notyouraveragebabe Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Hi, Just need to vent this out. So I met this nice guy on Hinge, during stay at home, so we were limited on going out. We spent a month together, weekly on our days off and played games, watched movies, walked at the beach, worked out, and ordered take out. We got intimate right away since we were home and couldn’t go out. However, We spent A lot quality time together getting to know each other. I caught a lot of feelings. All of a sudden he stopped texting, so I didn’t text him. I figured he ghosted me. Two days later he apologized and said “sorry for my here and there texts, right now I have personal and family issues that is taking priority, I’m not in a good place to date, hope you understand” I just don’t understand what could have gone wrong? The last night we hung out we played never have I ever. I mean did I say too much, like what made him just snap and change his mind? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 In this situation I'd take what he said as true. Starting a relationship is a huge emotional investment, and if he's not able to do that then it's better he says so than have him be emotionally distant when you should be enjoying the relationship. I know it's not great but I'd say it's not your fault. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 6 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said: The last night we hung out we played never have I ever. I mean did I say too much, like what made him just snap and change his mind? What did you say, exactly? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 Catching feelings can make or break a relationship but just take what he said and run with it. It's easier said than done but sometimes things just change that we can't explain. It's never easy but truth or not, his text tells you where he stands. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 (edited) Perhaps he found the tone of your voice a turn off. Edited May 10, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted May 10, 2020 Share Posted May 10, 2020 (edited) Why do people obsess about these things. If you go out with a man do you automatically assume a relationship out of it. Relationships typically evolve naturally. If I went out on one date and the guy suddenly wanted to spend every waking hour of everyday with me then I would be turned off. I don't anticipate I'll catch feelings quickly when I hit the scene later on towards the end of the year. I doubt I'd even post here.. ya'll can pm me for advice. I have tons of advice and live vicariously through other people's love life at the moment 😊 Edited May 10, 2020 by Realitysux 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 OP, It sucks and the feeling blows, but remember, that's what dating is all about - finding someone who "gets" you. Who cares if you said x instead of y. Who cares if you were a little more "this" than the average woman. IN the long-run, relationships work out when people are building a root system/foundation together and when both partners look at the other and say "I love them" - the real "them", the authentic "them", and know what they'll be "putting up with " for the rest of their years. There's a dozen to two dozen reasons that are plausible as to why he left. Analyzing it will serve you no purpose. The question is, if you can discover a pattern in your relationships (short and long term), your actions, your words, your behaviors, your choices, that point to you having a "problem" that's one thing. But outside of that, you cannot control other people and as a great meme/poster I saved in my recovery the past 8.5 months from a broken heart, "I've seen people who didn't want a relationship open up to it in two sentences". If he was really interested in you, even if he was going through a lot, he'd share the problems, work with you to build a game plan, and go from there. He wouldn't just cut and run. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 20 hours ago, notyouraveragebabe said: The last night we hung out we played never have I ever. What’s that? Sounds like truth or dare. Sometimes those truths will come back to bite ya in yo ass. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 Most instances of meeting someone do not end up being a long-term relationship and a love match. That's just the way it goes. You will kiss many frogs before you find someone you're compatible enough with to develop a deep, lasting relationship. There's no way we can speculate on what his exact reason was for losing interest. Who knows. It's happened to all of us. Don't worry too much about it, just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 On 5/10/2020 at 12:53 AM, notyouraveragebabe said: We got intimate right away There's your answer. You jumped in too soon, gave up too much right away. Guys can't handle too much of a good thing in the beginning. They suddenly feel overwhelmed, and back off. I have no idea why they're like this (especially since that's not how they're acting in the beginning). All I know is, they're consistent at it! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 it could be any one of a million things Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 Think of a relationship like an arc on a graph. It builds height and momentum with each new discovery. At the peak of the arc it either ends in a breakup or the couple have bonded so that shared experiences push the arc higher not on new discoveries but with the memories they are creating together. Your arc went to the peak the first night. Nothing new was left to discover and feelings expressed did not have the sustenance to carry you higher and thus the break up. In my humble opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted May 11, 2020 Author Share Posted May 11, 2020 Thanks!! i feel much netter now. It’s all part of dating. Rejection sucks and blows my ego. He wasn’t for me and the right person will come along. You can never be too much or little for the right person. A cheetah can’t change its stripe, take me for who I am or don’t be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 OP, you said above that you know you revealed too much during Never Have I Ever. What did you say during this game that leads you to think that? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 On 5/10/2020 at 12:53 AM, notyouraveragebabe said: However, We spent A lot quality time together getting to know each other. I caught a lot of feelings. All of a sudden he stopped texting, so I didn’t text him. I figured he ghosted me. Two days later he apologized and said “sorry for my here and there texts, right now I have personal and family issues that is taking priority, I’m not in a good place to date, hope you understand” I just don’t understand what could have gone wrong? The last night we hung out we played never have I ever. I mean did I say too much, like what made him just snap and change his mind? First you spent no quality time together. You met on line & immediately fell into bed during a pandemic when you should have been social distancing. I really don't understand people. Whatever . . .you were both willing participants. Then during this pandemic he told you he has personal & family issues taking priority. Why don't you believe him? Could somebody close to him have gotten infected? Could somebody have died? Seriously at this moment in history you can't just assume that this a blow off. It very well may have been but you don't know that. Then again when you factor in the early sex partially engaged in out of boredom & in violation of social distancing recommendations then the oversharing during the game .. . . well gee, what could have given him the impression that you don't make good decisions, that you don't value sex & that you don't value him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rjc149 Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 (edited) On 5/9/2020 at 11:53 PM, notyouraveragebabe said: The last night we hung out we played never have I ever. I mean did I say too much, like what made him just snap and change his mind? Aside from the possibility that he's got another girl in the picture, or that maybe the "quality time" wasn't so high quality for him, this is pretty key information that you're omitting. Playing "never had I ever" games with a romantic prospect is really, really stupid, especially if it starts getting into sexual history. Your reputation is very important and it can be a deal-breaker. Guard those secrets with your life. Edited May 11, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 He was initially sexually attracted and the progression after the early intimacy didn't match up to something he wanted to continue, IMO. Outside factors, like family, health, other women, may or may not be relevant. Fortunately it doesn't appear he was rude like some women have been with me in life. Being rejected isn't fun, no doubt about that, but it is part of life and, if one is social to any degree, will happen repeatedly in life on one level or another. Myself, the most common reason I lost interest was an often nebulous sense that the woman I was dating wasn't really 'into' me. This sense came partly from words, partly from actions, partly from what I perceived as an aura she projected. No one is perfect but, having dated for a couple decades, having girlfriends and being married I can say I was rarely surprised by anything in the realm of relationships. Hurt and disappointed, sure, but rarely surprised. Best wishes in your future pursuits. A keeper will be honest about their personal challenges and also be clear about their interest and desire to be with you and grow a relationship with you. Accept the real. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 On 5/10/2020 at 12:53 AM, notyouraveragebabe said: Two days later he apologized and said “sorry for my here and there texts, right now I have personal and family issues that is taking priority, I’m not in a good place to date, hope you understand” How many times has this excuse been thrown around during this quarantine. No he is no longer interested but this quarantine is making it way too easy for these guys to ghost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 2 hours ago, stillafool said: How many times has this excuse been thrown around during this quarantine. Cynical much? The more time I spend on LS, the worse I feel for people. When I date people I trust them to tell me the truth. The idea that upon hearing that somebody isn't feeling well or is having a problem, instead of sympathy people assume that the other person is lying to them about something that could very well be genuinely problematic. Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 17 hours ago, OpenBook said: There's your answer. You jumped in too soon, gave up too much right away. Guys can't handle too much of a good thing in the beginning. They suddenly feel overwhelmed, and back off. I have no idea why they're like this (especially since that's not how they're acting in the beginning). All I know is, they're consistent at it! I would feel like that if it was too much too soon and im not even a guy 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 On 5/10/2020 at 5:53 AM, notyouraveragebabe said: Hi, Just need to vent this out. So I met this nice guy on Hinge, during stay at home, so we were limited on going out. We spent a month together, weekly on our days off and played games, watched movies, walked at the beach, worked out, and ordered take out. We got intimate right away since we were home and couldn’t go out. However, We spent A lot quality time together getting to know each other. I caught a lot of feelings. All of a sudden he stopped texting, so I didn’t text him. I figured he ghosted me. Two days later he apologized and said “sorry for my here and there texts, right now I have personal and family issues that is taking priority, I’m not in a good place to date, hope you understand” I just don’t understand what could have gone wrong? The last night we hung out we played never have I ever. I mean did I say too much, like what made him just snap and change his mind? There could be a whole host of reasons. But at least he sent you a reasonable message to explain himself. Rather than completely ghost. Which some guys can do. As to whether hes telling the truth or not who knows. But maybe next time hold off on getting intimate too soon. Wait till it becomes an official thing. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 11 hours ago, miranda561 said: There could be a whole host of reasons. But at least he sent you a reasonable message to explain himself. Rather than completely ghost. Which some guys can do. As to whether hes telling the truth or not who knows. But maybe next time hold off on getting intimate too soon. Quote Wait till it becomes an official thing. For some reason, women in general have a hard time with this. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
miranda561 Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 1 hour ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: I know they do. I have friends who get swept up in the moment and will be intimate with a guy if shes feeling it. Personally i haven't and wouldnt ever. And i try not to judge others for their choices Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 On 5/10/2020 at 12:53 AM, notyouraveragebabe said: I just don’t understand what could have gone wrong? this: Quote We got intimate right away He got what he came for... Link to post Share on other sites
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