CHOOSEYSUSEY Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 I've always been different from pretty much most of my family. For the past year I have lived with my brother, his girlfriend and her 4 kids. (2 of them they had together). My brother is a self-center narcissist who I feel bad kids with his girlfriend to trap her since he's never been independent a day in his life and he always preys over women who play the motherly role. Over the past 2 years of them being together I had witnessed physical and verbal abuse between them, fights between my sister and I for calling my brother out on his crap and just terrible stuff that brings back to my childhood when my mom used to get abused. My brother has done some unforgivable stuff like taking off on his girlfriend and leaving her with the kids all on her own while he does God knows what and talked crap about his own kids. Now he's ignoring me and acting as if I don't exist in the house when I had nothing to do with any of his poor decisions. She took him back and I already know where it's going to go. I plan to move soon to escape this chaos. I want to distance myself from most of the family as its been nothing but drama and it's embarassing since I'm the one who is always playing peace-maker. It's taking a toll on my mental health being associated with all of this. How do I go about distancing myself? Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 7 hours ago, CHOOSEYSUSEY said: I plan to move soon to escape this chaos. That's how you distance yourself. Households of adults living with siblings, parents, etc. are rarely that happy. Living with your brother and his girlfriend and four children would be a little chaotic I would think even if they had a happy healthy relationship. No matter how dysfunctional they are, they choose to stay together. And as long as you choose to stay with them you'll have to deal with whatever chaos they choose to live with. Focus on doing whatever you need to do to move out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Simply living in a different place will help. You will no longer be privy to the daily drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Take your chances either on living alone or finding a roommate who isn't family and isn't married and doesn't have kids! Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 it's pretty simple, just move out, and don't get in the middle of their issues. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumaza Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 How old are you? And why you even chose to live with someone with a relationship???You will always get drama. If he hit her,and her hitting him,You sure should adres that! Once.That its not right.But you really need to move out. She need to leave him ,call cops if he the abuser. Your worry should be first get your own place.you probaly grown enough to do so. Many traumas people have started during childhood.And is from family or family situation. So that you tired and wanna cut family off a year or so to heal and work on you is ok and understandble. And you should. So you can get to yourself. And dont be afraid to seek therapy.read books about narcism and about your traumas. Like growing up in a domestic violance home etc. There are self help books about almost everything nowadays. But really, move out!!! Get out!!! Nice of them to take you in .But you gotta go!!!!Goodluck.✌🏽 Link to post Share on other sites
Tammy798797 Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 Facing the problem is necessary for solving it. You should play your role in solving the matter regarding your brother, and I've learned in my life is that everybody requires attention and love. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 On 5/4/2020 at 12:20 AM, CHOOSEYSUSEY said: How do I go about distancing myself? 1. Move out. Live alone or with a roommate. That is your #1 priority RIGHT NOW. You cannot solve anything until you are geographically away from the family chaos. 2. Suggest family therapy. Find a family therapist and email your family members that you think it would benefit everyone to try a family therapy session. B/c of COVID it will be digital. So at least everyone will be at their own home connected through ZOOM with the therapist. 3. Set up your own support network through whatever groups you hang out through. Or go to NAMI and find support groups in your city to join. 4. Set up new parameters for your siblings. The fallout may be that you are kept from seeing your nieces and nephews for a while, but you have to set some pretty clear limits with them as to what you will and won't put up with from them. And just be consistent so that you no longer feel emotionally drained from your interactions with them. 5. Prioritize yourself as #1 for your own well-being. This is not selfish, either. This is normal and healthy to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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