Disappointed that my best friend isn't there like I expected her to be

[Oscar1993]

I get right now is extremely hard for everyone, please don't get me wrong, I know everyone is going through their own struggles. Two of my grandparents have passed within a week, I was so close with both of them so I am devastated. I cannot turn to my parents for support right now as they're both trying to come to terms with their own losses. The only person I really have is my best friend. I don't have a partner and I'm in lockdown alone.

Apart from my family, she is the only other person who knew how close I was to my grandparents. I don't know if I am being unfair. She doesn't have many close friends outside of our friendship and neither do I. I get talking to me right now is probably draining, but if she were going through the same, I would be there night or day.

But the last week or so, I will send a message, she will reply, I will reply back and then she won't answer or take like 5 days to reply or she will message me first, I'll reply and she won't answer. I'm not even being depressing when I'm talking to her, I'm trying hard not to mention how I really feel and just chat about normal things, but I just need someone there, which usually she would have been.

We normally talk everyday. Every single time I have spoken to her I've asked her how she is, how her family are, what she's been up to, whether she needs anything. I've literally mentioned their death once, and that is when it happened. Not since, even when she's asked how I'm feeling.

I don't know, I just feel sad as I thought she would 100% be there and I miss her. I feel sad about this on top of everything else. I don't want to sound selfish at all.She's at home with nothing to do either, she's said it plenty of times. She's online constantly. I just know that I would act differently.

Edited May 5, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[d0nnivain]

I am so sorry for your loss.  My heart breaks for everyone who losses someone at this time.  You don't even get the comforting rituals. 

Unfortunately many people can't handle death.  They just don't know what to do or say.  People have trouble understanding that they aren't supposed to fix it.  They are just supposed to be there to listen. 

You can rely on your parents.  They are grieving too.  You can mutually help each other.  

I'm all for the sheltering & social distancing but unless you or your parents are on the front lines or somebody is in a high health risk category, I think I'd violate the rules & go to your parents.  You all needs hugs now.   

[FMW]

I'm sorry for your loss, it's especially hard when you have more than one to deal with at the same time.

Your feelings about your friend are understandable.  My only guess is that maybe she is going through some kind of depression/stress and is just focused on her self to the point she isn't capable of being there for anyone else.  Her being online is an easy thing to do, doesn't require her to interact beyond what she chooses.      

Your parents are dealing with their own loss, but you can share thoughts, feelings and memories and be mutually supportive. 

[stillafool]

I too am sorry for your loss and I know how difficult it is to lose people you love.  Do you have cousins who shared your grand parents that you can turn to?  It's usually other family members who are the best support during these times because they are experiencing the same loss and know exactly how you feel.  I agree that you should lean on and support your parents during this as they probably need your support too.

[ShyViolet]

You say that you don't have any other friends or family that you feel you can lean on about this, that she's the only one.  Maybe she feels overwhelmed or it's just too much for her.  Maybe she's not in a good place right now, maybe she's feeling depressed and just not able to be there for you.  

Try to develop another support system besides just her.  Try talking to family members..... you may be surprised, maybe they can be more helpful than you think.  Or if nothing else maybe try therapy.