I sent pictures of someone else to a girl who has now fallen in love with me and wants to meet me in person

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

We talk everyday for 10 hours, does that not count for something? she cant hide anything from me as you said she is desperately throwing herself at me, but shes also telling me things that i could reject her for so shes been open about stuff

You don't know if what she's telling you is true. You lie; so can she. 

And no, talking every day is not the same as spending extended time together in person. Sorry. 

[BaileyB]

What is wrong with you, to spend all this time debating with a bunch of strangers on the internet when you could just call this woman up and spend some time with her. Live your life - either meet this girl or end this now. 

[miranda561]

3 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

What is wrong with you, to spend all this time debating with a bunch of strangers on the internet when you could just call this woman up and spend some time with her. Live your life - either meet this girl or end this now. 

 

He needs to tell her the truth.

Edited May 16, 2020 by miranda561

[miranda561]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You don't know if what she's telling you is true. You lie; so can she. 

And no, talking every day is not the same as spending extended time together in person. Sorry. 

Nothing can beat in person interaction.

[miranda561]

7 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

We talk everyday for 10 hours, does that not count for something? she cant hide anything from me as you said she is desperately throwing herself at me, but shes also telling me things that i could reject her for so shes been open about stuff

Talking to someone for 10 hours a day without even having met the other person.

Is far from a good idea

[simpycurious]

8 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

 

He needs to tell her the truth.

without a doubt he does

[miranda561]

On 5/13/2020 at 3:00 AM, thomas131313 said:

How do you know this forsure? just because she might not be attracted to me what about the other factors? What about how dumb she will look to herself, and how she has given me everything she possibly can in this situation and then I have all of this stuff of her when im not even the right guy? Or what she will tell her family and friends about who i was? and so on and so on and so on. There are alot of things to think about

What are you going to do about this current situation? Figure that out and fast. Because  i don't think you can carry on like this.

[thomas131313]

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You don't know if what she's telling you is true. You lie; so can she. 

And no, talking every day is not the same as spending extended time together in person. Sorry. 

Usually you can have a pretty good idea if someone is lying or not if you have any brains at all, not always but usually. ive also tried to catch her on lies by ruthlessly interrogating her about certain things and they have always been straight and she even will ask what my intention is and what im hoping to find by asking her all these things 

[thomas131313]

10 hours ago, healing light said:

Just tell her the truth already. The more you drag this out, the worse it will be for all parties involved.

Don't think she won't stop by your house on your birthday if she knows your address. She sounds like the type that would seriously consider it.

Why does everyone want me to either tell her the truth, or make up a excuse. its mainly for her feelings and not mine. Am i not allowed to enjoy what shes doing for me? ive dragged it out for 4 months, not sure how much worse it could get than this, unless it was years. we were talking about the possible ways that we would reject eachother and she said there was a few ways or reasons i would reject her, and then she talked about the only reason that she would ever reject me is if i made her wait to long and she couldnt hold on any longer

[BaileyB]

Well then, continue on... perhaps you actually deserve each other. 

[thomas131313]

2 hours ago, BaileyB said:

Well then, continue on... perhaps you actually deserve each other. 

wow she got her mom to text me today this is so messed up and said im part of the family

[Emilie Jolie]

Do you have a smartphone? If so, send her a pic of your actual self, explain who you are, make sure she's received it, swich the phone off then hide under the duvet for a week until it blows over.

If not, do the same but send the pic by post.

If you're feeling brave, facetime her (or use whatever video calling platform you usually use), introduce yourself to her and keep your fingers crossed.

Or 'break up' in the same way you 'met', over the phone.

I think that covers most 'suggestions' you can be given. But you knew them all already.

You put yourself in a pickle, time to get yourself out of it.

Edited May 17, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[K.K.]

23 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Do you have a smartphone? If so, send her a pic of your actual self, explain who you are, make sure she's received it, swich the phone off then hide under the duvet for a week until it blows over.

If not, do the same but send the pic by post.

If you're feeling brave, facetime her (or use whatever video calling platform you usually use), introduce yourself to her and keep your fingers crossed.

Or 'break up' in the same way you 'met', over the phone.

I think that covers most 'suggestions' you can be given. But you knew them all already.

You put yourself in a pickle, time to get yourself out of it.

I agree with Emilie. What else can you do besides throw yourself on her mercy if you really like her? Just explain that you didn’t know it would get this serious and hope for the best. Or just break up with her as gently as you can before she shows up at your door? 

Because pretty soon the sht’s gonna hit the fan anyway. You never know. She could still like you afterwards if her feelings are as strong as she says. Basically, you just got in over your head with this and it’s time to dig out now. 

[thomas131313]

11 hours ago, healing light said:

This was the exact same reaction I had reading those same lines.

I found the texts where she talked about wanting to be with me even if i looked different. She said this once in march over the phone briefly which is the first time she said it and I think at the end of saying it over the phone in march she said ' but nah ' as in she wouldnt actually want too I think. Then in early april she sent me a text saying ' another thing thats ****** is that i was thinking about it like even if you showed up when we met as a completely different person and you just sent me some randoms photos i would still want to be with you. like its ****** but i love you for so much more than how you look and dont get me wrong i think your super good looking but like thats not even close to why i love you ' and then she said it was ' just a thought that came into my mind and i wasnt thinking about why i love you or if looks matter ' and then we talked about it on the phone that day and she went into more detail about emotional connection and what not. could you imagine if she was actually telling the truth and she stayed true to this

[thomas131313]

8 minutes ago, K.K. said:

I agree with Emilie. What else can you do besides throw yourself on her mercy if you really like her? Just explain that you didn’t know it would get this serious and hope for the best. Or just break up with her as gently as you can before she shows up at your door? 

Because pretty soon the sht’s gonna hit the fan anyway. You never know. She could still like you afterwards if her feelings are as strong as she says. Basically, you just got in over your head with this and it’s time to dig out now. 

Hit the fan in what way? As in she shows up, or she is done with the situation? If you were me would you tell her the truth and hope for the best, or just tell her i dont want to be with her?

[K.K.]

6 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

Hit the fan in what way? As in she shows up, or she is done with the situation? If you were me would you tell her the truth and hope for the best, or just tell her i dont want to be with her?

It’s going to hit the fan because she knows where you live. She’s going to eventually come to your house. Almost guaranteed. Can you imagine how awkward that would be? If It were me... I’d ask myself how much I liked her. I know how close two people can get that yea.. have never met each other. It happens. So if you feel like you want her and love her then I’d tell her that you have to tell her something and do it. Just throw yourself on her mercy. Then send your pic and hope for the best. Feelings can override looks. And maybe you look good just like you are. 

If you don’t really like her and just like to see her on cam, I’d find some way to break up before she decides to show up. 

How much do you like the girl? 

[thomas131313]

2 minutes ago, K.K. said:

It’s going to hit the fan because she knows where you live. She’s going to eventually come to your house. Almost guaranteed. Can you imagine how awkward that would be? If It were me... I’d ask myself how much I liked her. I know how close two people can get that yea.. have never met each other. It happens. So if you feel like you want her and love her then I’d tell her that you have to tell her something and do it. Just throw yourself on her mercy. Then send your pic and hope for the best. Feelings can override looks. And maybe you look good just like you are. 

If you don’t really like her and just like to see her on cam, I’d find some way to break up before she decides to show up. 

How much do you like the girl? 

I guess i have to think about this more before I answer, also theres another problem and I dont know how much it will affect it. for the offchance that she still wants to be with me which i dont think she will be, but if she does, i dont even know if i could be with her fully as im having some health issues and i dont know if i could do everything normally anyways so thats a problem which is very depressing to say the least. while i dont think she would still want to be with me, if she does well that would be even worse in a way i think as i dont know if i could live a normal life with her anyways which would be the hardest pill ever to swallow if she still did like me, or maybe i could make it work with the issues i have i dont know i guess i can only answer that for myself. i mean we are so close i think it would be hard for me not to like her so much, but as others said would i still like her the same way if she wasnt throwing herself at me, and I dont know i need to decide. what about actually meeting her in person as a different person instead of showing my pictures? would that be alot worse?

[K.K.]

10 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

I guess i have to think about this more before I answer, also there’s some health issues. .. ..what about actually meeting her in person as a different person instead of showing my pictures? would that be alot worse?

Depends on what the health issues are, I think. As far as meeting her as someone else, nah that’s not going to work. Why? Because she loves what she thinks is you. Ya know? And I guess it’s still you on the inside so I was thinking that if you really put it on the line and premised it with how much it’s going to probably hurt her and that you didn’t mean to do that, you just got carried away and thought she wouldn’t like what you looked like and didn’t know it would end up getting as serious as it did with the feelings, maybe she’d listen and try to understand. Maybe even still love you. Since she seems to think she does or actually does. You know though, meeting in person regardless if you knew exactly what the other looked like doesn’t always turn out for the best anyway. Still may be worth a shot.

Of course, you also run the risk of her coming to your house after being honest with her anyway and making trouble. But maybe she would possibly understand? I can see you don’t want to let her go and it’s not all just looking at her on cam. You seem to like her just as much as she likes you. You don’t talk to someone 10 hours a day without feeling close to them. 

You’re in a bad spot. I feel really bad for you. I can’t help it. Sure I feel bad for her too. But I get how it happened. 

Yes, give it more thought. 

[thomas131313]

10 minutes ago, K.K. said:

Depends on what the health issues are, I think. As far as meeting her as someone else, nah that’s not going to work. Why? Because she loves what she thinks is you. Ya know? And I guess it’s still you on the inside so I was thinking that if you really put it on the line and premised it with how much it’s going to probably hurt her and that you didn’t mean to do that, you just got carried away and thought she wouldn’t like what you looked like and didn’t know it would end up getting as serious as it did with the feelings, maybe she’d listen and try to understand. Maybe even still love you. Since she seems to think she does or actually does. You know though, meeting in person regardless if you knew exactly what the other looked like doesn’t always turn out for the best anyway. Still may be worth a shot.

Of course, you also run the risk of her coming to your house after being honest with her anyway and making trouble. But maybe she would possibly understand? I can see you don’t want to let her go and it’s not all just looking at her on cam. You seem to like her just as much as she likes you. You don’t talk to someone 10 hours a day without feeling close to them. 

You’re in a bad spot. I feel really bad for you. I can’t help it. Sure I feel bad for her too. But I get how it happened. 

Yes, give it more thought. 

Thank you. This is a good idea. She could maybe make trouble, but in ways I could make trouble too since I have all her videos and pictures and so on. I wouldnt do this to her, but in her mind how would she know I wouldnt, so i dont think she could make trouble and not be scared that I could do it too. I was just reading some texts she sent me from early april and she said ' its crazy to think about cause she was in a relationship for 4 years and never once thought about marriage or weddings or vows or anything and now with you after only knowing you for this long like i think about forever with you and all stuff and our future and being your wife and kids like its just crazy ' then she said ' i saw a potential to date these other people but i honestly never saw them as long term relationships or partners i couldnt even see paul as that which is the guy she was with for almost 4 years, like i honestly cannot even put it into words why its different with you, it just is its everything, its how you make me feel, its how open we are, its your mind, its your heart, like we said its like we loved eachother in another time, it just feels like nothing ever made sense up until now with you and no one else will matter afterwards like i just cant explain it ' its mindblowing looking at stuff from awhile ago and this is just some of the stuff over text not over the phone

[thomas131313]

1 hour ago, K.K. said:

Depends on what the health issues are, I think. As far as meeting her as someone else, nah that’s not going to work. Why? Because she loves what she thinks is you. Ya know? And I guess it’s still you on the inside so I was thinking that if you really put it on the line and premised it with how much it’s going to probably hurt her and that you didn’t mean to do that, you just got carried away and thought she wouldn’t like what you looked like and didn’t know it would end up getting as serious as it did with the feelings, maybe she’d listen and try to understand. Maybe even still love you. Since she seems to think she does or actually does. You know though, meeting in person regardless if you knew exactly what the other looked like doesn’t always turn out for the best anyway. Still may be worth a shot.

Of course, you also run the risk of her coming to your house after being honest with her anyway and making trouble. But maybe she would possibly understand? I can see you don’t want to let her go and it’s not all just looking at her on cam. You seem to like her just as much as she likes you. You don’t talk to someone 10 hours a day without feeling close to them. 

You’re in a bad spot. I feel really bad for you. I can’t help it. Sure I feel bad for her too. But I get how it happened. 

Yes, give it more thought. 

how does one go about sending a message on here? i would like to discuss something with you privately if possible. i went to your thing but i dont see a way to send you a message

[thomas131313]

3 hours ago, K.K. said:

Depends on what the health issues are, I think. As far as meeting her as someone else, nah that’s not going to work. Why? Because she loves what she thinks is you. Ya know? And I guess it’s still you on the inside so I was thinking that if you really put it on the line and premised it with how much it’s going to probably hurt her and that you didn’t mean to do that, you just got carried away and thought she wouldn’t like what you looked like and didn’t know it would end up getting as serious as it did with the feelings, maybe she’d listen and try to understand. Maybe even still love you. Since she seems to think she does or actually does. You know though, meeting in person regardless if you knew exactly what the other looked like doesn’t always turn out for the best anyway. Still may be worth a shot.

Of course, you also run the risk of her coming to your house after being honest with her anyway and making trouble. But maybe she would possibly understand? I can see you don’t want to let her go and it’s not all just looking at her on cam. You seem to like her just as much as she likes you. You don’t talk to someone 10 hours a day without feeling close to them. 

You’re in a bad spot. I feel really bad for you. I can’t help it. Sure I feel bad for her too. But I get how it happened. 

Yes, give it more thought. 

the things shes talking about today are really bizzare timing, she has talked about this stuff before but shes talking about how even if she really wants to sleep with me she really wants to wait and have atleast one or two times where we are together and get to experience the other things first. then she said we have missed out on the beginning of a love story just feeling all the other things and the simple things. and that she doesnt look at me just sexually not even close and that she wants to feel butterflies when she touches my hand or kiss her for the first time and then she compared it to the case of benjamin button and how we are going backwards in a way, but we get to experience the good parts of being in love but then have to get to know eachothers physical form. i dont think i can be this guy for too much longer. im either going to have to tell her the truth and let her decide or make up a excuse and break up with her pretty soon. i cant do this for much longer

[thomas131313]

9 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Do you have a smartphone? If so, send her a pic of your actual self, explain who you are, make sure she's received it, swich the phone off then hide under the duvet for a week until it blows over.

If not, do the same but send the pic by post.

If you're feeling brave, facetime her (or use whatever video calling platform you usually use), introduce yourself to her and keep your fingers crossed.

Or 'break up' in the same way you 'met', over the phone.

I think that covers most 'suggestions' you can be given. But you knew them all already.

You put yourself in a pickle, time to get yourself out of it.

I almost told her the truth today but i couldnt do it. was so close we were talking about this kind of stuff and she even sent me a article called hopping on a plane for a first date or something and we were talking about this stuff calmly. i think that there is a part of her, a very small part, that thinks i could be playing her, and she has said that from the beginning too the fears that i might be screwing her, or not wanting to be with her and so on. she even said today she has no one to talk to about this stuff and her feelings since she cant tell her friends and family the total details of how we havent met, they all think weve atleast met a few times even her friend that she did talk to it about briefly doesnt know we havent met especially since we live pretty close to eachother. i asked her if there was someone else she could talk too cause she said im the only person she can talk to about this. she said her friends and family would of course not understand or no one really would and she doesnt want to do that to me and put me in a bad light to them. she mentioned about her talking to a therapist and she said something along the lines of ' i dont want the therapist to tell me im getting played ' since that is what this situation does look like,  maybe a part of her knows there is a chance but she doesnt want to see or accept it

[K.K.]

11 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

how does one go about sending a message on here? i would like to discuss something with you privately if possible. i went to your thing but i dont see a way to send you a message

I think you need a certain number of posts. Maybe 100. 

 

8 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

i dont think i can be this guy for too much longer. im either going to have to tell her the truth and let her decide or make up a excuse and break up with her pretty soon. i cant do this for much longer

It’s bound to be really, really difficult.  

[The Outlaw]

I also know what it’s like to get close to someone you’ve never met before because I have recently. But all you can do is tell her it wasn’t you in the photo. It may change things, but if she likes you as much as she says she does, everything may turn out OK. But after four months of chatting, it’s more than high time for a meet up. 

[thomas131313]

2 hours ago, The Outlaw said:

I also know what it’s like to get close to someone you’ve never met before because I have recently. But all you can do is tell her it wasn’t you in the photo. It may change things, but if she likes you as much as she says she does, everything may turn out OK. But after four months of chatting, it’s more than high time for a meet up. 

reading these stories on reddit are crazy. this girl was super young and didnt give this guy anything close to what this girl has given me

Thankfully I don't recall ever sending him naked pictures of myself, but I remember him offering to send pictures to me (I never accepted them) however we would sometimes talk sexually. (I know what you're thinking, how could he send nudes if he couldn't send a face pic. DW I get less naive). From here on things slowly began falling apart and I would occasionally get doubtful but the thought of questioning him and losing him was too scary.

I tore this piece of paper up (dang it), threw it away and tried not to think about it, because the thought of losing him broke my heart more than if he weren't actually real. I had already dealt with losing him to suspected suicide attempts, gone through the pain of a long distance relationship, invested myself in his child and he had saved me from my own suicide attempts.

But I couldn't stop thinking about it, and later his ex messaged me again telling me to look up an instagram handle. So I did.... And it was pictures of my boyfriend, only he had a different name and was actually in university. It then dawned on me. My entire world collapsed. I had been catfished for the past 6 months. My entire world, the person I messaged up to 22 hours a day wasn't real. The person I was preparing to move across the world and begin a family with at age 15 wasn't real. I confronted him and he admitted it wasn't him. He then sent me a picture of his real face and name. He wasn't unattractive but my heart was broken and I was finally mentally coherent enough to understand what was going on. Or so I thought (this was also a fake profile)... I blocked him and everyone else he introduced me to. I don't remember much of what came next, but I remember taking a long bath and laughing hysterically proving I probably wasn't as mentally coherent as I thought (oops).