ms.stressed Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 My friends pushed me on an engaged man. He is their brother-in-law and he's engaged to another girl. I didn't do anything to him and he didn't do anything either. He was a gentleman. I don't know if I should tell his fiance. People be like, stay in your lane, but when sometimes, you need to speak up. I don't know. I don't know. I just feel like, if someone did something wrong, you don't just not say something, especially if the person means something to you and what they did was wrong and messy. I don't like drama, but maaaan... don't invite drama into my home. I wasn't trying to invite drama. I wasn't. But I told her what they did. I did. I don't regret it but I regret the consequences of my actions because she left him. Because his family didn't like her. But I don't care about family liking me or not. I don't. I just care about doing the right thing. I don't care about family or friends. I just care about doing what's right. Did I do the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 1 hour ago, ms.stressed said: My friends pushed me on an engaged man. He is their brother-in-law and he's engaged to another girl. Are you saying you had no idea he was an engaged man before getting involved with him? Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 5, 2020 Share Posted May 5, 2020 I'm a little confused. How did your friends push you onto him, and what exactly happened between you and him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 On 5/5/2020 at 10:32 AM, stillafool said: Are you saying you had no idea he was an engaged man before getting involved with him? We're not involved. They wanted me with him. I told him no. I came over one night. He was there. They took me outside and his brother and sister in law pushed me on him. I backed off and ran away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 We're not involved. They wanted me with him. I told him no. I came over one night. He was there. They took me outside and his brother and sister in law pushed me on him. I backed off and ran away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 I told another woman her sister-in-law and brother-in-law pushed me on him...to try to hook us up. Please help. Did I do the right thing? I didn't mean to impose. I just felt she should know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted May 7, 2020 Author Share Posted May 7, 2020 (edited) My ex's friends wants to be my friend. I told them no. I don't trust him and I don't want to be friends with my ex because he was immature and childish during our break up. He was also abusive. I just couldn't do it anymore and if I see them, I'd get triggered. I need to trust my friends 100%. Am I doing the right thing? Edited May 7, 2020 by ms.stressed Link to post Share on other sites
NeverDoneLearning Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 I don't understand. You told a women her SIL and BIL pushed you on who..? Who is HE and what relation does he have to her and why do you feel she should know? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Yes, you are doing the right thing. There is no reason to be friends with anyone connected to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 A friend should be someone you trust to do the right thing by you. You didn't say much in your post, but what you did say doesn't at all suggest that he is trustworthy. So you have no reason to stay in contact if it's not helpful to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 Triggers don't come from another person, they come from you. You need to accept the past and all your losses .. your past brought you strengths so use them and turn the negative situation into a positive situation. You will be fine 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 8, 2020 Share Posted May 8, 2020 22 hours ago, ms.stressed said: I told another woman her sister-in-law and brother-in-law pushed me on him...to try to hook us up. Please help. Did I do the right thing? I didn't mean to impose. I just felt she should know. You need to explain the situation more in your posts. This is way too vague. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted May 11, 2020 Author Share Posted May 11, 2020 My friends pushed me on an engaged man and I told his fiancee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 I think it's fine that you told her, but don't be surprised if they don't want to blame it on you instead of who instigated it. If the engaged woman doesn't want to believe it, she'll believe what she wants to believe. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 On 5/9/2020 at 8:12 AM, ShyViolet said: You need to explain the situation more in your posts. This is way too vague. There's a bit more info on this thread Link to post Share on other sites
NeverDoneLearning Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 I always say I'd want to know but as much as you know you're intentions people may hold that against you. As long as you're being honest I think the fallout is out bound to happen one way or another. Unfortunately someone had to selfishly include you in something that had nothing to do with you until now. Be straight and tactful and that's all you can really do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 I'm not sure I get the full picture but it sounds like you showed integrity, and integrity is never a bad thing, though it can make you very unpopular because it often involves speaking out against people who've done the wrong thing. The good thing about having integrity is that the word gets around and soon enough the dishonest people in your vicinity will steer clear of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted June 2, 2020 Author Share Posted June 2, 2020 On 5/11/2020 at 6:58 PM, NeverDoneLearning said: I always say I'd want to know but as much as you know you're intentions people may hold that against you. As long as you're being honest I think the fallout is out bound to happen one way or another. Unfortunately someone had to selfishly include you in something that had nothing to do with you until now. Be straight and tactful and that's all you can really do. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted June 2, 2020 Author Share Posted June 2, 2020 On 5/10/2020 at 7:52 PM, preraph said: I think it's fine that you told her, but don't be surprised if they don't want to blame it on you instead of who instigated it. If the engaged woman doesn't want to believe it, she'll believe what she wants to believe. Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted June 2, 2020 Author Share Posted June 2, 2020 On 5/12/2020 at 10:31 PM, MsJayne said: I'm not sure I get the full picture but it sounds like you showed integrity, and integrity is never a bad thing, though it can make you very unpopular because it often involves speaking out against people who've done the wrong thing. The good thing about having integrity is that the word gets around and soon enough the dishonest people in your vicinity will steer clear of you. That means so much to me 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted June 2, 2020 Share Posted June 2, 2020 Your friends aren't thinking very straight! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted June 3, 2020 Author Share Posted June 3, 2020 You have no idea how much your support means. People make you feel bad for telling but I don't feel bad. They should be ashamed, not me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ms.stressed Posted June 3, 2020 Author Share Posted June 3, 2020 On 5/8/2020 at 9:03 AM, Realitysux said: Triggers don't come from another person, they come from you. You need to accept the past and all your losses .. your past brought you strengths so use them and turn the negative situation into a positive situation. You will be fine Thank you. He went behind my back and lied on me. He contacted my friends and lied on me. He lied on me to my friends. I lost friends because of him. I was abusive, he lied, and he cheated on me. And when it was time to break up, he went behind my back and told everyone lies about me. I never hurt him. When it time to leave, I left. I was mature about everything. Now I choose to live alone and work on my health and well-being. I never hurt him, but for some reason he wanted to hurt me, and that's what I can't forgive. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 On 5/7/2020 at 7:43 PM, ms.stressed said: I told another woman her sister-in-law and brother-in-law pushed me on him...to try to hook us up. Please help. Did I do the right thing? I didn't mean to impose. I just felt she should know. When you say they "pushed you on him" could you explain? Was it a physical push? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 6 minutes ago, ms.stressed said: I never hurt him, but for some reason he wanted to hurt me, and that's what I can't forgive. Well you can put this behind you now and hopefully later on you'll reach forgiveness, not for him but for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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