I broke up with my boyfriend because he made an insensitive comment.

[Shani8097]

Long story short. My bf and I had been together for 10 months. During those 10 months, he constantly disrespected his parents and his sister, often verbally abusing them and calling them horrible names, such as "cunt" "fat bitch" etc. yet treated me like a queen and put me up on a diamond throne. Red flag number 1 right?
The other week, s*** really hit the fan. So, personally for me, suicide is a topic I am EXTREMELY sensitive towards. My cousin, whom I was so close to, took his own life in 2015, my mother has made attempts in the past, I have had to stop around 4 people too many from taking their life. I have always somehow had to deal with suicidal people, eventually leading me to become one too at one point. Therefore, I am so so sensitive to it.
So my ex bf's parents had a pretty intense argument. He had told me about it, of course still using horrible language to describe them. However, he made a comment, and it's not the first time he has said this. He said "my parents should go kill themselves cos they have no purpose here". I reiterate, not the first time he has said something like that along those lines about his parents. Now, this was the same day I found and JUST stopped my brother from killing himself. My ex knew about this 10 minutes before he told me that he thinks his parents should go kill themselves. 
A week after, I broke up with him because of how insensitive, disrespectful and horrible it was for me to hear that after what I have been through and what I JUST went through that day.
My first ex before him, a similar scenario broke out, when again, my brother was found trying to commit suicide again, and my first ex said "it was his fault, he tied it around his neck. I dont know whats going on, so i dont care". I broke up with him over that too. That relationship was filled with mental abuse, lies, loneliness and disrespect. I forgave him for everything, except for this. So I can forgive a lot. The one thing I cannot forgive, in honour of my cousin and ANYONE who has lost their battle, is someone being insensitive towards suicide.
 

My ex now, thinks a sorry will just fix everything. And that there was a big misunderstanding. That it wont happen again. However, I don't trust it. He can say such a big thing like that to his parents, he can say that to anyone, and he has no right to. Is he going to say it to me next time we have a heated argument bc he cant control his anger? This, mixed in with CLEAR LOVE BOMBING (please google), and the fact that he would talk about his ex every single day and even compare me to her, all their photos still up on facebook, I decided to call it quits and walk away. 
i'm now being heavily scrutinised by his peers for breaking up with him. I've been called narrow-minded, ungrateful, one sided etc. Because he is a "nice guy who makes mistakes". I've been told I dont have the capacity to forgive someone for their mistake, and the happiness outweighs the bad. 
 

did I have a justifiable reaction? I can't be with someone who can say that about anyone, let alone their Own parents. NO ONE has the right to tell ANYONE that they should go and kill themselves. 
Did I break up with him for a valid reason or did I overreact? 
 

ps. Everyone who i have mentioned to be suicidal in this post are RECOVERED or getting PROFESSIONAL HELP AND COUNSELLING. 

[schlumpy]

If forbidding someone to talk about suicide or wishing his parents would kill themselves is a deal breaker for you then you did the right thing. People break up for all types of reasons. What is legitimate to one person seems silly to another. 

You have the right to be with someone you think is worthy. He failed your test.

[kendahke]

32 minutes ago, Shy32 said:

i'm now being heavily scrutinised by his peers for breaking up with him. I've been called narrow-minded, ungrateful, one sided etc. Because he is a "nice guy who makes mistakes". I've been told I dont have the capacity to forgive someone for their mistake, and the happiness outweighs the bad. 

Eff his friends... this is none of their bloody business.

If he's that great, they can date him and take his mental abuse.

Him saying that right after you told him about your brother was him finding the ammunition he needed to begin grooming you for his abusiveness.

A mistake is putting salt in the cake batter recipe instead of sugar. He willfully said something that he knows upsets you right after an incident of attempted suicide by your brother.

This clown isn't capable of providing anyone happiness--and if his brand of happiness is fine with them, then they can date and have sex with him and take his abusiveness off him.

36 minutes ago, Shy32 said:

did I have a justifiable reaction? I can't be with someone who can say that about anyone, let alone their Own parents. NO ONE has the right to tell ANYONE that they should go and kill themselves. 

I think so. There's such a thing as saying something insensitive while ignorant of someone's struggles and saying something insensitive with the full knowledge of said person's struggles and not even caring--when you claim you care for them.

Quote

Did I break up with him for a valid reason or did I overreact? 

I think your reasons are valid and you didn't overreact. You have concrete reasons for feeling as you do.

I'm glad everyone is getting the help they need.

 

 

[preraph]

Listen, you did the right thing . He sounds like he's got problems and needs therapy, for sure.  You don't want him to turn that on you sometime.  Please realize those are his role models for the type of father he will be someday, so please have no regrets.  That's not the type of chance you want to take when you have kids.  

[ShyViolet]

Despite the fact that he treated you well, the way he talks about others shows that he has poor character.  Of course your reason for breaking up with him was a valid reason.  You can break up with someone for ANY reason you want.  Your reason for breaking up doesn't have to pass the test with his friends.  They don't get to decide whether it's right or wrong for you to break up with someone.  Do what you want.

[basil67]

I would have broken up with him long ago over the words that he calls his family.    As for the most recent event, I think that someone with zero experience with suicide would be completely justified in ending it with someone who says their parents should go kill themselves.   His words -whether it be the previous abuse or the current comment about his parents weren't a mistake - they were a reflection of his character.  

You've dodged a bullet. 

Edited May 6, 2020 by basil67

[elaine567]

7 hours ago, Shy32 said:

. During those 10 months, he constantly disrespected his parents and his sister, often verbally abusing them and calling them horrible names, such as "cunt" "fat bitch" etc. yet treated me like a queen and put me up on a diamond throne.

This is the spyhole into your future, these are the people he is supposed to love and he is disrespecting and abusing them.
That at some point will be you.
You sound like a decent human being,  you did the right thing.
He would never have made you happy.

[ExpatInItaly]

I would not date a guy like this. So, yes, I feel you are more than justified for ending it - for multiple reasons. Why are his friends even talking to you about this? Who are these uncivilized people? 

One thing to think about: you say it's not the first time you've dated a guy like this. I would perhaps stay single for a while and work on your own standards. It sounds like you tolerate far too much bad behaviour (verbally abusing family, him comparing you to exes, and so on) before you finally walk away. I don't think you're doing it intentionally nor that you deserve any mistreatment, but I do think you need to re-work your filter for the men you let into your life. 

Edited May 6, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Mrin]

Dude here. I've said some insensitive things when I wasn't thinking. We all do. You as well. It is part of being human. We just try to avoid doing it in the future and clean it up properly when it does happen. 

All that being said - The guy sounds like he has serious character issues and you dodged a bullet. So instead of thinking of this as a "because" moment. Think of it as a "final straw" moment. When you add this to the rest then your decision to break up with him is absolutely 100% understandable and I applaud you for it.