Ever since our 3rd date (weeks ago) he's been acting weird

[BrexTes]

For the past 5 weeks I have been going on dates with a guy I met in a grocery store in March. At first i was a little skeptical because he’s a tad bit older but not by much.



On our first date we met up at Dairy Queen. We talked for three hours , he did majority of the talking.

He asked me out for a second date a few days later and the second date he cooked and made cookies for us at his house we cuddled and watched movies.
 

We had a 3rd date and we ended up having sex. Ever since the third date he’s been acting weird.
 

When i come over he will ask me “why didn’t you give me a hug when you came in?”


“Why don’t you bring a second pair of clothes over so you can spend the night?”
 

“Can you come get comfortable with me?”
 

“Do you want me to do this or that?”
 

“Can you come over?” And if i say “I’m busy today he’ll ask can he come pick me up if I’m tired

“Do you miss me?”

It’s like he asks me questions non stop The other day when i came over he was on the game playing COD with his friends and he asked me “do you want me to get off that game?”
 

And i said “no” I’m fine you can finish playing
 

TLR; he won’t let things happen naturally and let me be myself as far as getting to know him. He asks me questions as if he’s insecure about my feelings. Not sure if it’s a personal flaw or red flag

[smackie9]

If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Is it a personal flaw? possibly, is it a red flag? yes it would be to some. This guy has a different dating style/personality that doesn't fit yours. You have to ask yourself, are you willing to overlook this, are you willing to communicate to him how you would like to change somethings, are you willing to make some suggestions and see where it goes, will you walk away if nothing changes?

[BrexTes]

9 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

If it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Is it a personal flaw? possibly, is it a red flag? yes it would be to some. This guy has a different dating style/personality that doesn't fit yours. You have to ask yourself, are you willing to overlook this, are you willing to communicate to him how you would like to change somethings, are you willing to make some suggestions and see where it goes, will you walk away if nothing changes?

He comes of as emotionally aggressive and insecure but he won’t let things happen naturally I’m not sure how to even talk to him about it because I’m pretty sure that’s his characteristic 

[K.K.]

9 hours ago, BrexTes said:

For the past 5 weeks I have been going on dates with a guy I met in a grocery store in March. At first i was a little skeptical because he’s a tad bit older but not by much.



On our first date we met up at Dairy Queen. We talked for three hours , he did majority of the talking.

He asked me out for a second date a few days later and the second date he cooked and made cookies for us at his house we cuddled and watched movies.
 

We had a 3rd date and we ended up having sex. Ever since the third date he’s been acting weird.
 

When i come over he will ask me “why didn’t you give me a hug when you came in?”


“Why don’t you bring a second pair of clothes over so you can spend the night?”
 

“Can you come get comfortable with me?”
 

“Do you want me to do this or that?”
 

“Can you come over?” And if i say “I’m busy today he’ll ask can he come pick me up if I’m tired

“Do you miss me?”

It’s like he asks me questions non stop The other day when i came over he was on the game playing COD with his friends and he asked me “do you want me to get off that game?”
 

And i said “no” I’m fine you can finish playing
 

TLR; he won’t let things happen naturally and let me be myself as far as getting to know him. He asks me questions as if he’s insecure about my feelings. Not sure if it’s a personal flaw or red flag

Giiiirl you must’ve really put it on him. 😉 

He’s all needy now lol. It’s a red flag as far as I’m concerned because I’ve learned that these guys that try to go too fast with the feelings like that, usually end up turning on you just as quickly as they turned on to you. Love bombing is real. Other than that, this just sounds completely annoying. 

[smackie9]

26 minutes ago, BrexTes said:

He comes of as emotionally aggressive and insecure but he won’t let things happen naturally I’m not sure how to even talk to him about it because I’m pretty sure that’s his characteristic 

Then this would be a deal breaker is it not? Getting to know someone should be smooth, fun, exciting, free of worry. This guy makes you uncomfortable....not worth it because it's always going to be a struggle to understand him or make a connection, so why bother?

Edited May 9, 2020 by smackie9

[ShyViolet]

It's only been 5 weeks, that is nothing.  If this early on, you are already seeing things about his personality that you don't like, or just feel like you don't click with him, then this is probably a sign that this relationship has no future.  Don't waste any more time with this guy if you are already starting to realize that he's not right for you.

[rjc149]

12 hours ago, BrexTes said:

Not sure if it’s a personal flaw or red flag

Both. 

He's needy, clingy, smothering, and insecure. It will stop being sweet, start getting annoying, and possibly, start getting scary. 

Relationships with guys like this end one way -- you losing attraction for him, dumping him, and him not accepting. 

[BrexTes]

I had a post up here about two weeks ago about me dating a guy i met In March 

 

 

on Wednesday we met up

We were laying in bed that night and he asked me “what did you do today?” 

 

And i said “i went downtown” and he said “who’s downtown? Your boo”

 

I looked at him didnt Answer because i thought the question was dumb. he said “i mean if you do have others your talking to that’s fine” and he looked away

 

[basil67]

It's still early days....and so dumping him and moving on should be relatively easy.  Nobody needs someone like this in their life.

[CaliforniaGirl]

He's going to boil a bunny on your stove. You need to extricate yourself. This is so unhealthy. It isn't even like he's over-interested in you as a person per se. More like he's obsessed with uncovering your secret plot to ever be in the presence of other people. The bunny thing was a (dark) joke but I'd worry whether this could eventually become dangerous. 

[Cookiesandough]

This guy is weird. Maybe block him, leave the state, and assume a new identity

Edited May 18, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[amaysngrace]

He’s just being jealous then being a dick about it to cover it up.  

 

[amaysngrace]

Whoa wait, he’s been ignoring you since then???

[BrexTes]

Yes since that day we met up 

[amaysngrace]

He’s horrible.  Block him now. 

[BrexTes]

Okay thanks not sure what i did 

[amaysngrace]

It’s not you.  He’s seriously defective. 

[schlumpy]

Not much info to go on. I think he lacks confidence. He can't come to grips with why such a wonderful (from his point of view) woman wants to know him. He thinks you are out of his league. In his mind it just doesn't fit.

[BrexTes]

13 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Not much info to go on. I think he lacks confidence. He can't come to grips with why such a wonderful (from his point of view) woman wants to know him. He thinks you are out of his league. In his mind it just doesn't fit.

But that doesn’t make sense why he’s ignoring me ?? 

[CaliforniaGirl]

18 minutes ago, BrexTes said:

But that doesn’t make sense why he’s ignoring me ?? 

I don't know but go with it. Or formally break it off. He might think he's punishing you, or he might have found someone else to fixate on. Does it matter?? Surely you're not saying you want to stay with this guy??? 

[usa1ah]

10 hours ago, BrexTes said:

But that doesn’t make sense why he’s ignoring me ?? 

For some reason he believes you are seeing someone else. He stopped talking to you because he thinks something happened downtown. 
 

Either one of his friends saw you and said something to him or he saw you. Might have mistaken someone you met up with for being another person you’re seeing. 
 

The question he asked was for the truth or a response from you if you were seeing someone else. 
 

He believes you are. 

Edited May 18, 2020 by usa1ah

[IslandSanctuary]

All these women dissing this guy... omg. He wanted to ask if you were seeing anyone else and went about it in a poorly articulated way. Obviously he's had issues in the past dealing with premiscuous women - sure some people like them but not everyones cup of tea. 
If he was an experienced player or didn't like you you wouldn't have to deal with this lol 
 

[BrexTes]

3 hours ago, usa1ah said:

For some reason he believes you are seeing someone else. He stopped talking to you because he thinks something happened downtown. 
 

Either one of his friends saw you and said something to him or he saw you. Might have mistaken someone you met up with for being another person you’re seeing. 
 

The question he asked was for the truth or a response from you if you were seeing someone else. 
 

He believes you are. 

But he gave me the okay to date others

 

 

even though I’m not 

[BrexTes]

2 hours ago, IslandSanctuary said:

All these women dissing this guy... omg. He wanted to ask if you were seeing anyone else and went about it in a poorly articulated way. Obviously he's had issues in the past dealing with premiscuous women - sure some people like them but not everyones cup of tea. 
If he was an experienced player or didn't like you you wouldn't have to deal with this lol 
 

We’re dating not a couple so the fact that he ignored me after this ...

[Gr8fuln2020]

2 hours ago, IslandSanctuary said:

All these women dissing this guy... omg. He wanted to ask if you were seeing anyone else and went about it in a poorly articulated way. Obviously he's had issues in the past dealing with premiscuous women - sure some people like them but not everyones cup of tea. 
If he was an experienced player or didn't like you you wouldn't have to deal with this lol 

Interesting you use the word 'premiscuous' to define the women the guy may have dated. Did the OP or this guy share this information in any way? That he has had bad experiences with promiscuous women? If not, I find your arbitrary use of that word to describe this guy's past relationships and state it as obvious to be...interesting.

This guy sounds insecure and lacking in confidence and/or a controlling tactic. 

Quote

He comes of as emotionally aggressive and insecure but he won’t let things happen naturally I’m not sure how to even talk to him about it because I’m pretty sure that’s his characteristic

I would say that his aggression and insecurity, and resistance to allowing things to happen naturally is a strong indication of insecurity. If you believed that this was his nature, did this not bring you pause? Now, you see that it is who he is or chooses to exhibit. 

I have two takes on why he hasn't contacted you. 1. He is hoping to 'punish' you as CaliforniaGirl said. He may be thinking or playing this game where he feels letting you sweat a bit will make you come to your senses. He already knows you like him as you have had sex with him multiple times despite your misgivings and his behavior. 2. Pre-emption. Some people, for whatever reason, not healthy, would rather do the fading, breaking-up, or ghosting before it happens to them. It's about control.  

Edited May 19, 2020 by Gr8fuln2020