Author Savannah2 Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 I think he will eventually hire a hooker As he gets older and once he cycles through enough women that will accept to having this type of affair with him.. could totally see it happening him getting caught with a hooker Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 11 minutes ago, Savannah2 said: women that will accept to having this type of affair with him... This is your answer. He doesn’t need to hire a hooker right now because he has had a woman (perhaps women) who were willing to give him what he wanted for free. Perhaps he has already hired a hooker, you just don’t know. A man who is willing to lie to his wife and sneak into the office for sex during a pandemic - putting his wife and children potentially at risk... well, that tells you a lot about this man and his priorities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 The thing that gets me is him and his wife still sleep together in the same bed.. they do everything like a married couple Vacations, etc which I’m assuming. Includes sex even if it’s not as frequent as he would like... I mean why do this If he already has a wife and a marriage?? I told him once that I’m just a side piece to him extra sex for him and I know he still has sex at home too and he said I’m more than a side piece he enjoys talking to me too,. Lol a man who will only have sex at work with me.. not even take me somewhere before or have a proper place to have the sex (hotel, bed) I actually think I’m lower than a side piece.. free prostitution is more fitting Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: Why do you think he doesn’t just hire a hooker? Because they are in quarantine. I read this morning that even drug dealers are losing money in this quarantine. Edited May 27, 2020 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) 26 minutes ago, Savannah2 said: I mean why do this If he already has a wife and a marriage?? Because some men are not happy with only one woman. For any number of reasons, they step out on their marriages and as long as there are women who will give them what they want, they will do exactly what they want to do. He is not you. Stop trying to understand or explain HIS decisions based on YOUR set of values and expectations. He clearly has a different set of values he is operating by, and if you don’t like it, you don’t have to talk to the man... Edited May 27, 2020 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 On 5/3/2020 at 4:38 PM, Savannah2 said: Next year will be their 20 year wedding anniversary and I don’t want to be around doing this with him still... I kkow they will be going somewhere and celebrating and I will be on the sidelines the only one knowing that he’s spent half his marriage having an affair with me But you knew he was married when you got involved. Why now is it a problem? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 I guess 8 years has gone by, things have changed for me.. I’ve grown up..I see things differently..this time apart in quarantine has really brought a lot of things to light.. things that would have normally just continued without a thought because it’s the way it’s always been and I’m just too caught up with him to see the truth when I am with him,. But time apart and all those things that are wrong and have always been wrong surface and can’t be pushed down and ignored 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 I think for some men the leap into paying for sex is too big to consider. Some men need sex, yes but some men also need validation too and paying a prostitute may not give him the validation he seeks. Some men get turned on by prostitutes, some are disgusted... A prostitute also has sex with many many men and for a man having sex with his wife, then he may feel the risks of an STI are too high to go there. There is also the financial trail that he may find it difficult to hide from his wife. Savannah has cost him literally nothing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 I’m not mad at him for any of this though.. I’m just as much to fault as him.. I knew he was married.. I’ve processed a lot of this pain and traced back all the paths Chosen that led me here and kept me here all these years.. I wish that he would do the work on himself to get out of this and not find himself in this situation again but sadly I don’t think he will.. his sense of entitlement, lack of self awareness on how his actions effect others , need for validation, all of the above and more will keep him on this hamster wheel forever with me or someone else until he gets caught. But even then I don’t think his wife would leave him. He’s been caught before me,, deleting texts from a co worker.. and he lied about it she took him back still. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 On 5/6/2020 at 3:53 PM, Savannah2 said: Thank uou for sharing.. this forced no contact time away from him is helping to come out of the fog which is why I feel like leaving now makes the most sense I’m already getting used to life without seeing him everyday good for you. you wasted eight years on this guy! what the heck were you thinking? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted May 27, 2020 Author Share Posted May 27, 2020 I wasn’t thinking.. at least not with my head.. I was in that fog.. I heard that song wide awake by Katy perry the other day and I was like yes that is it.. I feel that.. But the only way I could have gotten there was the forced time apart from him otherwise I know it would have continued 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 Savannah, why are you still messaging with him? The only thing that has worked for me (3 years now) is to acknowledge that I have an addiction to this man, and for that reason I have to do whatever I can to stay away from him. That means not interacting with him in any shape or form. They will always find a way to reel you back in if you leave the door open. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 4 minutes ago, jah526 said: They will always find a way to reel you back in if you leave the door open. Especially when you admit that had it not been for the forced separation, you would still be with this guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 (edited) I had a quick look through some of your past threads. You said this MM was also a family friend, you always socialised with his family, your children were best friends. Is that still the case? You said your husband always suspected, what happened there? Edited to add: the sex may have happened in the office but the deceit went a lot further. Edited May 27, 2020 by Amethyst68 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted May 27, 2020 Share Posted May 27, 2020 1 hour ago, Amethyst68 said: I had a quick look through some of your past threads. You said this MM was also a family friend, you always socialised with his family, your children were best friends. Is that still the case? You said your husband always suspected, what happened there? Edited to add: the sex may have happened in the office but the deceit went a lot further. Yes, I asked this earlier and Savannah has not addressed this issue. I was about to ask this again, not to be annoying but to get the bigger picture... Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 3 hours ago, Bittersweetie said: Yes, I asked this earlier and Savannah has not addressed this issue. I was about to ask this again, not to be annoying but to get the bigger picture... I wonder the OP's was/is a subordinate of her AP/MM. If so, this seems even more MESSY. OP, what was your ultimate desire in the affair? To be with him? Just a fling? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lylalou Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 @Savannah2i know the feeling well, you’re worth exactly just some sex and off he goes back home to his wife. Well done please tell him it’s over and be single, don’t feel like a prostitute anymore. Our affairs both started in 2012, I’m now 10 months out and doing great, won’t say it hasn’t been hard, but yesterday I realised I hadn’t thought about him till lunchtime, I will be happy again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dexterr Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 (edited) 22 hours ago, Savannah2 said: I guess 8 years has gone by, things have changed for me.. I’ve grown up..I see things differently..this time apart in quarantine has really brought a lot of things to light.. things that would have normally just continued without a thought because it’s the way it’s always been and I’m just too caught up with him to see the truth when I am with him,. But time apart and all those things that are wrong and have always been wrong surface and can’t be pushed down and ignored Savannah, I was an addict. And you remind me of myself 100%. You have been making posts about how you are "done" and how now things have now "changed" and how now you "feel better" or "this is it", for YEARS. Years!! I went through your threads and I have counted so many of these statements. And posters are always supportive of you, of course they are, but you just go right back, every. Single. Time. As long as you just talk about how you are done, nothing is done and you get sucked back in, in no time. That is the thing with addicts. It's all talk. The same thing, over and over again. Where are the ACTIONS. Do you have a new job lined up? Are you done with obsessing over his and his wife's Facebook? Have you deleted your little app? Have you blocked him wherever it is possible for you to block him? Talk is nice, I encourage you to go back on your own threads and see that it hasn't taken you anywhere though. Where are the ACTIONS that YOU have made to put a stop to this?? Edited May 28, 2020 by Dexterr 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 49 minutes ago, Dexterr said: Where are the ACTIONS that YOU have made to put a stop to this?? Yep, this is the key. You have to take control of this. He's not going to, ever. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 Guys.. I have an interview tomorrow at a new work location! 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Good luck!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Belle23 Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 OP, I’ll spare you the details of my story but I was in a relationship with a guy at work who was in a committed relationship. I broke things off when he got engaged. It was hard, though. I never had chemistry like that with anyone else and loved the feeling I felt when I was with him. I also lived in a fantasy that our relationship would advance into something, so breaking things off was tough. He and I still work together - even closer recently since were on the same project, and things are hard sometimes. Despite getting married and now starting a new family, he still flirts, stares, and slowly tries to get close to me again. It feels good, but I’ve learned to ignore him and quickly block the feelings. The last thing I will add is that the time apart will not make this go away. I worked on myself a lot during quarantine so I was prepared to work with him again when I went back. He didn’t change. He was just bringing up stuff from our past when we were at work Monday. I’m thinking about leaving my job and you should, too. If you don’t, please set real boundaries. You’ll make it, though! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 I have been interviewing and I’m trying to get away from him and this situation. It’s so tough. I am so conflicted. We have been doing this for 8 years and counting. He’s never once told me that he is in love with me. I’m so conflicted. Part of me wants to believe that if it wasn’t real and true then it would have ended long ago. But it never ends. I just don’t know what to think anymore. I do love him even though I know he doesn’t reciprocate that feeling and he tells me he loves his wife. But what’s the point really? Does he value love? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2020 Share Posted July 9, 2020 23 minutes ago, Savannah2 said: He’s never once told me that he is in love with me. I’m so conflicted. Part of me wants to believe that if it wasn’t real and true then it would have ended long ago. But it never ends. I truly don’t understand why you are conflicted. Respectfully, it doesn’t end because you have allowed it to continue. If anything, I think you confuse love and sex. Because, based on his words and his actions, this man has been very clear in his message to you... Quote Does he value love? But, just because he doesn’t return your feelings doesn’t mean that he doesn’t value love. It simply means, he doesn’t return your feelings. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savannah2 Posted July 9, 2020 Author Share Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) I feel like he’s the type of guy that likes his ego stroked. He likes to know that he is capable of getting multiple women even if he really doesn’t want them per se... it’s all ego for him.. he will flirt and make them feel special until he gets them hooked and that’s all he really wants it’s all fun and games to him. Edited July 9, 2020 by Savannah2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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