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I sent pictures of someone else to a girl who has now fallen in love with me and wants to meet me in person

thomas131313

By thomas131313,
in Long-Distance Relationships

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Tristian
Message added by Tristian

Out of concern for the privacy of the other party, direct copies of text messages that were intended to be private have been removed.

While I've done my best to maintain continuity wherever possible some posts may seem out of context due to the removed content.

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thomas131313

thomas131313

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4 minutes ago, preraph said:

Still trying to make her the shallow one, are we?

not really. just saying if she would put up with this lie if she was attracted to me. it sucks that how someone looks is more important to people then the emotional connection that they claim to have. i mean its one thing if you arent attracted to someones looks but its even worse to lose that connection with someone. how does one know they will find that connection with somebody else. lets see what she does im really not sure

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ExpatInItaly

ExpatInItaly

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1 hour ago, thomas131313 said:

about a 10 minute drive or so

I’m confused why you consider this long distance?

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preraph

preraph

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1 hour ago, thomas131313 said:

not really. just saying if she would put up with this lie if she was attracted to me. it sucks that how someone looks is more important to people then the emotional connection that they claim to have. i mean its one thing if you arent attracted to someones looks but its even worse to lose that connection with someone. how does one know they will find that connection with somebody else. lets see what she does im really not sure

You're a hypocrite. You're the one who found looks so important that you stole someone's identity so that you could pose as someone better looking so that you could attract women you knew you could not attract as yourself. So the crown for shallowness between you two goes to you.

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Emilie Jolie

Emilie Jolie

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35 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

it would be interesting to know if i was a good looking guy but not the guy in the pictures if she would stay with me even if i lied to her about this

Mate. You need to snap out of fantasy mode. Emotional connection is nice when true. She thought you were someone else. Not just your face. She built a whole fake life in her head picturing someone else. It is completely natural for her to reassess everything else. It's not a social experiment. You not only misled her, you put her in a position where she felt she had to lie to her family to save your bacon - and hers. Couples do meet that way, and it's hard enough to make it work without the misleading part, but the main fact is that you give the impression you are half-assed about her, that it was a bit of an attention-seeking game that went way too far for you.

Have you been truthful about everything else at least? If not, and if for some reason she is entertaining the thought of seeing you again, lay it all on the table for her, out of decency. No more lies. Leave her to process and decide what she wants to do.

  

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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1 hour ago, thomas131313 said:

Do you have any suggestions that are atleast positive of something i could say to her?

I think you are done. There is nothing else to say at this point... your words are pretty meaningless. 

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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1 hour ago, thomas131313 said:

 just saying if she would put up with this lie if she was attracted to me. 

No she wouldn’t. Not if she had any good sense.

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preraph

preraph

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If a person has good sense, they know not to get mixed up with a proven liar. I mean that's about the worst character trait you can have for being in a relationship. I could see some little immature teenager overlooking it, but only until she wised up.

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thomas131313

thomas131313

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26 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Mate. You need to snap out of fantasy mode. Emotional connection is nice when true. She thought you were someone else. Not just your face. She built a whole fake life in her head picturing someone else. It is completely natural for her to reassess everything else. It's not a social experiment. You not only misled her, you put her in a position where she felt she had to lie to her family to save your bacon - and hers. Couples do meet that way, and it's hard enough to make it work without the misleading part, but the main fact is that you give the impression you are half-assed about her, that it was a bit of an attention-seeking game that went way too far for you.

Have you been truthful about everything else at least? If not, and if for some reason she is entertaining the thought of seeing you again, lay it all on the table for her, out of decency. No more lies. Leave her to process and decide what she wants to do.

  

Im the same person. it IS just my face that is different. she pictured a different face, not a different person on the inside

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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It really has never been about what you look like.  It's about you lying to her for all this time.  She now sees the real you through the filter of how long you let her believe the lie.  That is what makes you unattractive.  Sorry.  

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Emilie Jolie

Emilie Jolie

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1 minute ago, thomas131313 said:

Im the same person. it IS just my face that is different. she pictured a different face, not a different person on the inside

She has no way of knowing that, besides your word. Which she can't take at face value. Are you considering this from her perspective at all? 

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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Posted (edited)
28 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

Im the same person. it IS just my face that is different. 

You are not though. She thought you were and honest, dependable, trustworthy person and now she knows... that isn’t true. The person she thought you were, the person you represented yourself to be,  is not the person that you are - not at all.

It has NOTHING to do with physical appearance. 

Edited by BaileyB
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preraph

preraph

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She's about to go legal on you.  

 

You're not the same person except for your face at all. She thought you were an honest considerate responsible person who was also handsome, and now she knows you are a dishonest irresponsible liar who stole someone else's identity and has photos of her. 

 

Ladies, one more glaring reason why you should not be sending suggestive photos to strangers on the internet. 

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The Outlaw

The Outlaw

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Man, you should have sent her your real picture in the first place. What was there to be ashamed of? If she didn’t accept or like the way you look, then she wouldn’t be the one for you. And now, you’re doing damage control to a situation that maybe irreversible. It’s just best to be honest upfront with any developing relationship whether it’s in RL or online. And with as close as you got to her, it’s going to be a tough pill to swallow if it’s over. 

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thomas131313

thomas131313

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20 minutes ago, The Outlaw said:

Man, you should have sent her your real picture in the first place. What was there to be ashamed of? If she didn’t accept or like the way you look, then she wouldn’t be the one for you. And now, you’re doing damage control to a situation that maybe irreversible. It’s just best to be honest upfront with any developing relationship whether it’s in RL or online. And with as close as you got to her, it’s going to be a tough pill to swallow if it’s over. 

maybe i shouldnt have met her yesterday

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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33 minutes ago, preraph said:

Ladies, one more glaring reason why you should not be sending suggestive photos to strangers on the internet. 

Or passwords...

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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6 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

maybe i shouldnt have met her yesterday

Maybe you shouldn’t have misrepresented yourself and lied to the woman. 

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The Outlaw

The Outlaw

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6 minutes ago, thomas131313 said:

maybe i shouldnt have met her yesterday

Just take it if as a lesson learned, man. All you can do. 

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K.K.

K.K.

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4 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

how do you think i should approach today? as much as she said she forgave me and so on im guessing her family is going to try to convince her im a terrible person. should i send her any messages? she ended the night by saying i dont want to talk to you anymore tonight and to sleep well and that shes so angry and shes not even sure who with maybe herself, maybe the world, maybe me, maybe the other me. then she said its all good and good night

Hi. Sorry it’s not going so well. On one hand sure, I see where everybody’s coming from. Of course. She’s not going to trust anything you say now. That’s the problem. On the other hand, it’s makes you wonder ... if you had been more to her liking (I guess?) when she saw you last night, would she have swept the lie right under the rug. 🤔

I think maybe you should reiterate again that you didn’t know you would fall for her like you did. And maybe throw in there again that it’s only your face that’s different. I mean isn’t it?? Besides the fact you lied, it’s still only your face that’s different? How are you supposed to prove that you deleted anything? 

She sounds like she’s about to get really pissed. Damage control, man.  You’re still at her mercy right now. She could probably turn really ugly and turn you in for catfishing or impersonating someone else. So at this point, just tell her anything she wants to hear and bail as quickly as you can. 😕 
 

(No, I’m not saying he was right in what he did, nope he wasn’t, but he’s here asking for help so that’s all I’m trying to do. Not much point in beating his head in now) 

 

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Emilie Jolie

Emilie Jolie

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58 minutes ago, K.K. said:

I think maybe you should reiterate again that you didn’t know you would fall for her like you did.

Agree on K.K.'s last point, what's done is done, but on the above - only say that if it's the truth, thomas131313. If you're not that into her and you only like the attention you're getting, reassure her that everything she sent you will not be made public (or even better, deleted), apologise for the hurt caused without any 'but I am the same person deep down,' and kindly move on. As you said, you are not in the best of health so you don't need the aggravation. Don't add insult to injury.

Even if you did genuinely care, the ball is firmly in her court. 

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thomas131313

thomas131313

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she still likes me talking to her on phone for past while. she said she thinks its worse if i was the guy and told her i didnt want to be with her it would have hurt in different ways but also it would make her feel like shes not good enough. she doesnt want to lose me but shes having a hard time like seeing the different people. shes having a hard time with the 3 people the fake me real me and the guy in the pictures she cant comprehend it. her entire family thought she was getting played before she did. she said there is upsides to this and a silver lining cause of who i am

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thomas131313

thomas131313

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i do like her but i do have my own issues going on, she is obviously really upset and crying all day. she also seemed to care if i liked how she looked in person

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Emilie Jolie

Emilie Jolie

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Does she know about these other issues? I guess what I'm asking is: are you 100% in? If not, fgs please let her go. She's in a very delicate emotional state, don't add more turmoil to her life.

Edited by Emilie Jolie
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thomas131313

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she does but not all the details. she said that when i left her place yesterday she felt the need to call me and talk to who shes been talking to for the past 5 months, as in the fake me, so she didnt call me but she wanted to she is really traumatized shes talking about going to a therapist and stuff

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thomas131313

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shes obviously having a hard time with the lieing. i dont know whats going to happen but i know that ever since shes met me she hasnt said she she loves me once except when were on the phone a hour ago when she said she fell in love with my mind. before we met and when she knew i wasnt the guy when we were talking on the phone before i went to meet her she said she still loves me this is before she saw me. when i was talking to her just recently on the phone she is so traumatized that she said she cant give me anything right now she needs a bit of time

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