My girlfriend left me

[Goodguy05]

46 minutes ago, Lowkey7 said:

Thank you once again. 

I wish we could talk and end on good terms atleast.. it kills me every second thinking of how she turned on me without any reason, I mean if she still loved her ex then tell me, instead she turned so cold, so cold you can’t imagine.. she even said she wished I died in the accident.. that cut deep, very deep.. to think at the time of my accident, whilst I was stuck in hospital I was the one comforting her cause she kept blaming herself saying she wish she never let me drive. I was pretending like I wasn’t in pain so she’s at ease but I was suffering badly. 
 

how likely do you think it is that she feels guilt towards the way she treated me? It’s hard for me to even think at this point if she would show any remorse considering the way she’s been and the things she’s said.

How likely if she has a few bad experienced herself from here on in then she will regret how she treated you. If she doesn't who knows U may never know. I've had that experience my ex wife tell me I was the worst thing to happen to her when I was on the porch one day. Stupidly I'd reached out to her when the ex I was wth at that time had cheated on me wth a close friend of mine. I had a double whammy that day. 

I've had some horrendous things said to me by exes. Another one said I was boring. Had even some supposed friends say some really hurtful things in the passed I tell you what it's done to me it's robbed me of my self confidence always had a confidence issue. Im working wth a really good counsellor at the moment might be worth your while to look into that just make sure your happy and comfortable with em.

Btw I never had those exes or friends apologise or say they were sorry

Edited July 16, 2020 by Goodguy05

[Beachead]

@Lowkey7

Quote

how likely do you think it is that she feels guilt towards the way she treated me? It’s hard for me to even think at this point if she would show any remorse considering the way she’s been and the things she’s said. 

I couldn't tell you the likelihood which is why its better for your mental-health not to allow yourself (I know how hard it is to not do that) to fantasize about it.   It depends on a lot of things.  The quality of your relationship, why it ended.  What she truly felt for you which is influenced by why she got into the relationship in the first place, which is influence by her own personal past circumstances.  Sometimes people just leave and don't think about you or getting back together again..at best, you are a passing thought.   Sometimes, having finally had the space to do what they want to do, they sit back and remember things, get nostalgic and emotional, and in weakness, reach out to you.  Sometimes, it happens after years.  Now whether that means they want to get back together or not depends on many, many factors.

So as you can see from what I wrote there, there are too many variables that can lead to too many potential outcomes because of the vast number of factors that can affect their decision-making process.  All of it, you have minimal control of.  Waiting or hoping, thus becomes a massive disservice to your life, hence why I advice you, to check yourself, everytime you find your mind fantasizing over the idea of them coming back.

Once a person chooses to walk away, wish them well and let them go, and grieve, out of their presence.  It's not their business what you do or go through, afterwards.  If they ever come back, they better have a good-reason for it.  Our hearts aren't play-things and it's not easy being forced into letting a person go, after spending everyday with them for a significant period of time.  It takes hard-work and a lot of time to unlearn all the habits and patterns associated with them and life with them and to then recover.  Our lives go on and to allow a person who left, to come back, requires you to make space for them again, while knowing this person has done you wrong, once before.  It may actually be a lot harder, if they do it again, so take that all into account.  You're not obligated to let them back in.  You owe them nothing.  They know they broke your heart.  They've got to re-apply to be in your life again.

12 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

Thank you once again. 

I wish we could talk and end on good terms atleast.. it kills me every second thinking of how she turned on me without any reason, I mean if she still loved her ex then tell me, instead she turned so cold, so cold you can’t imagine.. she even said she wished I died in the accident.. that cut deep, very deep.. to think at the time of my accident, whilst I was stuck in hospital I was the one comforting her cause she kept blaming herself saying she wish she never let me drive. I was pretending like I wasn’t in pain so she’s at ease but I was suffering badly. 

Oh I can imagine my friend.  I've been done wrong too.  Been ghosted.  Dumped by text.   Used as a rebound.  Been told "I love you" and all kinds of sweet sentiments by people who left my life shortly after.   I remember their tone and/or the look in their eyes when they did it.    You sit there, broken, in tears, feeling helpless and dumb-founded, about how it happened.  All the time you could have invested in other people and activities, that could have made you better, you ended up invested into her.   You blame her.  You blame yourself.  You withdraw into yourself and stop trusting people.  You may even get angry at the world.   And once you realize,  nobody is going to help you nor can help get you back onto your feet..you either crumble from it or you start learning how to care about yourself better.   That means, learning to balance giving to others with giving back to yourself.  Learning to walk away from things that aren't the best for your mental-health and learning to say no and to be okay with it.  Learning to establish boundaries.  Learning to love yourself better.  That translates to better choices for you, which means a life that is far more in sync with what's in your heart.

I know you want to reach out to her and be okay with her, because the opposite, would make you feel like it was all waste.   But, its not a waste, even if she left as coldly as she did.   

Consider this:  For something to be valuable and spiritually/emotionally/intellectually/physically etc. growing for us, it is necessary we take a chance on it and invest in it.  Whether in success or failure, we obtain feedback and information from the experience.  The time we invested also makes the investment mean something to us which we use to drive us to the next step in our life.   

So, although you didn't get into this relationship to watch it end or to go through this misery, you still gain wisdom from it because of the time and experiences you acquired from it.   Even, the process of recovering, is experience.   You're just not able to unlock or tap into that yet, because for the moment, you're involuntarily preoccupied with your pain.   But once that all starts to subside, if you pay close attention to how you cope and how you grieve, and the tools you used to get yourself back to top form, you can potentially learn a lot about yourself from it.  If you spend time journaling your thoughts and feelings out and write out what strategies you are using and how they are helping you, you'll have information you can use going forward.  If you do that, you'll not only return to a mental-place where you can not only function in life, but you'll rediscover that you can enjoy life again, without that person, and that is a truly redeeming, liberating outcome.  By doing this, you coincidently make the experience of what she did to you, an absolutely necessary one, which got you to the amazing place you will be in your future.  

Every failure and mistake and life situation that was out of my control, that didn't work out..it all mattered.  Although I'm currently not where I want to be in my life, I don't view any of it as a waste.  It all mattered.

By taking care of yourself, embracing and using this pain as fuel, to enhance yourself and your life, you will get to a better place, and coincidently right the wrong that was done to you..with your own two hands.

- Beach

 

Edited July 16, 2020 by Beachead

[Lowkey7]

Ah I coulda swore I replied.. I typed out a whole message but can’t see it.. I’ll type it out again tonight once I’m free 

[Lowkey7]

On 7/16/2020 at 4:08 PM, Beachead said:

@Lowkey7

I couldn't tell you the likelihood which is why its better for your mental-health not to allow yourself (I know how hard it is to not do that) to fantasize about it.   It depends on a lot of things.  The quality of your relationship, why it ended.  What she truly felt for you which is influenced by why she got into the relationship in the first place, which is influence by her own personal past circumstances.  Sometimes people just leave and don't think about you or getting back together again..at best, you are a passing thought.   Sometimes, having finally had the space to do what they want to do, they sit back and remember things, get nostalgic and emotional, and in weakness, reach out to you.  Sometimes, it happens after years.  Now whether that means they want to get back together or not depends on many, many factors.

So as you can see from what I wrote there, there are too many variables that can lead to too many potential outcomes because of the vast number of factors that can affect their decision-making process.  All of it, you have minimal control of.  Waiting or hoping, thus becomes a massive disservice to your life, hence why I advice you, to check yourself, everytime you find your mind fantasizing over the idea of them coming back.

Once a person chooses to walk away, wish them well and let them go, and grieve, out of their presence.  It's not their business what you do or go through, afterwards.  If they ever come back, they better have a good-reason for it.  Our hearts aren't play-things and it's not easy being forced into letting a person go, after spending everyday with them for a significant period of time.  It takes hard-work and a lot of time to unlearn all the habits and patterns associated with them and life with them and to then recover.  Our lives go on and to allow a person who left, to come back, requires you to make space for them again, while knowing this person has done you wrong, once before.  It may actually be a lot harder, if they do it again, so take that all into account.  You're not obligated to let them back in.  You owe them nothing.  They know they broke your heart.  They've got to re-apply to be in your life again.

Oh I can imagine my friend.  I've been done wrong too.  Been ghosted.  Dumped by text.   Used as a rebound.  Been told "I love you" and all kinds of sweet sentiments by people who left my life shortly after.   I remember their tone and/or the look in their eyes when they did it.    You sit there, broken, in tears, feeling helpless and dumb-founded, about how it happened.  All the time you could have invested in other people and activities, that could have made you better, you ended up invested into her.   You blame her.  You blame yourself.  You withdraw into yourself and stop trusting people.  You may even get angry at the world.   And once you realize,  nobody is going to help you nor can help get you back onto your feet..you either crumble from it or you start learning how to care about yourself better.   That means, learning to balance giving to others with giving back to yourself.  Learning to walk away from things that aren't the best for your mental-health and learning to say no and to be okay with it.  Learning to establish boundaries.  Learning to love yourself better.  That translates to better choices for you, which means a life that is far more in sync with what's in your heart.

I know you want to reach out to her and be okay with her, because the opposite, would make you feel like it was all waste.   But, its not a waste, even if she left as coldly as she did.   

Consider this:  For something to be valuable and spiritually/emotionally/intellectually/physically etc. growing for us, it is necessary we take a chance on it and invest in it.  Whether in success or failure, we obtain feedback and information from the experience.  The time we invested also makes the investment mean something to us which we use to drive us to the next step in our life.   

So, although you didn't get into this relationship to watch it end or to go through this misery, you still gain wisdom from it because of the time and experiences you acquired from it.   Even, the process of recovering, is experience.   You're just not able to unlock or tap into that yet, because for the moment, you're involuntarily preoccupied with your pain.   But once that all starts to subside, if you pay close attention to how you cope and how you grieve, and the tools you used to get yourself back to top form, you can potentially learn a lot about yourself from it.  If you spend time journaling your thoughts and feelings out and write out what strategies you are using and how they are helping you, you'll have information you can use going forward.  If you do that, you'll not only return to a mental-place where you can not only function in life, but you'll rediscover that you can enjoy life again, without that person, and that is a truly redeeming, liberating outcome.  By doing this, you coincidently make the experience of what she did to you, an absolutely necessary one, which got you to the amazing place you will be in your future.  

Every failure and mistake and life situation that was out of my control, that didn't work out..it all mattered.  Although I'm currently not where I want to be in my life, I don't view any of it as a waste.  It all mattered.

By taking care of yourself, embracing and using this pain as fuel, to enhance yourself and your life, you will get to a better place, and coincidently right the wrong that was done to you..with your own two hands.

- Beach

 

Thank you for your advice, I can tell you speak from experience. 
 

Gosh.. I miss her so much that I’d take her back in a heart beat. I keep going back and forth on my word, I’m just weak and feel helpless. I miss the companionship and having someone there in my life. I feel like I’m still madly in love with her and I’m scared to even dare go near another relationship. 
 

I’m in sucha state of shock I can’t even begin to explain to you.. it was so sudden and random  

if you saw us together, you’d think we’re the happiest people in the word and so loved up. 
 

I miss her so much and I would do anything to have her back. People make mistakes and say things they don’t mean and id be willing to forget everything and start again but I know it’s never gonna happen  

[Goodguy05]

On 7/20/2020 at 9:53 AM, Lowkey7 said:

Thank you for your advice, I can tell you speak from experience. 
 

Gosh.. I miss her so much that I’d take her back in a heart beat. I keep going back and forth on my word, I’m just weak and feel helpless. I miss the companionship and having someone there in my life. I feel like I’m still madly in love with her and I’m scared to even dare go near another relationship. 
 

I’m in sucha state of shock I can’t even begin to explain to you.. it was so sudden and random  

if you saw us together, you’d think we’re the happiest people in the word and so loved up. 
 

I miss her so much and I would do anything to have her back. People make mistakes and say things they don’t mean and id be willing to forget everything and start again but I know it’s never gonna happen  

Hey lowkey7 ye I get it bro it's called grief I've started counselling on my own unresolved grief with my ex of 4 yrs ago. The counselling I've had the one session so far and it's honestly a godsend look into it if your struggling 

 

I saw my ex last night as I was riding past on my bike out cycling she was walking/exercising saw her on her own then a strange thing happened I saw my good friend I've known most my life a little further up the path from the ex also walking with his gf it made me feel sad that's after 4 yrs lol no joke the counselling is great as it helps put things into perspective.. with me it's unresolved grief I'm not crazy and the counselor highlighted that. Seeing the ex confirmed i still have some work to do honouring what was and my heart  so I can finally let go and move on I'm not in pain everyday like yourself yours is much more fresh but more so wanted to add some context by showing you what I'm still feeling after 4 yrs  that it's not an easy thing, counseling certainly has helped me. Last night there was syncronicity's at play and made me reflect also to see that it's still unresolved feelings grief and maybe that her own relationship status is not that great either 

Edited July 22, 2020 by Goodguy05