My girlfriend left me

[d0nnivain]

A $500 new coat is still only worth $20 used, maybe a little bit more if the tags were still attached & it was designed but the value is not the issue.  You are getting something back that you are not entitled to have back.  A gift belongs to the recipient upon delivery. It's not a slap in the face.  Once you get the laptop you can ask for the other stuff back but I won't make a huge deal of it.  If you ask for the other stuff before you receive the laptop, you are not getting that back either.   So you can be insulted or you can graciously take the laptop & move on with your life. 

[basil67]

I understand the return feeling like a slap in the face.  Have you told her that it was a gift and you want her to keep it?

[Emilie Jolie]

Turns out I didn't get it, thanks @basil67!

[Lowkey7]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I understand the return feeling like a slap in the face.  Have you told her that it was a gift and you want her to keep it?

Yep I told her I gave that as a gift, not to have it returned to me. I gave it out of love because she needed a laptop at the time. 

[basil67]

And she's still insisting on returning it?   I'm guessing that she feels she's doing the right thing but doesn't understand the hurt she's causing.   I'm sorry.

[Lowkey7]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

And she's still insisting on returning it?   I'm guessing that she feels she's doing the right thing but doesn't understand the hurt she's causing.   I'm sorry.

That’s any hope I have of ever getting her back gone out the window I guess. Will never understand how she just randomly had a change of heart 😞

[JS84]

On 5/13/2020 at 2:49 PM, Lowkey7 said:

I’m so scared to ever get in a relationship again. Ive only ever been in 3 relationships. 
First one I got cheated on and she had an affair with her ex who I saved her from as he was abusive. 
 

2nd I started speaking to her because she told me she was getting abused by her parents and then I find she used to me to get out of a forced marriage

and now this 

my life is one big joke, I literally can’t take it anymore, what I’m saying and how I’m feeling are so completely different. 

Sorry for what you're going through but you really need to get over your Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome. Based on your posts you just sound like you have horrible self-esteem. Which women will eventually pick up on and do not find attractive.

From the way you describe your ex you should be thankful you dodged a bullet and she's out of your life, not pining over her. She sounds kind of cuckoo anyway. Stop going for women in abusive situations, who've just gotten out of abusive situations, or who claim to have been in abusive situations (I'm also wondering if you've ever actually been able to verify these claims of abuse/cheating or if that's just what they all told you). Stop going for damaged women who in turn cause damage to your life. I do think that's somewhat manipulative on your part, going after women you know are in vulnerable situations. In the end women rarely respect guys like you. And if they don't respect you, eventually they don't want to be with you. It doesn't matter how perfect you think everything is, how much better you think you are for them than their previous partners, or how well you think you treat them. Where has trying to be Mr. Perfect Nice Guy gotten you in your relationships??

Chances are however your ex behaved or whatever she said to you, the relationship wasn't nearly as perfect for her as it was for you. I base this on the fact that you seem to have a very hard time accepting that she's not interested anymore.  And the reason honestly doesn't even matter, clearly she's done with you. You're taking this way too hard over an 8 month relationship.  You should be in therapy because you don't even sound stable enough to be in a relationship with anyone at the moment period. Also, try reading No More Mr. Nice Guy: A Proven Plan for Getting What You Want in Love, Sex, and Life. It's a good read which I think applies to you in a lot of ways.

I hope things work out but work on your self-esteem issues before trying to date. And again stop going for abused women. That says more about you than it does about them. And please get yourself some psychological help if you're having thoughts of self harm. Because I hate to think of you hurting yourself over a woman who I doubt would really even give much of a s*** if you did. 

Edited May 21, 2020 by JS84

[Lowkey7]

My ex, she ended it with me almost 2 months ago. 
 

Long story short, when we first start talking she was going through a divorce and I was very supportive of her during the time. 
 

We got together, I had a fatal car accident which almost ended my life whilst I was on the way to see her but luckily only ended up with a broken arm, broken ribs, head injury and leg injury but nothing life changing. From here on, our families find out about us and were very happy and accepting.

anyways during our time together I ignored a lot of red flags that she wasn’t over her ex husband because she spoke him a lot, I was so in love with her. 
 

when we broke up, she blamed her divorce on me which was very shocking, she said she didn’t have time to think or anything and that because of me her life is ruined and that her is ex husband was her soul mate, despite him cheating on her 4 times during their marriage and never being there for. 
 

what I wanted to know is why does she keep blocking and unblocking me on Instagram? She messaged the other night a lot of hate which was uncalled and she said she wants me to block her. She also said she wish I had died in the accident and then maybe she wouldn’t have been divorced but even though that hurt me so much, I replied that she shouldn’t wish death upon no one... like 10 mins later she said she didn’t mean that about me dying in the accident. I think maybe she wants me to react and be horrible back towards her so she can have an excuse for all the lies shes made up in her head about me and the whole situation. 
 

she said she never loved me.. even tho we were very intimate, she said I had her under a spell and that everything I did, all the effort I made for her was apperantly forced and that no one is that nice really which baffled me because I told her everything I did came natural from the heart. 
 

I know I’m a fool for saying this, my closest friends say the same but I still love her and I’m struggling to let go of her. Even tho she’s told he’s her soul mate, that she never loved me. Since the day she ended it with me, I did sort of beg her not do it for the next 2 days but after that, I don’t think even once I messaged her, she messaged me a lot, spewing hate messages, making me feel s*** about myself, saying I don’t deserve happiness, very very hurtful things. 
and I know none of you guys on the forum know me in person but please believe me when I say I was really good to her, I supported her through everything, tolerated so much, prioritised her over my own mental health, went over and beyond to make her happy and in the end it wasn’t enough. 
 

I just want to know why is she doing this to me, I don’t deserve it. And it’s killing me. Today she randomly blocked me again after unblocking me a few days ago. 

[Fresh_Start]

45 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

I had a fatal car accident

Crap.  Is this purgatory?  I knew it was getting hot in here, but just figured my AC was acting up.

It's not a fatal accident if you live to tell about it.

50 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

I think maybe she wants me to react and be horrible back towards her so she can have an excuse for all the lies shes made up in her head about me and the whole situation. 

This is exactly what she's doing and you need to get away from it -- and her -- immediately.  She is a narcissist and she is gaslighting you.  Narcissism occurs on a spectrum and hers is on the sociopathic side as evidenced by her atrocious comments about wishing you had died in that car accident.   

Narcissists engage in gaslighting to try to break your sanity, to make you doubt or question reality, to throw you off balance, and to distract away from the facts by creating an argument about what you said or didn't say.  They also do it to character assassinate you and draw you into a fight where you are defending yourself because they love to try to get you to prove your self-worth and your honesty to them.  Narcissists are masters of manipulation and they know that the more you argue with them the more they can get their brainwashing to stick.  

1 hour ago, Lowkey7 said:

and I know none of you guys on the forum know me in person but please believe me when I say I was really good to her, I supported her through everything, tolerated so much, prioritised her over my own mental health, went over and beyond to make her happy and in the end it wasn’t enough. 

I believe you.  I went through it as well with my own ex and your words here are very similar to my own that I posted here not too long ago.  Her narcissistic abuse of you is having the desired effect of feeling like you have to prove yourself.  You need to break the cycle immediately or you will get sucked so far down her rabbit hole that it will be far more difficult than it already is to break away from her and you will start reacting to her in ways that make her feel justified for her actions.  Walk away and never look back.   

[schlumpy]

Aside from the fact she is grieving the love of her life I would say that she is mistreating you because she recognizes that you are not going to leave her alone. She's knows you have strong feelings and she giving strong reasons to walk away. You just won't take the hint, red between the lines, or believe what she is telling you.

If you had left without a word after her tirade I think she would have taken her foot off the hate pedal.

The reason you want to know why is so you have an excuse to hang around.

Step back or get burned.

 

[Lowkey7]

24 minutes ago, schlumpy said:

Aside from the fact she is grieving the love of her life I would say that she is mistreating you because she recognizes that you are not going to leave her alone. She's knows you have strong feelings and she giving strong reasons to walk away. You just won't take the hint, red between the lines, or believe what she is telling you.

If you had left without a word after her tirade I think she would have taken her foot off the hate pedal.

The reason you want to know why is so you have an excuse to hang around.

Step back or get burned.

 

Huh? Not going to leave her alone? 2 days after our break up, I didn’t once contact her after that, I deleted her number from that day.  She thought I was gonna carry on begging her to take me back or even seem obsessive like her previous exes but she was wrong and I know for a fact that’s eating her up.. I wish no harm upon her or nor do I have any ill feelings towards her. I just need answers, how someone I loved so much end up being so cruel. 

[Lowkey7]

29 minutes ago, Fresh_Start said:

Crap.  Is this purgatory?  I knew it was getting hot in here, but just figured my AC was acting up.

It's not a fatal accident if you live to tell about it.

This is exactly what she's doing and you need to get away from it -- and her -- immediately.  She is a narcissist and she is gaslighting you.  Narcissism occurs on a spectrum and hers is on the sociopathic side as evidenced by her atrocious comments about wishing you had died in that car accident.   

Narcissists engage in gaslighting to try to break your sanity, to make you doubt or question reality, to throw you off balance, and to distract away from the facts by creating an argument about what you said or didn't say.  They also do it to character assassinate you and draw you into a fight where you are defending yourself because they love to try to get you to prove your self-worth and your honesty to them.  Narcissists are masters of manipulation and they know that the more you argue with them the more they can get their brainwashing to stick.  

I believe you.  I went through it as well with my own ex and your words here are very similar to my own that I posted here not too long ago.  Her narcissistic abuse of you is having the desired effect of feeling like you have to prove yourself.  You need to break the cycle immediately or you will get sucked so far down her rabbit hole that it will be far more difficult than it already is to break away from her and you will start reacting to her in ways that make her feel justified for her actions.  Walk away and never look back.   

Probably the best response I’ve received from anyone, via forums or even in person, thank you so much. When you put it like that, it makes sense.. it’s really tough man but hey.. 

[Lowkey7]

33 minutes ago, Fresh_Start said:

Crap.  Is this purgatory?  I knew it was getting hot in here, but just figured my AC was acting up.

It's not a fatal accident if you live to tell about it.

This is exactly what she's doing and you need to get away from it -- and her -- immediately.  She is a narcissist and she is gaslighting you.  Narcissism occurs on a spectrum and hers is on the sociopathic side as evidenced by her atrocious comments about wishing you had died in that car accident.   

Narcissists engage in gaslighting to try to break your sanity, to make you doubt or question reality, to throw you off balance, and to distract away from the facts by creating an argument about what you said or didn't say.  They also do it to character assassinate you and draw you into a fight where you are defending yourself because they love to try to get you to prove your self-worth and your honesty to them.  Narcissists are masters of manipulation and they know that the more you argue with them the more they can get their brainwashing to stick.  

I believe you.  I went through it as well with my own ex and your words here are very similar to my own that I posted here not too long ago.  Her narcissistic abuse of you is having the desired effect of feeling like you have to prove yourself.  You need to break the cycle immediately or you will get sucked so far down her rabbit hole that it will be far more difficult than it already is to break away from her and you will start reacting to her in ways that make her feel justified for her actions.  Walk away and never look back.   

Why is she blaming me for her divorce? I didn’t know her during the time she was married.. I wasn’t apart of her life.. by the time we start talking, it had been 5 months since she had moved back to her parents. 
 

Her ex husband is blaming her for pushing him to do it even tho he said to her on countless times that he wants to divorce her (she told me this) and then there she is blaming me for something I was never apart of? I said to her he’s blaming you, your blaming me, but the guy who cheated on you and mistreated isn’t getting blamed, how does that make sense? 
 

when she was going through her divorce, don’t get me wrong I had really strong feelings for her pretty quickly so I did say at some point that the sooner the divorce is done, the sooner we can start our life together but other than that time I always said to her make sure you know what your doing because there’s no going back from this and she would always say divorce is what she wants. 

[basil67]

She's blaming you for the divorce because she's unhinged.   Do yourself a favour and block her on Instagram and every other way she can contact you.  

[ExpatInItaly]

She's mentally unstable. This is what people like her do, and you won't ever find the concrete answers you're looking for. You're not wired the same way she is, so  it won't ever make sense to you. 

Instead, you need to do some work on yourself to understand why you're attracted to this mess. Where is your self-esteem that you even allow this nut-job access to you anymore? Block and delete her. Sooner or later, she will find another target for her unglued behaviour and you won't hear from her again anyway. 

[Lowkey7]

3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She's mentally unstable. This is what people like her do, and you won't ever find the concrete answers you're looking for. You're not wired the same way she is, so  it won't ever make sense to you. 

Instead, you need to do some work on yourself to understand why you're attracted to this mess. Where is your self-esteem that you even allow this nut-job access to you anymore? Block and delete her. Sooner or later, she will find another target for her unglued behaviour and you won't hear from her again anyway. 

Thanks for the replies guys.. 

I’m asking myself the same questions.. why am I still attracted her... it might just be the memories and the fact I was so set on having a future with her.. but in reality I should be glad I dodged a bullet  

[Hollywood-Tourist]

Having read your situation, it sounds like your ex is totally devaluing you and is going into the unbalanced spasm mode.

It's her way of coping without a thought for how you would feel throughout this difficult time, doesn't that speak volumes about her?

[Lowkey7]

2 hours ago, Hollywood-Tourist said:

Having read your situation, it sounds like your ex is totally devaluing you and is going into the unbalanced spasm mode.

It's her way of coping without a thought for how you would feel throughout this difficult time, doesn't that speak volumes about her?

I mean yeah it should do but I’m just being an idiot I guess by still wanting her despite everything, and I don’t know why anymore. I’ve deactivated my social media today just because of the reason of her having me blocked hurts me when I did absolutely nothing wrong. 

[Fresh_Start]

22 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

Probably the best response I’ve received from anyone, via forums or even in person, thank you so much. When you put it like that, it makes sense.. it’s really tough man but hey.. 

Thanks, but...

22 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

Why is she blaming me for her divorce? I didn’t know her during the time she was married.. I wasn’t apart of her life.. by the time we start talking, it had been 5 months since she had moved back to her parents. 

Her ex husband is blaming her for pushing him to do it even tho he said to her on countless times that he wants to divorce her (she told me this) and then there she is blaming me for something I was never apart of? I said to her he’s blaming you, your blaming me, but the guy who cheated on you and mistreated isn’t getting blamed, how does that make sense? 

when she was going through her divorce, don’t get me wrong I had really strong feelings for her pretty quickly so I did say at some point that the sooner the divorce is done, the sooner we can start our life together but other than that time I always said to her make sure you know what your doing because there’s no going back from this and she would always say divorce is what she wants. 

Do you see how wrapped up you've become in her mind games and false accusations?  I know how badly you want answers to these questions, but you have to learn to accept that you may never get an answer to them.  DO NOT try to get an answer from her.  Her word is no longer reliable, factual, or trustworthy and is only going to bring you more pain and confusion.  You can't change a narcissist's narrative no matter how desperately you want to.

I'm going to share a quote with you that someone else shared with me and it will be a very bitter pill to swallow, but it's the pill you have to swallow in order to escape the clutches of her alternate reality: "You don't get to choose what role you will play in another person's story. You have to accept that sometimes you'll be the villain".

Swallow that pill like you're Neo in The Matrix and free your mind of her distorted alternate reality.  

Edited June 29, 2020 by Fresh_Start

[Lowkey7]

14 minutes ago, Fresh_Start said:

Thanks, but...

Do you see how wrapped up you've become in her mind games and false accusations?  I know how badly you want answers to these questions, but you have to learn to accept that you may never get an answer to them.  DO NOT try to get an answer from her.  Her word is no longer reliable, factual, or trustworthy and is only going to bring you more pain and confusion.  You can't change a narcissist's narrative no matter how desperately you want to.

I'm going to share a quote with you that someone else shared with me and it will be a very bitter pill to swallow, but it's the pill you have to swallow in order to escape the clutches of her alternate reality: "You don't get to choose what role you will play in another person's story. You have to accept that sometimes you'll be the villain".

Swallow that pill like you're Neo in The Matrix and free your mind of her distorted alternate reality.  

Thanks dude, God bless 

just hope things get easier, for all of us on this forum, suffering, looking for answers. God willing. 

[Lowkey7]

Do you guys she feels guilty at all or bad for doing this to someone who loved and cared for her so much? 

[Lowkey7]

Ah I miss her so much 🥺 

[Goodguy05]

Mate she sounds like she does not value you ...your being a gentleman she should be so lucky to be treated like that buying her things. And you have every right to feel that way in fact it should be you dumping her in this instance. You should have not have taken this further as she is clearly not over the ex. 

[Goodguy05]

On 5/11/2020 at 11:09 PM, Lowkey7 said:

I just don’t understand how she can go from telling me she can’t live without me and that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to her

to this, in just a few days 

 

On 5/14/2020 at 5:18 AM, Lowkey7 said:

me and my ex have had the most amazing relationship since she’s come out of her divorce. I’m aware now I was most likely a rebound which kills me to the core. We had an argument few days ago, she made it bigger than it should have been and from there she wanted to end it. Long story short.. 

 

she called me today and continually cursed and abused me, shouting on the phone saying I’m fake and that I was always too good to be true and that she should have seen my true colours. Bear in mind I’ve been so good to this girl, treated her like a queen from the first day I met her, never shouted or cursed, not once. In the arguement, it started with her constantly telling me how much she loved her ex husband, she’s been telling me that quiet a few times but I always swept under the carpet not knowing it was destroying me. That day I spoke up, in a clam manner I said if you love him so much, why don’t you go back to him? That’s when things blown out of proportion. I apologised time after time and said I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to her. 
 

The way she was towards me on the phone, she’s never been like that, she was constantly cursing me saying she loves my family but hates my guts, saying that she feels sorry any girl that ends up with me, just constant abuse and I just took it and apologised to her at the end for any hurt I’ve caused her and that no matter what she said, there’s too much love for me to just throw this away she told me to f off and hung up. 
 

I just wanted to know what could this mean? She wouldn’t let me talk and just shouted constant abuse and cursed the hell out of me over one bad thing I said. I’m so broken that’s she left me, she’s said stuff a million times worse to me and I never say anything back. She threatened to call the police saying I was harassing her whereas she was the one calling me and sending me texts..? I was just responding because I didn’t want to be rude.. I f***ing loved this girl more than anything. 

Jesus bro you are blinded by this she's treating you like s*** ...ever heard the expression 

 

Rejection breeds obsession ? 

Because that's what it does we have all been there that pain you have experienced I have gone thru it 4 times myself and the last 2 times I was wise enough to see it for what it was and walk away and wise up. 

 

You will learn the hard way I know it's hard to accept I know I been there the way she is acting and talking is very deeigotary and nasty towards you you deserve more a lot better than that and you can do better . That's what happens when your in love though you can't help but put them on a pedestal she's a nasty peice of work 

[Lowkey7]

9 hours ago, Goodguy05 said:

 

Jesus bro you are blinded by this she's treating you like s*** ...ever heard the expression 

 

Rejection breeds obsession ? 

Because that's what it does we have all been there that pain you have experienced I have gone thru it 4 times myself and the last 2 times I was wise enough to see it for what it was and walk away and wise up. 

 

You will learn the hard way I know it's hard to accept I know I been there the way she is acting and talking is very deeigotary and nasty towards you you deserve more a lot better than that and you can do better . That's what happens when your in love though you can't help but put them on a pedestal she's a nasty peice of work 

It’s taken a lot for me to accept that but last day or two I’ve thought and started to realise that I’m better than this and you’re right, I do deserve better. She didn’t even deserve 1% of the love I gave her, I was way too nice and good to her. If I even once asked why she isn’t as affectionate towards me she would get mad but if I don’t give him a time of the day due to being with family for example, she’d crave my attention and affection. 
 

im lost without her, well not so much her but the memories we created together which my mind tricks me in to thinking I want her back. She did say when we last spoke that it meant nothing to her and that it was the biggest regret of her life meeting me.. but the next guy she meets, I can almost gaurentee he won’t be anywhere near as good or understandable towards her as I was and only then will she realised she fudged someone over who was willing to go over and beyond to put a smile on her face even when I didn’t need to. 
 

this is not my ego talking, this is me valuing myself for once and knowing my worth. There is someone out there who will love me like I love them.