My girlfriend left me

[Calmandfocused]

Op 

Take a step back for a moment and take a deep breath. Do not do anything. Nothing at all. You need to take stock first of all and get some perspective. 
 

Firstly, try not to be preoccupied with the content of your ex’s onslaught. Instead try and focus on the reasons why she’s saying these things and the motivation. 
 

I’ll tell you her motivation: To control you, to make you feel like crap, to ensure you obsess about her, to ensure that you feel so utterly worthless about yourself. 
 

Why? 
 

Because the worse you feel about yourself the more powerful and important she becomes - in her eyes. 
 

I understand a lot about this behaviour. I lived and breathed it for a long time (Big waves to fellow narcissist detectors on this thread) 

You are trauma bonded to this woman. You do not love her. You do not miss her . You are addicted to being beaten (metaphorically) with a big stick. You need to break that Bond and open your eyes to the despicable way she is treating you. 
 

You also need to stop responding to her and feeding the beast. You are allowing this cycle to continue and for you to be mistreated. I’m sorry to be brutal but you are -again I’ve been there I know how torturous this feels but you have to. 
 

Your need to pick you self worth up off the floor and you need to believe that you deserve better. 
 

Do all of this and you will be ok. I survived it and you will too. 
 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

this is not my ego talking, this is me valuing myself for once and knowing my worth. There is someone out there who will love me like I love them. 

Precisely. 

She isn't worth your emotional investment whatsoever. 

[Lowkey7]

2 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

Op 

Take a step back for a moment and take a deep breath. Do not do anything. Nothing at all. You need to take stock first of all and get some perspective. 
 

Firstly, try not to be preoccupied with the content of your ex’s onslaught. Instead try and focus on the reasons why she’s saying these things and the motivation. 
 

I’ll tell you her motivation: To control you, to make you feel like crap, to ensure you obsess about her, to ensure that you feel so utterly worthless about yourself. 
 

Why? 
 

Because the worse you feel about yourself the more powerful and important she becomes - in her eyes. 
 

I understand a lot about this behaviour. I lived and breathed it for a long time (Big waves to fellow narcissist detectors on this thread) 

You are trauma bonded to this woman. You do not love her. You do not miss her . You are addicted to being beaten (metaphorically) with a big stick. You need to break that Bond and open your eyes to the despicable way she is treating you. 
 

You also need to stop responding to her and feeding the beast. You are allowing this cycle to continue and for you to be mistreated. I’m sorry to be brutal but you are -again I’ve been there I know how torturous this feels but you have to. 
 

Your need to pick you self worth up off the floor and you need to believe that you deserve better. 
 

Do all of this and you will be ok. I survived it and you will too. 
 

 

I've realised how toxic she was and how foolish I was to actually believe everything she was saying about me but I later saw that was because she had me where she wanted and she knew I'm soft hearted. 

Everything she said to me, was a self of reflection of herself. I have doubts now about whether her ex husband was the cause of their divorce or was she the problem but made him out to be the bad guy.. cause it seems like it.

Crazy thing is, when we were together she would show me texts between her and her ex husband and everything he said to her, about always playing the victim and never being able to express his feelings to her, back then I didn't get it but now I do, I understand exactly what he meant. 

[Goodguy05]

It is normal dude to feel like you are feeling at the moment I get it my last ex we broke up almost 4 yrs ago and I still think about her. Mate in my case we worked together still work together and fresh from the break up she started seeing another guy and rubbing it in my face it got to the point where I was seriously thinking of resigning because our office or call centre is so small and our team sat next to hers and I'd see them often and it was like a knife going thru the heart. I was stuck because where I live is a holiday town and there aren't many good jobs like the one I had or paid that well. Then he left the company which was a relief then she started with someone else. It was 2 yrs before that subsided at work. Then a yr later she started dating someone new outside of work and by then I was coping a lot better  ...mate there were nights after work where I was in so much pain from seeing her interact with the guy at work that the following yr took a toll on my health. All that stress. The reason I shared this with you is to show that I been there too and many others.. after 3 yrs her new bf would pick her up on his Harley and it didn't hurt no where near as much still stung a little but not like it did when I was fresh from the breakup. I cried heaps dude nothing wrong or weak about that and you should it helps release the emotions and is part of the grieving it is normal to feel the way you do ...what I learnt from my breakups is that when they are like your ex treating U like that and being short and mean no amount of pleading or begging will change anything the best you can do to save any self respect you have left (as if being dumped isn't enough it's like being hit by a bus ) is to not contact them anymore you will probably spy on there social media lol that's hard not too but you can do other things that salvage whatever pride and respect you have left. I do get it and I too had some nasty words come out of the ex's mouth at me.(my ex wife said to me after we divorced I was the worst thing to ever happen to her. Imagine hearing that after spending ten yrs together and hearing that wen I stupidly reached out to her for support going thru another break up wth a ex that cheated wtha close friend of mine no friend anymore and both as bad as each oth ye I could share some horrendously painful experiences with you lol worse than yours here) Just disengage and start the healing. You are a nice guy a top bloke who treated her like a queen. You did nothing wrong by verbalizing your hurt to her. No one wants to hear about how someone is still in love with there ex of course that would hurt anybody. It is what it is you tried your best...from this the fortunate thing is you become better at seeing the red flags with potential partners a lot earlier and you will develop the strength to walk away I'm almost 49 and that is what these painful lessons have taught me. It is the worst feeling more worse than losing your parents as you are also dealing with rejection which is very hard . You will get there bro just one day at a time the key is not to deny how U feel but to disengage from her and not contact her very hard I know it's not about denying how U feel it's that it's the no contact whien U still feel all these things that is key to healing it will get a little easier after a while everyone is different.. for me to start coping took a good 10 to 12 mths still crying etc I spent thousands and thousands on pyschics wth my last ex I was that traumatised from it lol no joke it helped but  a lot of pyschics sugar coat to keep U coming back they would say things like oh she's coming back and she will contact you and guess what 4 yrs later I never heard peep from her. Not saying there's something going on some definatley were spooky lol but I don't think it's a science but because whatever they are reading and is coming through gets jumbled up. I wouldn't recommend I would tho recommend some counseling to help maybe if it gets too much just make sure the counselor is someone you feel comfortable wth and is professional not all are suited to your style...good luck and know you will get thru it if I can you can 😚👍

[Goodguy05]

Btw woman who bag there ex as much as your ex did that's a red flag in itself because they lack self reflection of there own short comings think about it 

[Lowkey7]

13 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

It is normal dude to feel like you are feeling at the moment I get it my last ex we broke up almost 4 yrs ago and I still think about her. Mate in my case we worked together still work together and fresh from the break up she started seeing another guy and rubbing it in my face it got to the point where I was seriously thinking of resigning because our office or call centre is so small and our team sat next to hers and I'd see them often and it was like a knife going thru the heart. I was stuck because where I live is a holiday town and there aren't many good jobs like the one I had or paid that well. Then he left the company which was a relief then she started with someone else. It was 2 yrs before that subsided at work. Then a yr later she started dating someone new outside of work and by then I was coping a lot better  ...mate there were nights after work where I was in so much pain from seeing her interact with the guy at work that the following yr took a toll on my health. All that stress. The reason I shared this with you is to show that I been there too and many others.. after 3 yrs her new bf would pick her up on his Harley and it didn't hurt no where near as much still stung a little but not like it did when I was fresh from the breakup. I cried heaps dude nothing wrong or weak about that and you should it helps release the emotions and is part of the grieving it is normal to feel the way you do ...what I learnt from my breakups is that when they are like your ex treating U like that and being short and mean no amount of pleading or begging will change anything the best you can do to save any self respect you have left (as if being dumped isn't enough it's like being hit by a bus ) is to not contact them anymore you will probably spy on there social media lol that's hard not too but you can do other things that salvage whatever pride and respect you have left. I do get it and I too had some nasty words come out of the ex's mouth at me.(my ex wife said to me after we divorced I was the worst thing to ever happen to her. Imagine hearing that after spending ten yrs together and hearing that wen I stupidly reached out to her for support going thru another break up wth a ex that cheated wtha close friend of mine no friend anymore and both as bad as each oth ye I could share some horrendously painful experiences with you lol worse than yours here) Just disengage and start the healing. You are a nice guy a top bloke who treated her like a queen. You did nothing wrong by verbalizing your hurt to her. No one wants to hear about how someone is still in love with there ex of course that would hurt anybody. It is what it is you tried your best...from this the fortunate thing is you become better at seeing the red flags with potential partners a lot earlier and you will develop the strength to walk away I'm almost 49 and that is what these painful lessons have taught me. It is the worst feeling more worse than losing your parents as you are also dealing with rejection which is very hard . You will get there bro just one day at a time the key is not to deny how U feel but to disengage from her and not contact her very hard I know it's not about denying how U feel it's that it's the no contact whien U still feel all these things that is key to healing it will get a little easier after a while everyone is different.. for me to start coping took a good 10 to 12 mths still crying etc I spent thousands and thousands on pyschics wth my last ex I was that traumatised from it lol no joke it helped but  a lot of pyschics sugar coat to keep U coming back they would say things like oh she's coming back and she will contact you and guess what 4 yrs later I never heard peep from her. Not saying there's something going on some definatley were spooky lol but I don't think it's a science but because whatever they are reading and is coming through gets jumbled up. I wouldn't recommend I would tho recommend some counseling to help maybe if it gets too much just make sure the counselor is someone you feel comfortable wth and is professional not all are suited to your style...good luck and know you will get thru it if I can you can 😚👍

Thank you for sharing your story with me I appreciate it and the comforting words  

 

I guess when I hear other people’s stories, you think ah mine could have been worse.. but then it’s how you feel which you can’t control and that’s the part that sucks man, some people feel too much and I’m one of them people. And trust me bro, I have cried like a baby, for about a week straight after the break, day and night I was crying, I’m a 26 male who usually shows I’m tough but inside I’m not. My family for the first time ever seen me in this state and each member were knocking on my bedroom door asking if I’m ok and if I need anything. 
 

my uncle who heard about our break came in to my room and gave me the best lecture ever about how I should value myself and how I was better off without her because girls like her will always end up douche bags and realise where they went wrong. After that lecture, since then I don’t think I’ve cried once, it’s more getting rid of the memories now and moving on. I’m not going to use someone like she used me, as a rebound because that’s not me and I’m the type to go sleeping with random girls, never done and never will. 
 

my dad said to me just be glad it happened now and not once I was married to her which is so true cause then the pain would have been far greater so I say to myself, God saved me from this relationship because He has something better planned for me. 

[Lowkey7]

13 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

Btw woman who bag there ex as much as your ex did that's a red flag in itself because they lack self reflection of there own short comings think about it 

What do you mean by bag? 

[Goodguy05]

Haha (bag) sorry that's Aussie slang I'm from Australia means to rubbish someone else lol ..good to hear bro yes I can see from your posts the change already in you 😉 

[Goodguy05]

Sorry the site doesn't like it if you post links got taken down anyway I think you got it 👌 

[Lowkey7]

It’s her birthday today and I know many of you will be annoyed but I sent her a happy birthday message on Instagram. I don’t want to lie to you or to myself.. but I do really miss her. I’ve ignored all the bad she’s done and said because I value her and the love I have for her. 
 

“Happy birthday (name), didn’t feel right not to wish you. I had been looking forward to this day for so long as I had a lot planned but that clearly didn’t go to plan.. 

Anyways, hope all is well with you and your family. Really hope you have an amazing day, full of happiness, love and joy, you deserve it.  

Praying every single day for your well being and for your happiness, there’s absolutely nothing I want more than to see you happy. That’s my gift to you, my prayers. 

Take care x”

 

she read it and blocked me.. Ah... I never learn. Need to stop being the nice guy all the time. Is it too much for her to say thank you rather allowing me to suffer more and more by her being this way. 

Edited July 10, 2020 by Lowkey7

[assertives]

Block and delete her contact from here on out. Remind yourself, no new contact means no new pain. You can pray for and bless someone on their birthday in private. You don't necessarily need to reach out to them about it.

[Goodguy05]

17 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

It’s her birthday today and I know many of you will be annoyed but I sent her a happy birthday message on Instagram. I don’t want to lie to you or to myself.. but I do really miss her. I’ve ignored all the bad she’s done and said because I value her and the love I have for her. 
 

“Happy birthday (name), didn’t feel right not to wish you. I had been looking forward to this day for so long as I had a lot planned but that clearly didn’t go to plan.. 

Anyways, hope all is well with you and your family. Really hope you have an amazing day, full of happiness, love and joy, you deserve it.  

Praying every single day for your well being and for your happiness, there’s absolutely nothing I want more than to see you happy. That’s my gift to you, my prayers. 

Take care x”

 

she read it and blocked me.. Ah... I never learn. Need to stop being the nice guy all the time. Is it too much for her to say thank you rather allowing me to suffer more and more by her being this way. 

The good thing about this scenario at least now you know. 

[Lowkey7]

I miss her so much, I’m an idiot for feeling this way and ignoring everything I know but I just feel so helpless and lost without her. Everything was so good until the last week of the break up.. 

[Goodguy05]

That's normal to feel that way dude totally normal. 

[Lowkey7]

12 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said:

That's normal to feel that way dude totally normal. 

Sigh... why are people so cruel and heartless..

[Goodguy05]

I've never been able to figure that out lol 

[basil67]

On 7/10/2020 at 11:30 PM, Lowkey7 said:

“Happy birthday (name), didn’t feel right not to wish you. I had been looking forward to this day for so long as I had a lot planned but that clearly didn’t go to plan.. 

Anyways, hope all is well with you and your family. Really hope you have an amazing day, full of happiness, love and joy, you deserve it.

Praying every single day for your well being and for your happiness, there’s absolutely nothing I want more than to see you happy. That’s my gift to you, my prayers. 

Take care x”

 

she read it and blocked me.. Ah... I never learn. Need to stop being the nice guy all the time. Is it too much for her to say thank you rather allowing me to suffer more and more by her being this way. 

Ah, I'm sorry Lowkey.  I'm writing the following not with the intention of rubbing it in, but to help you understand where this went wrong.

Had you written simply "hope all is well with you and your family. Really hope you have an amazing day, full of happiness, love and joy" it would have been a lovely gesture.  Yes, unnecessary, but still acceptable.   She may have said thank you...or not.  But it's less likely she would have blocked you.  

However, the message was OTT with the first and third lines being about you.   She doesn't need to be reminded that her actions made you feel bad because you had a lot planned.  She certainly doesn't need to know that you pray for her every single day.   This isn't 'nice guy' behaviour because this is her birthday but most of that message is about how you feel.

Edited July 13, 2020 by basil67

[Lowkey7]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ah, I'm sorry Lowkey.  I'm writing the following not with the intention of rubbing it in, but to help you understand where this went wrong.

Had you written simply "hope all is well with you and your family. Really hope you have an amazing day, full of happiness, love and joy" it would have been a lovely gesture.  Yes, unnecessary, but still acceptable.   She may have said thank you...or not.  But it's less likely she would have blocked you.  

However, the message was OTT with the first and third lines being about you.   She doesn't need to be reminded that her actions made you feel bad because you had a lot planned.  She certainly doesn't need to know that you pray for her every single day.   This isn't 'nice guy' behaviour because this is her birthday but most of that message is about how you feel.

You’re right, I guess I just typed what I was feeling at the time

[basil67]

Yeah, I know.   Hopefully the explanation may at least give you some understanding of her reaction.

take care of yourself xx

[Beachead]

Hey Lowkey7,

I had a chance to read the first two pages and the last page of this thread.  

I think you've received a lot of good advice here but I'll try to add some strength to all of it, where I can.

Your ex wasn't over her ex.  Being it was 6 months after their separation, and they were just beginning to finalize the divorce, she didn't really get a chance to feel the weight of losing her ex-husband.  She made a bad call for herself and dove into something with you..my guess, to run from the pain.  Well, she started grieving him, while with you, as a result.  Now she had your feelings to manage plus her own which were split between him and about you.   She couldn't open her heart up to her future, because she was still dealing with her past.  

Her decision to breakup with you wasn't because of one fight.  Decisions to breakup come about over time.  In this case, perhaps, months in advance.  First, she felt something wasn't right but she wasn't ready to accept it or pay attention it but little by little, things happened in the relationship that started pushing in that direction.  She started weighing out the pros and the cons.  Eventually at some point, she realized, this wasn't working over her..but maybe she was in denial about it, because maybe she was scared to be alone or maybe she didn't want to hurt you.  So she carried on pretending like all was well.  But, that only lasted for awhile until that need to breakup got so bad, that she finally snapped, and called it quits, over something that seemed so seemingly small to you.  For her, she knew she wanted out.  She was damn sure because she did her processing and getting over you WHILE with you.  The only thing left to do, was to process some residual anxiety and feelings about how it felt to be out of the relationship and on her own.    But for you?  ..well, it was all so sudden.  You had to start healing from scratch.  I've been enough breakups to know you don't start really processing the reality of things until at the very least..a couple of months later.  That's why you're struggling right now and it seems like she's done and moved on.

Ultimately, you don't have control over what other people choose to do or how they feel.  People choose to do what they do for many reasons that have more to do with them, than you.  Their past relationships and trauma.  The way they were raised.  Their environment.  You feel like its your fault, but at the end of the day..all you can be is the best person you can be and I believe you did the best you could in this situation.   It didn't work out because you were a bad boyfriend..no.  It didn't work out because she had issues she hadn't resolved yet and she dove into a new relationship like a reckless idiot, without sorting herself out.  The result, she ended up grieving and sorting herself while with you and it complicated everything for her.

Now its easy for people on here including your own conscious, to tell you what you should have done in retrospect.  Everybody has 20/20 vision in hindsight and everybody's got the answers when they're sitting outside of the situation and uninvested.   Sure..you could have backed off and given her space, but its a different story when you're deep in it and you don't know what's going to happen and you're scared.  The anxiety kicks up and it messes with you, and that with your feelings impedes  judgement.   You try to make the best decisions you can make with all you know during that period of time, even if you made mistakes.  You're human and that's all you can ask of yourself.   There isn't any other version of  you could have been, but that version.  She didn't want it and that should tell you that this relationship wasn't meant to last because who else could you have been at that time, if not yourself?  If you ask me, it wouldn't have made a difference whether you did all the right things or not because the wounds she was dealing with were wounds that only she could work through and get passed.  Like I said, a lot of what people do and why they do it, has more to do with them, than you.  Don't blame yourself.

Right now, you're reaching out to her not because of love.  It's out of pain and withdrawal and guilt and all kinds of negative feelings that she caused by being a coward and blaming you for the end of the relationship.  It's not all on you.  Its on her too...far more.   You're grieving right now and you need to understand that you're similar to a drug addict looking to get his fix.  She is a drug that is no good for you but you're trying to get your fix because withdrawal hurts.   I know the chest pains, the sleepless nights, the lack of appetite.  The inability to think about anything else but her.  It's all withdrawal symptoms and it goes away.  It quiets down.  The intensity subsides.  The cycle of ups and downs subsides.  Eventually, you come to terms and accept that things are really over and you kill that hope of her ever coming back...with time and life lived.  

But take peoples advice on here and stop contacting her.  Everytime you do, you set yourself back to Day 0 all over again.  Remove her from social media.  Pack up all her things.  Photos, gifts etc.  Erase her number and photos or anything else that has to do with her off of your phone.  Purge her from your life.  You can keep some of it but keep it out of your sight.

Do you really want to be with someone who's heart is still fixed on someone else?  Do you want to be second place? ..living under someone elses shadow where you'll always be compared to the best guy she believed she ever had?   Love yourself better than that man.

- Beach

 

Edited July 14, 2020 by Beachead

[Lowkey7]

On 7/14/2020 at 3:32 AM, Beachead said:

Hey Lowkey7,

I had a chance to read the first two pages and the last page of this thread.  

I think you've received a lot of good advice here but I'll try to add some strength to all of it, where I can.

Your ex wasn't over her ex.  Being it was 6 months after their separation, and they were just beginning to finalize the divorce, she didn't really get a chance to feel the weight of losing her ex-husband.  She made a bad call for herself and dove into something with you..my guess, to run from the pain.  Well, she started grieving him, while with you, as a result.  Now she had your feelings to manage plus her own which were split between him and about you.   She couldn't open her heart up to her future, because she was still dealing with her past.  

Her decision to breakup with you wasn't because of one fight.  Decisions to breakup come about over time.  In this case, perhaps, months in advance.  First, she felt something wasn't right but she wasn't ready to accept it or pay attention it but little by little, things happened in the relationship that started pushing in that direction.  She started weighing out the pros and the cons.  Eventually at some point, she realized, this wasn't working over her..but maybe she was in denial about it, because maybe she was scared to be alone or maybe she didn't want to hurt you.  So she carried on pretending like all was well.  But, that only lasted for awhile until that need to breakup got so bad, that she finally snapped, and called it quits, over something that seemed so seemingly small to you.  For her, she knew she wanted out.  She was damn sure because she did her processing and getting over you WHILE with you.  The only thing left to do, was to process some residual anxiety and feelings about how it felt to be out of the relationship and on her own.    But for you?  ..well, it was all so sudden.  You had to start healing from scratch.  I've been enough breakups to know you don't start really processing the reality of things until at the very least..a couple of months later.  That's why you're struggling right now and it seems like she's done and moved on.

Ultimately, you don't have control over what other people choose to do or how they feel.  People choose to do what they do for many reasons that have more to do with them, than you.  Their past relationships and trauma.  The way they were raised.  Their environment.  You feel like its your fault, but at the end of the day..all you can be is the best person you can be and I believe you did the best you could in this situation.   It didn't work out because you were a bad boyfriend..no.  It didn't work out because she had issues she hadn't resolved yet and she dove into a new relationship like a reckless idiot, without sorting herself out.  The result, she ended up grieving and sorting herself while with you and it complicated everything for her.

Now its easy for people on here including your own conscious, to tell you what you should have done in retrospect.  Everybody has 20/20 vision in hindsight and everybody's got the answers when they're sitting outside of the situation and uninvested.   Sure..you could have backed off and given her space, but its a different story when you're deep in it and you don't know what's going to happen and you're scared.  The anxiety kicks up and it messes with you, and that with your feelings impedes  judgement.   You try to make the best decisions you can make with all you know during that period of time, even if you made mistakes.  You're human and that's all you can ask of yourself.   There isn't any other version of  you could have been, but that version.  She didn't want it and that should tell you that this relationship wasn't meant to last because who else could you have been at that time, if not yourself?  If you ask me, it wouldn't have made a difference whether you did all the right things or not because the wounds she was dealing with were wounds that only she could work through and get passed.  Like I said, a lot of what people do and why they do it, has more to do with them, than you.  Don't blame yourself.

Right now, you're reaching out to her not because of love.  It's out of pain and withdrawal and guilt and all kinds of negative feelings that she caused by being a coward and blaming you for the end of the relationship.  It's not all on you.  Its on her too...far more.   You're grieving right now and you need to understand that you're similar to a drug addict looking to get his fix.  She is a drug that is no good for you but you're trying to get your fix because withdrawal hurts.   I know the chest pains, the sleepless nights, the lack of appetite.  The inability to think about anything else but her.  It's all withdrawal symptoms and it goes away.  It quiets down.  The intensity subsides.  The cycle of ups and downs subsides.  Eventually, you come to terms and accept that things are really over and you kill that hope of her ever coming back...with time and life lived.  

But take peoples advice on here and stop contacting her.  Everytime you do, you set yourself back to Day 0 all over again.  Remove her from social media.  Pack up all her things.  Photos, gifts etc.  Erase her number and photos or anything else that has to do with her off of your phone.  Purge her from your life.  You can keep some of it but keep it out of your sight.

Do you really want to be with someone who's heart is still fixed on someone else?  Do you want to be second place? ..living under someone elses shadow where you'll always be compared to the best guy she believed she ever had?   Love yourself better than that man.

- Beach

 

Thank you so much, that makes a lot of sense. It’s really hard to accept but your 100% right 😔 her sis used to say to me that she never had time to grieve her divorce and kept saying to her not to mess this up, I never understood at the time why her sister would always say to her, you got something good here,  don’t mess it up’ 

I thought it was just because her sister just really liked me as a person and saw the way I was with her but clearly her sister and fam knew something I didn’t.. 

You’re response has helped me today so I appreciate that a lot. I guess it’s true, time does heal pain.. eventually. 

[Lowkey7]

I feel like this has hurt and affected me so so much that I’ll never be the same person again, nor would I ever see love the same way I once did. I’m just so tired.. I see others around me who are not faithful and treat their other halves like s*** but they’re somehow still together.. not that it’s a bad thing, I wish everyone all the best and all the happiness in the world.. I just don’t understand why this had to happen to me. 

[Lowkey7]

My accident On the motorway whilst on the way to see her, the trauma from that still messes with me, having a broken arm and broken ribs. Two Metal plates in my arm for the rest of life and two massive scars from surgery on my arm.

when the accident happened, first thing I did when I was helped out the car was call her to let her know I’m ok, it was 6am in the morning.  
 

this is something that will always be with me and something I’d never be able to heal from. 

[Beachead]

@Lowkey7

5 hours ago, Lowkey7 said:

I feel like this has hurt and affected me so so much that I’ll never be the same person again

Ofcourse you can never be the same person again.  Not because she broke your heart.  But because, you're constantly being shaped by your environment whether you had gone through this or not.   The people around you, the bad times, the good times, all the things you create for yourself..it all interacts with your current self and in turn you change from it.  You gain new experiences, generate new ideas, gain wisdom, change perspectives..so on. So forth.  It's unreasonable to ask yourself to be the same person or return to the same person because that is impossible.  If you mean, you won't find joy in life or ever smile again...you will, but it will take time, and it will require you to really put that internal work in.  But when you get there again, you will have the added experience and wisdom from this, and that will count for something that you may not even foresee.  It all matters. 

But for now, its small steps.  It's about getting through each hour of each day because it feels like an eternity.  Its about noticing the little things that get you through your day such as that cup of coffee or that warm shower.  It's about doing everything you can to not contact her and doing what you can to make it easy on yourself to accomplish that goal.  Talking to her will only generate an experience like you had a few days ago.  In the case of your ex, she probably knows she burned you and she feels guilty about it.  People often act cold or distant when they're trying to run away from that guilt.  Take it from me, she may or may not ever apologize to you and you two may never talk again, and has hard as it is to read that, accepting it will be a life-changing experience for you.  

I now how you feel man.  You feel completely, utterly..hopeless.  But don't mistake how you feel today, for how you'll feel the rest of your life.  It will change.

What you need to remember to do is let yourself freely express your pain, no matter how embarrassing or repetitive it may feel.  Cry man.  Seriously.   Take care of yourself at the same time as well.  Sleep well.  Eat well.  Exercise.  Make sure your career or your education doesn't suffer because of this woman.  Find comfort in the little things like a cup of a coffee or a warm shower.  Learn to appreciate them and learn to appreciate what you have in your life that exists because if you're able to genuinely appreciate what you have, no matter how little it might seem..you'll learn to appreciate what comes your way.   And eventually at some point, you'll get tired of crying over her.  It'll just feel tiring and unjustiable because it'll become all too clear to you that your ex chose to walk away and she chooses to stay gone, when she had you.  Her absence and silence is the clearest answer you could have ever gotten from her.  Everyday you spend looking back, crying over this person is another day you missed out on reaching your best-self and meeting someone who could have done you right.  If your eyes are fixed in the past, you won't see what's coming your way; all the opportunities and potentials for career, friends and partners.  That's why you've got to do what's best for you right here, right now..and begin taking care of yourself.  Once you've learned how to smile again on your own, you'll know you're good.     You'll get there and you'll feel it but it comes with time.

Stay strong

- Beach

[Lowkey7]

5 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@Lowkey7

Ofcourse you can never be the same person again.  Not because she broke your heart.  But because, you're constantly being shaped by your environment whether you had gone through this or not.   The people around you, the bad times, the good times, all the things you create for yourself..it all interacts with your current self and in turn you change from it.  You gain new experiences, generate new ideas, gain wisdom, change perspectives..so on. So forth.  It's unreasonable to ask yourself to be the same person or return to the same person because that is impossible.  If you mean, you won't find joy in life or ever smile again...you will, but it will take time, and it will require you to really put that internal work in.  But when you get there again, you will have the added experience and wisdom from this, and that will count for something that you may not even foresee.  It all matters. 

But for now, its small steps.  It's about getting through each hour of each day because it feels like an eternity.  Its about noticing the little things that get you through your day such as that cup of coffee or that warm shower.  It's about doing everything you can to not contact her and doing what you can to make it easy on yourself to accomplish that goal.  Talking to her will only generate an experience like you had a few days ago.  In the case of your ex, she probably knows she burned you and she feels guilty about it.  People often act cold or distant when they're trying to run away from that guilt.  Take it from me, she may or may not ever apologize to you and you two may never talk again, and has hard as it is to read that, accepting it will be a life-changing experience for you.  

I now how you feel man.  You feel completely, utterly..hopeless.  But don't mistake how you feel today, for how you'll feel the rest of your life.  It will change.

What you need to remember to do is let yourself freely express your pain, no matter how embarrassing or repetitive it may feel.  Cry man.  Seriously.   Take care of yourself at the same time as well.  Sleep well.  Eat well.  Exercise.  Make sure your career or your education doesn't suffer because of this woman.  Find comfort in the little things like a cup of a coffee or a warm shower.  Learn to appreciate them and learn to appreciate what you have in your life that exists because if you're able to genuinely appreciate what you have, no matter how little it might seem..you'll learn to appreciate what comes your way.   And eventually at some point, you'll get tired of crying over her.  It'll just feel tiring and unjustiable because it'll become all too clear to you that your ex chose to walk away and she chooses to stay gone, when she had you.  Her absence and silence is the clearest answer you could have ever gotten from her.  Everyday you spend looking back, crying over this person is another day you missed out on reaching your best-self and meeting someone who could have done you right.  If your eyes are fixed in the past, you won't see what's coming your way; all the opportunities and potentials for career, friends and partners.  That's why you've got to do what's best for you right here, right now..and begin taking care of yourself.  Once you've learned how to smile again on your own, you'll know you're good.     You'll get there and you'll feel it but it comes with time.

Stay strong

- Beach

Thank you once again. 

I wish we could talk and end on good terms atleast.. it kills me every second thinking of how she turned on me without any reason, I mean if she still loved her ex then tell me, instead she turned so cold, so cold you can’t imagine.. she even said she wished I died in the accident.. that cut deep, very deep.. to think at the time of my accident, whilst I was stuck in hospital I was the one comforting her cause she kept blaming herself saying she wish she never let me drive. I was pretending like I wasn’t in pain so she’s at ease but I was suffering badly. 
 

how likely do you think it is that she feels guilt towards the way she treated me? It’s hard for me to even think at this point if she would show any remorse considering the way she’s been and the things she’s said.