Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 (edited) I've been cheated on twice. Once with an ex. And once with a fiancee and his high school girlfriend. My husband is very involved in his ex girlfriends families life. His exes family invites him over all the time. She's there but they don't talk. Her sister doesn't like me because I told her to move on. They have no kids together. Edited May 4, 2020 by Haters 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 (edited) You can't tell him to stop... this is his life before you. This part of his life is a package deal, you take it or leave it. I say stop going over there. If you had a history of dating cheaters, well wouldn't this be a red flag to you before you married or even dated the guy? There's no boundaries. IMO I find it weird. Edited May 4, 2020 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Why did you marry a guy who has a "complicated" arrangement with his ex and her family? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Not liking EXs is a great reason not to date someone who is still tangled up in the past but you MARRIED your husband. Was he this embroiled in them when you two married? The time to put a stop to this was before you walked down the aisle. Unless this is a new recent behavior you are kind of stuck with it. Your best bet is to show up at every event he attends with them & make the best of it. Sometimes that can work out OK. My aunt & uncle separated in the 80s but she didn't want her old world conservative father to know so they continued doing holidays as a family. Her dad has been dead for 30+ years but they still interact cordially & socially. Granted they shared kids but unless you are prepared to divorce, you are unlikely going to get him to stop. Hopefully you can talk to him & get him to interact less but that is your only option. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 You're stuck now unless you want to divorce. You need to go to every single thing he attends with them, and I bet that will eventually put a stop to it. Someone is hoping someone will get back together or this wouldn't be going on. Better yet, once you have kids, drag the kids along, and that will kill it for sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 We had a child together. He didnt tell me this until after we were married. I thought we were just hanging out with a few friend of his. After we were married he mentioned he dated her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: You can't tell him to stop... this is his life before you. This part of his life is a package deal, you take it or leave it. I say stop going over there. If you had a history of dating cheaters, well wouldn't this be a red flag to you before you married or even dated the guy? There's no boundaries. IMO I find it weird. I told him it's weird. I understand that they've been friend for X amount of years. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Were they his friends prior to him dating her? What does "dating" mean - how long, how serious? If you thought they were just his friends and he only mentioned dating her after you were married, without more information it sounds like maybe he just happened to date a family member of friends he already had. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 1 minute ago, FMW said: Were they his friends prior to him dating her? What does "dating" mean - how long, how serious? If you thought they were just his friends and he only mentioned dating her after you were married, without more information it sounds like maybe he just happened to date a family member of friends he already had. Yes. This is how it happened. He was at camp lejune and moved her there. She got pregnant by another guy shortly after they broke up. Shes still in north Carolina with her baby and him. But still randomly comes here for family events. Her sister is always inviting my husband over. He was mowing his dads house (my father in law) and she texted for him to come over and say hi.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 Am I overreacting? Because she does live in a different state Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 Him moving her with him to a military base makes it seem like their relationship was serious, so I would be bothered that he didn't mention the family connection early on. However, her family already being his friends before he started dating her makes it normal that they would still be friends, his connection to them wasn't based on the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 Okay so its normal then? When I break up it's full fledged breakup. No contact with mutual friends, family, anything. I'm thinking about going to visit my ex just to see how he reacts. Really give a dose of his own medicine Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 I'm only going by what you write. If they were his friends already, then he happened to start dating her, I don't see why he has to end his relationship with them just because he dated a family member along the way. If she was always with them when he was around them, then sure, I'd probably have a problem with that. But it sounds like she's only occasionally there. Do they act uncomfortable together or give you any reason to believe there are lingering feelings? It would be great if all exes and everything related to them were just erased from the earth, but unfortunately that's not an option. Without being there to witness the situation, my thoughts are that it's likely insecurity and jealousy on your part. Especially if you want to go out of your way to "give a dose of his own medicine". It's understandable, given your experiences with cheating in the past, but unless your husband gives you reasons to doubt him, don't make him pay for what others did to you in the past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 Just now, FMW said: I'm only going by what you write. If they were his friends already, then he happened to start dating her, I don't see why he has to end his relationship with them just because he dated a family member along the way. If she was always with them when he was around them, then sure, I'd probably have a problem with that. But it sounds like she's only occasionally there. Do they act uncomfortable together or give you any reason to believe there are lingering feelings? It would be great if all exes and everything related to them were just erased from the earth, but unfortunately that's not an option. Without being there to witness the situation, my thoughts are that it's likely insecurity and jealousy on your part. Especially if you want to go out of your way to "give a dose of his own medicine". It's understandable, given your experiences with cheating in the past, but unless your husband gives you reasons to doubt him, don't make him pay for what others did to you in the past. That's what I'm trying not to do. Hes never texted HER. never any evidence of her reaching out to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 I dont know what to do. Do I just leave? It's what I've done in the past. I don't know any different Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 1 hour ago, Haters said: We had a child together. He didnt tell me this until after we were married. I thought we were just hanging out with a few friend of his. After we were married he mentioned he dated her. Did he marry you because you got pregnant or was this an eventual plan (marriage)? What I find a little odd is the ex-gf's sister is doing the inviting. Was your husband that close and clearly the ex-gf is indifferent to his presence based on what you have shared. That is weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 Small town. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 10 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Did he marry you because you got pregnant or was this an eventual plan (marriage)? What I find a little odd is the ex-gf's sister is doing the inviting. Was your husband that close and clearly the ex-gf is indifferent to his presence based on what you have shared. That is weird. He married me because he got me pregnant. They his friend and exes sister were very involved wanting to help me with everything. I didnt let them because it was so weird Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 3 minutes ago, Haters said: He married me because he got me pregnant. They his friend and exes sister were very involved wanting to help me with everything. I didnt let them because it was so weird Ah. Ok. Did the ex try to help as well? Is your husband over the ex? Who broke it off? Yup, nothing like small-town living. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 His ex is not the one you need to worry about. I think the ex's sister is far more of a threat to you IMO... 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 1 minute ago, Gr8fuln2020 said: Ah. Ok. Did the ex try to help as well? Is your husband over the ex? Who broke it off? Yup, nothing like small-town living. No the actual ex had nothing to do with anything Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: His ex is not the one you need to worry about. I think the ex's sister is far more of a threat to you IMO... I agree she is a threat. She said I have nothing to worry about. My husband would never cheat on me and that her sister and him are never getting back together Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 4, 2020 Share Posted May 4, 2020 5 hours ago, Haters said: Her sister doesn't like me because I told her to move on. 1 hour ago, Haters said: Her sister is always inviting my husband over. He was mowing his dads house (my father in law) and she texted for him to come over and say hi.. 8 minutes ago, Haters said: They his friend and exes sister were very involved wanting to help me with everything. 3 minutes ago, Haters said: She said I have nothing to worry about. My husband would never cheat on me and that her sister and him are never getting back together She is right they are probably never getting back together but SHE, the sister, has her eye on your husband. The "he would ever cheat on you" is to put you off the scent. Be careful. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 10 minutes ago, elaine567 said: She is right they are probably never getting back together but SHE, the sister, has her eye on your husband. The "he would ever cheat on you" is to put you off the scent. Be careful. I never thought of that. My husband said me not having a friendship with her is causing stress on him and his buddies relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haters Posted May 4, 2020 Author Share Posted May 4, 2020 Thinking about sending this: Listen bitch, I don't even f***ing know you. I don't even come around your family or interfere with you and Craig. So could you please quit inviting us to stuff? Kiefer has moved on and since you like to run your mouth and come in between my husband and I, it's inappropriate. You're a whore just like your sister. What do you not understand about moving the f*** on? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts