How can I get her back when I messed up super badly

[Danny97]

hi guys,

My stories a little long but i truly need your help. I have been in a relationship with the same women for 3 years now. This last year was long distance and she broke up with me about 2 months ago now.

We hadn't been texting a lot because she got really busy with her final exams. I didn't react well with this and sent her my journal in which i spoke about how upset she was making me. ( i know it was a major mess up- not one of my finest moments) ... She immediately blocked me off most things. 

About 2 weeks later she sent me a goodbye letter- saying she will forever be mine and i was the best thing that happened to her but i made her feel so guilty and and that she could never look at me again. And i also revealed to me that she got a new diagnosis of bipolar

I sent her a nice letter back saying i still love her, and would like to be in her life again when she is ready and thanked her for telling me....no reply  ( this worked nicely with my end of 1 month of no contact) 

i waited for 2 more weeks and messages her on one site where i wasn't blocked - asking if she was safe in covid. ( we are both nurses) and she read it and immediately blocked me. 

it's been another 2 weeks since then and i don't know what to do. With her other friendships she always gone back. But with me I'm not sure. 

I am looking for anyone with suggestions and ideas in ways i can get her to come back into my life. And/or rekindle the relationship.  

As well as any ideas how to rekindle a relationship with a person with a new diagnosis or bipolar. 

Please don't judge me, i could really use the help. I'm really socially awkward and she is super super good for and to me. 

Thanks in advance

 

[healing light]

No judgment but unfortunately there's not a lot you can do here. She is blocking any of your attempts at contact so you'll have to respect that. You already wrote her a nice letter, so she knows where to find you in case she changes her mind. I would not hold out a lot of hope for now, though.

[Realitysux]

She said she would forever be yours and you were the best thing that happened to her but you made her feel guilty. She gave you the answer. Why did you make her feel guilty? Maybe stop making her feel guilty and start acting like the partner she needs after a bit of no contact. Bipolar doesn't define the person. It can be controlled. You can't treat someone differently just because they have bipolar and you shouldn't have to walk on egg shells 

Edited May 2, 2020 by Realitysux

[elaine567]

2 hours ago, Danny97 said:

I'm really socially awkward and she is super super good for and to me. 

But your journal told her the opposite story.
She was going through one of the most stressful times in her life  her final exams, and instead of supporting her, you made it all about YOU.
You tried to guilt trip her with a journal of complaints about how much she was upsetting YOU.
She decided she didn't need that in her life.
If you couldn't support her through her exams, I guess she didn't think you would be much good at dealing with her bipolar.

She has given you closure and has now blocked you everywhere 
She made a decision and does not want you in her life any more.
I think you need to listen to her and leave her alone. 

[ExpatInItaly]

You unfortunately can't do anything else, OP. She's blocked you everywhere and sending you the message that she does not want to communicate. 

Unless and until she wants to chat, your hands are tied.

But go back and read what you wrote: how super, super good was she for you if you felt the need to write a journal about how upset you were, and then send it to her? You're backpedaling because your tactic didn't work here. Instead of trying to apologize or make things right, she shut the door. This doesn't sound like things were going well at all, and you sensed she was on her way out of the relationship anyway. 

[d0nnivain]

Quote

 

All you can do is learn from this mistakes.  

1.  Never expect anybody to prioritize you over final exams or a big work project / emergency. 

2.  Texting is a lousy way to run a relationship.  You need non-verbal communication like tone.  

3.  Don't send people your journal.  She didn't want it & it was an awkward thing to do.  

4.  Talk before things get to a boiling point. 

5.  Understand that NC means NO contact, not sending letters, not texting, not staying connect on social media.  

At the end, she realized you weren't the one for her.  Your behavior just sealed your fate & cemented her decision.  Let her go.  Concentrate on your patients.  Keep yourself safe & healthy.  When this crisis passes you will be surprised at how much healing you have done while you were busy serving on the front lines. 

[preraph]

Yeah, you sound needy with a healthy sprinkling of narcissistic, meaning you think your needs should come first over anyone else's.  Very self-absorbed and selfish.  You have some work to do to find out why you're like that (needy or narcissistic) and whether it's anything you can do anything about.  

[kendahke]

On 5/2/2020 at 3:31 AM, Danny97 said:

We hadn't been texting a lot because she got really busy with her final exams. I didn't react well with this and sent her my journal in which i spoke about how upset she was making me.

With her other friendships she always gone back. But with me I'm not sure. 

Did they send her their journals where they trash talked her?

I'm guessing they had a bit more self discipline and restraint than to want to purposely hurt her like that because, oh, I don't know... ...they actually cared more about her feelings than they did about being slighted because she had exams to study for and couldn't spend her time texting?

On 5/2/2020 at 3:31 AM, Danny97 said:

I am looking for anyone with suggestions and ideas in ways i can get her to come back into my life. And/or rekindle the relationship.

That door is nailed shut now.

She's blocked you in every way and will not respond. Her wanting anything to do with you from here on out is completely up to her and until the day comes where you are no longer a bête noire  to her, you're going to have to adjust to her no longer being a part of your life.

In the meantime, work on self discipline and self restraint. Keep your journals to yourself and if you have to share them, share them with your therapist.

[ShyViolet]

 If she's blocked you on everything, the message is clear.  She does not want you back in her life and she is not open to that possibility.  You need to leave her alone.

[assertives]

On 5/2/2020 at 3:31 PM, Danny97 said:

I'm really socially awkward and she is super super good for and to me. 

Have you considered for a moment if she feels the same? As in are you are actually good for her? You were not able to respect her needs for space when she was dealing with her finals and neither are you able to respect her decision of not wanting any contact with you with her blocking you everywhere. I don't think you can get her back. Your neediness and guilt-tripping was probably too much for her to handle during what's considered a trying time for her. Hence she chose to let go of the burden of that relationship with you. Trying to get her back when it's clear she doesn't want any contact is like trying to make her pick back up that burden that she doesn't, and probably also couldn't bear in the first place.

I'd say let her go and move on. You guys may not be suited for each other especially if you cannot deal with her needs for space in this time and she's not in the best position to handle your neediness with her stressors and mental health issues now.