I sent pictures of someone else to a girl who has now fallen in love with me and wants to meet me in person

[Backinthesaddleagain]

Please commit yourself to a mental help facility before you hurt someone. 

[healing light]

2 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

this is literally a once in a million story, maybe even once in 100 million

 

2 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

this story could be made into a movie or a book

 

I think all this dysfunction is somehow feeding your ego, but it is not special. A toxic relationship was formed via catfishing, two people who have issues are playing them out with each other.

 

2 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

if she was just staying around cause i could blackmail her

 

Why would you even think or talk about blackmailing this poor woman who has already put up with too much of your BS?

 

2 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

it was more that she lied about going on the date and didnt tell me and then atleast told me a week later.

 

She doesn't owe you anything. Not info on who she dates, not sex, not even friendship.

[thomas131313]

19 hours ago, healing light said:

 

 

I think all this dysfunction is somehow feeding your ego, but it is not special. A toxic relationship was formed via catfishing, two people who have issues are playing them out with each other.

 

 

Why would you even think or talk about blackmailing this poor woman who has already put up with too much of your BS?

 

 

She doesn't owe you anything. Not info on who she dates, not sex, not even friendship.

She cant have it both ways, where she keeps me in the middle and keeps coming back to me, while dating other guys. The second time we were in person and when she tried to have sex with me she was so offended when I couldnt get a proper erection for her and embarrassed too. a few days after or a week after or so she was crying about it on the phone for an hour about how offended she was that I couldnt get a erection properly and that she thought I didnt really like her body and so on. i could see a girl being like this with a guy that she really liked but me? she used to say to me months ago that if we didnt end up together she would have to kill me cause i know to much and to think about where we are now

[healing light]

2 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

She cant have it both ways, where she keeps me in the middle and keeps coming back to me, while dating other guys.

You have a choice in this, too, you know. You can walk if you're not happy with the arrangement, as can she.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm surprised this thread is even still open. 

[heavenonearth]

On 6/26/2020 at 7:17 AM, thomas131313 said:

She cant have it both ways, where she keeps me in the middle and keeps coming back to me, while dating other guys. The second time we were in person and when she tried to have sex with me she was so offended when I couldnt get a proper erection for her and embarrassed too. a few days after or a week after or so she was crying about it on the phone for an hour about how offended she was that I couldnt get a erection properly and that she thought I didnt really like her body and so on. i could see a girl being like this with a guy that she really liked but me? she used to say to me months ago that if we didnt end up together she would have to kill me cause i know to much and to think about where we are now

can you ever react/respond in a thoughtful manner to the things people are suggesting to you on here? 

because people have been blunt and kind and you're not listening.

 

get a diary, maybe.

[thomas131313]

well people are telling me to walk away and im not sure i want to do that. her behavior changes so much daily which is normal for anyone to some extent but shes playing a push pull game with me and i guess she has been doing this since the lie has came out of the bag. on friday and saturday she was so communicative more than usual id say, and then she told me to text her when i got up the next day and then she acts different and doesnt communicate as much like before and is way more cold and distant somewhat. im trying to understand why she is playing this hot cold game or this push pull game. is it a ego boost for her or is it some kind of power control. she was even talking about the kind of mother she wants to be to her kids and stuff like that with me this weekend which is things she used to talk about when we were still in the lie. i want to know what shes trying to do with this. i may try pulling away pretty hard to see what happens or talking to her more about it directly again im not sure

Edited June 29, 2020 by thomas131313

[thomas131313]

shes crying on the phone for 2 hours today. she gave me so many chances she has never done this with anyone. shes given me more chances than anyone else in her entire life. shes saying i put in no effort with her. shes still so upset about everything

[Maldives]

Wow you are In a real bind here I get it where your at and how it's led to this you thought it was just going to be some harmless fun and you just never  thought it might actually be someone you fall for and them in turn for you. Well the way I see it is if you don't tell her the truth your not gonna progress this as in for the real thing in real life. How long can you sustain a relationship based off communicating on the net? You can see where this is going. The truth as they say will set you free none of us a perfect and your not bad you just haven't thought the consequences thru. Ultimately it's down to you. Me personally I think you owe it to yourself to come clean and to her. 

Edited June 30, 2020 by Goodguy05

[Maldives]

Ok sorry I've just brung myself up to speed..mate attraction is a huge deal if she's not attracted to U U r shoving s*** up a hill.. 

[Maldives]

Hot and cold because she's going through the motions this is on a downhill slide bro you be better off using this as a lesson.. the attraction alone is a deal breaker mate you will never ever be able to change that even if you do get it on track at some stage she will not be into it and bail...again no one can tell U what to do but can already see it from where I am it's like trying to make someone love you it's impossible 

Edited June 30, 2020 by Goodguy05

[Roswell91]

9 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

well people are telling me to walk away and im not sure i want to do that. her behavior changes so much daily which is normal for anyone to some extent but shes playing a push pull game with me and i guess she has been doing this since the lie has came out of the bag. on friday and saturday she was so communicative more than usual id say, and then she told me to text her when i got up the next day and then she acts different and doesnt communicate as much like before and is way more cold and distant somewhat. im trying to understand why she is playing this hot cold game or this push pull game. is it a ego boost for her or is it some kind of power control. she was even talking about the kind of mother she wants to be to her kids and stuff like that with me this weekend which is things she used to talk about when we were still in the lie. i want to know what shes trying to do with this. i may try pulling away pretty hard to see what happens or talking to her more about it directly again im not sure

You both need help.

You're both mentally unstable.

I don't know if there's any point saying this but you need to both leave each other alone. 

Your obsession with her is not going to lead anywhere  good. And she is a dimwit for continuing to be in contact with you.

Edited June 30, 2020 by Roswell91

[thomas131313]

i think theres a part of me that doesnt like her and resents her somewhat for a certain reason and that she probably doesnt want to be with me is cause i am not attractive enough, not cause i totally destroyed her trust and lied to her. its both reasons and the trust and the lies is a big one too and might not be fixable and she talks about those all the time but the thing is if i was better looking she WOULD want to be with me, and accept me despite what i did to her for 5 months, and that is hard to like a person for that.

 someone in this thread once said why am i making this about my looks, and not my lies, and they asked me if i really think she is that shallow. well if she would be willing to look past everything easier if i was better looking the answer is, she is that shallow. im starting to like her less with time im not sure. im starting to resent her in some ways for this reason mostly i think. she has given me so many chances like she said and so on, but most girls that were deceived like this would reject the person that did this to them, even if they found them more attractive i think, maybe im wrong but with this girl while the lies and trust issues are really big and there might be no way around those, the fact that its not the number one factor makes me like her less. she has said she also doesnt want to give me the satisfaction of being with her cause of what i did to her so this plays a part too, but its not the main factor i think. what i did to her was so bad that how could that not be the main factor and not my looks i just dont like that. people are right, there is a chance that this ends really badly with her there are times when im pretty mad

Edited July 2, 2020 by thomas131313

[thomas131313]

its hard to know what shes doing still. i confronted her about the game shes playing and she said alot of things. she did say she has been somewhat standoff ish but she still will be totally different one day to the next, but she did explain some reasons behind it and it wasnt excuses, but also just focusing on her self and a bunch of other things and she mentioned the attention thing and how shes not all over me like before, so she said i dont like this. i still dont like this push pull game shes playing. shes warm and caring one day and talks a lot, and the next shes distant and somewhat cold. she still gets sexual with me over the phone too, and says we are going to have sex again probably and what not. i have analyzed the past 5 months more recently and i think and as others have said this has been a really big ego boost for me to have a girl so into me. the attention and the stroking of my ego for the past 5 months is probably what i enjoyed the most about this but also talking to her in general. i do like her still but i need to analyze things more. i went into things initially just to mess around as in when i first met this girl 5 months ago and we ended up here by accident mostly. i did deceive her on purpose obviously but im starting to get sick of this i just dont like what shes doing anymore its getting old

Edited July 2, 2020 by thomas131313

[thomas131313]

i think i get it now. this entire past 6 weeks makes alot more sense. she wants to like me and thats all this really is. she has said it dozens of times that she wants it to be me. all of this has been for her not me. while she has given me so many chances based on personality and connection alone, it hasnt been cause of me, its been cause of her. she wants to like me so bad that she was even willing to have sex with me. thats why after the first time we met she really delayed meeting again cause she said she was scared that she wouldnt feel it or be into it and it would break down more of what we had. she says that now also that if we spend time in person since she doesnt feel the same things as she did before in the same way that it will break down more of the potential of what we had. this has all been about her. she even said recently that she has been selfish. she said too that i have never been in a position where i have to force myself to like somebody so i dont know what shes feeling. she says shes paralyzed and doesnt want to lose me but doesnt see how she can be with me but this has been about her wanting to like me and thats what this comes down to mostly. she knew from the beginning she wouldnt and she still tried so hard i guess

Edited July 2, 2020 by thomas131313

[basil67]

Dude, of course it's about her.  When we decide whether or not to be in a relationship, the decision is based entirely on our on needs.     It's not selfish to consider whether a relationship meets our needs....I feel sad for her that she says she's being selfish.

2 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

she said too that i have never been in a position where i have to force myself to like somebody so i dont know what shes feeling. 

What she's feeling is that she's trying to force herself to like you.   How can you say you don't know when you just gave the reason in the sentence?  

[thomas131313]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

Dude, of course it's about her.  When we decide whether or not to be in a relationship, the decision is based entirely on our on needs.     It's not selfish to consider whether a relationship meets our needs....I feel sad for her that she says she's being selfish.

What she's feeling is that she's trying to force herself to like you.   How can you say you don't know when you just gave the reason in the sentence?  

its about her but it has been about her wanting to like me and nothing else. what im saying is that she said that I have never been in that position with anybody where i have to force myself to like somebody, so i dont understand, or know what it is like to be in her position, this is what she said to me. i think she said shes being selfish in the sense that she knows that she cant ever be with me but shes still here and playing a push pull with me ever since the lie has came out of the bag i guess. as i said i gave her the opportunity to part ways and she didnt want to i guess, but why? why wouldnt she want to when she knows she cant ever be with me

[basil67]

Because she's trying to overcome her feelings.   It's not going to happen, but apparently she's the kind who throws good money after bad.

[thomas131313]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

Because she's trying to overcome her feelings.   It's not going to happen, but apparently she's the kind who throws good money after bad.

her feelings of not liking me? or what do you mean. i did even tell her that she probably wont like me more with time i guess

[basil67]

Yes, trying to overcome her feelings of not liking you.  

[thomas131313]

way more emotional over this than i thought i would be. i need to try to let go of her soon cause she is going to drag me around probably for months still, cried last night a bit and i dont cry almost ever. theres a part of me that loves her i think, and a part that doesnt and resents her. im not sure what to do i cant keep doing this day after day with her its too much but also letting go is too much so not sure. as much as she says shes paralyzed and stuck in the middle so am i not sure what to do. today i ignored her text for 2 hours and didnt respond and then finally responded to her and as soon as i start talking to her i feel happier this is annoying i cant get away from it.

we are talking about everything today i wish i could post her texts i guess. shes essentially saying there are a few things and that that shes not attracted to me, shes hurt by what i did, and she doesnt feel healthy in our conversation and relationship since we have talked about so much bad stuff that we cant move past it and actually enjoy time and have fun and be light and shes scared we cant do that. she also said it taught her about meeting and talking online cause you cant know everything about someone and then start from the beginning getting to know them in person it doesnt work and its hard to be two places at once knowing everything but uncomfortable knowing someone and doing things in person. shes also saying that in the beginning of this situation she was scared of losing what we had, yet at the same time this doesnt make sense cause we talked about this a few days ago and now shes saying shes content with letting life work itself out and so on and shes coming at everything neutral and not fantasizing anything and giving her heart and energy a break

she said her problem is she hasnt felt anything in person and i asked her what she meant by that. she said its hard to explain but that what we were talking about is a huge example we spend so much time analyzing stuff and it stresses her out even when she is the one that analyzes everything too. she said she doesnt need her quote on quote relationship making her more stressed and sad and angry i guess. she said shes tired of her own stuff and always being a melodramatic person who is never happy and is always attracting sadness and this doesnt have anything to do with me. shes saying she wants to change some of her toxic behaviour and so on

[ExpatInItaly]

Do you have a therapist, Thomas?

[BaileyB]

10 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

shes essentially saying there are a few things and that that shes not attracted to me, shes hurt by what i did, and she doesnt feel healthy in our conversation and relationship since we have talked about so much bad stuff that we cant move past it and actually enjoy time and have fun and be light. she also said it taught her about meeting and talking online cause you cant know everything about someone and then start from the beginning getting to know them in person it doesnt work and its hard to be two places at once knowing everything but uncomfortable knowing someone and doing things in person.

She’s finally figuring it out. She’s going to walk away, which is the healthiest thing she could do, for both of you.

[thomas131313]

she still says she doesnt want to lose me, but cant be with me either. im not sure how to deal with that. do i just be her friend then? she also said i look better on cam than i do in person. she said on cam i look not bad or ok and i wouldnt be the first guy on the list of who she would want to have sex with with how i look on cam, but i looked better than in person. something she has said since the lie has come out of the bag and spending time in person is that she doesnt feel a need to want to touch, feel and hold me and so on and that she feels uncomfortable with it which is related to looks but ive had female friends in the past where we were just friends and they had no problem with touching me and so on so this is kind of weird. she also said if i was more attractive that she would hate me less and so on and probably would be with me despite what i did to her, i didnt like hearing this. shes a very wishy washy girl always changing her mind about things this is something she even used to talk about even before to me and told me this is how she is, and this even holds true when she talks about how i look in some ways. shes all over the place about literally everything. im thinking of letting her go pretty soon not sure we will see what happens i guess. its interesting, she doesnt want to have sex with me, she thinks im not attractive, she doesnt like how ive acted with her in person, she thinks im not that kind and nice to her and so on and sometimes i treat her bad, but she said she has been treating me bad too, yet she is still here. why? what is she really gaining from this

[basil67]

40 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

 yet she is still here. why? what is she really gaining from this

The bigger question is: given that you know how she feels about you, what you're gaining from this?  Your decision has to be about what you want, not what she wants.