Will I hate my ex forever?

[brooks468]

I broke up with my ex and he was my first relationship and it was around 4 months (both dating and the relationship), it didn't last long but i'd been in a really toxic situation with another boy 2 years before our relationship. I lost all of my self respect and I couldn't escape it for so long, I spent about 6 months after building up my confidence and finding my worth and the whole time my ex was my friend and he was a good support system for me.

When we first started dating he told me he loved me almost immediately and I've never had a boy say that to me, he told me I was special and he'd never felt like this with anyone and I felt like it was too soon but I also developed feelings pretty quickly and I think I just presumed I was in love because i'd always wanted that? Anyway as soon as he got me, SO many lies occurred, big and small such as girls he was videoing hugging and kissing his cheek that were supposedly life long friends but he'd only known her for 3 months before we got together, and he didn't prioritise me once and he always wanted to change date night plans to fit in with seeing his friends, we'd only been on one date and I was trying my best so I got fed up and thought I needed to learn from the previous situation i'd been in, so I decided to end it.

And he didn't care once and he just left. I regretted it immediately and told him for a few weeks that I wanted to work on us, but i'm slowly beginning to learn that I only begged to make it work because I'd never had someone treat me nicely at all, as the relationship had a lot of major issues. He went out the night I dumped him, kissed a girl, went on tinder immediately, slept with a few girls and he NEVER ONCE wanted me back.

He then told me that we felt differently about each other because he moved on instantly and it's been months and i'm still hurting, meaning everything he told me wasn't true and he only said it post breakup because he was angry. We couldn't communicate, he was always angry and passive aggressive which I hated, and even after the breakup he told lie after lie and it's left me feeling so hurt. He ended up telling me I deserve to be treated the way I am by boys, and even though we'd been friends he didn't want to end things nicely. 

I don't miss him, i'm just processing everything he's said. I have good days but then days like today it overwhelms me that this boy was my friend for an entire year, I trusted him when he said he'd never treat me badly and ended up treating me like I was nothing and hurting me more than anyone. I don't really get sad, I just get so angry because I feel like everything was a lie or he just chased me and got what he wanted because he changed into a completely different person and left like I was nothing, and not worth sticking around for. 

The thing is, I don't want to hate him. I don't want to be in contact and I know it's for the best to cut an ex off for a while, but he's completely ghosted me and he can't stand me and I accept that. I just feel like the hate I have for him is stopping me from moving on or being able to ever trust someone again, I just want to forgive him for myself and forget and stop hurting and I get so frustrated when I end up feeling like this again.

Will I hate him for a long time or will it slowly start to fade? I just want my happy old self back that I worked so hard for instead of being full of anger and hate. I hate that he made out I was so incredibly important to him but as soon as it was over he didn't care I was gone and never will.

Edited May 9, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[preraph]

I think you'll get over the intense hate once you realize he just wasn't who you hoped he'd be and in this case probably wasn't who he represented himself to be. He sounds like a bit of a vulture who  swooped in when you were vulnerable and told you what he figured you wanted to hear and then he conquered you and went on about his pillaging business with other women like the Neanderthal he still is. 

 

I don't think he was a true friend if he ended up acting this way. Listen unfortunately there are a lot of guys who will absolutely act or say anything to get with a woman. And it doesn't mean anything near that they love you. A lot of men especially younger men prioritize sex above anything else and are in no way looking for one woman to settle down with and get serious about. They're in love with sex at that point more than they are in love with love. 

 

You just have to accept what happened and not beat yourself up for any part of it and I understand the reality that there are deceptive people in the world. Weighed in more slowly next time so you can see if someone is decent or not but it won't always save you. Sometimes they keep up the ruse for months. 

 

Sorry it brought you down. Just realize this guy isn't worth a bunch of your emotion or time wasted being upset about it now that you know what he is made of. 

[K.K.]

27 minutes ago, brooks468 said:

Will I hate him for a long time or will it slowly start to fade? I just want my happy old self back that I worked so hard for instead of being full of anger and hate. I hate that he made out I was so incredibly important to him but as soon as it was over he didn't care I was gone and never will.

I think you’ll feel like you hate him for a while. Maybe even for a long while. One day though, you’ll wake up and you just won’t care anymore. You’ll forgive. And keep in mind when I say forgive I don’t mean it’s ok what he did. I mean that you’ll make peace with what happened and let it go. 

What else can you do? Try not to become bitter and jaded. There’s nothing worse or more of a red flag than running across someone who still can’t help but bring up their ex and constantly talk about how much they hate them umpteen years later. Says more about them than their ex if you ask me. 

Unless they killed your puppy or family member, some s*** you just have to eventually get over. And you will. 🙂 

[schlumpy]

Strive for indifference. The gold standard for ex-lovers.