an0nym0us123 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 I guess with lockdown I like many others have had time to reflect on life, dating etc. I have made numerous threads on here over the years about my dating woes. Trying to find the answer to my problems, it always baffled me as to why i could not find someone i liked if i was proactive and put my self out there because i have done it in real life over the years. There were a sprinkling of women throughout the years who came after me and it did not require me doing anything. But even these days real life seams a complete waste of time. Anyone who is single isnt interested. Due to my location and time restraints online was and is an efficient way of getting dates. Ive had over 30 but most came to nothing. Generally speaking i was rejected on the first date, sometimes the girl finding an excuse to cut it short. Other times they seemed interested but vanished a few days after our first date. Basically came to the stage where id had enough. But giving up online alltogether meant my chances of meeting anyone were tiny. So when lock down is over i will try tinder once more. But i am leaving the majority of the work to the women, i may initiate a first message. But she is going to have to show real interest before i will go on a date. If she likes me then she will have to continue to pursue. I imagine many will condem this attitude as being selfish, arrogant etc. But looking back over my life the only times i had success was when women pursued me. Not the other way around. I have seen many women become distant after meeting and chatting for a few days despite being keen at the start. At that point from now on they will be cut off, thats it im done. Im simply not prepared to reach out again only to be blocked or ghosted. I have taken on the family farming business and own my own house plus a nice bit of land in some of the best scenery the world has to offer. Im debt free and making a reasonable bit of income from 2 businesses i run. The way i feel right now is i dont give a dam about very much and am simply not prepared to be someones backup plan for a few days till i get ditched for someone else. Going forward it will be up to women to show they are interested and i will reciprocate, if they dont i will not be chasing anyone. Simply to old and fed up to be jerked around. I have my life in order and i honestly dont feel i need to prove my worth to anyone. My efforts from now on will be to make things better for myself, not chasing after someone for nothing. Anyway i wasnt going to post this but i decided to in the end since i was sitting here bored. Im just going to get on with my life and if someone wants me they will have to seek me out. If they dont i guess that will be that. Hope everyone is safe and well The best Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 16 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said: I guess with lockdown I like many others have had time to reflect on life, dating etc. I have made numerous threads on here over the years about my dating woes. Trying to find the answer to my problems, it always baffled me as to why i could not find someone i liked if i was proactive and put my self out there because i have done it in real life over the years. There were a sprinkling of women throughout the years who came after me and it did not require me doing anything. But even these days real life seams a complete waste of time. Anyone who is single isnt interested. Due to my location and time restraints online was and is an efficient way of getting dates. Ive had over 30 but most came to nothing. Generally speaking i was rejected on the first date, sometimes the girl finding an excuse to cut it short. Other times they seemed interested but vanished a few days after our first date. Basically came to the stage where id had enough. But giving up online alltogether meant my chances of meeting anyone were tiny. So when lock down is over i will try tinder once more. But i am leaving the majority of the work to the women, i may initiate a first message. But she is going to have to show real interest before i will go on a date. If she likes me then she will have to continue to pursue. I imagine many will condem this attitude as being selfish, arrogant etc. But looking back over my life the only times i had success was when women pursued me. Not the other way around. I have seen many women become distant after meeting and chatting for a few days despite being keen at the start. At that point from now on they will be cut off, thats it im done. Im simply not prepared to reach out again only to be blocked or ghosted. I have taken on the family farming business and own my own house plus a nice bit of land in some of the best scenery the world has to offer. Im debt free and making a reasonable bit of income from 2 businesses i run. The way i feel right now is i dont give a dam about very much and am simply not prepared to be someones backup plan for a few days till i get ditched for someone else. Going forward it will be up to women to show they are interested and i will reciprocate, if they dont i will not be chasing anyone. Simply to old and fed up to be jerked around. I have my life in order and i honestly dont feel i need to prove my worth to anyone. My efforts from now on will be to make things better for myself, not chasing after someone for nothing. Anyway i wasnt going to post this but i decided to in the end since i was sitting here bored. Im just going to get on with my life and if someone wants me they will have to seek me out. If they dont i guess that will be that. Hope everyone is safe and well The best You don't have to chase anyone. Just match interest instead. But at the beginning do a little more of the initiating. That's usually what i expect from a guy, Especially at the start 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 23 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said: I have taken on the family farming business Isn't there a specific dating site called "Farmers Only" for farmers and people that farm?? I think I recall seeing a commercial on TV for it a while back... seems like minded farming individuals may have more in common. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 16 minutes ago, miranda561 said: You don't have to chase anyone. Just match interest instead. But at the beginning do a little more of the initiating. That's usually what i expect from a guy, Especially at the start I think if i go on a first date again i will leave it to the woman to contact after, especially if she was doing it before hand. The ones that were really keen after date 1 were normally in touch pretty quickly. If i dont hear from her again i'll assume thats that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 14 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said: Isn't there a specific dating site called "Farmers Only" for farmers and people that farm?? I think I recall seeing a commercial on TV for it a while back... seems like minded farming individuals may have more in common. Yes im sure there are sites. Ive actually talked to a number of women off of tinder pof etc from agri backgrounds. For me its not something that i am specifically looking for. Although my ex was planning on keeping horses here. Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 10 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said: I think if i go on a first date again i will leave it to the woman to contact after, especially if she was doing it before hand. The ones that were really keen after date 1 were normally in touch pretty quickly. If i dont hear from her again i'll assume thats that. Guaranteed there are going to be some woman who will just think youre not interested if you dont reach out after first date. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted May 9, 2020 Share Posted May 9, 2020 52 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said: I have taken on the family farming business and own my own house plus a nice bit of land in some of the best scenery the world has to offer. Im debt free and making a reasonable bit of income from 2 businesses i run. you should surely be able to find a woman, you have got disillusioned really is the problem, take a closer look when you are screening profiles, instead of messaging 50 women pick out 3 whose profiles attract you in particular, and tackle them with renewed vigour. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 5 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Guaranteed there are going to be some woman who will just think youre not interested if you dont reach out after first date. I guarantee 95% wont care whether i was interested or not and will be glad they dont have to tell me they werent interested or save them having to block me altogether Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 9, 2020 Author Share Posted May 9, 2020 7 minutes ago, Foxhall said: you should surely be able to find a woman, you have got disillusioned really is the problem, take a closer look when you are screening profiles, instead of messaging 50 women pick out 3 whose profiles attract you in particular, and tackle them with renewed vigour. I used to think i had a fair chance but results proved otherwise. But the plan is to be very selective. Even if that meant only 2 or 3 dates a year. I generate quite a bit of interest online already. Things tend to go down hill rapidly after meeting. Getting a date is fairly easy Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 1 hour ago, an0nym0us123 said: I guarantee 95% wont care whether i was interested or not and will be glad they dont have to tell me they werent interested or save them having to block me altogether Well that's not exactly the most optimistic attitude to have. 😂 There is always someone out there for everyone!! Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 1 hour ago, an0nym0us123 said: I used to think i had a fair chance but results proved otherwise. But the plan is to be very selective. Even if that meant only 2 or 3 dates a year. I generate quite a bit of interest online already. Things tend to go down hill rapidly after meeting. Getting a date is fairly easy Maybe its what happens on the dates then. ... maybe try a different approach or something 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Look...if being pursued is what has worked for you, then it absolutely makes sense for that to be your plan. People meet in all different ways and the dynamic is different for every single relationship. I don't see that there's any question here, it sounds solid to me. Good luck and much happiness to you. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 1 hour ago, an0nym0us123 said: I used to think i had a fair chance but results proved otherwise. But the plan is to be very selective. Even if that meant only 2 or 3 dates a year. I generate quite a bit of interest online already. Things tend to go down hill rapidly after meeting. Getting a date is fairly easy Only when you pursued? Or all the time? Do you look like your online pics? Are they current? How is your hygiene? (Sorry.) Do you feel like you act the same and say the same things talking on the phone and texting as you do in person? Do you sit a slight distance away, not on top of the person? Do you touch? (Legitimate question, I hear a lot of advice to "escalate" by lightly touching one's date somewhere but that can be a real turnoff.) I don't know...just throwing a bunch of stuff out there, the very basics that might literally make a date do a 180 after having seemed enthusiastic about meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Only when you pursued? Or all the time? Do you look like your online pics? Are they current? How is your hygiene? (Sorry.) Do you feel like you act the same and say the same things talking on the phone and texting as you do in person? Do you sit a slight distance away, not on top of the person? Do you touch? (Legitimate question, I hear a lot of advice to "escalate" by lightly touching one's date somewhere but that can be a real turnoff.) I don't know...just throwing a bunch of stuff out there, the very basics that might literally make a date do a 180 after having seemed enthusiastic about meeting. When women daters dont know someone very well and there's no attachments, the tiniest thing could make them change direction. Even mentioning hygiene is a good point 😂 and the touch thing ( ew i hate that especially on the first meet? Way too creepy) Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Only when you pursued? Or all the time? Do you look like your online pics? Are they current? How is your hygiene? (Sorry.) Do you feel like you act the same and say the same things talking on the phone and texting as you do in person? Do you sit a slight distance away, not on top of the person? Do you touch? (Legitimate question, I hear a lot of advice to "escalate" by lightly touching one's date somewhere but that can be a real turnoff.) I don't know...just throwing a bunch of stuff out there, the very basics that might literally make a date do a 180 after having seemed enthusiastic about meeting. My pictures are current, but as i have mentioned on here before they are the best ones of me i have. This perhaps sets up the possibility that they will be disappointed. Even though i have sent selfies before meeting to some if they asked. The only thing i was planning on changing which perhaps you cannot see is my teeth are moderately crooked. I had an appointment with an orthodontist but it got cancelled due to the virus. I literally have no idea when that will happen now. I am not aware of anything being wrong with my hygiene or anything i was doing tbh. I didnt touch anyone unless they were giving obvious signals thats what they wanted. There were a couple that were clearly dying to be kissed. I thought on paper i was a reasonable catch but seems i was wrong. The plan essentially is to live my life for me, if someone wants me it will be up to them to find me. Edited May 10, 2020 by an0nym0us123 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliforniaGirl Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 7 minutes ago, an0nym0us123 said: My pictures are current, but as i have mentioned on here before they are the best ones of me i have. This perhaps sets up the possibility that they will be disappointed. Even though i have sent selfies before meeting to some if they asked. The only thing i was planning on changing which perhaps you cannot see is my teeth are moderately crooked. I had an appointment with an orthodontist but it got cancelled due to the virus. I literally have no idea when that will happen now. I am not aware of anything being wrong with my hygiene or anything i was doing tbh. I didnt touch anyone unless they were giving obvious signals thats what they wanted. I thought on paper i was a reasonable catch but seems i was wrong. The plan essentially is to live my life for me, if someone wants me it will be up to them to find me. Please don't lose heart. Like I said, if being approached works for you, let it happen. Love is strange! It happens all different ways. Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 Not lost heart just directing my energy elsewhere. I wasnt going to go back online but since its still far and away the most efficient way to meet people i probably will but i will not be putting a lot of effort into it. Its pretty easy to distinguish between someone who is look warm and very keen. The luke warm ones will be dropped. I realised recently the of the handful of women who chased me in real life i didnt actually do anything. When my ex finally got me she thought she had won the lottery. Compare that to someone faking a reason to get out of a date then no wonder i am confused Link to post Share on other sites
contel3 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 (edited) To be fair I think what you're doing is smart. When I'm interested, it is kinda obvious. If I never initiate you're wasting your time. I would like to add though that there's a big difference between pursuing someone who isn't interested and letting the woman do all the work. Even if you do find a woman who will put in all the effort for you, sooner or later she will get bored of it. If she doesn't she probably likes the chase more than she likes you. My last date kinda had your attitude….he didnt show any interest, but complained I wasn't trying hard enough….that turned me off so bad. Edited May 10, 2020 by contel3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 14 minutes ago, contel3 said: To be fair I think what you're doing is smart. When I'm interested, it is kinda obvious. If I never initiate you're wasting your time. I would like to add though that there's a big difference between pursuing someone who isn't interested and letting the woman do all the work. Even if you do find a woman who will put in all the effort for you, sooner or later she will get bored of it. If she doesn't she probably likes the chase more than she likes you. My last date kinda had your attitude….he didnt show any interest, but complained I wasn't trying hard enough….that turned me off so bad. It depends on the person. Everyone is different. It is hard to generalise every situation. Which is what I've seen a lot on this forum. When im interested, the guy doesnt even know half the time, it isn't That obvious. Which is why i said it differs from person to person. Also i have a friend whos been putting maximum effort into a guy for ten years, whilst hes basically said in other words he wont marry her. Yet shes continued. So saying women will only chase or get bored eventually is also wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 10, 2020 Author Share Posted May 10, 2020 I will be responsive if the girl is showing interest and i like them. If they start to drift away they are out. Generally i know from a first date if they liked me or not. The ones that did were on the messaging the moment they got home. The ones i waited a day or two to contact were not interested, either ghosted, blocked me or just told me. I used to think i had a reasonable chance but it didnt turn out that way. I feel if i dont invest too much it wont make me feel completely worthless 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 10 hours ago, an0nym0us123 said: I will be responsive if the girl is showing interest and i like them. If they start to drift away they are out. Generally i know from a first date if they liked me or not. The ones that did were on the messaging the moment they got home. The ones i waited a day or two to contact were not interested, either ghosted, blocked me or just told me. I used to think i had a reasonable chance but it didnt turn out that way. I feel if i dont invest too much it wont make me feel completely worthless Absolutely true for both bolded items. You need to take the weight off your shoulders when it comes to dating, don't invest too much, have enough other things going along to not get consumed by it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Share Posted May 12, 2020 I just dont intend to spend anymore time soul searching, or trying to "figure it out". I am in a pretty decent financial position and many would kill to have what i have right now. Ive no kids and just feel like I am free and dont have much to care about right now. My mindset has changed these past few months from, being down about it, wondering what i need to do differently to basically i will go on a date and i simply do not care if the person likes me or not. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 (edited) On 5/10/2020 at 9:08 AM, an0nym0us123 said: I used to think i had a fair chance but results proved otherwise. But the plan is to be very selective. Even if that meant only 2 or 3 dates a year. I generate quite a bit of interest online already. Things tend to go down hill rapidly after meeting. Getting a date is fairly easy Exactly . l have no idea it's truly beyond me why so many round here date so many people and put themselves through it all , it seems so totally aimless to me, well unless they on;y wanna play around . Quality and using careful selectiveness wins over quantity every time . Better off with one worthwhile person with real potential even in a year, 2 even, than a 100 shooting blind folded , l just never get it. And meanwhile that one worthwhile person walks straight by because they're too busy chasing their tail , makes no sense. Edited May 12, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author an0nym0us123 Posted May 12, 2020 Author Share Posted May 12, 2020 It was my own fault partly. I should have made better use of the options that were available to me when i was younger. Now all that is left is divorced women with kids or complete train wercks. The few decent women without kids that are left are basically impossible to date Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) Yeah right , well l can surely understand that one and found the same thing myself , it was a shock to the system that's for sure. Gone were the carefree days and girls of old back when before l was even married . Thing is , it's not all , and hopefully if you do connect with just that one person, and find all the right feelings , she will have stuff and you will too , there'll be no clean slates but if you both want this and everything else is in the right place you can work through them together , people that meet starting over do it everyday . Edited May 13, 2020 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
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