I sent pictures of someone else to a girl who has now fallen in love with me and wants to meet me in person

[K.K.]

See she’s playing too. She wants to still like him. So she’s trying to fit the real one into her fantasy so that she can still feel all of these feelings of what she thinks is love and be wrapped up in this frenzied drama still. Asking him why he didn’t say she looked beautiful. Why would she care? Calling him a ‘coward’ because he left her house even though she told him to. 

I agree that he did her wrong with the lying. But at the same time, now she does know the truth and she’s still trying to talk to him. It’s not all a one sided lie anymore. Shes probably been lying to herself the whole time. Making him bigger than life on the screen. She’s playing her role. She’s choosing to continue with him all the while pushing him away. Push pull push pull. She has a few problems of her own. 

What a mess. 

Op, I’m sorry I just talked about you instead of to you. My bad but I’m not erasing all that now lol. What I wanted to ask you was other than when she said you had nice teeth I mean, isn’t it possible that she does think you’re attractive? How different do you look than the guy whose picture you used? 

I don’t think it probably has a chance in hell of working because how do you combine the fantasy with the reality. But ya never know, I guess. 
 

 

[thomas131313]

well i do believe her that she loves my mind and she fell in love with it

[thomas131313]

I look way different than him

[K.K.]

11 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

she said she didnt think i was that bad looking now. she said i looked ok. she doesnt know if she likes how i look or not.

 

3 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

she even said why would she be talking to me if she didnt love me

😮 I must’ve been replying when you wrote this. Yea see she’s a willing participant now. She’s still in the game even though the lie is out of the bag. So, maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think you can be held solely responsible from this time forward. She’s going to probably spin you in circles until she feels better but she’s a willing participant now. 

[thomas131313]

shes reaching out for me to forgive me and she says i cant even say i want to be with her cause i said i didnt know since i didnt want to seem desperate

[thomas131313]

thats what i said in my mind, why did she care if i called her beautiful or not

[thomas131313]

shes asking me my genital size

[thomas131313]

she wants a real genital pic

[thomas131313]

everyone is asking her if she could be with me, her friends and family

[healing light]

2 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

she wants a real genital pic

Omg, can we please kill the drama now? This isn't going to work out. She doesn't trust you and doesn't find you attractive in that way and is trying to force it.

You could send her a 1000 penis pictures but it isn't going to cut down on the 1000 paragraph emo messages she sends going round and round. She isn't in the most mentally stable place right now, obviously is still processing the lies, and I don't see what good can come from dragging this interaction out further. I think part of her just doesn't want to look like the bad guy for cutting you off even though she would have no reason to apologize for doing that, especially since you were grilling her about being superficial previously.

Edited to add: I also feel like this request is inspired by her not wanting to feel like the only vulnerable one with egg in her face because she did all the sex camming and racy photos to a guy she thought she had physical chemistry with.

Edited May 23, 2020 by healing light

[thomas131313]

she said a big problem is how much she told me and her honesty about life and she opened up for  the first time in her entire life and it was based on a lie. the one time she let her guard down and she was open and vulnerable it was a lie. she spent her entire life being closed off and then the one time she isint this is what happens. she said there was something about the situation or me that she was willing to give it and waited her entire life too. she said if nothing happens between us shes going to have to think back to the one time she did this was a fictional character. she said ive scarred her more than anyone in her entire life and hurt her the most and most painful thing shes ever felt. she said i made her visualize a fantasy, not only does she not know to move forward with me, but she doesnt know how to move forward with anyone else either and she wont have the connection she has with me

[thomas131313]

43 minutes ago, healing light said:

 I think part of her just doesn't want to look like the bad guy for cutting you off even though she would have no reason to apologize for doing that, especially since you were grilling her about being superficial previously.

 

I dont agree with this. i think she just would. shes emotionally attached in some ways i guess

Edited May 23, 2020 by thomas131313

[thomas131313]

1 hour ago, healing light said:

Omg, can we please kill the drama now? This isn't going to work out. She doesn't trust you and doesn't find you attractive in that way and is trying to force it.

You could send her a 1000 penis pictures but it isn't going to cut down on the 1000 paragraph emo messages she sends going round and round. She isn't in the most mentally stable place right now, obviously is still processing the lies, and I don't see what good can come from dragging this interaction out further. I think part of her just doesn't want to look like the bad guy for cutting you off even though she would have no reason to apologize for doing that, especially since you were grilling her about being superficial previously.

Edited to add: I also feel like this request is inspired by her not wanting to feel like the only vulnerable one with egg in her face because she did all the sex camming and racy photos to a guy she thought she had physical chemistry with.

Also I have said to her a few times over the past few days that she can leave if she needs to indirectly and shes still here, or that we shouldnt talk for awhile and so on. i have to be honest, i think if i told her to go away she might stay

Edited May 23, 2020 by thomas131313

[thomas131313]

she wants to role play with me with the old me haha this girl is nuts

[healing light]

1 hour ago, thomas131313 said:

i think if i told her to go away she might stay

I'm not gonna sugar coat this, I think this girl is a bit mentally ill. This doesn't excuse what happened, but a woman with healthy self esteem would take pause or walk away. She's been throwing red flags all over the place from the beginning even if you were that good-looking guy. Rushing the relationship, talking about kids and marriage before even meeting in the flesh, etc. Even her comment about "how you should have stayed" despite her telling you to leave was not healthy. Obviously in some weird passive aggressive way she wanted you to "fight for her" but that's not a healthy way to communicate at all. Even the assumption that she will never find any connection as deep *ever* is all or nothing thinking typical of some types of personality disorders. 

The problem with online intimacy before meeting is that it is perfect for those who are emotionally unavailable in some way to play out or construct fantasies that often don't translate into real life. It's not as threatening, people disclose things they may not normally if they were in the flesh when they can hide behind the comfort of a computer screen. She was in love with an idea. Her assumption that this was suddenly the relationship that was going to save you and be her "reward" for all her wounds is backward.... the inner work must be done and healed first in order to establish and attract strong foundations for healthy partnerships. There is a lot of maturing that this woman will need to go through before she can be a viable partner, so even though your half of the sidewalk is far from clean, I just don't see what type of beneficial relationship can be cultivated under these circumstances.

It sounds like a co-dependent toxic mess, tbh.

Edited May 23, 2020 by healing light

[thomas131313]

6 minutes ago, healing light said:

I'm not gonna sugar coat this, I think this girl is a bit mentally ill. This doesn't excuse what happened, but a woman with healthy self esteem would take pause or walk away. She's been throwing red flags all over the place from the beginning even if you were that good-looking guy. Rushing the relationship, talking about kids and marriage before even meeting in the flesh, etc. Even her comment about "how you should have stayed" despite her telling you to leave was not healthy. Obviously in some weird passive aggressive way she wanted you to "fight for her" but that's not a healthy way to communicate at all. Even the assumption that she will never find any connection as deep *ever* is all or nothing thinking typical of some types of personality disorders. 

The problem with online intimacy before meeting is that it is perfect for those who are emotionally unavailable in some way to play out or construct fantasies that often don't translate into real life. It's not as threatening, people disclose things they may not normally if they were in the flesh when they can hide behind the comfort of a computer screen. She was in love with an idea. Her assumption that this was suddenly the relationship that was going to save you and be her "reward" for all her wounds is backward.... the inner work must be done and healed first in order to establish and attract strong foundations for healthy partnerships. There is a lot of maturing that this woman will need to go through before she can be a viable partner, so even though your half of the sidewalk is far from clean, I just don't see what type of beneficial relationship can be cultivated under these circumstances.

It sounds like a co-dependent toxic mess, tbh.

yesterday and today she said for the record i do love you

[thomas131313]

5 hours ago, K.K. said:

 

😮 I must’ve been replying when you wrote this. Yea see she’s a willing participant now. She’s still in the game even though the lie is out of the bag. So, maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think you can be held solely responsible from this time forward. She’s going to probably spin you in circles until she feels better but she’s a willing participant now. 

she talks about forgiving me and all this different stuff. she says she loves my mind and soul and she fell in love with my mind. do you think this is possible? so while i think your right shes trying to feel the love still im not sure

[preraph]

She's just having trouble letting go of her fantasy.

[Calmandfocused]

I’ve only read the first and final page. 
 

Op have you had your mental health checked out recently? This is all absolute bats***t crazy to me. You don’t sound well to me. Neither does she. 
 

You say you never meant for this to happen? Well I’m sorry but you’re not being honest with yourself. Yes you did! Why else would you create a fake profile? You wanted attention of beautiful women to boost your ego and feel better about yourself. You must have known you could potentially hurt people by your actions but it doesn’t sound like that was a consideration to you? 
 

My advice: leave her alone. You’ve done enough to her. 
 

In the future be truthful to yourself and to others. You’ve no right to emotionally harm people like you have in this instance. 
 

 

Edited May 23, 2020 by Calmandfocused

[thomas131313]

16 hours ago, K.K. said:

 

😮 I must’ve been replying when you wrote this. Yea see she’s a willing participant now. She’s still in the game even though the lie is out of the bag. So, maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think you can be held solely responsible from this time forward. She’s going to probably spin you in circles until she feels better but she’s a willing participant now. 

i think there are 2 really big factors here. one is that she cant associate the feelings with one person to another person no matter what i looked like. if i was good looking it would not matter, she would still not be able to associate the feelings and memories with me and be able to transfer them over. i dont know if this is possible or not. she would give me a chance to get to know me better of course after this and then maybe we could be in a relationship in that way if i was good looking but its hard to say. i also think that she loves parts of me, not me fully, she loves more than one human, in one human and she wants to love me like how she loved the fake guy. shes also in a weird spot because she loves someone who she is not that attracted too this is probably why also she wants more visuals of me and more pictures, and now she wants me to get on cam for her. i think that the chance that this works out is pretty small, if i was good looking there would be a higher chance because she would get to know me again atleast more, but its hard to say. i also told her yesterday that listen i asked her if she is going to want to know me after the dust settles and she said yes she cant imagine not but that her heart is burnt and it needs to heal with tender love and care. also i betrayed her and destroyed her trust and lied to her for 5 months so theres that part too and caused her so much pain that she might not be able to get over this either. she said why should she put in the work to try to forgive me if she cant ever trust me again and if she was going to be with me how would she know that i wouldnt hurt her again i guess. in a way she is doing what i did to her now i think

[thomas131313]

3 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

I’ve only read the first and final page. 
 

Op have you had your mental health checked out recently? This is all absolute bats***t crazy to me. You don’t sound well to me. Neither does she. 
 

You say you never meant for this to happen? Well I’m sorry but you’re not being honest with yourself. Yes you did! Why else would you create a fake profile? You wanted attention of beautiful women to boost your ego and feel better about yourself. You must have known you could potentially hurt people by your actions but it doesn’t sound like that was a consideration to you? 
 

My advice: leave her alone. You’ve done enough to her. 
 

In the future be truthful to yourself and to others. You’ve no right to emotionally harm people like you have in this instance. 
 

 

its not like i thought some girl would be dumb enough for it to happen

[amaysngrace]

you did this.  this is all you.  

don’t blame some girl for being trusting and then call her dumb like she’s the one with the problem. omg

[thomas131313]

well like 99 percent of girls wouldnt have done this so theres that

[balletomane]

6 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

well like 99 percent of girls wouldnt have done this so theres that

When people here pointed out to you that her behaviour wasn't healthy, you wrote post after post to insist everything was fine, plenty of people fall in love online, your case isn't different. When the woman finds out you lied, you completely change your tune and start calling her dumb. More than that, certain things you've said about her and things you've quoted from her suggest that you've been insulting her and criticising her on a regular basis, calling her superficial and sl*tty. You are coming across here as either a.) very unkind and lacking self-awareness or b.) a massive troll.

Edited May 23, 2020 by balletomane

[thomas131313]

maybe dumb wasnt the right word sorry. i dont think shes dumb in general, but obviously has something going on with her. i would talk about her sexual past with her, thats the only thing i really judged her on. i knew her behaviour wasnt good in a sense in that she was way to trusting with someone she has never met. i think i knew she was not dumb but too trusting i guess about certain things the entire time for her to believe me and everything i said, but i also liked lots of things about her too. people do fall in love online, but she never saw me on cam or anything

Edited May 23, 2020 by thomas131313