Online Dating

[MimiCupid82]

I've been single for about 2.5 years, was in a relationship for 3 years with my first love. We broke up because he moved across the country for a job opportunity and then I later found out he met someone else and started cheated on me after I was supposed to move out there with him in a matter of months but oh well that's neither here nor here.  I began online dating about 10 months ago and have been having trouble finding love. I met a few guys who I connected with but the relationship didn't come to fruition. I am desperately desiring to date again but I'm tired of not having success.  Has anyone pursued online dating? How has your experiences been? If you found love, What techniques worked for you?  Are men really just into looks ? 

[ShyViolet]

Online dating is a perfectly fine way to meet someone.  These days everyone has a very large online presence and we do everything else online, why not meet people for dating online also.  There will be a lot of people on the dating apps who are not serious or who you won't have success with, but that's not because of the platform, that is just life and that would be true of any other situation like meeting people in bars or wherever.

[rjc149]

1 hour ago, MimiCupid82 said:

Are men really just into looks ? 

Unfortunately, yeah. It's #1 on the list, whether we'll admit it or not. 

But -- but -- that does not mean we all require an Instagram model. It just means that we determine our interest in you with a quick look. We all have different standards and thresholds, some lower some higher, some more conventional and some more exotic, but if you don't do it for us in the looks department, we don't care that much about the rest. 

A few people find love on OLD, most don't. As a guy, I would find myself sifting through dozens and dozens of profiles from women who were physically not my cup of tea, and having too much regard for myself to send another message to women who are totally lit up with messages from horny idiots. I've had successes (in terms of getting what I was looking for), but eventually I gave up on taking it seriously. 

As a woman, on OLD you'll have a lot of dud dates with men who use OLD to avoid being confident and attractive in real life. 

If you're having trouble with dating, the best advice is to get in shape, put the effort into diet and exercise without making all the pathetic excuses people make for not eating right and exercising, and put the effort into looking as hot as you can. That's honest advice.

Because I can also tell you that it's the beauty on the inside that counts, and that someday, the right one will come along. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Keep dating ... you have to meet dozens of people ... some many many many dozens ... to fine a prize online dating. Online dating can be harder in that sense because in real life, we pre-screen dates ... you meet someone at a party ... feel a spark and you ask them out. Online, you skip the real-life party (and all that goes into real-life communication) ... and just go to the date. So it takes a lot of dates.

Keep the dates short ... and your hopes down ... The right person will jump out at you without a lot of worry and agony and all of that. 

 

[Ami1uwant]

8 hours ago, MimiCupid82 said:

I've been single for about 2.5 years, was in a relationship for 3 years with my first love. We broke up because he moved across the country for a job opportunity and then I later found out he met someone else and started cheated on me after I was supposed to move out there with him in a matter of months but oh well that's neither here nor here.  I began online dating about 10 months ago and have been having trouble finding love. I met a few guys who I connected with but the relationship didn't come to fruition. I am desperately desiring to date again but I'm tired of not having success.  Has anyone pursued online dating? How has your experiences been? If you found love, What techniques worked for you?  Are men really just into looks ? 

 

I have 25 yrs experience in online dating.

 

im assuming you are in mid to late 20s.

Today many around that age tend to be looks first. 

 

Back 15 yrs ago you tended to have less users but they were more serious searchers.  Now oh have slot more casual users who are more focused on hookups or finding peop,e out of their league or usual social group they otherwise wouldn’t meet that were more like fantasyland dreams than realty.

 

the other part of the problem...people are generally poor decision makers.  For example in shopping at a mall some need to go and see all that’s out there before making a purchase while others go and buy things that meet their minimum criteria.

 

some using dating sites sees all these people and falls for the grass is greener thing.  They are constantly looking for that perfect match who meets 95%+ of what they want and passing over the 80%+ people where had they met IRL and old style way they likely would have had a long lasting relationship.

of course sometimes if you make an effort and date 3 times or so and get to know someone you may nit feel it’s there or there are long term life differences like one wants kids and the other doesn’t, one has dreams of moving to X the other wants to stay where they are.

 

there is no secret sauce tofinding someone in OLD.  You will find the same ones on different dating sites.

 

some rules I have learned...

1 try and meet face to face at a neutral site asap

2 if you are open to long distant relationships and looking for peop,e 2-3 hrs or more away have an idea of what you are willing to do in terms of moving in these..you still want to meet as soon as you can but understand the relation coukd end for other reasons usually because one wants someone closer to them.

 

3 if you meet face to face and the date didn’t  go well because of nerves ( no crazy stuff) or went well but you might not have felt instant attraction, always give it more time and another date.  Numerous examples out there have relationships  that wouldn’t have happened based on date 1.

 

 

why haven’t you had success? Are you trying to date people out of your league? Are you screening people based on picture? 

 

If you are getting to first dates but no second dates...is there something in your behavior that’s turning them off

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited May 10, 2020 by Ami1uwant

[max3732]

No men are not just into looks. Some are. Most are trying to find the right person for them same as you are doing.

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, max3732 said:

No men are not just into looks. Some are. Most are trying to find the right person for them same as you are doing.

I disagree. Its always looks first..then everything else

[miranda561]

9 hours ago, MimiCupid82 said:

I've been single for about 2.5 years, was in a relationship for 3 years with my first love. We broke up because he moved across the country for a job opportunity and then I later found out he met someone else and started cheated on me after I was supposed to move out there with him in a matter of months but oh well that's neither here nor here.  I began online dating about 10 months ago and have been having trouble finding love. I met a few guys who I connected with but the relationship didn't come to fruition. I am desperately desiring to date again but I'm tired of not having success.  Has anyone pursued online dating? How has your experiences been? If you found love, What techniques worked for you?  Are men really just into looks ? 

Ive tried online apps. And it is honestly a lot of work for someone with standards, well assuming most people have standards 😂. I've found myself going through hundreds and hundreds and may find a minority which fits my criteria.

I've met a small number in person, half of them were total weirdos/creeps, the othrr half were ok not bad but didnt blow me away. Definitely not met a single one yet whos made me want to commit 😂. There are a lot of fakers. They'll say what you want to hear, you meet them up and all they want to do is try it on, not actually properly date in a respectful way

As someone else here said it is probably best to meet in person asap. There are a few who you will realise just serm to enjoy attention and are all over the place i.e will lead you on for a while and saying they'll meet but really are either too scared to or simply want an ego boost. Just block and delete those types straight away.

Oh yeh just try to keep a cool head all the time and don't have too many expectations either way. However  i have heard of people who have married after meeting on certain apps, so you do get the odd success story. 

 

men are most definitely driven by how a woman looks first and foremost. Even the 3/4 out of 10s. Therefore if you like someone you have to dress to impress/wear a full face of makeup etc etc....

 

Edited May 10, 2020 by miranda561

[chillii]

10 hours ago, miranda561 said:

I disagree. Its always looks first..then everything else

Ahhh , but aren't you female ?

No doubt there are guys around that would but l agree with max most def' . looks are useless if that's all she had, matter of fact they'd turn ugly real fast .

Go read what men look for in women , you too op , might help .

[miranda561]

8 minutes ago, chillii said:

Ahhh , but aren't you female ?

No doubt there are guys around that would but l agree with max most def' . looks are useless if that's all she had, matter of fact they'd turn ugly real fast .

Go read what men look for in women , you too op , might help .

I don't need to read up on what they look for. I've seen it first hand. Most are rather shallow. 

Im not saying its all they look for. But sometimes it can be a deciding factor on giving things  a go. 

And yes im female

Edited May 10, 2020 by miranda561

[CaliforniaGirl]

10 hours ago, miranda561 said:

I disagree. Its always looks first..then everything else

Oh honey, really, don't worry about this. Look around you. Watch couples walking hand in hand. The larger chunk will be more or less regular guys with more or less regular women.  Seriously, everybody knows this, just look around. Do your hair, put on a little makeup, wear something cute, et voilà. Then you just have to worry about all the rest. 😂

Seriously, though. If you're decent enough in that department (ETA: no third limb, not seriously obese - sorry, you know, the basics), you'll been asked out on OLD. I promise you. 

 

Edited May 10, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[miranda561]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Oh honey, really, don't worry about this. Look around you. Watch couples walking hand in hand. The larger chunk will be more or less regular guys with more or less regular women. Seriouslky, everybody knows this, just look around. Do your hair, put on a little makeup, wear something cute, et voilà. Then you just have to worry about all the rest. 😂

Seriously, though. If you're decent enough in that department you'll been asked out on OLD. I promise you. 

 

😂 thanks. But i think one poster was saying its not about looks im saying it is  for guys. My friend for example doesnt get guys even messsging her after they see her pictures, let alone in person. Usually out of me and her, when we go out, she will be ignored and i will be chatted up

But i wasnt implying that i had issues.😂. Just that men are shallow. 

[Blind-Sided]

19 hours ago, rjc149 said:

Unfortunately, yeah. It's #1 on the list, whether we'll admit it or not. 

But -- but -- that does not mean we all require an Instagram model.

I tend to agree... but only partly.

The issue with OLD is... you are looking at pictures before you even read a bio.  Then... you make a choice.  But on that note... as mentioned above... not every guy is looking for a model.  For me... I need a pretty smile, and bright eyes. That's what grabs my attention. I'm also the kind of guy who doesn't mind a girl who is a little bigger.  And there are a lot of guys out there who feel the same way.  

The down side to OLD is that it seems like there are a lot of guys (and girls) who use it as a hook-up system.  One date... sex... and done.  There are also a lot of people who aren't emotionally ready to date... and there are people who are "Daters".  What I mean with that is... they just want to date, and aren't looking for a real relationship. 

So... if you are going to look into OLD... then make sure you have thick skin, and get ready to go on a lot of dates, and not hear from that person again.  OR... have a lot of positives txts, and then nothing.  (with no explanation)   Eventually, you will find someone good.

[chillii]

As calgirl says and l've suggested it dozens of times round here myself too , just step outside and take a look at everyday couples .

Believe me as l said nope , looks are useless without the rest , there's so much more l need in a woman it'd fill a page . And believe me , women can be incredibly shallow too just read all the threads round here by struggling guys that are convinced it's all about looks against them too , but yeah sure guys can def' be that way, you've gotta go for quality , be selective , go for decent people,

Edited May 10, 2020 by chillii

[MimiCupid82]

21 hours ago, rjc149 said:

Unfortunately, yeah. It's #1 on the list, whether we'll admit it or not. 

But -- but -- that does not mean we all require an Instagram model. It just means that we determine our interest in you with a quick look. We all have different standards and thresholds, some lower some higher, some more conventional and some more exotic, but if you don't do it for us in the looks department, we don't care that much about the rest. 

A few people find love on OLD, most don't. As a guy, I would find myself sifting through dozens and dozens of profiles from women who were physically not my cup of tea, and having too much regard for myself to send another message to women who are totally lit up with messages from horny idiots. I've had successes (in terms of getting what I was looking for), but eventually I gave up on taking it seriously. 

As a woman, on OLD you'll have a lot of dud dates with men who use OLD to avoid being confident and attractive in real life. 

If you're having trouble with dating, the best advice is to get in shape, put the effort into diet and exercise without making all the pathetic excuses people make for not eating right and exercising, and put the effort into looking as hot as you can. That's honest advice.

Because I can also tell you that it's the beauty on the inside that counts, and that someday, the right one will come along. 

Yes I agree looks do matter, as a woman, I appreciate a good looking man. However I try to not base my judgement on a person's looks but rather personality. I do find it hard to connect to someone I am not attracted to. But It kind of seems like the unattractive ones are more than likely the most loyal. Anyway, I don't think Im ugly. I'm about 5'9, 145lbs with short brown hair. I consider myself average maybe slightly above. I workout about 3 x a week and do my best to keep in shape. It just seems like the men are very superficial. 

[MimiCupid82]

2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

I tend to agree... but only partly.

The issue with OLD is... you are looking at pictures before you even read a bio.  Then... you make a choice.  But on that note... as mentioned above... not every guy is looking for a model.  For me... I need a pretty smile, and bright eyes. That's what grabs my attention. I'm also the kind of guy who doesn't mind a girl who is a little bigger.  And there are a lot of guys out there who feel the same way.  

The down side to OLD is that it seems like there are a lot of guys (and girls) who use it as a hook-up system.  One date... sex... and done.  There are also a lot of people who aren't emotionally ready to date... and there are people who are "Daters".  What I mean with that is... they just want to date, and aren't looking for a real relationship. 

So... if you are going to look into OLD... then make sure you have thick skin, and get ready to go on a lot of dates, and not hear from that person again.  OR... have a lot of positives txts, and then nothing.  (with no explanation)   Eventually, you will find someone good.

That's one of the reason that I feel like giving up. It's so much work that goes into OLD its beginning to feel exhausting. Im growing a little tired of competing with other women and trying to  convince a man I'm worthy of their love and attention. LOL. I am going to hold out on hope that I will meet someone. 

[OatsAndHall]

Yes, profile pictures get the first round of screening for me. But, that probably only rules out about 20% of the profiles. And, it's not just women that I don't find attractive, it's also good-looking women who have a dozen pictures of themselves in bikinis or in revealing workout clothes. I don't feel that they're "out of my league"; I have to take pause when I see an extremely attractive woman that seems to be trying overly hard on a dating website. They'd get bombarded with messages and dating opportunities if they were wearing jeans and a t-shirt so the abundance of skin being shown strikes me as odd.

And, a witty profile and compatible interests go a long way for me. I might not find a woman overly physically attractive but their profile is funny and well written so I'll shoot them a message. At the very least, I figure they'll be fun to talk to and hang around with so I'll hit them up and try to set up a date. I've been on my share of dates with women who I (and other men) find extremely attractive but the other pieces weren't there. Our personalities don't click, we have incompatible lifestyles, etc..etc..

[MimiCupid82]

6 minutes ago, OatsAndHall said:

Yes, profile pictures get the first round of screening for me. But, that probably only rules out about 20% of the profiles. And, it's not just women that I don't find attractive, it's also good-looking women who have a dozen pictures of themselves in bikinis or in revealing workout clothes. I don't feel that they're "out of my league"; I have to take pause when I see an extremely attractive woman that seems to be trying overly hard on a dating website. They'd get bombarded with messages and dating opportunities if they were wearing jeans and a t-shirt so the abundance of skin being shown strikes me as odd.

And, a witty profile and compatible interests go a long way for me. I might not find a woman overly physically attractive but their profile is funny and well written so I'll shoot them a message. At the very least, I figure they'll be fun to talk to and hang around with so I'll hit them up and try to set up a date. I've been on my share of dates with women who I (and other men) find extremely attractive but the other pieces weren't there. Our personalities don't click, we have incompatible lifestyles, etc..etc..

Exactly. I don't post any revealing pictures of myself because I don't want that kind of attention... I know that some men may take that as a suggestion for easy sex. I just really want someone to look at me for me and not my looks. The women who you found " extremely attractive" did you still continue to date them or cease contact? I've had men just stop contacting me after dates after I thought we had amazing chemistry. 

[OatsAndHall]

1 hour ago, MimiCupid82 said:

Exactly. I don't post any revealing pictures of myself because I don't want that kind of attention... I know that some men may take that as a suggestion for easy sex. I just really want someone to look at me for me and not my looks. The women who you found " extremely attractive" did you still continue to date them or cease contact? I've had men just stop contacting me after dates after I thought we had amazing chemistry. 

I met my gf via Match, I find her extremely attractive and we've been together for around six months. To be honest, I just didn't click with the other women I found extremely attractive, for one reason or another. Either they found something in me incompatible or vice versa. We went out once or twice and then just stopped talking; generally no muss, no fuss. IME, OLD is a numbers game; chat with someone, meet up with them and see where it goes. It took me a lot of dating before I had my first serious relationship via OLD.

[scooby-philly]

OP,

It's a numbers game. You have to keep trying. And yes, men care about looks (women do too, you just don't admit to it as much and you don't care as much as men do)...but for most men (note....most...not all)...our idea of "attractive" can vary. For me, I don't care about race and or build or height that much. But when I search online dating I don't LOOK for any woman over 5"9 (as I'm 6'1 and like to have a little height over my woman)...though if I met someone 5'11 or 6'1 or she reached out to me, I wouldn't be opposed on height alone. It's a combination of things that we can't really explain - but part of it is how comfortable you are with yourself, your body, and your sexuality. For the average guy a women who might be subjectively a 6/10 on "looks" could become a 9/10 because she's confident, sensual, in touch with herself, and knows how to flirt/tease. So more than or at least as much as your looks, (like diet/exercise), work on your self-confidence, your sensuality, etc.

[MimiCupid82]

3 hours ago, scooby-philly said:

OP,

It's a numbers game. You have to keep trying. And yes, men care about looks (women do too, you just don't admit to it as much and you don't care as much as men do)...but for most men (note....most...not all)...our idea of "attractive" can vary. For me, I don't care about race and or build or height that much. But when I search online dating I don't LOOK for any woman over 5"9 (as I'm 6'1 and like to have a little height over my woman)...though if I met someone 5'11 or 6'1 or she reached out to me, I wouldn't be opposed on height alone. It's a combination of things that we can't really explain - but part of it is how comfortable you are with yourself, your body, and your sexuality. For the average guy a women who might be subjectively a 6/10 on "looks" could become a 9/10 because she's confident, sensual, in touch with herself, and knows how to flirt/tease. So more than or at least as much as your looks, (like diet/exercise), work on your self-confidence, your sensuality, etc.

Yes I’ve been at this for almost a year now and I’ve met some really nice guys, I guess I thought I would have already met my match. There’s seems to always be something that gets In the way of our connection. Your right looks definitely matter. I guess It’s having the right combination of looks/personality/charm to win someone over. I didn’t have this problem with my ex. Luckily we were friends for years before we began dating, so we already knew each other pretty well. 

[MimiCupid82]

On 5/9/2020 at 9:48 PM, miranda561 said:

Ive tried online apps. And it is honestly a lot of work for someone with standards, well assuming most people have standards 😂. I've found myself going through hundreds and hundreds and may find a minority which fits my criteria.

I've met a small number in person, half of them were total weirdos/creeps, the othrr half were ok not bad but didnt blow me away. Definitely not met a single one yet whos made me want to commit 😂. There are a lot of fakers. They'll say what you want to hear, you meet them up and all they want to do is try it on, not actually properly date in a respectful way

As someone else here said it is probably best to meet in person asap. There are a few who you will realise just serm to enjoy attention and are all over the place i.e will lead you on for a while and saying they'll meet but really are either too scared to or simply want an ego boost. Just block and delete those types straight away.

Oh yeh just try to keep a cool head all the time and don't have too many expectations either way. However  i have heard of people who have married after meeting on certain apps, so you do get the odd success story. 

 

men are most definitely driven by how a woman looks first and foremost. Even the 3/4 out of 10s. Therefore if you like someone you have to dress to impress/wear a full face of makeup etc etc....

 

It’s feels like having a full time job, I think a lot of people try to make themselves appear better than who they are in real life. People need to be transparent from the start. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

The main thing IMO is that it's a numbers game, and you don't have time to waste. As SOON as you recognize toxic traits in someone, you need to be DONE. A lot of time gets wasted trying to change someone, when in reality you can't.

[MimiCupid82]

On 5/9/2020 at 1:30 PM, rjc149 said:

Unfortunately, yeah. It's #1 on the list, whether we'll admit it or not. 

But -- but -- that does not mean we all require an Instagram model. It just means that we determine our interest in you with a quick look. We all have different standards and thresholds, some lower some higher, some more conventional and some more exotic, but if you don't do it for us in the looks department, we don't care that much about the rest. 

A few people find love on OLD, most don't. As a guy, I would find myself sifting through dozens and dozens of profiles from women who were physically not my cup of tea, and having too much regard for myself to send another message to women who are totally lit up with messages from horny idiots. I've had successes (in terms of getting what I was looking for), but eventually I gave up on taking it seriously. 

As a woman, on OLD you'll have a lot of dud dates with men who use OLD to avoid being confident and attractive in real life. 

If you're having trouble with dating, the best advice is to get in shape, put the effort into diet and exercise without making all the pathetic excuses people make for not eating right and exercising, and put the effort into looking as hot as you can. That's honest advice.

Because I can also tell you that it's the beauty on the inside that counts, and that someday, the right one will come along. 

As a guy would you date someone you weren’t attracted to but connected on every other level? 

Edited May 11, 2020 by MimiCupid82

[MimiCupid82]

10 hours ago, OatsAndHall said:

I met my gf via Match, I find her extremely attractive and we've been together for around six months. To be honest, I just didn't click with the other women I found extremely attractive, for one reason or another. Either they found something in me incompatible or vice versa. We went out once or twice and then just stopped talking; generally no muss, no fuss. IME, OLD is a numbers game; chat with someone, meet up with them and see where it goes. It took me a lot of dating before I had my first serious relationship via OLD.

Glad to hear of your success story. Do you still consider your relationship in the Honey moon phase? Or should I say is your girlfriend still the person she presented herself as from when you two first met?