My girlfriend left me

[Realitysux]

4 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

You’re gonna hate me for saying this but I just want her back more anything in the world, I’d go through my accident and surgery all over again if I had to

No one is going to hate you but it's not healthy what you feel for this person. You need to read my posts ..

[Lowkey7]

I’ve been thinking all night 

she used to tell me when her and ex husband separated, that he was too much of a coward to come to the house to apologise or talk it out, despite him cheating 3/4 times , she still wanted him to come around to sort things out

 

now I’ve done nothing wrong, besides say few things in anger which I apologised and this only happened in 1 argument, any other minor disputes we had in the past I would just stay quiet and let her vent. 
 

im thinking, is it possible she wants me to do the same thing her ex husband didn’t do? To show I’m not a coward and make her feel wanted? 

I did everything she said her ex husband didn’t do.. for example I made an effort with her family, I always gave her my time, always supported her decisions, everything 

I thought maybe in 2/3 weeks, when she has calmed down (she has been furious last few days), I can go speak to her and parents and ask where I went wrong without begging but to show it was always genuine from me.

she is still dealing with a lot of trauma from her past so I don’t want to hold anything against her and I’m more than happy to forget everything that’s happened in the last few days. What I said her, she’s said far worse back and much more. I made the mistake of begging which I guess pushed her away more. 
 

anyways, I knew I sound silly right now but would it be a good idea to let things cool down then go over to the house (she lives just under 2 hours away) and see we can work something out. 
 

I just feel like her seeing me in person will reignite that spark because when we was together, we were so in love, we could take on the whole world. Bear in mind we haven’t seen eachother in 8 weeks due to the lockdown. 
 

  I refuse to back down or move on without a fight because this girl is everything to me and I love her very dearly. 

Edited May 14, 2020 by Lowkey7

[Realitysux]

We have all been there. We want someone who doesn't want us. It doesn't matter how bad you want something if they don't reciprocate. You can vent on this forum and it's not a crime. You can not make someone want to be with you so don't even try. 

Edited May 14, 2020 by Realitysux

[Lowkey7]

7 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

We have all been there. We want someone who doesn't want us. It doesn't matter how bad you want something if they don't reciprocate. You can vent on this forum and it's not a crime. You can not make someone want to be with you so don't even try. 

But I refuse to believe she can just change her feelings after one argument. A minor argument which turned out to be bigger than it should have because we were both childish. 
 

if you could see the things she would say to me before, even the day before she told me how I make her so happy and that I’m the biggest blessing of her life and due to all the hate she had towards her, she didn’t realise what was in front of her

 

she said that plus much more, I just refuse to believe she doesn’t like me anymore, I was always so good to her but maybe that was my down fall. 

[Logic10]

34 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

I’ve been thinking all night 

she used to tell me when her and ex husband separated, that he was too much of a coward to come to the house to apologise or talk it out, despite him cheating 3/4 times , she still wanted him to come around to sort things out

 

now I’ve done nothing wrong, besides say few things in anger which I apologised and this only happened in 1 argument, any other minor disputes we had in the past I would just stay quiet and let her vent. 
 

im thinking, is it possible she wants me to do the same thing her ex husband didn’t do? To show I’m not a coward and make her feel wanted? 

I did everything she said her ex husband didn’t do.. for example I made an effort with her family, I always gave her my time, always supported her decisions, everything 

I thought maybe in 2/3 weeks, when she has calmed down (she has been furious last few days), I can go speak to her and parents and ask where I went wrong without begging but to show it was always genuine from me.

she is still dealing with a lot of trauma from her past so I don’t want to hold anything against her and I’m more than happy to forget everything that’s happened in the last few days. What I said her, she’s said far worse back and much more. I made the mistake of begging which I guess pushed her away more. 
 

anyways, I knew I sound silly right now but would it be a good idea to let things cool down then go over to the house (she lives just under 2 hours away) and see we can work something out. 
 

I just feel like her seeing me in person will reignite that spark because when we was together, we were so in love, we could take on the whole world. Bear in mind we haven’t seen eachother in 8 weeks due to the lockdown. 
 

  I refuse to back down or move on without a fight because this girl is everything to me and I love her very dearly. 

You've gotten some great advice here but it seems like you're gonna have to learn the hard way. Follow your heart then... just don't be surprised if you end up with a restraining order.

 

[preraph]

2 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

But I refuse to believe she can just change her feelings after one argument. A minor argument which turned out to be bigger than it should have because we were both childish. 
 

Straw that broke the camel's back.  I walked out on a guy because he didn't take care of his guinae pigs' cage.  I'm not having that in my life.  That was our only argument.

 

I walked out when a separated guy who insisted on dating me during that had been spending weekends with the wife sorting out and dividing their personal belongings and then one day he told me that he took her out to dinner instead because she was too upset and crying.  (She cheated on him.)  He already knew I didn't want to get involved during his separation.  Can't believe he thought I'd sit still for stuff like that.  

[Lowkey7]

You guys think I have 0% chance then? It’s hard for you guys to understand the relationship we had, when I say it was beyond amazing, it was. Not just for me but her too. The adventures, the sex, the laughter, even my accident, it was a memory because cause of my accident her family and my family found out about our relationship. Prior to this we thought our families most likely won’t accept us or ever let us get married but they were so accepting. My family loved her and hers loved me. My dad even text her saying he’s so happy that I chose her and that he’s gonna have her as his daughter in law which made her so happy. Her mum said to her that she had go through the hardships of previous marriage to meet me, to lose something and come out with something much better

 

all that, it was just so perfect 

[Marc878]

9 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

You guys think I have 0% chance then? It’s hard for you guys to understand the relationship we had, when I say it was beyond amazing, it was. Not just for me but her too. The adventures, the sex, the laughter, even my accident, it was a memory because cause of my accident her family and my family found out about our relationship. Prior to this we thought our families most likely won’t accept us or ever let us get married but they were so accepting. My family loved her and hers loved me. My dad even text her saying he’s so happy that I chose her and that he’s gonna have her as his daughter in law which made her so happy. Her mum said to her that she had go through the hardships of previous marriage to meet me, to lose something and come out with something much better

 

all that, it was just so perfect 

If it was so perfect why’d she dump you?
Sounds like you are projecting.

[Lowkey7]

9 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

If it was so perfect why’d she dump you?
Sounds like you are projecting.

It was really so perfect, I’m telling you. If she faked it the entire time which I highly doubt then she should be in Hollywood. 
 

I told her to go back to her ex husband After having bottled it up for so long hearing her talk about him, mostly negative things but positive things here and there and it triggered her really bad and from there things went bad all of a sudden. 
 

prior to this things were amazing, we were planning on getting married next year too. Our families were so happy. 

Edited May 14, 2020 by Lowkey7

[Marc878]

7 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

It was really so perfect, I’m telling you. If she faked it the entire time which I highly doubt then she should be in Hollywood. 
 

I told her to go back to her ex husband After having bottled it up for so long hearing her talk about him, mostly negative things but positive things here and there and it triggered her really bad and from there things went bad all of a sudden. 
 

prior to this things were amazing, we were planning on getting married next year too. Our families were so happy. 

Google rebound relationships

[Lowkey7]

3 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Google rebound relationships

She said I wasn’t and she isn’t the type to do someone over like this 

[Marc878]

2 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

She said I wasn’t and she isn’t the type to do someone over like this 

Words don’t mean much. Her actions say more.

[Lowkey7]

4 minutes ago, Marc878 said:

Words don’t mean much. Her actions say more.

Why would she be willing to meet my family if her intentions weren’t pure? In our culture and religion it means your deadly serious 

[Marc878]

2 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

Why would she be willing to meet my family if her intentions weren’t pure? In our culture and religion it means your deadly serious 

Because they were temporary. She may have been sincere in the moment but it obviously didn’t last. Did it?

[assertives]

1 hour ago, Lowkey7 said:

im thinking, is it possible she wants me to do the same thing her ex husband didn’t do? To show I’m not a coward and make her feel wanted? 

No. It's what she wanted HIM to do. Not you. She was ventilating her frustrations, her hopes and dreams unfulfilled/lost with her ex husband. She specifically mentioned what she wanted him to do, not what she wanted/expected partners to do in general. 

Anyways, you have gotten quite alot of good advices on here, but at the end of the day, it's your life, you can choose to do whatever you want to do. But remember this, it takes two hands to clap. You cannot have any relationship when the other party isn't willing to work on it. Nevermind what she said, nevermind how much love she had or didn't have for you. If she doesn't want to work on building a future, there's nothing to go on with. Don't force her. If you truly loved her, respect her choice and her decision.

[Lowkey7]

I’ve just come across her Instagram page and she still has our pictures up apart from one.. strange..

[Lowkey7]

1 hour ago, Lowkey7 said:

I’ve just come across her Instagram page and she still has our pictures up apart from one.. strange..

Not just that, her recent upload is a song about not being over someone and how she doesn’t want to be alone tonight. 
 

it’s ducking with my head, is it about me or her ex husband 😔

[assertives]

6 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

is it about me or her ex husband

 

On 5/11/2020 at 4:49 AM, Lowkey7 said:

her asking for space and saying that if I wasn’t in her life at the time of the divorce, she would have been able to think properly and may be have given him a chance.

 

On 5/11/2020 at 4:49 AM, Lowkey7 said:

She said that I never give her time or space and that she hasn’t been able to mourn over her divorce properly cause I’ve been in her life.

 

On 5/12/2020 at 8:59 PM, Lowkey7 said:

she asked for space and blamed me for being in her life during her divorce and accused me of not allowing to her think straight back then

 

On 5/14/2020 at 3:18 AM, Lowkey7 said:

her constantly telling me how much she loved her ex husband, she’s been telling me that quiet a few times

 

9 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

she used to tell me when her and ex husband separated, that he was too much of a coward to come to the house to apologise or talk it out, despite him cheating 3/4 times , she still wanted him to come around to sort things out

Her ex husband.

It's written all over your own posts. She has told you clearly enough but you haven't been listening. In fact, you disregarded her feelings and convinced yourself, posters on here and perhaps even her on some levels that she is over her ex. You choose to only hear only what you want to hear and you ignore the things that don't fit your own narrative about how amazing and loving this relationship has been. You did this on this forum in things that posters tell you and case in point, you chose to delete and ignore that horrible email she sent you instead of processing it and reflecting on it.

Frankly, putting all of the underlined and bold parts into perspective, I can see why she said you were the biggest mistake of her life. She certainly made the mistake of not having properly grieved and processed the end of her marriage and that chapter of her life whether it was to get closure or work on their marriage again, and got into another serious relationship. She got entangled with you and let things progressed this far when she isn't sure and obviously haven't worked out if this was truly what she wanted. Hence she is asking for space, but you wouldn't take no for an answer so she's stuck not being able to get you off her back, and neither could she get the peace and space she needed to reflect.

You've said you have been nothing but good to this girl, but she said you were obsessive with all the gifts and what not. That tells me that your gestures, though viewed as loving and good to you, was not viewed the same way by her. You were smothering her. Something to think about, and you don't have to tell it on here, just be honest with yourself.. did you do this because subconsciously, you know she wasn't as vested as you or as you would like? Did you think you could "win" her over by basically love-bombing her? You cannot will, manipulate, beg or even love-bomb someone into wanting a relationship with you.

Let it go, she has made herself abundantly clear and also took respective actions to underscore her point like the swearing upon God that she's done, removing your family off her social media, calling your dad to tell you it's over between you guys, and actually letting your dad beg her. You have said that in your religion and culture, you don't introduce someone to your families unless you are dead serious.. so you do also understand in the same vein, the gravity of her actions and how dead serious she also was in ending things?

She already doesn't have a good opinion of you now, so if you turn up at her parents' place, it'll just prove to her that you are indeed that manipulative, guilt-tripping and obsessive ex who wouldn't take no for an answer, not to mention, you'll only hurt yourself more. I strongly urge you to get yourself into therapy when things open up again to help you unpack everything, your obsessive tendencies, and figure out why you keep attracting emotionally unavailable people and unhealthy situations.

[Lowkey7]

My ex who dumped me 2 weeks ago messaged me today asking for my door number so she can send the MacBook Pro I got her back to me. She lives in a different city so can’t drop it off her self. 
 

Why is she only returning this and not everything else I got her? Like clothes, make up, the cute stuff etc 

 

am I being tricking my self into thinking it’s a good thing that she only wanted to return the laptop and not everything else? I still deeply love her and wish we could be together. 

[stillafool]

What would you possibly do with her used clothing, makeup and cute stuff?  No one else wants them.  The laptop is an expensive gift and she is doing the kind thing by returning it.  I wouldn't read more into it than that if I were you.

[Lowkey7]

35 minutes ago, stillafool said:

What would you possibly do with her used clothing, makeup and cute stuff?  No one else wants them.  The laptop is an expensive gift and she is doing the kind thing by returning it.  I wouldn't read more into it than that if I were you.

she had brand new coats that I bought her that she still hasn’t worn yet as their winter clothing but she kept them 

[d0nnivain]

The MacBook has resale value & was expensive.  The clothes are worth pennies on the dollar used so she's keeping that.  She is not obligated to give you back any gifts you gave her.  Be thankful you are getting the computer back.  Tell her where to send it & be done.  

[Emilie Jolie]

She may have given the clothes, etc to charity, for all you know.

As others said, the laptop has value so it was a nice gesture from her to give it back.

[Lowkey7]

Both coats I got her were actually £500+ each 

 

I don’t know if you guys are not getting this right but I’m not saying I want these things back.. it’s more a slap in the face if anything. 

[Emilie Jolie]

We got it (I think!). Just trying to say it's not a sign she wants you back, is all. Don't raise your hopes up because she kept some stuff of yours for sentimental value. Maybe she kept the stuff she liked, maybe she didn't. Doesn't mean she wants you back either way