Does dumper ever understand the value of love?

[elaine567]

No-one said he has to "settle" for a cheating woman, but finding one who likes him and matches his dating style, is better than him trying to be someone he isn't.
Tip if a woman is going to cheat, she will cheat whether her man is an Alpha or not...
There are no guarantees. 

[rjc149]

He's going to have a much harder, and more painful, time finding a woman who will match his insecure, smothering dating style than learning to not be so insecure and smothering.

For every woman who "loves to be put on a pedestal" there are 100,000 who are repulsed by men who do that. So yeah, you're right, there do exist women who will only date castrated, feminine men with no backbone, so they can have a little butler to boss around.

But it's best to play to the numbers. Why did Willie Sutton prefer to rob banks? "Because that's where the money is." Instead of the OP hoping he finds a woman who is sexually aroused by weak, insecure men who cry about their feelings, it's best to be more appealing to women in general. 

[poppyfields]

7 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

Well there you go - sharing your heatbreak will speed up the healing process, so you are still on the right track!

Give yourself a bit of time to lick the wounds and readjust the ego, and you'll be alright

I echo this^.  I don't have more to add, just wanted to send (((hugs))), my heart is breaking for you right now. 

Time heals, I promise!! 

Hang in mate.  xx

[simpycurious]

A break up is a CHANGE.  A change in how things are but with every CHANGE there is a new OPPORTUNITY.  Kinda like one door closes while another door is opening.  Romeo you can find another so take solace in that.

[roadside_romeo]

Just now, poppyfields said:

I echo this^.  I don't have more to add, just wanted to send (((hugs))), my heart is breaking for you right now. 

Time heals, I promise!! 

Hang in mate.  xx

Thank you!!! To be honest, breakup showed me a new world. 

 

[mark clemson]

Just move on. It's easier said than done, but that's what you need to do.

If you're still in another city then, in a way, she might as well not exist. You're not likely to run into her or anything. Block her and keep her blocked. Back up her email on a flash drive and tuck that away in a box along with any/all other "momentos" and give that box to a friend, then delete the email from everywhere else, etc. Figure out a way to make it so you can't see her on social media feeds. Make contact "impossible" or close to it so your brain's emotional centers can "relax".

The COVID lockdowns will most likely be ending or at least loosening up over the next several months in many places. Suggest you be ready to move on to someone new when that happens. It's what you need to do anyhow, so might as well do it sooner rather than later.

[poppyfields]

17 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

A break up is a CHANGE.  A change in how things are but with every CHANGE there is a new OPPORTUNITY.  Kinda like one door closes while another door is opening.  Romeo you can find another so take solace in that.

Exactly, it's an "opportunity in disguise." 

An opportunity for something bigger and better!  For you.  

And an opportunity to learn from past mistakes, grow, evolve.  

A bit of eastern philosophy that keeps me sane during painful moments.

[simpycurious]

21 minutes ago, roadside_romeo said:

Thank you!!! To be honest, breakup showed me a new world. 

 

It should show you a "new world" as well as present new possibilities.  Try and find the GOOD in situations as opposed to dwelling on the negatives.  People lose jobs, athletes get cut or get hurt, people lose people (which sucks BAD trust me I know) but you have to find a way to pick up the pieces and move forward. One of the posters referenced TIME "healing" and IT does no matter how deep the wounds are.

[simpycurious]

I think that it's important to realize that VERY FEW PEOPLE want to see the SMILE (of someone they care about ) ever go away.  But it HAPPENS and often it never returns. That's when you take the BEST of the relationship  and the memories and move on. 

[manfrombelow]

Your biggest mistake right after getting dumped was begging and chasing after her.

By begging and chasing after her, you make her lose respect for you. And a woman cannot love a man she doesn't respect. It's as simple as that.

Women are cruel when they are out of love. Even if you literally die right before her eyes, it doesn't mean anything to her anyway.

 

Edited May 9, 2020 by manfrombelow

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, manfrombelow said:

Your biggest mistake right after getting dumped was begging and chasing after her.
By begging and chasing after her, you make her lose respect for you. And a woman cannot love a man she doesn't respect. It's as simple as that.

The thing is SHE dumped him, his response to that is immaterial
She didn't want him long before he started begging and chasing after her.
It doesn't matter what his response to the dumping was, it would not make a whit of difference.
She had decided she was done, she dumped him
End of.

[rjc149]

She dumped him because he was the needy insecure archetype of boyfriend who will cry, beg, and chase after being dumped. The crying and begging was yet another manifestation, in a likely long list of manifestations, of his neediness and insecurity.

If he ever did want a second chance with her, the crying and begging, and being blocked, severely damaged his chances. He needs to walk away forever, go total NC, date numerous other women, and fundamentally change into someone who doesn’t behave that way. He needs to become a guy who reacts to being dumped with “best wishes my love” and disappears. It’s a character flaw to be insecure and yes he needs to fix it if he wants success in relationships. While of course, still being affectionate and romantic. Just not overdoing it there. Women still like manly men with self-respect.
 

 

Edited May 9, 2020 by rjc149

[DKT3]

OP appears to be in his early 20, as is his ex. The vast majority of women that age(no matter where they are from) tend to favor peacocks over sensitive emotions driven men. It will likely change after she has encountered a few more peacocks like the guy she actually dumped him for. Make no mistake,  all this conversation about needy, insecurities and caste, she dumped him for another man who in turn dumped her. 

[Els]

On 5/8/2020 at 12:18 PM, roadside_romeo said:

I asked my self how she can forget all the good memories. How she can forget all our beautiful time.

I hate to say this, but most people do. ~99% of people don't end up with the first person they had a relationship with. Just about everyone I know has experienced a breakup at least once in their lives. That's just a normal part of life's journey. It doesn't mean that the memories were meaningless, but it is in the past and is not part of your future. Learn your lessons from it, and do your best to move on.

[poppyfields]

4 hours ago, manfrombelow said:

Women are cruel when they are out of love. 

I can't speak for all women but the only time I have ever been cruel is when my my bf (ex) does not "respect" my decision, and thinks HE knows what's better for me than I do.

Which is his mind is "him," and will go to great lengths to prove it, such as begging and crying, continuing to chase, again "disrespecting" MY decision. 

I am reading another forum now where this is happening.  Guy's ex has told him every which way from Sunday, it's OVER, she no longer loves him, she has moved on and he should too.  

That his texts and calls annoy her, to the point of repulsion. 

Yet the guy "still" doesn't get it, he insists she doesn't know what she wants and that he does, that HE knows what's best for her and continues to chase her.  He refuses to leave her alone and move the H on.

Pure and utter arrogance at its finest! 

So yeah, when that happens, I or any woman might get a little cruel if for no other reason she's feeling disrespected and even debased. 

Guys, when we end the RL, for the love of *, please RESPECT our decision, let go and move on.

 

Edited May 9, 2020 by poppyfields

[roadside_romeo]

I really like what you said. Yes you are right. I still remember when I refused to take her second time and what she did on that time. I blocked her on social media. I stopped answering her phone. The last thing what she did was come to my house and crying in front of the door. The biggest mistake was my roomies told me I am disrespecting her and she really loved me. I should take her back. She even open a fake account just to get response from me. By the time I understand it's fake then I blocked her again. She tried to prove me that leaving me was her biggest mistake. Even after she came back to my life, she was acting like she is going to marry me with in few days. So, you are saying I should not believe any of those and just act like it was fine. And one fine day she decided ok I am gonna break up, and I say wow I was ready. Love you sweet heart.. If I remember, why the hell I chase her? Just two reason??

1. I could not believe that, she did it to me for second time too.

2. What's the reason? I asked her if she is with someone she can tell me. 

Do you really think she blocked me because I chase her? I have some self respect. If I knew she was leaving me because of some other guy, then I do not give a damn about her. It was like she wake up and then she just text me that she want's the break up. I just sent her the text like "what?". Not even delivered. You can not reply this conversation. Are you kidding me? Then block every where? So, who is that alpha guy who think  oh yeah!!!! she just said we are done ..and block me.. NOw I have to be alpha square?

Later I found out she was also dumped by someone. If I knew she is seeing someone I should feel disgusted. Cause It's not her choice. The moment she left me. It was me only who could gave her what she want.

I don't know which society we are living. I know one guy. My room mate. He cheated on her ex. Still her ex chasing him. But this guy still having fun with other girls every week. I asked him how he can do that. He said well, there is many fish in the market. Why you should waste your time? Just enjoy your life. I guess it's not the same for every person or so called alpha.

No matter you are clingy of flingy..If someone just play with your head..you will lost yourself easily either you are alpha or james bond.

 

 

[manfrombelow]

10 minutes ago, roadside_romeo said:

No matter you are clingy of flingy..If someone just play with your head..you will lost yourself easily either you are alpha or james bond.

This is where you're wrong.

If someone plays with an alpha's or James Bond's head, then that's the last time that person has the chance to see these guys ever again.

Because high-value men with enough experience, dignity and self-respect do not let people "play with their heads". It's like a drama-free zone where drama and headaches are not tolerated.

[rjc149]

Don't let people play with your head, OP. You don't have to be a douchebag with women, I don't think you should. That's not the way to be. You just need to have self-respect, you need to be strong and confident in yourself, you need to value yourself, and you need to be able to walk away. When a girl dumps you, you need to have the strength and courage to accept that, say goodbye forever, and believe that you will meet a better woman. If she comes back, she comes back. If she doesn't, that's okay too. You'll be just fine. You don't need her. 

A woman doesn't wake up one morning and decide she wants to dump you. She's been wanting to dump you for a while. Your behavior and conduct was turning her off more and more. She was working up the nerve to dump you, because she knew it would hurt you and you'd start crying and begging. Trust me, she feels guilt for hurting you. The more you cry and show her how much she hurt you, the guiltier she feels, and she hates you for making her feel like that. You're rubbing salt into it. That's why she got cold and shut you out. 

There's an old movie called Gone with the Wind, I suggest you watch the final scene. Go to Youtube and search 'frankly my dear I don't give a damn.' That must always be you, always ready to walk away into the mist forever, at a moment's notice, when a woman is playing with you or disrespecting you. 

[roadside_romeo]

13 minutes ago, roadside_romeo said:

I really like what you said. Yes you are right. I still remember when I refused to take her second time and what she did on that time. I blocked her on social media. I stopped answering her phone. The last thing what she did was come to my house and crying in front of the door. The biggest mistake was my roomies told me I am disrespecting her and she really loved me. I should take her back. She even open a fake account just to get response from me. By the time I understand it's fake then I blocked her again. She tried to prove me that leaving me was her biggest mistake. Even after she came back to my life, she was acting like she is going to marry me with in few days. So, you are saying I should not believe any of those and just act like it was fine. And one fine day she decided ok I am gonna break up, and I say wow I was ready. Love you sweet heart.. If I remember, why the hell I chase her? Just two reason??

1. I could not believe that, she did it to me for second time too.

2. What's the reason? I asked her if she is with someone she can tell me. 

Do you really think she blocked me because I chase her? I have some self respect. If I knew she was leaving me because of some other guy, then I do not give a damn about her. It was like she wake up and then she just text me that she want's the break up. I just sent her the text like "what?". Not even delivered. You can not reply this conversation. Are you kidding me? Then block every where? So, who is that alpha guy who think  oh yeah!!!! she just said we are done ..and block me.. NOw I have to be alpha square?

Later I found out she was also dumped by someone. If I knew she is seeing someone I should feel disgusted. Cause It's not her choice. The moment she left me. It was me only who could gave her what she want.

I don't know which society we are living. I know one guy. My room mate. He cheated on her ex. Still her ex chasing him. But this guy still having fun with other girls every week. I asked him how he can do that. He said well, there is many fish in the market. Why you should waste your time? Just enjoy your life. I guess it's not the same for every person or so called alpha.

No matter you are clingy of flingy..If someone just play with your head..you will lost yourself easily either you are alpha or james bond.

 

 

 

2 minutes ago, manfrombelow said:

Because high-value men with enough experience, dignity and self-respect do not let people "play with their heads". It's like a drama-free zone where drama and headaches are not tolerated.

I swear I have never seen women crying in front of me, specially when it's relationship. Also I tolerated this kind of behave cause she was depressed because of her bipolar disorder. So, most of the night she was angry, don't like me. She used to take pills. But at the morning, good moring, love you..this kind of behave. Also she was just 20. I asked one of our senior sister what should I do? She said, she will be fine after few year's just support her. 

[TeddyBundy1993]

A dumper definitely does not value the love we give them and that's the bitter truth. They get someone new and they get along pretty well. When we ask ourselves how can they forget memories we give them ? Its bcz we are still living in the past and they are enjoying their present with their new partner. You choose the correct word a dumpee is simply a trash for dumper useless garbage.  

But at the end of the day when we are sitting with ourselves what can we do? We feel helpless.  I've realized rather feeling helpless just accept what happened and live with it. Life isn't always happiness. They did what they got to leave us alone in a desert and move on to a happy life with someone. And some of dumpee like me give dumpers power even after break up to f*** our life talk to them and see their charming life and how they are happy with our replacement. It's always best to cut contact keep our dignity not to beg cry and walk away. But so is life my friend. Time is our real friend, we learn to live with it and we smile again after some time. Please close the door for this girl once part of your life.  No answer from he would do any good for you. Shut that door move on to something positive 

[manfrombelow]

Yes normally a woman would hold off the breakup announcement until she secures another guy, which is called "monkey branching". 

And yes, like @rjc149 said, a woman doesn't wake up one morning and decide to leave. She MENTALLY left you weeks, even months, ago before she finally gives you the verbal announcement. It's during this period that the guy notices something is odd and wrong, from her withdrawal of affection, sex and love. And it's during this period that the guy does all the classic mistakes of chasing, begging, crying and putting her onto a pedestal, which makes her more and more disgusted and stressed by him - until there's no turning back.

This is hard to believe to men, but it's women psychology. That's just how they work.

Edited May 9, 2020 by manfrombelow

[roadside_romeo]

32 minutes ago, manfrombelow said:

It's during this period that the guy notices something is odd and wrong, from her withdrawal of affection, sex and love. And it's during this period that the guy does all the classic mistakes of chasing, begging, crying and putting her onto a pedestal, which makes her more and more disgusted and stressed by him

I know exactly what you are saying. But it is often hard to predict when one day too much love and another day just acting as numb..

[rjc149]

1 hour ago, roadside_romeo said:

I know exactly what you are saying. But it is often hard to predict when one day too much love and another day just acting as numb..

You can't predict, or control, how a woman will feel about you. It's subject to change at all times, at a moments notice. A woman's emotions are like the clouds in the sky -- always shifting, always changing, for some reason, or no reason at all. You can be the most attractive desirable man who ever lived, and still, there will be days when your woman pulls back for absolutely no reason. That's just the nature of women, they are driven almost entirely by emotion, and their emotions are ever-shifting.

What you can control is how you react and respond to the ups and downs of your woman's feelings for you. That way to you react is: you don't react. You do not let her bother you. You are the rock that stands serenely under both her sunshine and her storms. You cannot be moved or shaken or broken. 

When she knows you are emotionally strong and she cannot shake your confidence with her tests and moods, and when she knows you'll walk away when your lines are crossed, she'll respect you more, and be more attracted to you. 

And you need to know your woman well enough to distinguish if she's just being a woman, or if there is something actually wrong. Usually if she's acting up or being distant for a few days, something is bugging her and you need to address it. Not with "everything okay? everything okay?" But with "Hey, you seem upset about something, if you want to talk about it, I'm here and I'm listening." And that's it. Then go on with your business. When she's ready to talk, she'll talk. Don't pester her, it's needy. 

If it's simply a random dip in her mood, ignore it. And always be ready to walk.

 

Edited May 9, 2020 by rjc149

[Marc878]

If there’s no love a dumper has the right to move on.

You see a lot of dumpees caught up in projection. I love them so they must love me too.

Nope, they sure don’t.

[roadside_romeo]

I agree with you. But you can not just ghost some one or cheat behind the back and act like hello!! you are needy!!!!