I sent pictures of someone else to a girl who has now fallen in love with me and wants to meet me in person

[chillii]

7 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

she still says she doesnt want to lose me, but cant be with me either. im not sure how to deal with that. do i just be her friend then? she also said i look better on cam than i do in person. she said on cam i look not bad or ok and i wouldnt be the first guy on the list of who she would want to have sex with with how i look on cam, but i looked better than in person. something she has said since the lie has come out of the bag and spending time in person is that she doesnt feel a need to want to touch, feel and hold me and so on and that she feels uncomfortable with it which is related to looks but ive had female friends in the past where we were just friends and they had no problem with touching me and so on so this is kind of weird. she also said if i was more attractive that she would hate me less and so on and probably would be with me despite what i did to her, i didnt like hearing this. shes a very wishy washy girl always changing her mind about things this is something she even used to talk about even before to me and told me this is how she is, and this even holds true when she talks about how i look in some ways. shes all over the place about literally everything. im thinking of letting her go pretty soon not sure we will see what happens i guess. its interesting, she doesnt want to have sex with me, she thinks im not attractive, she doesnt like how ive acted with her in person, she thinks im not that kind and nice to her and so on and sometimes i treat her bad, but she said she has been treating me bad too, yet she is still here. why? what is she really gaining from this

 

 

Not reading the thread but this one and one or two others seem to have nailed it soooo, good enough.  She's become close to you obviously through all this so of course that's hard to shut off. Just because she isn't attracted doesn't mean now that all that just disappears so she's stuck. And the fact it was sorta fantasy for a long while first before you came clean , makes it emotionally even more confusing now . No matter what she says she still feels a lot for that person now , problem is she's not attracted .  She wishes she was but she knows she just isn't. lt's all just only gonna hurt  you man , around and around . lmo there's only two choices for ya.  Either try to forget all this that's happened and except that she will only ever be some kind of special friend , but that's gonna hurt , and sooner or later she'll meet someone.  Or walk away and one day meet someone new .  And let her have it from the start because if she can't like you as you then she's not for you anyway.

 

 

[thomas131313]

well i officially lost my cool. last night she got sexual over the phone with me and then she told me something that she lied about also. she didnt go on another date but she lied again. i didnt care that much when she told me and in the moment i was ok with what she said and then we ended the night ok, but after i started to get really really mad about it and i ended up texting her death threats in the middle of the night. also called her lots of names. she responded this morning at work and said a few things, but then she also said she feels sick and she feels like crying and this is what shes talking about we are always so toxic to eachother. she said read at what i said to her and called her. she said i told her i was going to kill her and that what type of relationship is that. i then responded again and she said shes at work and cant text much but can we talk on the phone later and i dont know how im going to respond to this. she is also saying sorry for some of the things she has said recently. part of me wants to say no and doesnt want to talk to her on the phone and make her think shes going to lose me like she says she doesnt want, and part of me wants to talk to her. i havent decided yet

[thomas131313]

5 hours ago, chillii said:

 

 

Not reading the thread but this one and one or two others seem to have nailed it soooo, good enough.  She's become close to you obviously through all this so of course that's hard to shut off. Just because she isn't attracted doesn't mean now that all that just disappears so she's stuck. And the fact it was sorta fantasy for a long while first before you came clean , makes it emotionally even more confusing now . No matter what she says she still feels a lot for that person now , problem is she's not attracted .  She wishes she was but she knows she just isn't. lt's all just only gonna hurt  you man , around and around . lmo there's only two choices for ya.  Either try to forget all this that's happened and except that she will only ever be some kind of special friend , but that's gonna hurt , and sooner or later she'll meet someone.  Or walk away and one day meet someone new .  And let her have it from the start because if she can't like you as you then she's not for you anyway.

 

 

this is very true what you said here is accurate. she even said that yesterday just briefly how that when i first met her the first time that she was heartbroken right away cause she wasnt attracted but also she has given me so many chances. she also says that in person she doesnt feel the same things for me as she did when she thought i was the other guy i guess. she even said it makes her feel like s*** that she doesnt want to have sex with me

[thomas131313]

i essentially told her a few things and then told her im unavailable to talk on the phone and to take care of herself. she said shes sad i feel that way and that she feels like she has tried to explain her side in more detail than what ive summarized it to be and that she has spoken about how it was difficult to transition from phone to in person and the obvious other obstacles. she also said she has been honest with saying shes needed to figure out how to move forward with me in her own way. she said she is sad that i feel this way towards her and she said that for what its worth she really appreciates all the time and conversations we shared and the connection and she said she feels very sad to think about losing that and that shes sorry if shes hurt me and so on.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, thomas131313 said:

i ended up texting her death threats in the middle of the night.

You’re going to wind up arrested or committed to a psychiatric ward. 

Or both. 

This needs to stop. 

[Paul]

 Hi @thomas131313,

3 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

i ended up texting her death threats in the middle of the night. also called her lots of names.

As @ExpatInItaly pointed out, threatening to harm yourself or others is behavior, even if out of anger, that would indicate that you're in a crisis situation. It's good that you're reaching out, and I would encourage you to continue to reach out to those in your local community, yet this web site is not a place where we have the resources necessary to help individuals in crisis.

Please reach out to your local crisis hotline or your local emergency number.

Best,
Paul