edited May 10, 2020 by Fair

[CaliforniaGirl]

4 minutes ago, Fair said:

gaius you're right.

However, I'm not mistaken. I'm the one who thinks he's got a screw loose. He was so obvious and blatant... it's like he wanted me to see him looking in my windows as though trying to spot me, as if I was supposed to know what the hell he was doing. I didn't. I still don't know what his problem was. I'll never know.

Fair...FWIW I do not think you're crazy but I do think he saw you constantly spying on him and maybe he just finally lost it on having his privacy invaded, only to then have a game played on him. Maybe, just to throw out a for-instance, he really liked that girl but she could no longer take being watched all the time and she moved on...then you just sped off in your car...I mean it could easily have been something where it was the 1st straw. because you WERE watching his every move...daytime, nighttime, even dawn.

Edited May 10, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl