Friend been hinting likes me, made a move but will not discuss it.

[Confusedwmn]

My Female friend and I (F) became friends about ten months ago as I was going through a break up with a guy after fifteen years. Looking back perhaps she was into me from the start though may not have been aware. She asked deep questions about my future wishes, past relationships, wanted me to open up to her. kept stating she was single, was ridiculous happy when I asked if she wanted to get a drink. Looking back maybe used the information about what made me mad or sad about my Ex as a way to give me what I said needed. 
 

We do seem to have a natural chemistry, lots of eye contact, sometime we just gaze into each other’s eyes and I don’t realise at first. I catch her looking at me alot. We walk and keep banging into each other. We flirt and tease. When we are together even with no plans we end up spending the entire day and evening together and it’s easy and relaxed.  At the begging of our friendship we would message daily for hours for nearly two months until she stopped it. 

I think she began to become aware of her feelings for me and withdrew. I missed her and was hurt. She would give lame excuses about being busy or about stopping texting too much because she doesn’t usually text. We keep texting a little. Meeting up few times and then she would avoid me for a month then we’d meet up again and it would be lovely. Each time we meet up her hugs are more intimate and longer with her pulling me in to her holding my neck, putting my cheek against hers, caressing my back. She sang ‘ I love you, I love you, I love you’ to me looking at me one day and said I should try women but when I ignored walked off from me  and always talk of us as a we for months  

I told her one day I was going on a date. First one I would have in maybe seventeen years thinking she would be happy for me but she disappeared. Just saying she doesn’t go on dates. Everyone else was joking, asking me what I was wearing and wanting to know how it went. When I asked her she stated it wasn’t why she disappeared and things are fine with us. She had gone out and got drunk that evening saying she doesn’t know why.
 

She withdraws from me again. So I keep busy seeing other friends. Until we meet up for something that was arranged for months and we have a really lovely day. Then when she drops me off in the car gives me a long amazing hug touching me from my neck, caressing down my back ending at my waist when I pull away she keeps holding my Waist but I am unable to look up at her. She waits there for what feels an age then lefts go of me. I leave the car. She stopped putting emojis or kisses on messages and a week later I leave for couple of months to travel. 
 

I realise now that I like her but she will not talk about it. When I asked her about the hug she pretended not to know what I meant. Went quiet for about five minutes then said sorry if she made me uncomfortable. She blushed when I said we flirt and gaze a lot into one another’s eyes. After we tired to discuss it. I ended up telling her I may have a crush on her. She text she just wanted to be friends and said that we know why things have been awkward. That is the one time we met up as she has been avoiding me. We had big argument via text as I want to talk. She is unable to. 
 

I don’t know what to do. We are I guess trying to be friends again but this is due to me reaching out and saying I won’t ask her about it and being vulnerable but she can’t even say she wants friendship. She always answers my texts but doesn’t text me first. I know she has trouble expressing herself. I can be just friends but I would like to talk about it. So we can get back to normal as she became an important friend to me who was there during my breakup. With Covid it’s safer now as we are unable to meet up but I am worried she will withdraw from me again. 
 

I guess as she hinted so much she liked me and made a pass at me increasing physical intimacy. She knows now that I’m confused about my feelings I don’t understand why she is not able to discuss it with me. Especially as she said she just wants to be friends. It’s not easy for me as I’ve never been attracted to another woman. 
 

Can I help her open up. Can I start topic with her to slowly discuss. Should I just give up on her friendship? 

[preraph]

I don't know what's going on with her, but I'm assuming she's seeing other women after accepting that you were still interested in dating guys.  Maybe she just decided she'd wasted enough time on it and moved on.  

 

I can't tell if you're bi.  Maybe.  But maybe if you want to experiment and see if you like making love to women, you start with one you don't have so much on the line for and just see if it turns you on or not.  I mean, when I was young, I WANTED to be bi but found out I just wasn't.  Jeez, I had so many beautiful women around me, some of them bi or gay.  But I didn't really have anything for them except emotions in the end.  

And it's perfectly normal to be confused by gender questions when you are young.  I gather you are not that young because you had a long relationship, but still, you may have skipped the "formative" years, as they say, when young people explore, so maybe this is your time.  

 

It's possible your friend is involved with someone else.  It's possible she stopped coming at you when she sensed you might reciprocate.  It's possible she has a level head on her and decided she didn't want to do anything that might ruin having a friendship with you.  It's possible she realized you aren't bi and that she was maybe influencing you unfairly or something.  

 

So again, if I were you, I'd explore women and see if the physical attraction is really there hands-on.  You can usually tell by who you fall in love with, who you've always had crushes on, but there are all levels or straight, bi, and gay and everything in between.  It's certainly not an always one way with everyone thing.  

[Confusedwmn]

Thanks for the reply. She is single still. I have not been attracted to the same sex before and she has only ever talked about men. She did not has sex when she really likes someone alot. 
 

I definitely have a strong emotional connection to her I think the rest would follow. I just didn’t realise I liked her. 
 

That’s true she may have given up on me after I took a while to feel something or scared when I may reciprocate. I think she has trouble opening up and is scared to discuss same sex feelings. When I’m the opposite I want to talk about it even if we do nothing about it so we can become friends again. I may just see how I feel about other women in the future as you suggested. 

[preraph]

The way she was kind of all over you, I don't know how uncomfortable she could be with same-sex feelings, because all you described is not anything I have done with any of my girlfriends.  So yeah, maybe she doesn't want to be gay, but she certainly sounds like she is.  

[Confusedwmn]

Thanks for the reply. She seems like she was at least crushing on me though maybe not anymore. Maybe me being female is too much for her to discuss and she is trying to get rid of feelings by pretending it didn’t happen and withdrawing so her feelings go. I just don’t know why we can’t talk about it as we both know we are at least confused and not lie it’s a secret. Maybe she couldn’t help but try be physically close to me but then again she did say many things also. It’s so frustrating. I would be happy if we could just be friends again but this is stopping us. I’ve never had a friendship like it! 
 

[preraph]

In college, I had a bi girl crushing on me and I got emotionally wrapped up in her.  I mean, it's all very flattering.  She was as happy to see me as my dog is when I come home from work.  She had some other problems that I had to leave her behind about, but yeah, it got uncomfortable.  

[Confusedwmn]

I’ve never seen someone so happy getting my number when I asked if she wanted to meet one day. It was flattering! It’s hard for me too but I think we should discuss it but I guess she is unable to. I think she has problems getting close to people and letting them in. 

[preraph]

If she is adverse to bringing it all out in the open, how about just ask her to do something where you DON'T talk about anything sensitive once quarantine is over, like a movie.  Or you could just tell her, Look, I can tell you are uncomfortable talking about certain things, but I miss you as a friend, so why don't we just go do something fun and NOT talk about anything serious.  And then work out your bi stuff without her since she is probably still trying to find her way.  

Edited May 3, 2020 by preraph

[Confusedwmn]

Yeah you may be right. Just be friends and I see about meeting dates maybe women. It’s how we are taking again as I told her I like her company and can see she is going through something or has trouble getting close so I will stop asking but it’s so difficult. Maybe we will get back on track one day with our friendship. For now I’ll just keep checking on her messaging her as she’s alone during this crazy time. 
 

Thanks for your insight. Think it’s worse as we’ve not met in person for months and my mind is wondering more during lockdown.