Ever since our 3rd date (weeks ago) he's been acting weird

[BrexTes]

9 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Interesting you use the word 'premiscuous' to define the women the guy may have dated. Did the OP or this guy share this information in any way? That he has had bad experiences with promiscuous women? If not, I find your arbitrary use of that word to describe this guy's past relationships and state it as obvious to be...interesting.

This guy sounds insecure and lacking in confidence and/or a controlling tactic. 

I would say that his aggression and insecurity, and resistance to allowing things to happen naturally is a strong indication of insecurity. If you believed that this was his nature, did this not bring you pause? Now, you see that it is who he is or chooses to exhibit. 

I have two takes on why he hasn't contacted you. 1. He is hoping to 'punish' you as CaliforniaGirl said. He may be thinking or playing this game where he feels letting you sweat a bit will make you come to your senses. He already knows you like him as you have had sex with him multiple times despite your misgivings and his behavior. 2. Pre-emption. Some people, for whatever reason, not healthy, would rather do the fading, breaking-up, or ghosting before it happens to them. It's about control.  

I think it’s the second one. So basically he assumed i was going to leave him? ... 

[BrexTes]

18 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Interesting you use the word 'premiscuous' to define the women the guy may have dated. Did the OP or this guy share this information in any way? That he has had bad experiences with promiscuous women? If not, I find your arbitrary use of that word to describe this guy's past relationships and state it as obvious to be...interesting.

This guy sounds insecure and lacking in confidence and/or a controlling tactic. 

I would say that his aggression and insecurity, and resistance to allowing things to happen naturally is a strong indication of insecurity. If you believed that this was his nature, did this not bring you pause? Now, you see that it is who he is or chooses to exhibit. 

I have two takes on why he hasn't contacted you. 1. He is hoping to 'punish' you as CaliforniaGirl said. He may be thinking or playing this game where he feels letting you sweat a bit will make you come to your senses. He already knows you like him as you have had sex with him multiple times despite your misgivings and his behavior. 2. Pre-emption. Some people, for whatever reason, not healthy, would rather do the fading, breaking-up, or ghosting before it happens to them. It's about control.  

Then that leads to my question who said i was going to break up with him?

 

sorry for the questions just trying to understand 

[basil67]

58 minutes ago, BrexTes said:

I think it’s the second one. So basically he assumed i was going to leave him? ... 

Sometimes people's behaviour is inexplicable.  We can make all the guesses in the world, but only he knows why.  And even if he was able to articulate the reason, chances are it wouldn't make sense anyway.

I would suggest just chalking him up as being hard to understand and walking away. 

[basil67]

Another guess among many is that he could be the kind who self sabotages relationships.

[smackie9]

Did we not say, dump this weirdo already? Clingy, jealous, passive aggressive....you don't need that. Like I said before if it doesn't feel right it's not. This guy's underhanded comments earn him a kick to the curb.

[usa1ah]

19 hours ago, BrexTes said:

But he gave me the okay to date others

 

 

even though I’m not 

He just wants you to be happy, even if it is not with him. 

[Starswillshine]

Sounds like this guy is pretty insecure. He is making jokes to play off his worries. 

He may be pulling away from you because he senses you are dating someone else, and that might be why he is ignoring you.

[BrexTes]

1 hour ago, Starswillshine said:

Sounds like this guy is pretty insecure. He is making jokes to play off his worries. 

He may be pulling away from you because he senses you are dating someone else, and that might be why he is ignoring you.

That is all an assumption i didn’t answer when he asked about other guys because i felt the questions was dumb. If I’m laying here with you and trying to spend time with you why are you asking about someone else... he wasn’t communicating what he wanted but i wasn’t keeping my options open

[Starswillshine]

53 minutes ago, BrexTes said:

That is all an assumption i didn’t answer when he asked about other guys because i felt the questions was dumb. If I’m laying here with you and trying to spend time with you why are you asking about someone else... he wasn’t communicating what he wanted but i wasn’t keeping my options open

Sorry, I probably should have worded that differently. I dont mean to imply that you are dating someone, just that he fears that you are dating someone else. Doesnt excuse the behavior. Just giving some insight because after having been cheated on and been a fool for so long...  I sorta made the same mistakes. Same "jokes", same pulling away. Etc. I almost ruined a really good relationship over it. 

[BrexTes]

8 hours ago, Starswillshine said:

Sorry, I probably should have worded that differently. I dont mean to imply that you are dating someone, just that he fears that you are dating someone else. Doesnt excuse the behavior. Just giving some insight because after having been cheated on and been a fool for so long...  I sorta made the same mistakes. Same "jokes", same pulling away. Etc. I almost ruined a really good relationship over it. 

What do i do if he’s ghosted me ? I actually liked him to be honest 

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, BrexTes said:

What do i do if he’s ghosted me ? I actually liked him to be honest 

I don't know whether anyone here can adequately advise you on how to win back someone who at least from your side of the story seems mentally ill and who very well may wind up eventually harming you for doing something ordinary. Truly I don't know what the win-back advice is for a situation like this.

[usa1ah]

On 5/23/2020 at 8:10 PM, BrexTes said:

What do i do if he’s ghosted me ? I actually liked him to be honest 

Ask him what is up. 
 

He asked what he did for a reason. You blowing it off gave him an answer, that it isn’t any of his business if you are seeing someone else. So, if he thought you were then he stopped the relationship because he doesn’t think you are committed to it. 

[BrexTes]

4 hours ago, usa1ah said:

Ask him what is up. 
 

He asked what he did for a reason. You blowing it off gave him an answer, that it isn’t any of his business if you are seeing someone else. So, if he thought you were then he stopped the relationship because he doesn’t think you are committed to it. 

Wow! Lol i wasn’t talking to anyone else i liked him. But him saying “if you are i can’t get mad” i took it as i don’t care if you’re Keeping your options open 

[preraph]

On 5/18/2020 at 12:55 AM, BrexTes said:

Okay thanks not sure what i did 

It's what you didn't do, which is allow him to make his insecurities your problem. That's good and healthy. You don't want this guy.

[usa1ah]

8 hours ago, BrexTes said:

Wow! Lol i wasn’t talking to anyone else i liked him. But him saying “if you are i can’t get mad” i took it as i don’t care if you’re Keeping your options open 

For some reason he believes you are I think.   
 

I’m not saying it is your fault either. 

Edited May 27, 2020 by usa1ah

[usa1ah]

Are you sure he hasn’t had an accident? Not able to get back to you. 

[BrexTes]

19 hours ago, usa1ah said:

Are you sure he hasn’t had an accident? Not able to get back to you. 

He’s been on social media every day since we’ve stopped talking lol

[usa1ah]

6 hours ago, BrexTes said:

He’s been on social media every day since we’ve stopped talking lol

👍 Just checking, it has happened.