miranda561 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 13 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: I had this happen wtih a man...years ago...no photoshop, older photo, creative angle. Literally I started to walk past him when I got to the restaurant. I never in a million years would have recognized him. He had the chin-tipped-down angle, he showed the top of his hair that wasn't 100% gray yet (the full-on effect in person, a few years later when he WAS all gray was...all gray, and drastically different), the down-angle hid his belly and just literally made his arms, everything look different. Even his eyes. He wasn't smiling much in the pic and his eyes looked much much bigger that way. I mean when I went back later to look at the pic I realized it was him, sure. He didn't steal someone else's pic or anything like that. But if I'd seen that pic in his wallet I'd have thought it was his son or something. Wow. So he appeared a lot older than he portrayed. So i guess it was a straight no after seeing him? 😂😂 Must have been awkward for you both. But again i just dont see the point in trying to be something you're not ( not you as in people ) . Its not going to last long is it? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, miranda561 said: 🤔 whats even the point though Once they meet itll be game over anyway right. As I understand things, the catfish feels that if s/he can get a foot in the door, the date will see his/her amazing qualities and fall in love anyway. Edited May 14, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl Edited to take out the sexism. Because I just know I have to be wrong about that part. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 2 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Wow. So he appeared a lot older than he portrayed. So i guess it was a straight no after seeing him? 😂😂 Must have been awkward for you both. But again i just dont see the point in trying to be something you're not ( not you as in people ) . Its not going to last long is it? Well, older...fatter...less fit... No, amazingly, it wasn't a straight no. I gave him a chance. Women are supposed to do that...if we don't we're shallow and terrible people...we're not allowed the "but it's just biology" excuse... And I mean I did know I was attracted to (romantically/turned on by) his personality as well. It isn't as if there had been nothing there at all except what looked like hair that was just a little gray, and a non-obese body. We had a thing for a little while but he was incredibly defensive about basically every single thing in his life and I couldn't take it anymore so I broke up with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: I know I'll get some pushback... Why oh why do you do this CG.... Whyyyyyyyy.... Aw, to heck with it. As I understand things, guys in particular (more so than women) feel that if they can get their foot in the door, the woman will see all their amazing non-physical attributes and just fall in love anyway. The catfish does not generally feel the same way. He or she appears, more often than not, to expect his or her (honest) date to be gorgeous. 'Cause biology blah blah. Ugh...yeah. I said it. Lol 😂🤔 I can see it. They want to win them over in person. Unfortunately i think they'll probably be too shell shocked for that to be the case 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Well, older...fatter...less fit... No, amazingly, it wasn't a straight no. I gave him a chance. Women are supposed to do that...if we don't we're shallow and terrible people...we're not allowed the "but it's just biology" excuse... And I mean I did know I was attracted to (romantically/turned on by) his personality as well. It isn't as if there had been nothing there at all except what looked like hair that was just a little gray, and a non-obese body. We had a thing for a little while but he was incredibly defensive about basically every single thing in his life and I couldn't take it anymore so I broke up with him. Oooooo so you gave him a chance thats nice. See women are generally nicer aint they. Had it been other way round the guy would be on his way out Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 41 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: No, amazingly, it wasn't a straight no. I gave him a chance. Women are supposed to do that...if we don't we're shallow and terrible people...we're not allowed the "but it's just biology" excuse... Women use this argument frequently on this forum, frequently to justify height preferences and being paid for on dates. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Shining One said: Women use this argument frequently on this forum, frequently to justify height preferences and being paid for on dates. Oh, okay. I’m relieved. It’s always better to be honest...attraction is there or it’s not. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted May 15, 2020 Share Posted May 15, 2020 On 5/13/2020 at 8:38 PM, miranda561 said: How can that be though. Photoshop? 🤔 I havseen it. Hairstyle changes. The angle of the photo distort things. The bra isn’t a push up or stuffed... Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted May 16, 2020 Share Posted May 16, 2020 On 5/13/2020 at 9:43 PM, Shining One said: Women use this argument frequently on this forum, frequently to justify height preferences and being paid for on dates. It’s just as much BS in that situation as well. Now it’s certainly cultural. Own your preferences, don’t blame “biology” 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted May 19, 2020 Share Posted May 19, 2020 On 5/11/2020 at 2:36 PM, MimiCupid82 said: It’s feels like having a full time job, I think a lot of people try to make themselves appear better than who they are in real life. People need to be transparent from the start. People try to sell themselves as much as possible because they're competing against others who are doing the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted May 19, 2020 Share Posted May 19, 2020 On 5/11/2020 at 3:47 PM, MimiCupid82 said: As a guy would you date someone you weren’t attracted to but connected on every other level? As a guy I not only did this but also married her. I wouldn't say I was *totally* unattracted to her physically, but I thought we had a great connection at the time and didn't think looks mattered that much. Big mistake! As time went on, I realized (as I matured) that she wasn't compatible for me, and she also gave up putting in effort after I put a ring on it. She got comfortable (lazy) and stopped taking any pride in her appearance. After two kids, she put on so much weight and didn't care. She got very defensive about her weight if I ever brought it up. And, mind you, I only brought it up with the intention of being contructive rather than critical. I grew to resent her over time, as I felt like she employed a bait-and-switch tactic where her objective was to stretch herself to a position which she never had any intention of sustaining, to attract the best guy she could. That saying that you become like the people you surround yourself with rang true. I was dragged down to her level and I became lazy and complacent and progressively put on 30lb myself. The problem wasn't that I wasn't attracted to her physically. I looked past that because I fell for the person beneath the skin before accepting the rest. The problem was that when I realized I didn't love the person because she wasn't the person she presented, I was left with someone with no redeeming qualities at all. She acted as though, now that we're married and there's two children, she basically had a hold over me. This was largely true, as for many years I toiled away in an unhappy, toxic marriage with someone I not only didn't love, but no longer respected and felt no physical attraction to. Had she been the person I thought she was, would what she looked like have mattered? I guess if she maintained the level she was at when I met her and demonstrated consistency in wanting to be healthy, take pride in herself and feel that it's important to be the best person you can be for the one you love, then I have no reason to think the marriage might not have lasted. These days I refuse to take a second glance at anyone who isn't hot. If you are a six or under, sorry, NEXT! I only swipe right if you're hot, as I feel repulsed by the thought of becoming intimate with someone who isn't extremely physically attractive to me. After my marriage ended, I hit the gym, made a lot of effort to get into shape, and it certainly paid dividends. The women I've pulled since separating are in a different league to my ex-wife. She knows it, she resents me for it, and more pertinent than anything, I proved her wrong when she told me on countless occasions that I'd never find anyone better than her. Link to post Share on other sites
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