Thank you to those who answered

[Kera]

and how wise you are. This website is very helpful. I didn't think I would ever figure this out, but you know what? Before I began sending him to the clubs, I hated these places, porn, etc. I feared them. I kept telling him don't do these things. Why the change all of a sudden, I did not understand. But now that you mentioned "reaction formation," it makes sense. What I am doing is called a defense mechanism, an attitude of "If you can't beat them, join them." I will now know that sending him is not really what I want. The mind is a very powerful thing.

[Tony T]

YOU WRITE: "What I am doing is called a defense mechanism"

 

Actually, it's an unconscious defense mechanism, that's why you couldn't figure it out. Now that you have it figured out, you still have a serious problem in your marriage.

 

I hope with your new conscious awareness you will seek the help you need to heal things. You'll be much happier.

 

I do appreciate your note of thanks.

[Kera]

Yes, I do still have a problem in my marriage. I am going to ask him to attend councel with me. If he refuses, the marriage is over. If he goes with me, we will probably be together. I heard it said one time, "Councel is great, but unfortunately you just can't seem to talk those people into moving in with you." Only time will tell. I do thank you for suggesting the "reaction formation" as I intend to bring this up with councel. I do believe you hit the nail right on the head. =)

YOU WRITE: "What I am doing is called a defense mechanism" Actually, it's an unconscious defense mechanism, that's why you couldn't figure it out. Now that you have it figured out, you still have a serious problem in your marriage. I hope with your new conscious awareness you will seek the help you need to heal things. You'll be much happier. I do appreciate your note of thanks.