Contact again or not? The temptation is oddly becoming strong to try and reach out to her again

[triple-s]

Theres this girl im talking with and she knows im interested in her ... So many times ive asked her out she said shes busy with school and i made plans with friends .

Then for a solid month i left her alone .. she reaches out to me out of nowhere at 2:35am and tests me hope the year is good for you so far ?

I messaged her back and she sends me a photo of her in her new work uniform ... and then i proceeded to ask her out ...and to which she replies " youll never see me again " ..

WTF .. okaaaaay

so i asked " why did you text me out of the blue at 2:35am " ... and her reply was " I accidentally liked one of your instagram posts and i was feeling good about myself . nothing more "

so then i tried to call her out and said " you know you say alot of things you dont mean . Your actions never match with your words " ( she always promises shell do things but never does )

Her reply ---- " ok ? "

so that was the moment i stopped contacting her .

its been 3 days and ive been pretty headstrong about my decision ... . anyone got any insight what im dealing with here ? im sick of being trampled on . she knows i like her yet when i leave her alone , she reaches out only to dismiss me ?!?!?!?!? ?

Edited March 25, 2020 by kylo-ren

[basil67]

You're dealing with someone who's not interested in dating you.  The 2:30am text was likely drunk and means nothing.

Block her and move on.

[triple-s]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You're dealing with someone who's not interested in dating you.  The 2:30am text was likely drunk and means nothing.

Block her and move on.

I have ... I just wasnt sure if i was missing something ... I genuinely believed she reached out because maybe she changed her mind or had feelings .

I found her response rather insulting knowing well known that i was into her ... and when i tried to move on she reached back ...

im just sick of being mistreated . She keeps me in touch with Social media yet she never deletes or blocks me ...

I vowed never to reach out again .

[Marc878]

No contact is up to you. Block everything 

[Legatus]

I don't think it's a competition between actions and words. It's about alignment. If you just act without context or some words, then actions do not actually speak - you infer the words through your experiences and your eyes. I was once told that somebody preferred actions over words - it was her reasoning behind not telling me anything, when she decided to stop seeing me and then inviting me over etc.). 

But to the point, clearly she likes the game. The you'll never see me again is almost an invitation for you to chase her - makes me cringe when I see people behaving like that.. Don't think twice about her, such behaviour is pathetic!

[mark clemson]

Agree with @Legatus - don't bother with her. It seems she's not interested in more than messing with you for her own entertainment. Your "genuine" belief/interest is being played. She's probably got little better to do during the COVID lockdown, but that's no reason for you to allow yourself be "gamed" by her.

[triple-s]

3 hours ago, Legatus said:

 

But to the point, clearly she likes the game. The you'll never see me again is almost an invitation for you to chase her - makes me cringe when I see people behaving like that.. Don't think twice about her, such behaviour is pathetic!

Its been a few days since i last connected with her and im dont plan to . Yes; reading her say to me " youll never see me again " sounds a bit too harsh . as if i mistreated her ?

anyway appreciate your input

[triple-s]

2 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Agree with @Legatus - don't bother with her. It seems she's not interested in more than messing with you for her own entertainment. Your "genuine" belief/interest is being played. She's probably got little better to do during the COVID lockdown, but that's no reason for you to allow yourself be "gamed" by her.

Agreed. She always says to me how BUSY she is with school and how shes applying to these internships ...etc ..

truth is im not an idiot and no one is that busy - its all about priorities .

yeah ive pretty much given up . But watch .. i give it a month or even 2 . ill get another random message " hey how you doing " SMH

[preraph]

Well, it's certainly clear enough that she doesn't want to go out with you, so hope you're not trying to find some way to believe she does.  She just sounds like she maybe reached out just to see if you were still all into her for some ego validation.  Maybe she was peeved at the guy she DOES like and just did it out of spite to show herself she could.  But one thing is for sure, she isn't interested in you and is actually quite mean, so you shouldn't be interested in her either.  

[triple-s]

9 minutes ago, preraph said:

  is actually quite mean, so you shouldn't be interested in her either.  

OMG . there was a time i was asking her what the deeper meaning of the tattoo on her shoulder was and merely asked how it relates to HER ( im basically just trying to open conversation " and her reply : " its private information " ...

SMH .. what a rude reply

Ive been nothing but nice to her ... and when i read that ; wow ; if im such a nuisance why not just block me

[preraph]

Well, she doesn't CARE enough to block you, but you care, so you are the one who should have blocked her -- a long time ago.  She sounds horrible, and she isn't interested in you, has told you so many times by refusing to go out.  I hope you're not one of these naive guys who has seen one too many rom-coms and thinks it actually works to be persistent with women, because women know whether they're attracted right away and it doesn't change.  All being persistent will get you is a restraining order these days!  Just block the crazy girl.

[triple-s]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

  Just block the crazy girl.

I just did right now

 

Thank you

[preraph]

Well done, Kylo-ren.  Always remember you do not have to agree to keep interacting with people who bring negativity into your life and are messing with you.   It's fine to say no by blocking them.  Now you can forget about her and find someone better to focus on and devote your energy to!  

[Marc878]

The one thing to remember.

you are the only one that can keep you in this.

[triple-s]

OH believe me fellas ...

Ive been on a self love self care journey since Jan 1 2020 and thats all ive been trying to protect is my well being. Shes the ONLY distraction and she doesnt seem to appreciate what i have to offer for her . Im focusing on my purpose . Financially comfortable . Being healthy and being the best version of myself

Marc 878 . yes thats absolutely true ... theres a quote i read online ; " you must participate in your own rescue" ... and thats what im doing moving forward .

SELF LOVE. Thanks for your feedback it really helps me channel my thoughts more confidently

[triple-s]

 

Ladies and gentlemen ….

Dropping  in DIRE need of your advice ..  Thought id reach out and get some thoughts / opinion as its become an ongoing dilemma of mine . And to be quite honest I dont want to feel like this anymore.

Ill try to make this short and to the point as possible  :

This all started August 2019 .

I met this girl during a trip to Montreal . ( Im from Toronto ) .... around 5 1/2 hr distance

Shes 25 University Student and I'm 40 ( I work in IT for a tech firm ) . I spent a few days in Montreal with her and we had fun going on hikes, eating out at nice restaurants ( we didn’t hook up / sleep together but I did flirt with her and she knew it too ) !   I asked if she had a BF she said she was single . During my last day, I had a moment with her alone at a park where we blazed up some MJ( her idea )   — and during that time alone , I told her I really enjoyed her company and wanted to tell her i like her by saying "  Hey I really had fun here ; perhaps i could get to get to know you ‘   ……. and WHAT THE HECK LADIES AND GENTS =. SHE STARTS CRYING !??!?!?!?! ( I never made a move on her physically either !!! ) ... BUT WOW i thought i was tripping out on weed but ; she was LEGIT Crying / Upset

Walking back to the car she got really upset saying she NEVER wants to be in a relationship again — I sat there  was wondering what the heck is going on while we were both High on marijuana … All I said was “ I wanna get to know you “ and she explodes in my face ! She even snarled at me saying " STOP SAYING THAT YOU KEEP REPEATING YOURSELF " ...

Whoa.

We Left the park ; dropped her off at her home … when we parted ways ;  I shook her hand and gave her a hug ,…. I noticed she was shaking/ trembling as if she was uncomfortable !!!! ((( So I thought . WHAT IS GOING  ONNNN  ))))

So I left Montreal wondering what the heck just happened all dumbfounded and tripping ( I was still HIGH ASF )  I thought everything was going smoothly . And when I got back to Toronto ; I got this scathing long ass message explaining to me what she went through how she doesn’t trust men and she was mentally and physically abused by her last relationship . After messages back and forth ; we acknowledged  to grow and understand each other and  to still keep in touch via instagram and facebook . ( she was basically threatening to cut me off if I didnt acknowledge of her past )

So i thought to myself - COOL . we put that aside all that behind us and we just took things slow moving forward via text messaging ...

From August 2019 - Dec 2019 we kept in touch … She was studying in University . In November I asked if she wanted to meet up again ( i was offering to meet up again ) 

STRIKE ONE = Declined because of school work  .

Fast forward to near the end of December . . .  maybe I should ask to see her during her winter break and she says

STRIKE TWO = ‘ no sorry I have to catch up with friends '

So my dignity kicked and I pretty much said to myself F THIS !!! My new years resolution was to cut myself completely .

January 2020 came around and I vowed myself never to reach out to her . (( GONE NO CONTACT  ))

(( WELL ---- Heres the kicker ))

Middle of January 2020 … Strangely she was liking my posts on fb and all of a sudden at 2:30am on Jan 30th she messages me out of the blue saying “ Hey ! Hope 2020 has been swell for you “   

I was on cloud 9 . Seeing her text message made me feel this rushing sense of relief --- she does care ! ... or does she ??!?!?!

I messaged her the following morning asking how she was ; she was doing good and she even sent me a selfie of her in her university lab uniform … I thought to myself ; OK MUST BE INTERESTED I GOT THIS LOCKED DOWN. Lets ask her out ....

SO  I Followed up to ask .Texting never builds attraction so i asked her " I would love to see you sometime ; when are you free to get together ? "

 — and she replies back .

…“ As I mentioned to you back in 2019 ; you’ll never see me again  “

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT ?!?!?!?!!??!?!?  That left me soooo confused and crushed … So I asked her why did she reach out at 2:30am and her answer to me was "

" I was feeling good about myself and I accidentally liked one of your instagram posts ; NOTHING MORE " …. ( FYI : Which was a lie. I never got any instagram post notifications of any likes !??! )

February came , we texted back here and there … It was always me doing the initiating . her answers were always non enthusiastic ; I always led the conversation … pretty tame conversations too . Until I noticed ; she DELETED HER INSTAGRAM .

I asked why she did that and her explanation was shes sick of social media, hates technology and is only keeping facebook due to her school mates . ( I don’t know how tru that is )

And finally March came around —— right before the pandemic started … we were just shooting the s*** and I noticed her replies were short . Responsive  .... but It felt cold .
I wanted to strike conversation so I asked the girl  " What the symbol of one of her tattoo’s meant ?  " —— and she replies " That's Private Information “  

Folks , When she said that ;  Something in me triggered .... and a voice just said STOP . I felt like im just picking at straws ; demeaning myself ...... So I didnt reply back .  It felt like she didn’t want to open up and felt kind of rude tbh ..... and its been a month and 2 weeks  . I went no contact for the month of April and she hasn’t opened communication whatsoever .
As of Today May 5th I haven’t heard a peep from her since …

Our communication had  always been on via facebook chat ( were still friends there ) but she doesn’t message  nor like anything I post anymore …

.. SO HERE I AM  - with the thoughts and temptation to try and ignite conversation again ?
Do I I even try ? …. Whats your take on this one ???

Sometimes I think her hatred towards men is her way of punishing me . Which i think is total BS cuz I DID NOTHING WRONG TO HER.

As transparent as I can be to you readers ; I'm highly attracted to this woman . She’s not only intoxicating to look at  but educated, isnt narcissistic , comes from a good family - just overall fun to be with … I feel like we had a connection during my time there but perhaps deep down she’s still hurt from her last relationship which is why she seems to be she’s pushing me away .

Please knock some truth serum to me as I'd love to get some feedback here as strong im trying to be . The temptation is oddly becoming strong to try and reach out to her again …

I want to do the right thing and not screw this up 

TRIPLE-S

 

[Erik30]

12 minutes ago, triple-s said:

“ As I mentioned to you back in 2019 ; you’ll never see me again  “

Just repeat those words to yourself when you feel the urge to reach out to her... she might text you again some day for attention, but you'll never meet up.

Find someone else, you're wasting your time.

[triple-s]

1 minute ago, Erik30 said:

 ... she might text you again some day for attention, but you'll never meet up.

Find someone else, you're wasting your time.

I dont understand why she would lure me back into that -- What was her reason for reaching out to me ??? WAS that just trying to get me to lavish her with attention ? 

[triple-s]

........... What did i do wrong ? =(

[Erik30]

39 minutes ago, triple-s said:

I dont understand why she would lure me back into that -- What was her reason for reaching out to me ??? WAS that just trying to get me to lavish her with attention ? 

Yeah she probably felt about herself, (Maybe because of some other guy) so she wanted some male attention... Just to remind herself that she is attractive and men do like her.

You didn't do anything wrong. If you text her it won't lead to anything.

Edited May 5, 2020 by Erik30

[contel3]

48 minutes ago, triple-s said:

........... What did i do wrong ? =(

You didn't do anything wrong. This woman is traumatised for some reason and is acting irrationally.

If its impacting you emotionally this much I would suggest you go no contact. 

[elaine567]

8 minutes ago, triple-s said:

What did i do wrong ? =(

36 minutes ago, triple-s said:

Shes 25 University Student and I'm 40

You are far too old for her. I am not sure the context of your original meet up, but it sounds like she wasn't interested even then
You are attracted to her, she is not attracted to you, else she would be acting interested...
She told you and told you and told you she was not interested in pursuing anything but you still hung in there.
When people reject you, you need to listen to them.
Interested people act interested.
They don't tell you they never want to be in a relationship again, nor are they too busy to see you., nor do they say "You'll never see me again" 
Women in general try to be polite..
She was being very clear, without actually telling you to get lost.
You just didn't take the hint
You projected your feelings on to her, you cared therefore she cared, it doesn't work like that.  

She had to finally resort to no contact in order to get rid of you .
Leave her alone.is my advice.



 

[basil67]

I remember when you wrote about her recently and said that you'd stop messaging her.  Well done for sticking to your guns - please don't reach out again. 

What did you do wrong?   You didn't listen to her from the very start telling her that she wasn't interested.  Rather, you confused every bit of friendly contact as being more than friendly.   And no, it's not because of trauma, it's because she doesn't have any tingles for you.   

Edited May 5, 2020 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, triple-s said:

I dont understand why she would lure me back into that -- What was her reason for reaching out to me ??? WAS that just trying to get me to lavish her with attention ? 

This exactly. 

She was bored and wanted her ego stroked. She doesn't have a serious interest in you, though. There's zero point in trying to make something out of this; she doesn't feel the same way you do. 

[d0nnivain]

This child is broken beyond belief.  No matter how attracted you may be she is not capable of being a healthy partner for you & she's not interested.  She's OK with you being an orbiter but there is no mutual attraction.  How many times does she have to tell you NO before you understand?  

Delete her off everything.  Lose her phone #.  Disconnect on every social media platform.  There is nothing here for you & there never will be.