I sent pictures of someone else to a girl who has now fallen in love with me and wants to meet me in person

[ExpatInItaly]

This all reads like some bizarre and twisted social experiment you tried to conduct on this girl to give yourself a reason to continue being angry at the world. 

[balletomane]

30 minutes ago, Backinthesaddleagain said:

Well Catfish, you seem to still be focused on the looks thing. Its not about looks, as much as it is about how attractive someone else finds you.

OP, the conclusion you're drawing from your catfishing - that when posing as a good-looking man you had better dating chances - is disproven by this thread.

Who did you succeed in attracting? A very fragile woman with obvious emotional and mental health problems. This is not an example of dating success.

You don't seem to realise it, but your posts and writing style suggest you gave mental health problems of your own. Your problems fed into hers and contributed to the very unhealthy fantasy she was building up around a man she'd never seen. With most women your scam wouldn't have lasted two minutes, because they would have either been put off by your way of talking or your refusal to meet/video chat. Healthy women don't waste their time on someone who plays games like that. So what you've actually demonstrated here is that immature, fragile men can rope in immature, fragile women if they tell enough lies. This has nothing to do with appearance.

[thomas131313]

shes trying to make me jealous now kind of and this is after yesterday she said she is stuck in the middle of not letting me go romantically and being able to hold on too. today she made 5 or so jokes about dating and a few other things that are supposed to make me jealous and then she says she is kidding

[LynneVicious]

8 hours ago, Yosemite said:

 

I read the texts, it sounds like you went there the first time with barely any grooming or hygiene at all, then the next time you got sick (vomited?), at some point you told her straight to her face that you rate her a 5-7, you can't get perform intimately and you've tried several times, you say negative things about her to her, you move slowly (because you're obese? Idk just guessing), you called her shallow, you won't kiss her or touch her...and the "relationship" started with you catfishing her. This whole thing is insane. At least it seems like she's finally putting an end to it.

 

Actually op, what exactly went wrong with your dates with her? Are you able to pick up social cues and subtle nuances?

Also, for arguments sake: let’s say this is ALL about looks. You’re right. She’s not attracted to you and was only attract to the catfishing photos you used. 
 

What does that tell you? You LIED about who you are. Forget about all that “soul” mate talks and in depth conversations. You completely 100% lied about what you are. Of course there’s an almost unanimous chance it’s not going to work. What possessed you to use someone else’s photos? They are going to find out in the end. Why not portray yourself who you are and be honest and let her choose whether she wants to get to know you or not?

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, thomas131313 said:

shes trying to make me jealous now kind of and this is after yesterday she said she is stuck in the middle of not letting me go romantically and being able to hold on too. today she made 5 or so jokes about dating and a few other things that are supposed to make me jealous and then she says she is kidding

Thomas, are you even reading other people's posts on here?  Or are you not interested in anyone's advice?

[thomas131313]

she is sending me dirty pictures now wow

[thomas131313]

we spent more time in person. theres alot of factors like not being attracted, lieeing for 5 months, erection problems and health issues. this was the most real and open she has been with me so far in person and shes still really mad at me for lieeing to her and has trust issues. she was crying too. we walked her dogs. she also said something about how not giving me the satisfaction of her being with me since i hurt her so bad and not deserving her something along those lines and also said something about its hard to care for me in the same way as she did before the lie and shes not sure why she said it might be cause i hurt her so badly i guess and a few other reasons probably. she said sorry for being cranky once during the night but then when i was leaving she was still being rude and i told her good luck  and its not going to end well for her and then she apologized again and said shes just cranky and then i left but then when i left she texted me saying that shes so cranky cause i made it sound like i needed to see her but she was exhausted and didnt want too. then she said dont ever threaten her again and like that is going to make her trust me so much more. she apologized again and said it was her bad and  it was ok i guess

Edited June 17, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[ShyViolet]

3 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

we spent more time in person. theres alot of factors like not being attracted, lieeing for 5 months, erection problems and health issues. this was the most real and open she has been with me so far in person and shes still really mad at me for lieeing to her and has trust issues. she was acting like a ***** and was crying too. we walked her dogs. she also said something about how not giving me the satisfaction of her being with me since i hurt her so bad and not deserving her something along those lines and also said something about its hard to care for me in the same way as she did before the lie and shes not sure why she said it might be cause i hurt her so badly i guess and a few other reasons probably. she said sorry for being cranky once during the night but then when i was leaving she was still acting like a ***** and i told her to go **** herself and good luck to her and its not going to end well for her and then she apologized again and said shes just cranky and then i left but then when i left she texted me saying that shes so cranky cause i made it sound like i needed to see her but she was exhausted and didnt want too. then she said dont ever threaten her again and like that is going to make her trust me so much more. she apologized again and said it was her bad and she was a ***** and it was ok i guess

What do you want us to say?  Is this just your personal blog now?

[thomas131313]

what is the general consensus here? i understand that many people have given me suggestions but here is the situation at hand. we have seen eachother in person 4 times now including the time we first met. we are not dating and she does not want to be with me right now but she might in the future. she still says she wants it to be me. today she was sending me dirty pictures and talking about her sexual fantasies and then i said something and she said maybe one day, and that she needs to be single for awhile she wasnt talking about me when she said this. then i asked her what does being single have to do with it and she said she means fully single and to be by herself, and in her own head both physically and mentally and get back on track and she has learned that she doesnt want someone touching her unless its emotionally connected and shes not going to repeat her patterns again. then she said its kind of weird this is the first time where she has no interest in dating or even talking to guys or really anyone. then she said maybe me and her can go for bbq soon. im not really sure what to do here now. do i just keep going slow with her and spend more time in person and see what happens i guess? she wants to go for bbq or food or this is what she says. what is she doing here? what do people think? is she just taking it slow with me now. should i say anything to her? the situation is pretty confusing i guess

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, thomas131313 said:

what is the general consensus here? 

That both of you have some serious underlying issues and the likelihood this relationship will work out is essentially nil. 

 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

what is the general consensus here? 

There has been a lot of general consensus given, but you appear to have ignored it.  Instead of just posting updates, I suggest you read the comments which have been sent your way.

[heavenonearth]

this reads like an incel's wildest fantasy.

OP... you sound like a complete narcissist. leave the woman alone. she seems emotionally unwell. what you're doing to her is self-serving only, you don't listen to what people say to you on here and you're only hearing what you want to hear. 

the relationship you have with this woman is toxic beyond belief from both sides. from her side, because she is emotionally unstable and from your side because you're very cunning and appear to be just an overall bad person with bad intentions! leave her alone. 

Edited June 17, 2020 by heavenonearth

[Calmandfocused]

Loveshackers: 

Advice that doesn’t support, admire and feed the narcissistic ego, is impenetrable to the narcissistic brain. 
 

You’re wasting your time. Thomas isn’t listening to you. 

[ShyViolet]

11 hours ago, thomas131313 said:

what is the general consensus here? 

You still don't know???  My god, have you read ANYTHING that anyone has said to you for this entire thread?

[thomas131313]

wow when things could not get any worse. this girl is more of an idiot than i thought. i saw her last saturday and she just told me that she went on a date monday and she wasnt going to tell me. she said she has been honest about us the entire time and she went on a date for dinner and didnt even kiss and is telling me to calm down. shes saying i lied to her about everything for months and she doesnt tell me about dinner and im this hard on her. its actually shocking she would lie with how much information i have of her and how i could literally destroy her life forever im actually shocked. she also said she went out because it was light and didnt have all this past drama and its not like me and her had fun together. she also said it was a one hour dinner date and it was more drama going than positive and she felt nothing and she felt guilty because of me. shes also saying that she went out on this date to see if it was me that she didnt want to be with or if it was her that is hurt and upset and to see how a date goes. she just told me now about it wow im shocked she would lie to someone who could destroy her this is actually kind of funny in a way. i just told her she has lead me on and then went on a date with somebody else and these are the things she said. i told her i just screwed her over the hardest shes ever been screwed over in her entire life and shes willing to lie to me. shes saying she didnt lie and stuff. she said she felt guilty the entire time she was on it. she said it was a experimental thing to see how it would go and she doesnt want to date anybody she wanted to see what it would be like if it was a connection and she tried to date and to see if it had no pressure cause with me theres so much since weve talked about so much and we mostly just fight alot of the time

Edited June 21, 2020 by thomas131313

[thomas131313]

i have to many problems from erection problems and so on to make this work. i think if i was fine and healthy it might be ok possilbly

[thomas131313]

all we really do is fight alot

[ExpatInItaly]

What’s your question, Thomas?

[thomas131313]

i told her the facts are she cant get over the looks and the lies and that it will never be the same and we can have sex again and then if she wants to part ways we can. she said she never wanted to part ways and that she also needs to take time to see what happened, and she said but i keep pushing this so maybe thats what i want? i told her i know as time goes on you are not going to like me more but less and that she went on a date so that says something. she said and shes talking to me still and told me about it. i told her she is still processing all the lies and is far from being done with that. she said she is processing alot of things in regards to us. i told her there is so many things to process with time she is going to feel better and not want to be with me and so on, and she said she never said that.

[thomas131313]

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What’s your question, Thomas?

something you said before was that this girl doesnt have alot of opportunity for relationships which i dont think is true. she is fairly attractive and lots of attractive men are into her and want to go on dates with her. does that mean they want to be in a relationship with her? not always,  but i think you were wrong about this as you said she didnt have many options for relationships and that is part of the reason why she was waiting so long for me in the lie. possibly when they get to know the real her and how she really acts they wouldnt want to be in a relationship with her maybe

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, thomas131313 said:

 possibly when they get to know the real her and how she really acts they wouldnt want to be in a relationship with her maybe

That’s exactly what I meant, Thomas. 

Getting dates isn’t that hard if you’re an attractive woman. But that’s not the same thing as being able to maintain a relationship. Most rational men are not going to stick around long when they realize the woman in question has very obvious emotional and mental health issues. 

The ones that do are likely equally as unbalanced, or going to try take advantage of her naivety and fragility.  

[heavenonearth]

On 6/21/2020 at 7:00 AM, thomas131313 said:

wow when things could not get any worse. this girl is more of an idiot than i thought. i saw her last saturday and she just told me that she went on a date monday and she wasnt going to tell me. she said she has been honest about us the entire time and she went on a date for dinner and didnt even kiss and is telling me to calm down. shes saying i lied to her about everything for months and she doesnt tell me about dinner and im this hard on her. its actually shocking she would lie with how much information i have of her and how i could literally destroy her life forever im actually shocked. she also said she went out because it was light and didnt have all this past drama and its not like me and her had fun together. she also said it was a one hour dinner date and it was more drama going than positive and she felt nothing and she felt guilty because of me. shes also saying that she went out on this date to see if it was me that she didnt want to be with or if it was her that is hurt and upset and to see how a date goes. she just told me now about it wow im shocked she would lie to someone who could destroy her this is actually kind of funny in a way. i just told her she has lead me on and then went on a date with somebody else and these are the things she said. i told her i just screwed her over the hardest shes ever been screwed over in her entire life and shes willing to lie to me. shes saying she didnt lie and stuff. she said she felt guilty the entire time she was on it. she said it was a experimental thing to see how it would go and she doesnt want to date anybody she wanted to see what it would be like if it was a connection and she tried to date and to see if it had no pressure cause with me theres so much since weve talked about so much and we mostly just fight alot of the time

I am truly shocked by the things you’re writing. She’s not your girlfriend. She can date whomever she wishes to date. 

You want to destroy her over it? What kind of person are you that this is your very first thought? Something’s not right with you if these are the thoughts you’re having. 

You seem to be extremely narcissistic and see no fault with yourself ever and always look to see fault in others. I suspect this girl isn’t as bad as you make her out to be. You’re incredibly insensitive and your ignore everything people say on here that doesn’t fit your agenda. 

Why are you asking people for advice if you don’t listen? 

[heavenonearth]

12 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That’s exactly what I meant, Thomas. 

Getting dates isn’t that hard if you’re an attractive woman. But that’s not the same thing as being able to maintain a relationship. Most rational men are not going to stick around long when they realize the woman in question has very obvious emotional and mental health issues. 

The ones that do are likely equally as unbalanced, or going to try take advantage of her naivety and fragility.  

Which is exactly what OP is doing. 

[healing light]

On 6/22/2020 at 2:05 AM, heavenonearth said:

You seem to be extremely narcissistic and see no fault with yourself ever and always look to see fault in others.

This is exactly the impression I am left with. Thomas is a narcissist or a sociopath. One who is dishonest with bad hygiene, basic lack of manners, and performance problems to boot. Usually there is a certain level of charisma that helps entrap people into their lair before the abuse comes out. And yet he wants to destroy and manipulate her for rejecting him???? After she gave him 1000x more chances than he deserved based on personality alone? Wow. The gall. 

[thomas131313]

she said to me that she keeps coming back to me. she said that the guy she was with for almost 4 years she never went back to and she broke up with him and he tried to get back with her several times. she said its funny that she wouldnt go back to him, but she would come back to me even in this situation. whats crazy too is this girl has let me have sex with her several times and she thinks im hideus. ever since the lie she has made some nice, but also some mean comments about my looks in different ways, but she has also been honest in saying that she isint attracted to me and doesnt find me attractive and isint into me. this is literally a once in a million story, maybe even once in 100 million. lets say that there was some other girl that fell for what i did to them like this, there is not a single girl on the planet that would then let me have sex with them several times after especially when they thought i was hideus. she said sorry the other day for being so mean and toxic to me since this happened and that she has tried to make me the bad guy and then she said she is just as bad as me. thats another interesting caveat is that if she was just staying around cause i could blackmail her well then she would have been way nicer to me if that was the case.

another thing she said months ago before she found out about the lie is that if we didnt end up together she would have to kill me cause i know to much. also she said recently that she did alot of the things she said she would do atleast the sexual things that she talked about before she knew about the lie, but i didnt do them as all the things i talked about doing to her sexually before she knew who i was i didnt do properly cause i have erection problems. this story could be made into a movie or a book. for the record i dont want to destroy her, but it was more that she lied about going on the date and didnt tell me and then atleast told me a week later. she did it behind my back, when she is telling me im the liar and the she goes and does what i did. she said she isint going on a second date with the guy and he wasnt a bad guy or anything too

Edited June 24, 2020 by thomas131313