I'm sick of dealing with peoples exes.

[preraph]

Oh, perfect. 

[Haters]

Yes. Imagine your man being friends with his exes twin. 

 

He is not understanding of any of this. He said shes never going away. 

I'm prepping for a bikini competition and going to post some racy pics on model mayhem

I've had enough of this. I want it to be over, the three of them and their s***show. Hope he gets cheated on. 

[d0nnivain]

5 minutes ago, Haters said:

Yes. Imagine your man being friends with his exes twin. 

 

He is not understanding of any of this. He said shes never going away. 

I'm prepping for a bikini competition and going to post some racy pics on model mayhem

I've had enough of this. I want it to be over, the three of them and their s***show. Hope he gets cheated on. 

You post those pictures with the intent of making him jealous & you will drive him straight into her arms.  It will be over because you will be divorced.  

Are you sure you want to be a single mom?  At this point he hasn't cheated -- at least that you know of.  I get that it makes you uncomfortable.  I would not stand for it but understand the consequences of your actions.  I am still hopeful that you can find a third party to get through to him.  Right now I see a little boy having a temper tantrum & insisting that he's going to stay friends with her simply because you want him to stop.  I beg you to let cooler heads prevail before you throw gasoline on this incendiary situation.  

[schlumpy]

I think the key to your situation is to understand what your husband is getting out of this relationship. There are people in this world where being a part of family is everything to them. Would that describe your husband? One phone call from his ex's family and he's out the door helping his adopted family hang wallpaper?

Does his ex's family do things for him? Do they help him repair the car, the house or other maintenance items?

Do they do his taxes each year or offer financial advice? Do they own a company and are grooming him to work for them?

He has to be getting something from this activity.

You are already aware of the obvious reason and that is they hope to reclaim him as a family member through marriage to one of their daughters but he is already married.

Why would they be under the impression that he won't be in the immediate future? How long would they be willing to wait?

 

[Haters]

9 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

I think the key to your situation is to understand what your husband is getting out of this relationship. There are people in this world where being a part of family is everything to them. Would that describe your husband? One phone call from his ex's family and he's out the door helping his adopted family hang wallpaper?

Does his ex's family do things for him? Do they help him repair the car, the house or other maintenance items?

Do they do his taxes each year or offer financial advice? Do they own a company and are grooming him to work for them?

He has to be getting something from this activity.

You are already aware of the obvious reason and that is they hope to reclaim him as a family member through marriage to one of their daughters but he is already married.

Why would they be under the impression that he won't be in the immediate future? How long would they be willing to wait?

 

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. No business what so ever

[Haters]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

You post those pictures with the intent of making him jealous & you will drive him straight into her arms.  It will be over because you will be divorced.  

Are you sure you want to be a single mom?  At this point he hasn't cheated -- at least that you know of.  I get that it makes you uncomfortable.  I would not stand for it but understand the consequences of your actions.  I am still hopeful that you can find a third party to get through to him.  Right now I see a little boy having a temper tantrum & insisting that he's going to stay friends with her simply because you want him to stop.  I beg you to let cooler heads prevail before you throw gasoline on this incendiary situation.  

Okay. Have a third party come in

[Marc878]

I gotcha. No one wants an x or affiliations in the mix. It most often leads to disaster.

Why wait on that. I’d get out now. If not you’re probably wasting your time here.

[MsJayne]

Maybe I've misread all this, but it sounds to me like maybe you, your husband, and his ex...all need to be wary of the exes twin. She sounds like an interfering and overbearing busybody, and something in all of this tells me that the main reason she likes to keep your hubby in her picture is as a means of having a dig at her own sister. Your hubby just happened to move into her orbit when he dated her sister, and maybe they were all friends before that anyway.  Also, I don't think it's so much to do with the fact that these people are his exes family, have you considered that maybe you just don't like this woman because she says little things and does little things which grate on you because she's rubbing your nose by proxy in a previous relationship of his?  Would it matter whether she was related to his ex or just a friend of his ex? Either way, you feel this woman is somehow undermining your marriage and your husband is letting her, in fact unwittingly encouraging her, to do it. Also, if it's got to the point of him acknowledging your dislike of this woman by telling you that you're upsetting the friendship by not being chummy with her, then maybe it's time to read him the riot act. How dare he tell you who you should be friends with to make life convenient for him?  It's not business, there's no money involved, so there's no need to suck up to people who get on your nerves. Let him go visit these people on his own, and if it gets to the point where you feel alienated...then it might be time to leave if other people are more important to him than his wife and child. 

[IslandSanctuary]

I wouldn't put it up with it. But I laid out the ground rules for stuff like this right at the start. 

[JS84]

The time to have addressed this issue was before you married him but seeing how he hid that from you (and make no mistake he intentionally hid the fact that he dated her from you before he locked you down) that's milk that can't be put back in the bottle. From the little you've told us about your husband  he sounds like a douchebag. You'd be well within your rights to just leave. Because it appears  he values his relationship with his ex, her twin, and their family more than how you feel about the situation, not to mention his own family. And most people would not be cool with it.

I understand some people can be friends with their ex's and ex sex partners etc. I am not one of them. And I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a woman who is. Nothing wrong with that. How old is your child(ren)??? 

[Haters]

4 hours ago, JS84 said:

The time to have addressed this issue was before you married him but seeing how he hid that from you (and make no mistake he intentionally hid the fact that he dated her from you before he locked you down) that's milk that can't be put back in the bottle. From the little you've told us about your husband  he sounds like a douchebag. You'd be well within your rights to just leave. Because it appears  he values his relationship with his ex, her twin, and their family more than how you feel about the situation, not to mention his own family. And most people would not be cool with it.

I understand some people can be friends with their ex's and ex sex partners etc. I am not one of them. And I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a woman who is. Nothing wrong with that. How old is your child(ren)??? 

8 month old

[Haters]

So in dealing with other girlfriends. His other high school friend is getting married. Hubby asked why I'm not wanting to go to the wedding. 

 

I told him when I was drunk that he ruined everything..that im not dealing with any exes of his, or anyone related to them. He lied and said Amanda was only a prom date. This isn't true. I dont care how long ago high school was. He ruined everything. He said I hate his friends. Well every friend he has is connected to his numerous exes. And yes I confirmed thru a friend that his old high school girlfriend will be there too. 

 

I've just had it. I'm thinking marriage counseling

[Haters]

Also, yes they did meet up after high school too. Went camping together. 

[d0nnivain]

Marriage counseling isn't going to work.  You are too far gone & too hurt.  

You will only accept him never speaking to anybody ever again that he ever kiss, dated or more.  He sees nothing wrong with those relationships.  

I don't see a path to compromise because you are both so entrenched in all or nothing / my way or the highway.  

To me high school is ancient history.  My husband & I actually go out with my HS BF & his wife every once in a while.  Ironically the men put that together.  At my 25th high school reunion, they started talking not knowing who the other one was.   They laughed when then figured out the connection -- me.  I guess I have a type.  We only see each other 1-2 x per year usually to see another mutual friend's band, with limited contact in between.  I get the sense that you wouldn't even tolerate that.  

[Haters]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Marriage counseling isn't going to work.  You are too far gone & too hurt.  

You will only accept him never speaking to anybody ever again that he ever kiss, dated or more.  He sees nothing wrong with those relationships.  

I don't see a path to compromise because you are both so entrenched in all or nothing / my way or the highway.  

To me high school is ancient history.  My husband & I actually go out with my HS BF & his wife every once in a while.  Ironically the men put that together.  At my 25th high school reunion, they started talking not knowing who the other one was.   They laughed when then figured out the connection -- me.  I guess I have a type.  We only see each other 1-2 x per year usually to see another mutual friend's band, with limited contact in between.  I get the sense that you wouldn't even tolerate that.  

I'm a futuristic mindset. I enjoy planning things, and executing them. I don't talk to anyone from my high school. Few from college but only once a few months. The past and the people in it I have no bother for it. 

 

Hes so into his past relationships and people in them that he doesn't move on. 

[d0nnivain]

You would probably consider me someone who doesn't "move on."  I have long deep friends that span decades.  Just yesterday I was on the phone with 2 of my BFFs from the 2nd grade.  Both women are still incredibly important to me.  I am in regular weekly contact with many of my sorority sisters from college.  They are my adult best friends & my life would be so much emptier without them.  Far from being my past, these are lifelong friendships we have all nourished over the years. 

Granted when I break up with somebody I stay broken up with them.  That doesn't mean completely cutting them out.  For example, the last EX I had before I met DH died 6 weeks after I started dating my husband.  Although I only dated him in my mid 30s I had known that EX since HS.  I know his siblings.  We are all connected via social media.  When my parents died they attended the funeral.  When their mother died, I showed to pay my respects.  If we bump into each other in public we exchange a few minutes of pleasantries.  To me this is different then what your husband is doing. I am not going to their houses regularly.  We don't even exchange Christmas cards.  They are just people I used to know. 

I have always felt sorry for people who don't have those long lasting ties, people who share their history.  

I believe in balance.  I also agree your husband crossed a lot of lines.  

I do hope you find a middle ground for your baby's sake.  

[FMW]

There's nothing wrong with not moving on from friends you've had for years.  Shared history and experiences enrich relationships.  Developing your own relationship with his friends would have been the best move, although it seems you alienated them by telling the sister to "move on".

Of course it's possible that the sister is trying to cause trouble, but what is most definitely clear is that you have anger and jealousy that's clouding your judgment.  Your desire for revenge and payback is a much bigger threat to your relationship with your husband than anything the sister is doing.     

 

[Haters]

Yes, I don't know what else to do. 

These are just thoughts. Yes I've thought about visiting an ex of mine when he was away at training and then telling him later. 

 

I've thought about him meeting an old male acquaintance that I used to sleep with. Then telling him later.

 

I really agree that he hid it from me after dating and marriage. 

I always make him feel comfortable, I dont go out with my Male soldiers I sit in the bathroom and facetime him. 

I accommodate him so he has no worries that I cheat or anything.

I dont go thru his phone or ask him where hes been. 

I just sit in this anger. And I dont know what to do with it  

Also, responses are like 50/50. 

[Haters]

My 2nd grade friend ended up dating my crush in 8th grade. So that went that friendship.

[Haters]

I have no other issues with his other friends not related or connected to his ex. But they are not constantly texting him, etc....

[Haters]

Maybe I'm depressed or maybe I'm the one with the problem. But I'm not emotionally hurting him or stabbing him in the heart. 

[kendahke]

21 hours ago, Haters said:

She said I have nothing to worry about.

She said that to get you to let your guard down.

She's conniving and calculating... I'd keep my eye on her, if you care to stay in this cesspool.

[kendahke]

3 hours ago, Haters said:

I've just had it. I'm thinking marriage counseling

Go for individual counseling first... marriage counseling isn't what you need right now. You need to figure your way out of the minefield from someone who's not got a vested interest in keeping you where you are--and your husband will do just that in a couple's therapy session, going by what you've written about him so far.  You need to talk to someone you can be completely candid with, who will not try to corral your conversation to make them look better to the therapist while painting you as the crazy one... because you're not.

[Haters]

The pain of staying with him and leaving is painful too. 

[Haters]

1 minute ago, kendahke said:

Go for individual counseling first... marriage counseling isn't what you need right now. You need to figure your way out of the minefield from someone who's not got a vested interest in keeping you where you are--and your husband will do just that in a couple's therapy session, going by what you've written about him so far.  You need to talk to someone you can be completely candid with, who will not try to corral your conversation to make them look better to the therapist while painting you as the crazy one... because you're not.

Yeah I've been painted as "crazy" because I've caught on. 

This sister blew up my husbands phone with, omg you cant have friends! Shes already turning against me.