Bye to Crush at Work

[funsizeme]

Once upon a time:

After I fought with my husband, I parked my car in front of a grocery store. Over there I saw an ad about Opening Job. Once I home I applied for it online. A day later I got a call from them asking me to come for interview. I was glad they accepted me and one of the job’s assignment was that I need to work overnight once a week. I agree.

I thought on overnight we will work by ourselves but I found other worker which were Overnight worker also work at the same time. When the first time I worked overnight, I didn’t think I saw this guy; a guy who talk and laugh loud (it similar to me, lol).

The first time I saw him was on the second week of overnight. I don’t know why suddenly I feel like I like him. I wonder what his name was. My supervisor introduced us but I don’t think she mentioned about our name. For what I heard, everybody seem call him Jay. I tried to find out what his real name is. Lucky, I found Overnight’s schedule in a room where everybody could access into it. I looked around and I found a name that could be match to his name.

I like him but I know who I am; an older married lady with 2 kids. I can not bother this young guy. First I am married (no matter how bad my marriage is, I am still married), second thing I have two kids. Say that he likes me back and in future he become my husband, I never ever wanna turn him into step dad. I don’t wanna bother anybody with my kids. Why? Because being step parent is not easy. I feel it now.  I feel my current marriage is not easy part of it because of the step kids who stay with us.

Third reason is he is too young. Fourth reason is I don’t know his status. Fifth reason is i don’t know what kind of people he is. I might like him physically but I don’t know his character, his interest, his hobbies, his temper, etc.  I might don’t like his inner’s stuffs.  Sixth reason is I don’t wanna create problem at work. He and I could lose the job if they find out we playing around.

Those reasons enough to border myself from him. I decided to just enjoy his present. Nothing less, nothing more. I even didn’t dare to talk to him. I always feel nervous everytime close to him. I feel like become statue when we close to each other. I was not who I am when he close to me. Silent. Which is not my character coz I am noisy person.

 

*I sent this email above to my younger crush at work after i quit working there. He never reply this email but we connected through a chat app and when i ask him why he didnt reply he said, he confused. I didnt insist beside i dont really need his reply. I just want him to know about it. He seems not like me back and i can see it from the gap of his answer our conversation on the chat app. It always take long time for him to reply but he asked me to exchange our picture since we are away now. I dont know his status, he never said clearly wether he has girlfriend or wife.  I just make a guess that he has wife so that he seems can only chat while he at work.  I dont wanna investigate. I just glad enough to know him and can feel those sparkling butterfly in my stomach, i am glad my heart was beating again. 

Thank you for reading. 

[preraph]

Awww.  Sounds like you were just hungry for love, and kind of fell for the first person you were around much.  You had the common sense not to mess up your job and marriage over it, and for that, I give you kudos.  It can be painful to feel that intense rush of passion again, and of course, like you already know, that comes from inside you, not something the other person brings.  

 

You have passion and nowhere to put it, but I hope you find joy with your kids and marriage.  Life isn't easy out there for single ladies.  I think you know that.  Younger guys don't take older ladies seriously, though they may be attracted.  They just don't.  So don't hold out any hope.  I'm sure this guy was surprised, but that only means you did act appropriately or he wouldn't have been so surprised.  

 

Keep looking for a job you like and maybe you'll find one that really stimulates you in other ways!

[DKT3]

It sounds like something a 16 year old girl would write.  I dont understand why you need all those reasons why not too when I'm married should be enough.  His relationship status should not matter.  The reason I'm saying this is because if he was interested you would be having an affair right now. Affairs fix nothing,  your marriage will get worse, your state of mind will get worse, anxiety will increase.  All for what? To ramble on like a 16 year old girl?

Passion comes with effort something that so many MW don't seem to understand.  

[funsizeme]

48 minutes ago, preraph said:

Awww.  Sounds like you were just hungry for love, and kind of fell for the first person you were around much.  You had the common sense not to mess up your job and marriage over it, and for that, I give you kudos.  It can be painful to feel that intense rush of passion again, and of course, like you already know, that comes from inside you, not something the other person brings.  

 

You have passion and nowhere to put it, but I hope you find joy with your kids and marriage.  Life isn't easy out there for single ladies.  I think you know that.  Younger guys don't take older ladies seriously, though they may be attracted.  They just don't.  So don't hold out any hope.  I'm sure this guy was surprised, but that only means you did act appropriately or he wouldn't have been so surprised.  

 

Keep looking for a job you like and maybe you'll find one that really stimulates you in other ways!

I think i do hungry for love. I have been busy taking care of my husband's kids and our kids as well. It drained my energy inside out.  I gave a thought a lot about it and i know my crush on him will going nowhere just like you said so that i decided to just leave the job. Thank you for your nice and kind words. 

[preraph]

You just need a break.  You're in a rut.  You felt something fresh there for a minute.  You have probably lost yourself a little taking care of the kids.  I just urge you to maybe find something you like to do that you did before you married and had kids that might fulfill that need in a harmless way.  

[funsizeme]

35 minutes ago, DKT3 said:

It sounds like something a 16 year old girl would write.  I dont understand why you need all those reasons why not too when I'm married should be enough.  His relationship status should not matter.  The reason I'm saying this is because if he was interested you would be having an affair right now. Affairs fix nothing,  your marriage will get worse, your state of mind will get worse, anxiety will increase.  All for what? To ramble on like a 16 year old girl?

Passion comes with effort something that so many MW don't seem to understand.  

I have a lot of reason to get out from my current marriage, so that i consider another lot of reasons not to playing around with another man. I believe we would have affair if he was interesting as well... that is more embrassing to me actually if i kept staying around him. Well, in the end i am just human, i might be old woman but they said we always have kid's soul in our heart and i am glad enough i have a chance to feel like teenager again. Thanks you. 

[funsizeme]

2 minutes ago, preraph said:

You just need a break.  You're in a rut.  You felt something fresh there for a minute.  You have probably lost yourself a little taking care of the kids.  I just urge you to maybe find something you like to do that you did before you married and had kids that might fulfill that need in a harmless way.  

I  always interested in coding and web design but i never had chance to even learn about it, always followed by kids everywhere.  I hope i will find a time to do this next time. 

[preraph]

Maybe when the kids are old enough you can start going to classes. you know you can do so much of that right there from home now. 

[DKT3]

2 hours ago, funsizeme said:

I have a lot of reason to get out from my current marriage, so that i consider another lot of reasons not to playing around with another man. I believe we would have affair if he was interesting as well... that is more embrassing to me actually if i kept staying around him. Well, in the end i am just human, i might be old woman but they said we always have kid's soul in our heart and i am glad enough i have a chance to feel like teenager again. Thanks you. 

If you have a lot of reasons to leave, leave. You are doing no one any favors by staying.  And having an affair doesn't fix any of those issues.  I'm one who doesn't buy the marriage made me cheat business.  

Kids at heart, not kids in making irrational irresponsible decisions driven by peer pressure and hormones.

[funsizeme]

22 hours ago, preraph said:

Maybe when the kids are old enough you can start going to classes. you know you can do so much of that right there from home now. 

Yes, thats what i think as well. I am starting its course online now. 

[funsizeme]

22 hours ago, DKT3 said:

If you have a lot of reasons to leave, leave. You are doing no one any favors by staying.  And having an affair doesn't fix any of those issues.  I'm one who doesn't buy the marriage made me cheat business.  

Kids at heart, not kids in making irrational irresponsible decisions driven by peer pressure and hormones.

I think i consider myself i made a responsible decision by quit from work so i can go away from my crush. 

 

[DKT3]

I agree with a but....but you've admitted you would have already been sleeping with him if he was interested...so decision by default. 

[funsizeme]

18 hours ago, DKT3 said:

I agree with a but....but you've admitted you would have already been sleeping with him if he was interested...so decision by default. 

Why u insist i would sleep with him and had affair with him if he was interested? U dont know me for sure. 

[BaileyB]

It seems like an extreme decision to quit your job to get away from your crush. It’s like, you have no self control.

Dont get me wrong, you did the right thing by not engaging with this man. I guess I just wonder about your decision... I work with men who I find attractive/fun to be around and I’m able to work with them without crossing inappropriate boundaries. 

[stillafool]

On 5/5/2020 at 3:56 PM, funsizeme said:

I believe we would have affair if he was interesting as well... that is more embrassing to me actually if i kept staying around him.

 

1 hour ago, funsizeme said:

Why u insist i would sleep with him and had affair with him if he was interested? U dont know me for sure. 

I think it was said because of the your post at the top.

[funsizeme]

21 hours ago, BaileyB said:

It seems like an extreme decision to quit your job to get away from your crush. It’s like, you have no self control.

Dont get me wrong, you did the right thing by not engaging with this man. I guess I just wonder about your decision... I work with men who I find attractive/fun to be around and I’m able to work with them without crossing inappropriate boundaries. 

i think everybody's different, am not as strong as you. I basicly never have conversation with him, just say hi but i know there is something going on, just never been told.   Maybe am too serious about my feeling. 

[funsizeme]

21 hours ago, stillafool said:

 

I think it was said because of the your post at the top.

One time i ask him wether he like me or not but in the end i said, even if you like me, i would't date you, i said. He asks me as well in the first conversation wether am married or not and i said yes, i am married and that is why even if you like me i wouldnt date you, again i said that. 

[funsizeme]

It started when i saw him in our work. We never get involved in a long conversation. The longest one might just say hi besides waving our hand and smilling to each other. I liked him since the first time i saw him. 

In our place there is a counter where a note book sitting over there. It is for communicating and leave a note between workers. One time i saw his drawing over there and i wrote a comment there. Next day he reply my comment, it kept going back and forth. We commented each other like on Facebook except on real Book. Many times i saw he drawing a bunch of hearts with pink color, pen, etc.  Everytime he drew something there, i always gave a comment and he always replied. One time i just drew a broken heart, he copied me. I know there are a bunch of worker but for some reason we knew that only us who doing this comments things on that notebook. 

Few weeks after i work there, i got a call from the number that i dont recognize. I called this number back but it was not answered. Then i just sent a message by saying: "Are you Molly?". Molly is my salon lady.  Days later my crush mentioned this Molly name by accident "Is Molly here today?". I said who is Molly?. "Isn't your supervisor's name is Molly?" he asked. I said, no, our supervisor name is Lidya. From there i suspicious that the one who called me was him. Coz how he mention Molly except he read that message from me.

He stopped drawing then after sometimes he drew again but i stopped giving comments. I said if he likes me he would find a way to talk to me instead of communicating through that ugly notebook. I feel like something hold him from saying liking me, just like i was held to get involved in a long conversation with him by many reasons mainly i am married.  I liked him but i know i dont wanna make it worse by being close friend whatever. Many times he gave me a chance to have his number but i refused. Again, i dont wanna it getting further. I am scared it would ruin everything.

I just happy enough seeing him at work. I am glad enough my heart beating everytime i saw him. 

The problem is i feel like it getting worse. My feeling seem dont wanna change after a year. I never agree when my husband wanna move to another city but since i knew that i just tortured myself with the feeling that i have for my crush, so i agree to just move to another city which is far away from our current one. I hope by doing so, i will forget about him and at least i dont need to deal with him.  I told him that i would move on my last day and he seemed surprised and hugged me in the end of the day and giving me his number and he asked to exchange each other's pictures so he would not forget me when i am away he said. 

I confessed to him after i home that day and i asked him wether he like me or not but before he had a chance to answer, i told him that i wouldnt date him even he likes me back. I just want him to know so my feeling is a little bit ease. 

Until now it is still mistery wether he likes me or not but i think he doesnt like me back since he always  took his time to reply the message. We only messaging each other less than 3 days since i quit. I decided to not  send any message at all. It is already hurt that i was liking somebody in the wrong situation and i dont wanna get hurt more by expecting him to like me back. 

Thank you for reading. 

 

[Buffer]

Is this Junior High?

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[funsizeme]

On 5/9/2020 at 3:08 PM, Buffer said:

Is this Junior High?

buffer

No. I am 40 and he is 32. 

[stillafool]

Oh, only 8 years age difference isn't that bad.  I thought he was in his early 20s or something.  Still it's a no go because you're married.