I sent pictures of someone else to a girl who has now fallen in love with me and wants to meet me in person

[thomas131313]

On 5/13/2020 at 10:26 PM, healing light said:

The situation as IS is not sustainable long-term. Your telling her sooner rather than later does lessen the hurt for her. If she doesn't end up being attracted, you will have wasted months as opposed to years of her life. If she does end up being attracted and decides to forgive you for this, then you can start a real relationship together. There is no way to "win" this by prolonging the inevitable.

And trust me, relationships that don't fully fulfill your needs can easily lead to someone doubting themselves even if their confidence was initially high. You putting off meeting or having a real relationship with her will translate into a form of rejection and have her wondering what's wrong with herself that she's not good enough to be embraced in real life. If it wasn't bringing out insecurities, she would have already walked from this because someone with healthy self-esteem would not stick around when something seems off before a relationship ever really gets off the ground.

well she will reject me cause she wont be attracted and wont think im good looking, but i keep forgetting that she has shown me show much not just physically, but emotionally and she has told me everything about her and all her secrets and her family and friends secrets that i dont think she could just walk away but i could be wrong. she even said after we were talking for a couple months that if we dont get married she might have to kill me cause of everything shes told me

[thomas131313]

17 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Then why do you continue to sit on your hands and do nothing?

    i think because im hung up on this girl somewhat especially the past few weeks as i know its never going to work romantically but i knew it never would even initially so im a sucker to actually start to like her when i knew nothing would happen. actually we both thought nothing would happen initially and talk about that all the time but im almost more stupid than her in a way cause i atleast knew nothing would happen from the beginning and she didnt and all the talking i did about her almost put things into fruition and made me like her. as crazy as she is she also has alot of nice sides

Quote

 

 

[thomas131313]

13 hours ago, preraph said:

Because he's a chronic liar who only cares about himself and his own feelings. He doesn't care about her feelings. He only cares about his if he's rejected, which he will be.

Why are you the only one here who is so certain she is going to reject me? I mean i think you are right but still how can you know for sure

[miranda561]

On 5/5/2020 at 8:14 PM, thomas131313 said:

I don't fully agree that I caused this. I mean somewhat but this was her own choice. Like you said i didn't plan to do this. I do feel really bad about it the moral side of me does but the other side thinks well why did she do this to herself. I truly do feel bad about it but I don't know what to do honestly. Part of me wants to tell her the truth. I dont think its fair to judge me and call me a horrible person for this, I thought this was a joke at best, is it really my fault for how it played out? You are correct I have been truthful about alot of stuff. I just dont know what to do wow dont even know how im in a situation like this I do feel bad about it. Also I was just talking about how she looked which I dont think is out of line, i actually do like her as a person too. I really dont know what to do. You are calling me a horrible person so that I feel worse about it and come clean and tell her. I dont want to lose her either so if i do come clean and she doenst like how i look then i dont really want that either. Maybe I want more human connection too and maybe i dont want to lose this connection now I dont really know but thats not why this happened in the first place

 

On 5/5/2020 at 11:10 PM, thomas131313 said:

True but she didnt say it in a moment of desperation. She wasnt sad or mad at the time. She said it just popped into her head when she was walking about how she loved me and that how i look wouldnt change it, and talked about it for awhile.  Well the thing is I dont look like the dude in the pictures so, men that are good looking have way more opportunities. This girl wouldnt have got to known me otherwise which is funny now to think back and see how she feels about me now

Whats the point in catfishing though? She would have to eventually meet you in person and will see the real you. If you ever let that happen of course.

I think what you did was pretty wrong. Even if you didnt expect her to feel a certain way about you. 

You still deceived someone..for four months nonetheless.

Just tell her now. Because she already doesn't sound too emotionally stable as it is. If you let it go on longer..will she be able to recover from it. You don't want to be responsible for that. 

Edited May 15, 2020 by miranda561

[miranda561]

On 5/13/2020 at 12:25 AM, thomas131313 said:

I did not think that this situation would have happened where i had a girl fall in love with me and talking to me everyday. are you serious? are you claiming the only reason she has waited around is due to the picture? those defending this girl need to reevaluate the situation a little bit

She has that other guys picture in her head. Im sure she just keeps imagining scenarios of her and him. The fake you. So its quite a significant detail that it isnt you. 

 

[miranda561]

On 5/12/2020 at 11:36 PM, thomas131313 said:

To see what would happen if i did i guess. obviously i didnt think this would happen. if girls are going to choose the best looking guy they can get which is how it is today since it is so easy and they have so many options i wanted to try it for fun. what is behind it? well none of these girls would have been interested if it was me. its been eye opening for sure, the world is a shallow place. especially since im socially normal and fun to be around and so on and thats probably why she thinks im really the good looking guy cause im normal to talk to and interact with, well besides the fact i have some emotional issues according to others here. why did she choose me when she has so many other options? that i dont know maybe its me, maybe its that like others said she cant find anybody to attach herself to or she will scare people away if she talks about the stuff she does with me. i did it mostly as a joke i guess

She obv liked the picture of the guy. And youre in your early 30s..isn't this the time to be looking for some thing  real and serious? Not catfishing and wasting your time and someone elses.

Its really self centred of you. 

[thomas131313]

10 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

THIS is messed up.  This shows that you don't care about her at all.  If she's in a relationships with you, she has a right to know the truth about you.  And once she knows that truth, she has the right to make her own decision as to whether to be with you.  By continuing to lie to her, you are violating that right.  You can't love someone when you are denying them the right to make their own decision about whether they would be with you, if they knew the truth about you.  You are disrespectful and immoral.

This is going to sound even worse but its possible that there is a subconscious part of me that is doing this for all the times i got rejected when i was younger due to looks. This is something I didnt think of literally until now but I have never in my life had a girl willing to die for me like this and love me so much and care about so much that shes willing to literally do anything for me even get tatoos that I think its possible that part of could be doing this for some other reasons. I didnt intend to do this but I can literally do and say anything with this girl and not only have i never had anybody care about me this much in my entire life I also wont ever be able to have someone love me like this so maybe im living through this experience as an almost outlet for how my experiences with girls has been in the past. She just got really unlucky she met me and maybe this is why im having such a hard time either telling her the truth or telling her i dont want to be with her because i wont ever experience or have this kind of love ever due to my looks. I could be wrong about what im talking about here since I just thought of it randomly but im just guessing.

Also there is one thing she said early on after maybe a month of talking or so, and before she started to love me, and we were talking about something along the lines of how she would never cheat on me or how she would stay with me forever, and she compared me to her ex who she was with for almost 4 years and said she stayed with him or didnt cheat on him and he wasnt anywhere as good looking as me. I dont remember the details of what she said totally, if it was related to why she wouldnt cheat on me, or why she wouldnt leave me in general, but when she said that, and even if it was before she started to love me, it stayed with me because who the hell says something like that? She could have said i treated her better, or i was nicer than her ex or something along those lines but instead she tried to one up or ex or even just one up the situation in general by saying i was way better looking than her ex. shes shallow and while i think she is truly a good person, I didnt forget that

[thomas131313]

34 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

This is going to sound even worse but its possible that there is a subconscious part of me that is doing this for all the times i got rejected when i was younger due to looks. This is something I didnt think of literally until now but I have never in my life had a girl willing to die for me like this and love me so much and care about so much that shes willing to literally do anything for me even get tatoos that I think its possible that part of could be doing this for some other reasons. I didnt intend to do this but I can literally do and say anything with this girl and not only have i never had anybody care about me this much in my entire life I also wont ever be able to have someone love me like this so maybe im living through this experience as an almost outlet for how my experiences with girls has been in the past. She just got really unlucky she met me and maybe this is why im having such a hard time either telling her the truth or telling her i dont want to be with her because i wont ever experience or have this kind of love ever due to my looks. I could be wrong about what im talking about here since I just thought of it randomly but im just guessing.

Also there is one thing she said early on after maybe a month of talking or so, and before she started to love me, and we were talking about something along the lines of how she would never cheat on me or how she would stay with me forever, and she compared me to her ex who she was with for almost 4 years and said she stayed with him or didnt cheat on him and he wasnt anywhere as good looking as me. I dont remember the details of what she said totally, if it was related to why she wouldnt cheat on me, or why she wouldnt leave me in general, but when she said that, and even if it was before she started to love me, it stayed with me because who the hell says something like that? She could have said i treated her better, or i was nicer than her ex or something along those lines but instead she tried to one up or ex or even just one up the situation in general by saying i was way better looking than her ex. shes shallow and while i think she is truly a good person, I didnt forget that

She has changed her tune and she talks about other factors way more besides looks now i should mention but she still said that earlier on

Edited May 15, 2020 by thomas131313

[thomas131313]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

She obv liked the picture of the guy. And youre in your early 30s..isn't this the time to be looking for some thing  real and serious? Not catfishing and wasting your time and someone elses.

Its really self centred of you. 

Its not always that easy to find something real and serious

[ExpatInItaly]

24 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

Its not always that easy to find something real and serious

But do you honestly believe this is?

[xxcazaxx]

When are you going to start acting like an adult and tell her the actual truth.  I find how you have behaved pretty disgusting if i'm honest.  She deserves to know the truth and to be able to make up her own mind though.  This is not a game, and she doesn't deserve to have her feelings played with. Maybe put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if someone did the same to you? If I was her I would definitely no longer want to be in a relationship with you as I would always be questioning if what you were saying was true or a lie.  You also need to learn that relationships are all about trust and honesty.  If you don't have trust then you have nothing.

[ExpatInItaly]

Also, OP - what do you think of her? 

You write a lot about how she feels about you, how she makes you feel wanted and loved, all the devotions she shows you. You list all the things she wants to do for you. But I'm not seeing a lot from you and your genuine interest in her, independent of the attention she gives you. 

I point this out because I'm starting to think this has little do with you wanting to get to know her as a person, and much more to do with getting attention from someone - anyone? - until you feel secure enough in yourself to have relationship with a woman in real life. If she weren't desperately throwing herself at you, would you still be this engaged with her?

[miranda561]

7 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

Its not always that easy to find something real and serious

I understand that  its not easy. But using and deceiving others to get what you want isnt ideal either

[ShyViolet]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Also, OP - what do you think of her? 

You write a lot about how she feels about you, how she makes you feel wanted and loved, all the devotions she shows you. You list all the things she wants to do for you. But I'm not seeing a lot from you and your genuine interest in her, independent of the attention she gives you. 

 

Yes this is what I have been noticing too.  Just look at the title of this post.  It says it all.  "Girl fell in love with ME."  He keeps saying "she loves ME". But he rarely talks in terms of his feelings for HER.  

[miranda561]

6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Yes this is what I have been noticing too.  Just look at the title of this post.  It says it all.  "Girl fell in love with ME."  He keeps saying "she loves ME". But he rarely talks in terms of his feelings for HER.  

I think its all about validation for him. And finally receiving it from a woman he finds fairly  attractive 

[preraph]

11 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

Why are you the only one here who is so certain she is going to reject me? I mean i think you are right but still how can you know for sure

If she's a woman worth having with any ethics, she will reject you for lying.  If she accepts you, she's dumb as a box of rocks and has no standards.  Also, you're still long distance, so it's never going to happen anyway, even if you show her a photo and she likes it even more than the fake one.  

[thomas131313]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Also, OP - what do you think of her? 

You write a lot about how she feels about you, how she makes you feel wanted and loved, all the devotions she shows you. You list all the things she wants to do for you. But I'm not seeing a lot from you and your genuine interest in her, independent of the attention she gives you. 

I point this out because I'm starting to think this has little do with you wanting to get to know her as a person, and much more to do with getting attention from someone - anyone? - until you feel secure enough in yourself to have relationship with a woman in real life. If she weren't desperately throwing herself at you, would you still be this engaged with her?

I've talked to her for 4 months i know who she is as a person. I do actually like her, the attention is something I dont usually get from a girl that looks like her but its not the reason ive kept talking to her. i think ive said before here already i find her to be nice and kind and super loving and caring more than ive known other people too be, while shes emotionally a little bit crazy its not bad to the point where i wouldnt put up with it. some of her positive traits are really good. what do you want me to say? i am interested in her and i already know who she is as a person but I dont know how to answer that fully. ill have to think about it but I would say even if she wasnt this interested in me I would still like her we have alot of connections i havent had with other people, but how can i know unless that was the situation? i said i was already hung up on this girl, doesnt that mean i like her atleast somewhat?

[thomas131313]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

If she's a woman worth having with any ethics, she will reject you for lying.  If she accepts you, she's dumb as a box of rocks and has no standards.  Also, you're still long distance, so it's never going to happen anyway, even if you show her a photo and she likes it even more than the fake one.  

we are pretty close actually. as ive said before i know everything about her even where she lives and where she walks to daily. i know everything about her life

[preraph]

Well if you're close enough to be dating, then why now she thinks you're a coward for not meeting her, so that makes you even worse in her eyes.

 

is this some woman you've been stalking you already know doesn't want you that you decided to fake being another person with online?

Edited May 15, 2020 by preraph

[thomas131313]

6 minutes ago, preraph said:

Well if you're close enough to be dating, then why now she thinks you're a coward for not meeting her, so that makes you even worse in her eyes.

 

is this some woman you've been stalking do you already know doesn't want you that you decided to face being another person with online?

no that is not the situation. its just some random girl i started talking to 4 months ago. i mean shes said that before that we arent far and yet im still not with her

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

its just some random girl i started talking to 4 months ago. i mean shes said that before that we arent far and yet im still not with her

This makes the whole situation even more ridiculous - no offence. You either have to man up and be honest with the poor girl or end this charade.

I don’t know why, but for some reason I thought you lived farther apart. 

Edited May 15, 2020 by BaileyB

[thomas131313]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

This makes the whole situation even more ridiculous - no offence. You either have to man up and be honest with the poor girl or end this charade.

I don’t know why, but for some reason I thought you lived farther apart. 

so its my birthday in a couple days and she knows that it is. she said she wishes she could do something for me but she can still make me special in this situation and she will have to think of something and then she said none of her ideas have anything to do with showing up at my place lol. she said dont worry its nothing weird and i dont need to do anything. wow this is messed shes celebrating someones birthday shes never met. actually she knows where i live too thats one of the lies she caught me on before. i actually dont know what i would do if i loved somebody and was in love with somebody and had a connection with them and then went to meet them and they were a totally different person. if they were 300 pounds and 50 years old well thats one thing but if they were around the same age im not sure what i would even do

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

we are pretty close actually. as ive said before i know everything about her even where she lives and where she walks to daily. i know everything about her life

Don't be so willfully naive, man.

You have never met her. You don't know everything about her life. That isn't possible when you have spent zero time together in person, no matter how much you try to tell yourself otherwise. 

[thomas131313]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Don't be so willfully naive, man.

You have never met her. You don't know everything about her life. That isn't possible when you have spent zero time together in person, no matter how much you try to tell yourself otherwise. 

We talk everyday for 10 hours, does that not count for something? she cant hide anything from me as you said she is desperately throwing herself at me, but shes also telling me things that i could reject her for so shes been open about stuff

Edited May 16, 2020 by thomas131313

[healing light]

Just tell her the truth already. The more you drag this out, the worse it will be for all parties involved.

Don't think she won't stop by your house on your birthday if she knows your address. She sounds like the type that would seriously consider it.