Savannah2 Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 what are your thoughts on the sustainability of workplace affairs only? For example if mm is on a super short leash and will only see you during work hours because he is tracked outside of work... what is the sustainability of that relationship if one were to have to leave that workplace? Link to post Share on other sites
Abetterme Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 Based on your history, I would give this a zero percent chance of continuing if one of you leaves. This man does not want to pursue a legitimate relationship and has made that very clear over the many many years that you have remained involved with him. He will not see you outside of the workplace now, how will that work in your mind if you no longer work together? I am sorry to be so harsh, but of all the stories I’ve read on these boards, yours has been one of the tougher ones for me to follow. I think it would be the best thing to ever happen to you Savannah if one of you takes a new job. Ask yourself why you want an A like what you’re dealing with to continue even if one of you does leave? 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 (edited) What is the sustainability of the relationship if you leave the workplace - Little to none. First things first, it’s not a relationship. It is sex, at work. Furthermore, a man who has sex at work because it’s convenient for him. Leave the workplace, and it’s no longer convenient. Simple as that. I can’t actually wrap my mind around sex in the workplace. I personally would rather risk being caught by my wife than my employer. I’m sorry to say this, but I can’t think of a worse decision than a workplace affair. Edited May 3, 2020 by BaileyB 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 If he is on a super short leash and can only see you in the workplace, then how can he see you if he or you were to go work elsewhere Of course if he were to leave you could follow him to his new place of work if there were any vacancies, or he could sneak you into his new place of work as required but that would be risky I guess. Who is leaving? Him or you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 3, 2020 Author Share Posted May 3, 2020 (edited) Me l would be leaving. Mostly because I think it’s the only way out for me it’s been going on there since 2012 Edited May 3, 2020 by Savannah2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 (edited) It would be the single best decision you could ever make for yourself Savannah. I thought this ended a while ago... Edited May 3, 2020 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 3, 2020 Author Share Posted May 3, 2020 (edited) Sadly no it hasn’t ended even though I threatened it many times. This quarantine has kind of made us go forced no contact because we haven’t been together at work and well he can’t or won’t see me outside of work so I haven’t seen him since March 13. Next year will be their 20 year wedding anniversary and I don’t want to be around doing this with him still... I kkow they will be going somewhere and celebrating and I will be on the sidelines the only one knowing that he’s spent half his marriage having an affair with me Edited May 3, 2020 by Savannah2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 3, 2020 Author Share Posted May 3, 2020 I told him I may not come back to work and he said he feared never seeing me again and it hurt him. He said he was afraid of us losing touch eventually like what happens when most people leave the workplace. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 I agree with Bailey, finding a new job and leaving this AP behind would be the best thing you could do for yourself Savannah. But I thought he was a family friend too? Do you no longer see him socially? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 (edited) Still, he is prepared to let you go rather than give up his marriage or even meet you outside of the office. Words are just words Savannah. If you want to know his true intentions, stop listening to his words and pay attention to his actions. Edited May 3, 2020 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Oh my word Savannah...you're still messing with this MM? I remember you from way back when I posted a lot more on here. Do you know how much has happened in the world since you've been in this affair..where if I recall, he basically gets you to service him with BJs at work. .. and you get nothing in return. It's not a case of him being on a short leash...he can't be bothered spending time or money on you, unless you slot into his availability at work. Please get out of this.... I don't even know what it is... but you're being used. He's had a good run of years of you being at his beck and call hasn't he. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 On 5/3/2020 at 8:26 PM, Savannah2 said: if mm is on a super short leash and will only see you during work hours because he is tracked outside of work... what is the sustainability of that relationship if one were to have to leave that workplace? It would be over forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BourneWicked Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 (edited) They are garbage. I'm NC (again) and determined to stick to it. Basically circumstances made it less and less.. and I got sick of his short leash/sketchy availability/lack of anything that constituted a relationship. The straw was beginning of april when I got a promotion. My real friends (male and female) called me even though we're out of the office. He couldn't call me because... it wasn't important to him? He couldn't risk it? Who cares. I deserve more than that. The only time it will change is when you realize you deserve more than that. And you do. Edited May 4, 2020 by BourneWicked Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 I remember you too Savannah. You know what changed my mindset? Ironically, it was the realization that he would always take me back, no matter what I said or did. Maybe it’s because at that moment I realized he didn’t care at all about me. He knew he could keep using and abusing me, and I’d keep right on going back for more. My situation was similar to yours - I worked with him (still do, in fact), and he was very selfish sexually. I’m not going to say it’s all wine and roses now, 3 years out, but I will say I have respect for myself for getting out of a terrible situation. The hardest part is the initial step. After that, it’s a matter of making a daily choice to do the right thing, and eventually it becomes second nature. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 OP, you are worth so much more than what you are accepting. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 5, 2020 Author Share Posted May 5, 2020 Jah526 how did you get the strength to stop being with him while you continued working? I guess I’m asking what kind of mind shift did it take for you When interacting with him? Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 3 hours ago, Savannah2 said: Jah526 how did you get the strength to stop being with him while you continued working? I guess I’m asking what kind of mind shift did it take for you When interacting with him? Hi Savannah, I wasn’t strong at all. But here’s what happened that finally ended it for me. Like many others here I tried several times to end it. The second to last time, I asked him if we could just be friends, and he said yes. Three days later I was in his car and he gave me a bracelet. I caved, because of a worthless cheap bracelet. At that moment, I was ready to just give up and let him do whatever he wanted to me. He was really sweet to me that day, although the sex was pretty rough. The next day I found out he’d given the same bracelet to another girl he was interested in, and I was extremely hurt. Also, it was radio silence from him. I thought about things for a couple days. I was scared to get some kind of disease from him, and I was broken-hearted and miserable. And I knew, really, really knew, that he would never break it off with me because he loved the extra so much, unless it was to discard me in favor of someone else. I had to do it. I made a promise to myself to do it and stick with it. So on the third day, I sat staring at my phone for an hour, and finally sent the message that ended it. Now I stay the hell away from him. I’ve talked to him exactly once in three years, and it was very formal. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 6, 2020 Author Share Posted May 6, 2020 Thank uou for sharing.. this forced no contact time away from him is helping to come out of the fog which is why I feel like leaving now makes the most sense I’m already getting used to life without seeing him everyday 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 (edited) I once knew someone who seemed to have affair after affair. This was through several marriages. Almost always they started at work...they stayed there. If she or the AP left the job it was done, snap, like breaking off a tree limb. The AP always liked it because there was some easy chick at work who wouldn't out their affair - well, their quickie bumping - because she was married too. "Easy" seemed to be the whole point. No longer easy = the "big breakup" and this chick crying like her life was over. Every single time. Edited May 9, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 On 5/3/2020 at 9:15 PM, Savannah2 said: Me l would be leaving. Mostly because I think it’s the only way out for me it’s been going on there since 2012 An 8 year affair. 😳 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 On 5/3/2020 at 10:22 PM, BaileyB said: Still, he is prepared to let you go rather than give up his marriage or even meet you outside of the office. Words are just words Savannah. If you want to know his true intentions, stop listening to his words and pay attention to his actions. Well of course marriage vs a fwb. His marriage is of more value to him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 On 5/3/2020 at 4:38 PM, Savannah2 said: Sadly no it hasn’t ended even though I threatened it many times. This quarantine has kind of made us go forced no contact because we haven’t been together at work and well he can’t or won’t see me outside of work so I haven’t seen him since March 13. Next year will be their 20 year wedding anniversary and I don’t want to be around doing this with him still... I kkow they will be going somewhere and celebrating and I will be on the sidelines the only one knowing that he’s spent half his marriage having an affair with me It sounds like it would truly be the best for your well-being and for you to have a new lease on life if you use this forced NC to move on and if it is feasible to get a new job, do so. Some affairs are more complicated in terms of there are more feelings and effort and trying involved; but from the sound of it, affair or no affair, this man is happy with offering you very little and on his terms and is no way trying to accommodate you, and that's just not good for anyone's well-being overtime. If sustainable means it goes on endlessly, in my opinion, that shouldn't be the measure, it's more like if this were to even continue would you truly be satisfied, happy and living your best life continuing this limited workplace affair? If not, use this time to cut your losses (frankly, say good riddance, as you're not truly losing much). I do hope in a year's time you can look back at the quarantine as having catapulted you to a much better life and away from this dead-end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 It will only continue if you allow it. he will also keep posting love for his wife while having affairs. quit the job. Don’t go back. Block him from reaching you. You can find another job - that’s easy. Don’t mess around with work people - keep it to work duties. nen will use you as long as you allow it. Stop allowing it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 You leaving is probably the best thing. He won't chase & he'll cut you off because he never wanted more then the crumbs he's giving you. Without access your inability to walk away will no longer be the problem because he'll be unattatinable, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 We haven’t been at work together since March because of covid lockdown.. he messaged asking if I could meet him up at work(he would tell wife he has to go up to pick something up at the office for an excuse to go there) to see me and sex of course... lol.. I said no i mean here’s what would happen.. I’d meet him there.. we’d have sex.. wife would probably start calling.. he’d leave.. the entire interaction would probably take 20 mins.. It’s like I’m a free prostitute to him.. I don’t understand why he just doesn’t get a hooker to service him Link to post Share on other sites
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