My girlfriend left me

[Lowkey7]

1 minute ago, snowboy91 said:

They could - but what you're missing is that feelings can change. A likely scenario is that she did feel something for you at the start, and her feelings gradually faded over the past 2 months - which through your infatuation you may have missed.

I will say that it's likely that she's saying such harsh things out of frustration - because you keep chasing after her when she's made it explicit that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. She wants you to leave her alone for a while. Don't take it personally, it's more to do with her than to do with you.

Take that money you saved up for her to make her happy, and spend it on yourself to make you happy. It's not a complete fix, but sounds like you may need to treat yourself.

I keep telling myself she said all those mean horrible things out of frustration and anger but am I just lying to myself and in the long run make myself feel more depressed?

[ShyViolet]

She has told you very clearly that it's over, she no longer wants to be with you, she doesn't love you anymore.  You need to accept that and begin the process of moving on.  I know it's hard for you to move on but it will just take time.  Stop kidding yourself.... you can't "fix" it.  You have no choice but to accept reality.

This doesn't mean that she faked love for 8 months.  Sometimes a person loves someone and then their feelings towards the person change and they fall out of love.  Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean the whole thing was "fake".  Relationships end all the time.

[Lowkey7]

Just now, ShyViolet said:

She has told you very clearly that it's over, she no longer wants to be with you, she doesn't love you anymore.  You need to accept that and begin the process of moving on.  I know it's hard for you to move on but it will just take time.  Stop kidding yourself.... you can't "fix" it.  You have no choice but to accept reality.

This doesn't mean that she faked love for 8 months.  Sometimes a person loves someone and then their feelings towards the person change and they fall out of love.  Just because a relationship ends doesn't mean the whole thing was "fake".  Relationships end all the time.

The day before the argument that she told me I meant the world to her and that she misses me. 

[Malin889]

8 months is a good amount of time, but I wouldn’t say that it’s long enough to say that somebody is the love of your life. Her feelings changed and it sounds like she wants to let things go. Forget about her birthday, stop trying to analyze what happened because honestly you’ll never figure out the true answer, and think of ways that you can move on and get over her. Think about yourself and ways to make yourself happy. Too many times people analyze “why didn’t this person like me”, “why did they leave”, (including me!) and it’s so unhealthy. Think about yourself and ways to make yourself happy so you can eventually get back out there and meet the person that you’re supposed to be with. And remember, you didn’t know her eight months ago. 

[snowboy91]

2 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

I keep telling myself she said all those mean horrible things out of frustration and anger but am I just lying to myself and in the long run make myself feel more depressed?

It depends on how you use that.

If you're saying that thinking "it's just frustration, she'll get over it and come back to me", then you will be very disappointed later.

If you think "she's frustrated because she needs space, and it's nothing to do with me, but I accept the break up" then you'll improve gradually. 

It's a fresh break up. They suck. We all know that. Take it one day at a time and, most importantly, look after yourself first.

[ShyViolet]

3 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

The day before the argument that she told me I meant the world to her and that she misses me. 

Ok, that was BEFORE.  You sound like you are clinging to a false hope that she will take you back.  You are in denial.  Look at what she has said to you since the breakup....and she didn't just say it once, but repeatedly.  It couldn't be more clear.  The more you avoid reality the harder you are going to make this on yourself.

[assertives]

9 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Sometimes a person loves someone and then their feelings towards the person change and they fall out of love.

Or, it could also be sometimes people think they love someone and then something happens, and they realised what they felt wasn't love after all, or they love someone else instead. 

[Lowkey7]

3 minutes ago, assertives said:

Or, it could also be sometimes people think they love someone and then something happens, and they realised what they felt wasn't love after all, or they love someone else instead. 

I’m certain she was in love with me. In our culture and religion, to introduce one another to our families is a big thing. 

[assertives]

5 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

I’m certain she was in love with me. In our culture and religion, to introduce one another to our families is a big thing. 

Well then I'm sure you know how serious she is or big a thing it is for her to block all your family and personally tell your dad it's over between you guys. You also mentioned she swore upon God that it's over. That's your answer there. She probably really meant it.

Edited May 12, 2020 by assertives

[Lowkey7]

She always used to tell me how her ex husband was a coward and how he wasn’t man enough to come to her to house to get back or to speak to her parents. 
 

the fact she mentioned that to me, could she be wanting for me to do this now? 

[rjc149]

1 hour ago, Lowkey7 said:

“why don’t you get the message, it’s over. Your a mistake, the biggest regret of my life. “
 

 

I deleted it straight away without replying, it tore me apart. 

Now the next thing you do is never, EVER contact her again. For as long as you live. Walk away, never look back, and meet new women. Form new connections.

If this girl calms down and if time affords her the fading affect bias (how people tend to remember good things more prominently over bad things) and she reaches out, decide if you want to reconnect, or keep her in your past. But make sure it's her decision to reach out, so it's your decision to respond. Keep in mind, you acted pretty needy with her, so you need to reverse that by disappearing completely without a peep. 

If she doesn't reach out ever again, you'll need to suck it up like a man, accept reality, and move on. 

But the one thing you do not do, under any circumstances, is try to contact her again in any way, shape or form. 

[Lowkey7]

2 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

Now the next thing you do is never, EVER contact her again. For as long as you live. Walk away, never look back, and meet new women. Form new connections.

If this girl calms down and if time affords her the fading affect bias (how people tend to remember good things more prominently over bad things) and she reaches out, decide if you want to reconnect, or keep her in your past. But make sure it's her decision to reach out, so it's your decision to respond. Keep in mind, you acted pretty needy with her, so you need to reverse that by disappearing completely without a peep. 

If she doesn't reach out ever again, you'll need to suck it up like a man, accept reality, and move on. 

But the one thing you do not do, under any circumstances, is try to contact her again in any way, shape or form. 

Ok I won’t, I ignored the last horrible email 

[rjc149]

1 minute ago, Lowkey7 said:

Ok I won’t, I ignored the last horrible email 

Good. But the hard part isn't refraining from contact now. The hard part will be 30-60-90 days, when you still want to reach out to her, and you think enough time has passed, and the urge gets tempting. You cannot give in to that urge. 

She is dead to you. Mourn the death of this relationship, bury it, take time to grieve, do what you need to do to accept your new reality, and move on.

[Lowkey7]

I’m so broken, I just want to end it all tonight 

[Silver_star]

I hope you reach out to talk to someone on the phone to help you through this low period. 
You do deserve happiness and that does not depend on her, it depends on YOU, it starts with you. You need to be happy without her. You need to be happy with yourself. You can't see that now because of what you are going through and what you have been through with your accident (it's been a lot of extremes) and it does sound extremely 1 sided. You remember the things you did for her and enjoyed doing for her, but imagine doing some of those things for someone who loves you and would never leave you. 

If you commit to spending a bit of time each day talking to someone (a friend, a family member or a counsellor) that can help, or even just walking and clearing your head with the intention of just cleaning your mind and noticing your surroundings you will connect to some other positives out there. You can get back on track.

Don't go to her family. 

Come back to the forum with any questions and thoughts that come to mind when you get overwhelmed.

[Lowkey7]

2 minutes ago, Silver_star said:

I hope you reach out to talk to someone on the phone to help you through this low period. 
You do deserve happiness and that does not depend on her, it depends on YOU, it starts with you. You need to be happy without her. You need to be happy with yourself. You can't see that now because of what you are going through and what you have been through with your accident (it's been a lot of extremes) and it does sound extremely 1 sided. You remember the things you did for her and enjoyed doing for her, but imagine doing some of those things for someone who loves you and would never leave you. 

If you commit to spending a bit of time each day talking to someone (a friend, a family member or a counsellor) that can help, or even just walking and clearing your head with the intention of just cleaning your mind and noticing your surroundings you will connect to some other positives out there. You can get back on track.

Don't go to her family. 

Come back to the forum with any questions and thoughts that come to mind when you get overwhelmed.

Thank you for all your support, I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciated it. 
 

I am on the brink of suicide, I just can’t take it anymore. So much has happened and I always come out the loser. 

[preraph]

So you need to go to the ER and admit yourself.

[preraph]

Which clearly means you need psychological help.  Whether you mean it or not, you need to put yourself into a hospital and get help.  

[Realitysux]

2 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

Do girls just lose interest just like that? Can they fake the love for 8 months? 

We don't loose interest over night but the drama and the pain does take an affect on any romantic feelings and those feelings will both die down and change. A relationship and one you claim is a loving relationship, should grow stronger and feel good. If this women does mean that much to you then you are best to take my advice and do nothing. Distract yourself from your feelings until you are sure what you need to do. When in doubt, do nothing. 

Edited May 12, 2020 by Realitysux

[spiritedaway2003]

You need to get help outside of this forum.

I am so sorry for your pain.  We know about heartbreaks and trauma and pain and love...those are all things that make us human.

No one can help you but yourself.   Call a therapist to have a talk with a real person.  An online forum is no substitute.  You can’t see through the haze right now, but you will, in time.  Please get help.

[Silver_star]

3 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

Her last email from this morning she said 

 

“why don’t you get the message, it’s over. Your a mistake, the biggest regret of my life. “
 

 

I deleted it straight away without replying, it tore me apart. I refuse to believe she thinks that after everything we been through. Our relationship was 99% good and just the 1% bad and she is focusing on the bad. 

 

There is not much coming back from that. I don't know if I want to know the woman who says that kind of thing and doesn't mean it. It's not even heat of the moment anymore. She said it...how are you going to argue with her about what she is telling you she feels? She may have not always felt that way but she does now...and that is important here.

The best thing you can do is take her word for it now, and turn your attention back to yourself,  right now you need to stand up for yourself by walking away... stay true to YOURSELF, and that is the most attractive thing you can do. Be your own man that doesn't push her to love him or smother her.

Honestly though, I don't know you, but this woman is not for you. She is not the "Love of your life" I would put money on that,.

 

[Silver_star]

49 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

I’m so broken, I just want to end it all tonight 

Please call: 1-800-273-8255 

[Difficultstuff]

19 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

Thank you for all your support, I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciated it. 
 

I am on the brink of suicide, I just can’t take it anymore. So much has happened and I always come out the loser. 

Again, I know what it's like to feel like a loser...it's a really human thing when stuff doesn't work out, especially in relationships. It's not true, it's just how you feel right now. You're doing the right thing in asking for support. We can't really do much else on here except to read and respond. So you can post - and read other people's stories too - but I do also recommend speaking in person to someone else who can listen. 

[smackie9]

5 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

She said she’s seen my true colours.. based one argument and the only thing I said out of anger was to go back to him if you miss him so much. That’s literally all I said because I was hurting. 
 

prior to this, she would send me long messages saying how much I mean to her and how much strength and support I’ve given her and that she can’t wait to be my wife. She always called me a blessing 😔

If you truly love someone you don't say hurtful things like that, you simply tell then you are hurting, not lash out in haste. If she went through abuse, this was a big red flag for her. She's just protecting herself...can you blame her???

[Lowkey7]

14 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

If you truly love someone you don't say hurtful things like that, you simply tell then you are hurting, not lash out in haste. If she went through abuse, this was a big red flag for her. She's just protecting herself...can you blame her???

You don’t understand how much I kept bottled up in side me not knowing how much it was destroying me.

 

the one then I spoke up, she lashes out. I did not shout, I said it in a normal tone. How can you say it was abuse? Or a red flag?