My neighbor freaked out

[Fair]

I haven't been spying on him. I never said I was. 

He's been caught hiding in my bushes before. Now that's spying. 

This is just weird. I think there's probably something more to the story than I know. But I doubt I'll ever find out unless we have a conversation one day and I doubt that's going to happen.

If I ever do find out I'll let you all know. 

Edited May 10, 2020 by Fair

[CaliforniaGirl]

11 minutes ago, Fair said:

I haven't been spying on him. I never said I was. 

He's been caught hiding in my bushes before. Now that's spying. 

This is just weird. I think there's probably something more to the story than I know. But I doubt I'll ever find out unless we have a conversation one day and I doubt that's going to happen.

You notice when his vehicle is gone. You notice when her vehicle is gone. You notice when he comes back home at 6:00 AM. You notice when he doesn't. you notice when her vehicle also is home. You're spying. It's dangerous; he's losing his ish over it. You mention bushes. Who caught him? How? Who was even in your bushes looking for someone in your bushes, at exactly the time someone is looking in your bushes? If you thought a neighbor was clocking your every move including when you entered and left your own home do you think you might want to secretly check out that person (maybe from the bushes), to see if he or she might actually be dangerous? I might. You might. He definitely might. P!ease stop this. It's dangerous. Jist.forget the whole thing and stop looking at, or for, him. If he then for whatever reason starts circling your house forking the evil eye at you call the police. Otherwise just drop it and try to focus on other stuff. Please? 😥

Edited May 10, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[Fair]

California girl, you're making up your own narrative. I never claimed or suggested I"ve been watching his every move day and night in any way, shape or form.

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 5/1/2020 at 9:29 PM, Fair said:

I have a crush on my next door neighbor, still. 

Through the COVID experience we've both been home every night for more than a month, except, now that the weather is nice he's gone frequently at night and I half suspect he's got something going with the girl who lives in the house right beside his. He's very private, but I've noticed when her vehicle is gone, so is his … and they'll come and go within minutes of each other. And if one of them is gone all night long.... so is the other.  It's too much of a coincidence. They must meet somewhere out of town.

Last week he freaked out on me, though. One night I had candles burning in my living room. I never have the blinds drawn and he must have seen the candles and thought I was entertaining someone in a romantic sense because the next day he was literally circling my house in his car and on foot looking in my windows with a pissed off expression on  his face. At first I had no idea why, then I thought of how I'd had the candles burning the night before and decided, maybe he was jealous. 

The next day I came home from work and didn't park in my driveway as usual but on the street. He can't see my car if it's parked on the street. At six a.m I went out, got in it and circled around the block to park in my driveway as if I was just returning home after being out all night. And then I waited for a reaction. 

I got one. He came out of his house and was obviously furious. He slammed his door so hard he almost cracked the glass all the while he was staring at my house. I was shocked, to say the least. But then I wondered if he was thinking of COVID and was pissed to think I wasn't socially isolating.... or if he was, indeed, jealous. He shows interest in me from time to time but seems too afraid to approach so it could very well be jealousy.

At any rate, why the hell do I care? Since then he seems to have taken up with the other girl who lives beside him.... he's obviously not social isolating, himself, so it must not have been the COVID issue that had him furious when it came to me "appearing" to stay out all night. 

My crush on him is really making me miserable. This town is so lonely and … I had had hopes... but... is he interested? Isn't he interested? Is he with the girl next door...? I have no firm evidence, just suspicions....

Feel free to comment with any thoughts.

 

 

Honey, I did not make up diddley-dick. The underlined above are your words, not mine. I'll say no more about this but I do see another side to this, the side of the guy who has been having his privacy invaded. It's a dangerous game. Especially in these weird times you don't know how people will react. I hope everything works out for you, take care.

[Fair]

My cat outed him when he was standing in my caragana bushes. I was on the deck and the cat knew he was there. He was forced to come out then and was forced to speak to me to explain his presence. I didn't think much of it. He offered to tune up my lawn mower in the fall, but the cat had been trying to warn me for ten minutes before he revealed he was there. Just thought he was really shy, but he's been circling around since I moved into this house and watching me. He's approached me to talk. Trust me, I've never circled his house looking in his windows or stood in the bushes outside his house.

Noticing certain things is not the same as spying. Trust me, I have better things to do.

Edited May 10, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Civility & respect

[poppyfields]

Fair, I have to agree with CG, why deny it?  They were your words -  "I" noticed the car was there, "I" noticed the car leaving, l etc etc.

Not to mention intentionally parking your car on the street and waking up at 6:00 am to move it to your driveway, giving the appearance you were out all night, also your words. 

To which he reacted jealously which is exactly what you were hoping to happen, which is why you did it!  

Look I'm not trying to embarrass you or anything, I just think it's important to own our own sh**, take responsibility for our role in the nuttiness, that's all.

And then move on.....

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Fair said:

My cat outed him when he was standing in my caragana bushes. I was on the deck and the cat knew he was there. He was forced to come out then and was forced to speak to me to explain his presence. I didn't think much of it. He offered to tune up my lawn mower in the fall, but the cat had been trying to warn me for ten minutes before he revealed he was there.

And what was his explanation?

Why did you not phone the police if you genuinely believed he was spying on you from your bushes? You say you didn't think much of it, and yet you refer to it as spying. Which was it - did you feel threatened, or not? 

[FMW]

If I found a guy in my bushes I would call the police.  

[Fair]

6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And what was his explanation?

Why did you not phone the police if you genuinely believed he was spying on you from your bushes? You say you didn't think much of it, and yet you refer to it as spying. Which was it - did you feel threatened, or not? 

I found it... odd.  Not threatening. There's a difference. It's a small town. He's not a complete stranger.

I think he was standing there trying to get the nerve up to talk to me. The point is... he does things like that.  Stands in the bushes, circles my house. I don't. 

Again... he's been acting strange but I don't think it's threatening. No need to call the police. 

I only came back to this thread because it occurred to me there might have been some reason I hadn't thought of the day he was circling around pissed off looking in my windows. Anyway, it doesn't matter. He's not been back doing anything more.

It's a beautiful day! 

Edited May 10, 2020 by Fair

[ExpatInItaly]

Do you want him to be jealous of you, OP?

Given that you admit you have a crush on him, I can't help but think you hope he is paying as much attention to you as you are to him. You want his behaviour to mean he's jealous, because it supports that hope that he likes you back. You don't cal the police because you know there's really nothing to report, as he isn't actually spying on you. 

That's my read on this, as this thread has developed. 

Edited May 10, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Malin889]

22 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

You notice when his vehicle is gone. You notice when her vehicle is gone. You notice when he comes back home at 6:00 AM. You notice when he doesn't. you notice when her vehicle also is home. You're spying. It's dangerous; he's losing his ish over it. You mention bushes. Who caught him? How? Who was even in your bushes looking for someone in your bushes, at exactly the time someone is looking in your bushes? If you thought a neighbor was clocking your every move including when you entered and left your own home do you think you might want to secretly check out that person (maybe from the bushes), to see if he or she might actually be dangerous? I might. You might. He definitely might. P!ease stop this. It's dangerous. Jist.forget the whole thing and stop looking at, or for, him. If he then for whatever reason starts circling your house forking the evil eye at you call the police. Otherwise just drop it and try to focus on other stuff. Please? 😥

Agree! 

[Malin889]

21 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Fair, I have to agree with CG, why deny it?  They were your words -  "I" noticed the car was there, "I" noticed the car leaving, l etc etc.

Not to mention intentionally parking your car on the street and waking up at 6:00 am to move it to your driveway, giving the appearance you were out all night, also your words. 

To which he reacted jealously which is exactly what you were hoping to happen, which is why you did it!  

Look I'm not trying to embarrass you or anything, I just think it's important to own our own sh**, take responsibility for our role in the nuttiness, that's all.

And then move on.....

Agree! This story just gets weirder by the minute. 

[Malin889]

10 hours ago, Fair said:

I found it... odd.  Not threatening. There's a difference. It's a small town. He's not a complete stranger.

I think he was standing there trying to get the nerve up to talk to me. The point is... he does things like that.  Stands in the bushes, circles my house. I don't. 

Again... he's been acting strange but I don't think it's threatening. No need to call the police. 

I only came back to this thread because it occurred to me there might have been some reason I hadn't thought of the day he was circling around pissed off looking in my windows. Anyway, it doesn't matter. He's not been back doing anything more.

It's a beautiful day! 

I'm sorry, but I feel like this whole thing is made up... maybe a vivid imagination? I know when I'm by myself I sometimes think up stories in my head, but I know that they are fake, and are just that... made up stories. I'm a writer at heart so I do things like that. But then I go back to my real life.   So the cat "outed" him and he was "forced" to come out of the bushes? Because of the cat? How big are the bushes that you didn't see him?  I have 2 cats... and I can't ever see them warning me about a stranger... maybe my cats are just idiots though, lol.  And if he was in the bushes for that amount of time without saying anything, you don't think that that's the least bit creepy? Gawd. I give up. 

[Fair]

On 5/10/2020 at 9:13 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you want him to be jealous of you, OP?

Given that you admit you have a crush on him, I can't help but think you hope he is paying as much attention to you as you are to him. You want his behaviour to mean he's jealous, because it supports that hope that he likes you back. You don't cal the police because you know there's really nothing to report, as he isn't actually spying on you. 

That's my read on this, as this thread has developed. 

I'm not sure I have a crush anymore. The behaviour I've observed isn't healthy. He's not dangerous, but these are red flags. 

Yes, he's spying on me... I don't know what else to call what he's been doing. It's bizarre behaviour. But this is a small town and I know who he is. This isn't a big city.

Anyway... it's bizarre how I've been accused of being dishonest. Whenever I come to LS I get haters on my threads.

As to my neighbour... nothing else has happened. It's a dead topic. 

[preraph]

  Then have the thread closed.  

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Fair said:

Anyway... it's bizarre how I've been accused of being dishonest. Whenever I come to LS I get haters on my threads.

If it's happening a lot, you might want to think about who the common denominator is, Fair. 

I believe that you believe your version of events. However, I don't necessarily think it's an accurate representation of objective facts. This does not mean I think you are fabricating things, but rather that you are seeing things through skewed filter that support the narrative you've constructed around this man. You refute every possible alternate explanation for this man's actions, and every solution offered to you. I can't help but see a need for attention in your posts here- not from posters, but a need for attention from this neighbour of yours. There is a tendency to position yourself as the motivation behind his behaviour, and I suspect it's because even negative attention from him is easier for you to accept than no attention at all.  It likely gives you the feeling that he's at least noticing you. 

Are you totally wrong about him? We don't know. Are you totally right? Well, it appears you don't know him anywhere near well enough to assume that you are, either. 

[gaius]

On 5/12/2020 at 1:48 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

There is a tendency to position yourself as the motivation behind his behaviour, and I suspect it's because even negative attention from him is easier for you to accept than no attention at all.  It likely gives you the feeling that he's at least noticing you. 

If the guy is hiding in her bushes I don't think she's imagining that he has some sort of attraction for her.

Preraph mentioned a story from a long time ago where someone else had a crush on their neighbor and believed it was reciprocated. In that case it was fantasy. I don't get the sense it's the same thing here. I think Fair has more of an accurate assessment of the situation.

Also, this story she's told about her neighbor is very human. Should she have a crush on this guy? Probably not but she does and she's being honest about it. 

That's what makes for interesting posting. She's not posting for likes, being dishonest, pretending she's something she's not or just PMing a select few because she's embarrassed or scared about what people might think. If you guys want LS to turn into a total snoozefest go ahead and keep attacking the people who are brave enough to put it all out there. Warts and all.

 

[gamon]

@Fair I don't know anything about you other than that I just discovered this thread and read the entire thing.

I truly believe you need professional help.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, gaius said:

If the guy is hiding in her bushes I don't think she's imagining that he has some sort of attraction for her.

Exactly. I'm not entirely sure he was hiding in her bushes. I think she believes it, but as I have already said, I question whether her perception of events is an accurate representation of reality. 

 

[Cookiesandough]

Dang, girl. My fantasy is to have a hot neighbor and I like a little crazy in my men. My next door neighbor is crazy, he’s one of those hunter s Thompson type fellows who watches tv and eats spaghetti in his bathtub and has a stock  room full of guns, ammo, and survival stuff, , always talking about the impending apocalypse and asking me to go shooting with him.,, but he’s not cute..,

But yeah your guy. He may be cute, but he’s  too crazy. I’d stay away. I think you’re just crushing so hard because of the scarcity. There has to be other men around where you live.

Edited May 19, 2020 by Cookiesandough